This is my first fan fiction ever. I hope it's a fun read! Let me know what you think, I would love to hear your feedback.

"Where is she?"

Maggie quickly stepped out from behind her desk at the nurses' station and held her hands up. "Jay…" she said. Her dark eyes were filled with compassion. Compassion and worry. It was the worry that added to his panic.

Jay looked past her frantically, trying to see into the treatment rooms. He ignored the chill of the night air that blew in the sliding doors behind him. "Where is she?" he demanded, louder this time.

"Will is with her, he'll come talk to you when—"

Jay's jaw was set like granite when he finally looked back down at the nurse blocking his path.

Maggie settled a gentle hand on Jay's arm and softened her tone. "Have a seat, Jay. I'll go see what I can find out. OK?"

Everything in Jay wanted to push past the nurse and go find his brother, find answers, but Maggie raised an eyebrow and cocked her head. He opened his mouth to argue and she cut him off. "I'll call security."

He let Maggie lead him to an uncomfortable molded plastic chair.

He let his folded hands fall between his knees. One foot jostled in an anxious rhythm. He kept his head down, his thoughts firmly under control. He hadn't even known she was in Chicago. Any time they strayed toward thinking the worst, or wondering what had happened… He latched on to that wandering thought leading toward a dark place and reined it in. Shoved it down. His jaw worked, his foot bounced more quickly.

He was about to spring up and demand answers when he saw Will walking toward him. And suddenly he couldn't move. Couldn't get up. He steeled himself for what his brother was going to say.

Will dropped into the empty chair next to him. Jay could see the effort it was taking his brother to appear calm. Will's hands, the hands of a surgeon, shook, and Will clasped them together, leaning forward and matching Jay's posture.

"She's going to be OK," he finally said without looking at Jay.

A breath whooshed out of a Jay. He hadn't realized he'd been holding it. She was OK. She was going to be OK.

His mind wouldn't let him rest with that good news, though. He was a detective. He needed answers. It didn't matter if a victim survived, if it was a happy ending. He needed to know what had happened.

"How did she end up here?" he demanded.

Will shook his head slightly, like he couldn't believe what he had to say. His blue eyes looked unseeingly in front of him. "She overdosed."

"What?" Jay snapped. He pulled back and looked toward the emergency department like he would be able to see her, to see answers.

Will shrugged helplessly. Jay could see Will's distress. He blamed himself. He should. They both should be blaming themselves. "She overdosed. A mix of sleeping pills and alcohol. Our little sister overdosed."

#

Jay followed Will through the Emergency Department. He almost ran into Will's back when his brother stopped in front of a treatment room. The curtain was pulled back, the sliding door open. And on the bed was their little sister.

He couldn't stop the sharp intake of breath when he saw Jess. Her skin was almost translucent, dark circles smudged under her eyes. Her hair, one shade lighter than his own brown, was caught back in a braid that fell over her shoulder. And she was still.

Will dropped a hand on Jay's shoulder and gave him a squeeze. "She's recovering. They pumped her stomach, but it's still going to take some time for the alcohol to work its way out of her system."

Jay approached the bed. It took everything in him to keep himself under control.

"Did you know she was home?" he asked Will without taking his eyes off their sister.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Will shake his head. "I didn't know she was discharged."

There it was. Jay could hear it in Will's tone. He turned sharply to face his older brother. "I didn't tell her to enlist," he bit out.

"No? You sure didn't stop her!" Will took a step toward him. Jay didn't back up.

"I was already overseas when she saw the recruiter! What about you? You were too busy partying in New York to take care of Jess!"

Will jabbed a finger into Jay's chest. "She looked up to you. You knew that! Of course if you signed up with the Army, she was going to follow after you. You were her hero!"

Jay gave Will a shove. Not because anything Will was saying was wrong. But because it was all true. And that made him angrier than anything else.

Will shoved Jay right back. Jay stumbled against a tray table, knocking it into the bed with a clatter.

"But you didn't tell her anything about what Army life was really like, did you, Jay?" Will demanded. He hurled the words at Jay with a fury Jay didn't know Will had.

Footsteps came running and Natalie quickly took in what was happening. She came to Will's side, putting a hand on his arm. "Will, this isn't going to help anything."

Will ignored her. "Did you tell her about the nightmares? The pit you fell into? That Mouse had to drag you home?"

Jay lunged for Will. He would have tackled him if the monitors attached to Jess hadn't alarmed suddenly.

Natalie pushed her way past both of them. Jess' body convulsed violently.

A nurse ran into the room and pushed her way past Jay.

"Push 5 of Ativan," Natalie ordered sternly, trying to reposition Jess to keep her from hurting herself.

Jay watched helplessly until Natalie looked up and saw him standing there. Maggie had run in after the first nurse and Natalie turned her attention back to Jess. "Maggie, get them out of here."

Jay shook his head. He wasn't going anywhere.

Will was getting an oxygen mask from the wall. Maggie grabbed it from him. "Take your brother out of here, Dr. Halstead."

"What? No, I'm staying."

