" In all things a calm heart must prevail."

- Fawkes the Mata Human

Date : Tuesday 2nd August 3rd Era 377

Location : Axel Town Square

After having nearly crushed some kid's hand , Albert apologized and afterwards discussed with Kyouya the plans. Tomorrow they would meet up at Kyouya's inn and make their way to the North. There they would enter a place called 'Snake's Point'.

Apparently its an old Tomb/Temple.

The Tomb was once a temple that belonged to some cultist lord called Tesla Doom , who had a Blindworm themed cult. The cult got really popular because a lot of edgy mages wanted to join since they thought it was a snake themed cult due to the Temple's name, but usually regretted the decision afterwards when they found out it was about Blindworms. The cult's original Plan was to ascend into the status of the mystical Blindworm...a Animal which looks like a cute snake...except its a limbless lizard. This all changed when the Cult leader found 'the CHIM egg'. The CHIM egg was a artifact which could grant anyone it deemed worthy one wish.

There were two problems however.

1. No one really understood how to activate the egg.

and 2. If it deemed you unworthy, it would kill you.

Well turns out that being activated by a Cult led by a weirdo who had a Blindworm fetish seemed kinda insulting to the Egg...so it gassed the room with deadly poison. Many had tried to reclaim the egg , but usually didn't make it past 2 meters before they were overwhelmed by the gasses. Albert knew that most people would die from this, but he wasn't most people. He had full confidence in his natural rad resistance and the Armor's air filtration system, so he wasn't worried.

After finishing their meeting, they went their separate ways. Albert decided to sell some of the loot that he had found during his quest. The small jewels and bits of iron ore he found when he looted the Goblin den yesterday ,he managed to sell for a small price. The rest such as the Rusty armors and weapons weren't accepted. Again in the wasteland, trash surprisingly could save someone's life. Whether it be to craft armor or weapons, recycling was important in the wasteland. It dissapointed him, since smiths could use the Rusty armors by smelting them and then reuse them to reforge.

Oh the humanity. If only people would care more for the environment.

Anyway, while he was getting kicked out of one of the shops he briefly heard "DO I LOOK LIKE WIZ ?! IF YOU WANT TO BUY AND SELL TRASH ,FIND HER!" before the store owner shut the door infront of him.

"Wiz..." Albert muttered as he looked at the sky. Trash can always be used for great things...like making the Rock-it-launcher or the Shishkebab. Then there was the Bottle cap mine...and who could forget the beautiful Railway rifle...or Deathclaw Gauntlet.

His point being : Trash = Potential Weapons of Mass Destruction.

And he loved himself some mass destruction...

Its Always Sunny in Axel

A Konosuba/Fallout Fanfic

Act 1

Chapter 3

"Those are some nice Breast you got there, lass"

Finding Wiz's shop wasn't as hard as he had thought it would be. When he asked around, most people would either say how kind she is and where she was located or they would ask him why he would want to buy anything at her's since most things are either 'over leveled' or just of poor quality. Still, he was sure he would find something useful...that he could weaponize...

Another thing he was desperately needing would be a bestiary and maybe a few history books if he found any. The more he knew about the place, the better were his chances for survival. As he arrived to the shop he decided to enter without further delay.

He nearly didn't fit through the door frame due to his massive rusty armor. As he made his way to the Shop's desk, he heard a rather gentle voice.

"Sorry, I am just finishing up back there. I will be here rather shortly dear customer."

Not really saying something, Albert decided to take a look. Dogmeat had found a corner and settled there for a nap, while his master took a look around.

The shop was filled to the brim with potions, crystals, scrolls, books and other things that he would deem as 'generic rpg merchant ' things. He played enough 'Battlemace: Age of Grognak' to know the ins and out of things like that. As he was inspecting a few items, he heard a door open and close behind the counter.

"Sorry I was just sorting a few things out back there , how can I-" The voice said before coming to a halt. Albert turned around and got a good look at vendor he heard about. She wore a Purple dress with a purple cloak that was trimmed with gold, had fair skin and straight brown hair with a bit of it covering her right eye. Her eyes had the color of Chestnuts in Autumn.

Oh and she had some HUGE ass Knockers.

Like seriously: Albert was already impressed by Luna's Mini Nuke's but the Girl in front of him had beaten her by a long run. Right now he was glad that he was wearing his helmet, since he was able to glance at them tatas without seeming like a pervert. Now keep in mind, it was less about the fact that he was staring at boobs and more over the fact that he was questioning how they grew to such size. It couldn't be mutations, since the place lacked radiation and FEV. Could it be cause of the fact that they had a shit ton of milk from non mutated cows ? Or was it perhaps that she had surgically grown them...or maybe magically.

That could be possible.

Or maybe they were natural.

Albert wasn't blind. He had noticed that almost everyone in this place looked either cute or beautiful. Sure there were a few less pretty people but compared to the wasteland, almost everyone looked like a Playboy magazine model.

While Albert was caught in his thoughts, Wiz was too busy being frozen at the sight of rusted massive golem that stood right infront of her, and too was caught in her own thoughts.

