Chapter Three: Cracked Mirrors

Evie's only ever loved two things; princes and her mother.

Since deciding to stay in Auradon, finding a prince hadn't worked out so well. It'd taken a backseat to keeping her grades up, starting her clothing business and spending time with Doug.

Doug was better than a prince, he really was. Evie knew this.

But sometimes she couldn't stop herself from winking at a cute boy in the hallways, asking Audrey or someone else what his royal status was. It was automatic, an ingrained response.

Loving her mother hadn't worked out so well either.

On most days Evie was able to bury her crippling self-esteem issues somewhere deep, the same way Carlos shoved away memories of his mother's abuse and Jay dug his nails into his palms whenever a shiny object caught his eye.

She liked to think she was thriving in Auradon. In reality, she might just be muddling through. Some days she couldn't tell.

Some days she'll purse her lips to stop herself from laughing. Wrinkles.

Some days she'll get up at five in the morning to do her makeup. Pimples.

Some days she'll wear corsets under tight sweaters to make her waist thinner. Some days she'll skip meals, despite Mal's watchful eye. Jay had his own demons and Carlos still got flashbacks, she couldn't blame them for not noticing. And Mal couldn't watch her forever.

There would be days when she wouldn't smile. She didn't know why other than the fact that she didn't like the way it stretched her face. It made her look unnatural. Not beautiful.

Never beautiful.

Doug made her feel it, beautiful and intelligent and wonderful. When he's with her, it's like her mother can't touch her.

Except she can, Evie has to remind herself. Her mother would always be able to reach her no matter how far Evie ran.

If Evie kept her magic mirror with her at all times, checking it routinely, over and over like a compulsion, well, she was never good at being honest with herself. Or to anyone who wasn't Mal, Jay or Carlos. It seemed these days she was lying to them too.

"You should donate that to the Museum of Cultural history." Doug told her one day while they were studying the periodic table.

"What?" She'd asked, playing dumb.

"You're mirror, it was technically your mother's." He reached for her hand, gave it a squeeze. "Fairy Godmother would feel better if it was locked away."

Locked away, not with her anymore. Not with her to hold or look at her reflection. Not with her to remind her of the one thing she can never forget.

She pulled her hand away, lips pulling into fake smile. "Maybe one day. Hey, what'd you get for problem ten?" She twirled a lock of her hair and quickly changed the subject whenever he tried bringing it up again.

She'd avoided Doug for a little bit after that.

No one noticed that she started using the mirror during class again. Not to cheat, she didn't need it, but she'd keep it on her desk within arm's reach.

Adjusting to Auradon was easier for Evie than it was for Mal and Jay. The only person happier to be there than her was Carlos, and with good reason.

If there was one thing she couldn't adjust to, it was the separation.

Jay and Carlos had Tourney after school certain days, they weren't always around. Mal had a boyfriend with King duties and was fighting a battle of her own, she was hardly around. Evie only saw the girl often because they shared a room.

Evie hung out with Lonnie and Audrey and Jane. She got closer to Doug. She threw herself into school work and sewing, anything to forget. It didn't work, she knew she was getting worse instead or better, but stopping was like trying to remove a piece of herself.

She didn't miss the Isle, Evie knew that. She didn't miss it. What she missed were the days when it'd only been her, Mal, Carlos and Jay. She missed a world that'd belonged solely to them.

She loved Doug. Loved Ben. Loved all of the new friends she'd made here. She loved that she could call them friends without being afraid someone would take advantage of the weakness.

But Evie gazed at her friends and thought about how everything important to her fit into a single tiny room and knew that if they decided to run away she would follow them in a heartbeat.

She held Carlos' hand and led him through a maze made of roses, they walked the path under the lamplight and stars and Evie swore she'd never let the shadows touch him. He asked her if she'd watch Dude for him while he was at practice and she said yes like she always did despite having a full load of homework.

"Thanks. You're the best, Eves."

"I know."

"I didn't see you at lunch. Were you in your room? I swung by and you weren't there."

"Sorry. Sewing circle."

"That's during lunch? I thought it was after school?"

"Sometimes. We were organizing a fundraiser. Cupcakes and a car wash, tell Jay he can't just pass by to ogle the girls. "

"Like he'd listen to me. Hey, Evie?"

"Yeah?"

"You ate, right?"

"Of course, Carlos."

"You'd tell me if you hadn't, right?"

"Of course, Carlos. You're one of my favorite people in the whole world, I'd tell you anything."

Jay loved Tourney too much. He'd show up at her and Mal's room every night after practice with a collection of fresh bruises. On bad days, Jay hit the gym and worked himself so hard he came back with bloodied knuckles. Evie let him in and steered him over to her bed wordlessly. Every dorm came equipped with a first-aid kit.

"This needs to stop. You should really go to the nurse for these."

"Nah, she'd probably want me to make an appointment with the guidance counselor or some shit."

"Maybe you need to."

"I'm not crazy, Evie."

"I didn't say you were. But Carlos doesn't come back from Tourney practice with bruises."

"Carlos has enough bruises."

"Jay."

"Evie."

"I need you to be okay."

"I'm fine."

"You always say that. I always know you're bullshitting. You have to stop doing this to yourself. Jay."

"What?"

"I would do anything for you."

"I know."

Mal had a sketchbook full of drawings she'd never showed Evie, never showed any of them. Evie never asked and Mal never gave it away, but sometimes Evie caught Mal glancing at her while she drew. Sometimes Mal grabbed Carlos' hand when she heard screaming or a dog barking, sometimes she leaned into Jay and looped her arm through his when they'd pass by stores or boutiques near campus.

Mal sat next to Evie near the window in their room and stared at her like the answers to everything were hidden in Evie's eyes.

"Do you like Ben?"

"You know I do, he's very nice."

"E, you know what I mean."

"You want my seal of approval? You know you have it."

"He makes me happy."

"Good. That's all I want for you. For all of us."

"I want you to be happy too."

"Doug makes me happy. You and Carlos and Jay make me happy."

"Does Auradon make you happy?"

"It's better than the Isle. Are you happy here, M?"

"This isn't about me. I'm asking you."

"And I said yes."

"Then why do I get the feeling you're lying?"

"To you? Never."

"Why do you hold onto your mirror?"

"Why do you hold onto your spell book?"

"Touché."

"You worry too much, M."

"…E, you know no matter where we are, it'll always be you and me, right? Whether it's here or anywhere. I can't picture a world without you next to me."

"You say that like I'm going to disappear."

"You already are, you've been disappearing a little bit every day and I haven't noticed."

"I'm right here. In this world and the next, I will always be right here. I could never leave you. But I knew that a long time ago. Since you locked me in Cruella's closet."

"I hated you then."

"Well I never hated you, and I never could."

Evie made sure her mascara was perfect and her blush was applied correctly and her eyeliner was flawless. She made sure her lipstick was the right shade of red and that her blue eyeshadow was never smudged.

She wore heels that gave her blisters. She spent hours in front of the mirror fixing her hair.

She was killing herself, Evie knew that. It was slow and drawn out and might take years, but Evie was killing herself trying to be perfect.

Trying to be perfect for a mother who'd never loved her and for the people she wanted to love her.

She knew Mal, Carlos and Jay loved her. But it wasn't enough, she never was and she never would be.

Her mother was her first love, a prince her second. Then Mal, Carlos and Jay.

It never occurred to Evie that her first love should have been herself.