VADER, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE DRIVING!

Authoress' note: My story A Writers Mind is gonna take a while, and I'm going on vacation soon, so in the meantime here's 100 things Star Wars characters are not allowed to do at the Mall.

Kylo Ren: I'm going to steal all the candy. (Evil snicker)

Rey: Like heck you are! (Starts chasing him around with a belt.)

Joanfenny: Hey, Obi-wan, can you say the disclaimer?

Obi-wan: Why can't you do it?

Joanfenny: I'm about to take a driving lesson, so gotta run! (Joan runs out the door, hitting her shoulder on the doorframe on the way out and flies into the front yard.)

Obi-wan: I'll be sure to stay off the sidewalks. Anyway, Joanfenny doesn't own Star Wars, a Mall, gumball machines, the Kitten Krew, but she does own Orio, and a car, believe it or not.

Joanfenny, of in the distance: Dad, did you remember the barf bags?

1) I will not allow Darth Vader to drive us to the mall.

All the boring people of Earth thought it was going to be a boring day. They all thought they were going to wake up and drive to wherever. But the people driving down Main Street were sorely mistaken, for there was a huge bus going 120 mph down the wrong way!

"Left, left, LEFT!" Obi-wan screamed to the driver, who happened to be Darth Vader. Apparently he was the only Star Wars character brave enough to drive an Earthling vehicle, but was doing a poo-doo job at it. Panicked drivers did sharp turns and full U-turns in order to avoid the psychotic Sith. The Passengers of the bus, Star Wars characters that ranged from Anakin Solo to Asajj Ventress to Ezra Bridger, were all screaming and gripping whatever they could.

Obi-wan's scolding was not helping the situation. "You forgot to turn on your turn signal! Blast it, Anakin, have I taught you—look out for that white one!"

Vader swerved the wheel, casing everyone in the left isle of the bus to fly out of their seats. The white car's driver screamed as she jerked her wheel right into Kroger's parking lot.

"You nearly ran her over!" Luke shouted.

"There was plenty of space, she just over reacted." Vader barked.

"TRAIN!" Everyone screamed.

Once they got to the mall, Everyone filed out of the car. Some with green faces, some with puke on their clothes, and some puked as soon as they got out.

"Anakin, that's the last time you're driving us anywhere on Earth." Padme hissed as she helped support her puking daughter.

"Everyone was going the wrong way." Vader retorted.

"You were the one going the wrong way!" Obi-wan shouted.

"Everyone calm down," Luke shouted. "The important thing is that none of us died… Kylo, stop playing dead. We need to do into the mall, get what we need, and get out before Joanfenny discovers we're here."

Everyone (except Kylo, who was still playing dead) nodded. Why didn't they want Joan to know that they were there?

Well, let's just say someone stole her wand.

2) I will not try to squeeze Jabba the Hutt through the glass doors.

Luke watched as several of Jabba the Hutt's henchmen wheeled Jabba out of the back of the bus, since he couldn't fit down the narrow stairs. They had tried the stairs when they were first boarding the bus, but he got so stuck Vader had to rent another bus while Jabba was cut out of the first one.

Luke approached the group. "How are you going to get him inside the mall?"

All of the stupid henchmen scratched their heads in deep thought. A lightbulb magically appeared over one of their heads. It was one of those old bulbs, though. The kind that wasn't very bright and used too much energy.

The lightbulb henchman spoke huttesse to the others, and soon they were all wheeling the Hutt towards the glass doors at a rapid speed. Luke considered stopping them, but then remembered what Jabba had done to Leia, so he let the stupid henchman be stupid henchmen. Jabba screamed in protest, but it was too late and he was squished into the double doors, causing the other shoppers to scream in terror.

3) I will not break all the gumball machines.

Since Jabba was now stuck, the Star Wars characters entered through a different door, one that lead strait to the gumball machines. Several of the machines were stacked on top of each other, revealing every color of the rainbow.

"Ooooh! Gumballs!" Kylo Ren screamed as he ran up to the glass spheres of goodness. "Can I have one?"

"No." Leia and Han said simultaneously.

"Why?!"

"Because those things may have been in there for over a year. Plus it's a total waste of money." Leia retorted, shaking her index finger.

At that moment Kylo whipped out his lightsaber and slashed at the gumball machines with everything he had. The gumballs piled out of the spheres and littered the ground until all you could see was little rainbow balls. All the other characters that were walking past slipped on the balls and skitted into various shops.

"I've got a bad feeling about this." Han noted as he watched his son stuff three gumballs in his mouth.

Luke: Joanfenny, you look ticked.

Joanfenny: Some idiot driving a huge bus nearly ran me over! Oh… when I find him…

Luke: Were you driving a white car?

Joanfenny: Yeah… why?

Luke: Um… lucky guess.

Joanfenny: Alright… Anyway, I got a challenge for all the readers! Which villain do you want tortured in the next chapter?

PALPATINE

KYLO REN

GRAND MOFF TARKIN

COUNT DOOKU

Type you answer in the reviews, and if I more than 10 reviews by the time I get back from vacation, I might humiliate all of them. MWAHAHAHAHA!

Darth Vader: Someone needs a permanent chill pill.

Joanfenny: Shouldn't you be fighting Luke or something?

Darth Vader. Oh, right. To Infinity and Beyond!

Orio: Did he just… did Vader just…?