"Oh no." Wiz said as she felt the cold gaze from the massive being infront of her. She should have guessed that something like this would happen , since she heard the massive footsteps when the golem entered her shop. Who could have send it she wondered. Had the Axis church found out about her being a Lich and had conjured a golem to finish her off ? The being was just staring at her , probably waiting for its master's orders...or maybe it was thinking about how it was going to crush her...

"Please don't hurt me..." Wiz quietly said as he kept her eyes on the golem. Suddenly the golem moved it head side wards...confused ?

"What ?"

"D-d-did you just talk ?!" Wiz sputtered out at the golem's sudden capability for speech. "uhh...yes ?" the Metal being said sounding even more confused.

"People talk..right ?"

"Wait...you're a person!" Wiz gasped , trying to understand what 'it' was meaning."Uhh...are ya fookin retarded or-Oh right the helmet" The Goelm said , before realizing that it still wore its power armor. As he took off his helmet, Wiz was greeted by a rather pleasant looking face. "Sorry about that , keep forgettin that my armor is rather different from the usual." He said , scratching the back of his head. "But allow me to introduce myself."

"Name's Albert Cole : Wanderer." Albert told her as he shook her hand.

"Uhh...I am Wiz the Shop keeper! Sorry for freaking out for a second." She nervously said. "Its foin lass, I get that my armor is pretty freaky."

"Its fine. I should be the one apologizing for making such a drama." She said. Not really wanting to continue talking about this , he decided to change topics. "So I heard you're a vendor. I am lookin for a Bestiary and and some history books. And maybe some items you have on sale ?"

"Oh! Well of course I will bring you all I have! " She exclaimed , before running back to the back of the shop. He could hear the noise of her rummaging in the back. As he was waiting for her to get his shit , he decided to light a cig for the time being. He wasn't really a smoker , but frankly he had nothing to do right now so fuck it. He then took out a pair of headphones and a Grognak comic out. He attached the headphones to his power armor's Pipboy support system and played a song he once found in a Bunker in DC. Turns out that Jazz and Swing weren't all the music that existed in the world. A lot of Pre war songs were banned in the US for being unpatriotic. So a lot of the cooler songs he found came from the UK or Europe. He obviously enjoyed the songs and he even made copies for Three Dog so that Galaxy News Radio was't as dull as it started to become.

"Sorry , but this is all that I have at the moment , I can however order more books for you if you would li-" Wiz said before she came to a halt at another sight. The Customer that she was serving was standing in next to the counter , reading a weird thin book, smoking , while...singing?

"Just call me angel of the morning baby, just touch my cheek before you leave me baby! Just call me angel of the morning baby, then slowly turn away from me!" while lightly moving his hips."uh...Excuse me , but I found your stuff." she said, but to no avail as he looked like he was ignoring her.

Realizing that he wasn't paying attention, she lightly tapped his shoulder. Before she could blink , he grabbed her wrist and with lightning fast reflexes and pulled out a knife. "Okey who's looking to di-...oh its you...sorry , just my survival reflex, I really didn't mean to scare ya like that." He said , gently letting go of her and and putting his knife away. Wiz was frozen like a statue at this point. "I-I-I-It F-f-f-f-f-fine..." she said , her voice shaking. They both stood there awkwardly staring at each other. "Soo...whatcha got lass ? " He said , trying to defuse the situation.

Turns out the books that she had were not just a few years old but had a few stains and were not quite up-to-date. While it was annoying that he didn't have a complete encyclopedia , Albert didn't mind that much. Besides , he could always study a few things himself by experience and and update certain parts of the books. While browsing the store for more things , Wiz kept giving him a few nervous glances.

Albert had found a few interesting things at least. Wiz apperantly sold a few ' Fire Resistant lotions' in the shop. Problem was that they would usually set the person on fire rather then protect them if they were underleveled ( or had bad luck).

Albert found some replacement fuel for his Flamer.

There were some Tomes that could help someone learn magic...problem was that they would blind someone for a few minutes.

Albert found some Flashbangs

Another thing of interest he found were these potion that would make one get stronger , but also go berserk...on friend and foe.

So basically a replacement for Psycho...

Noice.

He payed the Girl and left the store with the things he bought. Realizing that he had time to kill , Albert wondered what to do ?

Do that lame ass Quest with the flowers ?

Build a small home ?

or...

Get shitfaced and high while partying at the Guildhall.

...

...

...

Before Albert rushed to the Guild Hall's Bar , he decided to put an alarm for 5 am in the morning on his pipboy.

23: 45

"WHADDA YU MEANSH I CANTSH HAVE MORE BOOOZZZ!" a Very drunk Albert slurred/roared at the Barmaid. He arrived at around 18:35 to the Guild and hasn't stopped drinking since then. People were impressed by the fact that 2 hours later he was only slightly tipsy even though he had finished 30 bottles of ale. After a few other Adventurers joined him , Shit started to hit the Fan. He drank more ale and by the 60'ts Bottle he was drunk...