"You're leaving," Dr. Choi said, coming into the room. He took Jay by the arm, but didn't pull him. Just squeezed enough to warn him.

Jay looked at his sister. The convulsions were slowing. Her eyes opened, rolled back in her head, and her head fell to the side.

"Out!" Natalie commanded. "Unless you two want to be removed from the hospital and not see Jess at all."

Jay shook off Choi's hand angrily and stormed out. He didn't care if Will followed or not. Because Will had been right. Jess was in this place because of Jay. The choices he had made. The weakness he had shown and then tried to hide from her.

He squeezed his eyes shut against the darkness that threatened to swamp his memories.

#

She had to get out of here. Jess Halstead lifted a hand to rub her bleary eyes, but stopped when she felt something pull at her hand. She looked down and saw an IV stuck into the pale skin on the back of her hand. She lifted her other hand, meaning to pull back the tape and get the IV out of her, but the oxygen monitor on her finger held her back. Muttering a curse, she pulled the monitor off, ignoring the alarm that set off. Before she was able to get the offending tape off her hand, someone moved to her bedside.

"You need to leave that in."

Jess bit back the retort that sprang to her lips. "I'm going," she said shortly.

"You need to rest. You aren't ready to be discharged."

Jess glanced up at the woman in maroon scrubs standing next to her bed. Her face was kind, but she looked like she wasn't going to be argued with.

Fine. So Jess wouldn't argue. Ignoring the woman, she ripped the tape free and pulled the IV out. She tossed it aside, leaving it to drip clear fluid onto the sheets.

She swung her feet over the side of the bed. The air was chilly on her bare legs. "Where are my clothes?" she demanded.

"I told you, you can't leave," the woman said again. Jess saw an MD after the woman's name on her ID badge. Natalie Manning. She made a move to help Jess lay back down. Jess responded by pulling the oxygen tubing from her face, grimacing when it got tangled in her light brown curls. She gritted her teeth and pushed up to stand. Blood ran down her hand from the vein where the IV had been inserted.

"I need some help in here!" the doctor called.

Jess wove unsteadily on her feet. She shook her head, trying to clear the groggy feeling weighing her down.

A pretty nurse rushed in so the two women framed her in. A dark haired doctor in scrubs that matched the other doctor's stood in front of her.

"I'm not staying," she said stubbornly. She swayed and the man in front of her reached out to keep her from falling. The nurse grabbed some gauze and pressed it to the back of her hand, slowing the blood that continued to seep out.

She had to move, had to leave. She couldn't let Will find out she was here.

"What's going on?" Her red haired brother ran into the room, skidding to a stop. His eyes ran over her, pausing on the blood on the floor, before quickly reading the last set of vitals on the monitor.

When he looked back at her, Jess recoiled. She looked away. She couldn't do this. She couldn't face Will. He would tell Jay and then—

"What's happening? Jess?" Jay's voice was sharp with worry. He came to a stop next to Will.

She tried to pull away, to hide, but there was nowhere to go. The doctor in front of her looked at her face and then ordered her brothers out of the room.

"I'm not going anywhere. She's my sister!" Jay lashed out. He took a step forward and the doctor turned toward him, blocking Jess behind his squared shoulders.

She was weak. She should be fighting her own battles, but she was too tired. Suddenly exhausted, hopeless, she sank back down to sit on the bed. The nurse kept a hand on her, brown eyes sympathetic.

"Come on, Will," the female doctor said, taking him by the arm. "Let's leave Dr. Choi with her. He'll take care of it."

Will glanced over at Jay. Jay was staring down Dr. Choi. His hands fisted, ready to fight.

"Please," Jess whispered. "Please leave." She bit her lips. Hard.

"Jess, don't do this," Jay said softly.

"Go!" she said harshly, turning her head away from them.

The doctor blocking her didn't move until both brothers finally left, pulling the curtain closed behind them.

He knelt down in front of her. "Are you alright?"

Jess glanced at his nametag. Ethan Choi. She didn't answer him. She didn't know the answer.

"Will was beside himself when the paramedics brought you in," he said.

"He didn't know I was back," Jess said quietly.

"Back from where?" he asked. She put on a pair of gloves, took an alcohol wipe from the cart near them and started cleaning the drying blood from Jess' hand.

"Overseas," she said.

"Will said you got discharged last month. Army?"

She flicked a look toward Dr. Choi when he spoke. "Yeah. I was a medic."

He handed her the oxygen tubing and helped her loop it back behind her ears and under her nose.

"The pills and drinks?" he asked.

"I just wanted…to sleep," she whispered. "To forget."

He didn't say anything. Just nodded.

"Where were you?" she asked. There was no missing the military bearing in his movements.

"Afghanistan," he answered.

"So you know." She wanted him to understand. Wanted to know there was someone who understood. That it wasn't just her.

"It's a hard road back," he said, the lines in his face deepening. "But you can get back."

Jess shook her head. Maybe Dr. Choi could get back. Maybe Jay could get back. But she doubted she ever would. Her mind was trapped on the battlefield.