People had started to also drink like there was no tomorrow, inspired by the Wanderers act. The Adventurers who while rookies and still had noble intentions...were acting like a bunch of toddlers ,yelling and dancing while also drinking. It was only NOW that they decided to stop giving Albert alcoholic drinks , mostly because they were scared that the adventurers will start acting rowdy and break stuff. "I am sorry Sir , but you are clearly Drunk. We are not allowed to give you anymore Alcoholic beverages." The Waitress said , in a polite yet strict manner. "FOOK OFF YA DAF CUNTZ! IMMA DA LON WUNDERER!" He roared before grabbing a Barrel next to her. With all his power armored might he punched a small hole at the top of it and then started Chugging the whole thing.

THE

WHOLE

FUCKIN

BARREL

OF

WINE

Adventurers all chanted "CHUG CHUG CHUG!" while he was doing this as the Waitress and Luna looked at him Horrified. After a final chug , he split the empty barrel in half by smashing against his head. The Adventurers cheered as he raised his fist in the air and gave a victory scream!

"YEAAAAAA MAAAAAAAATESSS!"

Albert then played butcher Pete from his Pipboy and started doing the Carlton dance. The other Adventurers joined him in while not questioning from where the music came from , since they were all too drunk.

While dancing some Random Adventurer accidentally spilled his drink over Albert.

"DID YU JUST FOOKIN SPILL ON ME YA WANKER!?" Albert again shouted. Before the Adventurer could say anything , Albert punched him straight in the face and knocked him out cold. "YEE! GIT FOOKED`!" Albert shouted before getting jumped by the Adventurer's Party members!

That's when the Bar Fight started.

People were hitting each other with fists , bottles ,staffs, chairs and even a few spells were shot around while others were thrown out of the windows.

Someone even grabbed another one and took a running start and threw himself with his vitcim on a table and broke it in half.

A Band of Bards then started playing their song.

"I'm shipping up to Axel, whoa
I'm shipping up to Axel, whoa
I'm shipping up to Axel, whoa
I'm shipping off to find my wooden leg"

So the Party was going well.

Albert grabbed a guy buy the collar and then headbutted the him, before throwing him away like an old rag. As he was about to grab another guy, he suddenly heard someone shout something.

"G..YS T...E...GUARDS...AR...C...M..I..NG

And in a Brilliant moment of enlightenment Albert did what he was always good at...making the situation better!

"FOOK DA GUARDS!" He yelled.

In that moment the Entire room froze , as everyone looked at him.

"Ya heard me! FOOK! DA! GUARDS!" Albert said before continuing to chant what he just said. While at first surprised , in their drunken state all the Adventurers joined the Collective chant.

When the Guards Entered the Guild they were all surprised at the sea of drunken adventurers saying chanting in their face. To be honest they were a bit impressed at the fact that a bunch of low level beginner's were chanting with the confidence of a bandit.

One of the Guards turned towards another one.

"Get the paddy wagons." He said.

At this moment , one of the bigger adventurers picked up a Barrel and threw it at the guards. As the guards were covered in wine and were temporarily distracted he shouted "SCATTER!"

Albert realizing what he just got his drunken self in , quickly put on his helmet and ran staring into a wall. Normally in this situation someone would knock themselves out. However since Albert was still wearing his suit of T45F and ran straight through the wall , leaving a Power Armor sized Hole.

And so Albert ran through the streets of Axel in in a drunk haze until he passed out in some allyway near a trashcan after vomiting inside his helmet.

YEAAAAA BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS

Done with another chapter.

Im not even gonna lie , this short chapter is just filler for you wankers to enjoy that long ass chapter i will work on called chapter 5.

Now i got a lil bad news. I will join the Military in January. Now the good news is that i will be able to work on weekends on the fic. The bad News is i am a lazy fuck and there will be delays.

Sorry.

Still i think that if i take my time I might be able to put fucking effort on the fic. Give the Characters some development!

But yea hopefully this Chapter isn't too cancerous.

Anyway ON WITH THE RESPONSES!

Artyom13 : Back from the Metro eh ? Anyway i am glad you still enjoy this fic! So to the Question: Well...its kinda a Spoiler but he did gain 2 levels...he just doesn't realize it. The card has been adapted to follow the Pip boy's System ( Thats why its a black/green card instead of the normal one) Also sorry if there weren't so many Action sequences like the other fic , but i really just wanted to get a chapter out for you guys.

Carwash36 : BOI ITS ABOUT TO GET EVEN MORE BLOODIER! Get ready for chapter 5...

Galer: ...wut ?

Guest 1 : He he...yea i felt like Cuphead's 20/30's Cartoon style would fit with fallout's 20/50's style. So there might be more coming from there.

Guest 2 : Nigga who doesn't Know the Storyteller ? Yes he will be referenced...alongside Raul's :Fallout Raiders.

Chickenalchemnist : Il try but especially with military getting in the way ...yea sorry might not happen until march/may

Phut : ...You do realize that Fallout 3 Takes place in 2277 and New Vegas takes place in 2281 ? Besides if the Courier aka the Mouther Fucking Mailman got there ...well he would just be Over Powered.

XxdarkangelxX2003 : YEA MATE! Hope you liked this chapter especially!

Well this is it guys...it is time for the great hibernation of the quentin3655

Btw if anyone is interested with being my BETA...I would fucking kiss you!

Cya ya wankers!