Jackson

The surgery to harvest Khalid's healthy skin is scheduled for two days after we first told him about our plan. That doesn't give me much time to gather what limited supplies I can find to create a makeshift lab. It isn't easy. I am used to state of the art equipment and resources to purchase anything I don't have on hand. Over here, I have to improvise, substituting items I can find on hand, and hoping they will work. There are moments when I think we should scrap the whole thing altogether. Maybe I didn't think this through. How am I going to pull off growing new skin in a tent in the middle of the desert? But then I remember the way Khalid's eyes lit up when I told him I could help, and the way April melted against me, fitting perfectly in my arms, that night outside Khalid's tent after I assured her we can do this. I can't let either of them down.

It's a fairly simple procedure that I could easily do myself, but the unpredictability of this environment makes me feel off my game a bit, so I ask April to scrub in with me. She has a calming presence, and from what I have seen, her surgery skills are impressive. Procedures here take place in make-shift ORs, which are basically small, dimly-lit tents with multiple extension cords running across the floor to a small generator connecting the equipment keeping our patient alive. I estimate Khalid's skin removal to take an hour at most, barring any unexpected complications.

Once I am scrubbed-in and gowned, I push through the opening of the tent, backwards, careful not to contaminate my gloves. I expect to find my team, preparing the surgical field, but instead I see only April, standing next to Khalid who is already deep under anesthesia. Her eyes smile at me over her surgical mask, "Ready to do this, Dr. Avery?"

I'm sure she can see my confusion as I sweep the tent with my gaze. "Where's our surgical team? Shouldn't there be a scrub nurse or anesthesiologist or someone to monitor his vitals?"

Her answer comes out slightly apologetic. "We are the surgical team, Jackson. I guess I should have explained that to you. We are so undermanned here, that we can't spare any extra medical personnel for surgeries. We have to make due with the bare minimum."

I take a second to process what she is telling me. Not only are we expected to perform the surgery in poor conditions with faulty equipment, but we also have to monitor all aspects of the patient and equipment while still concentrating on the surgical field. This may be more complicated than I thought.

"Don't look so worried," she reassures me. "We have pulled off more complicated procedures than this over here. Your patient isn't bleeding out from shrapnel or a gunshot wound. We aren't racing a clock. Just focus on doing what you do best, and I'll handle the rest, okay?"

Our eyes meet over our surgical masks, and I nod slightly, take a deep breath, and begin my first incision.

An hour later April and I are standing outside of Khalid's tent, stripping off our gowns and placing them in the contaminated materials bin. I look toward April and see she is beaming back at me.

"Jackson Avery, you've been holding out on me!" she laughs.

I feel my face warm at her compliment, "Holding out on you?"

"Yes! I mean, I knew you must be good, but you are better than good. Your technique is incredible. I mean, your hands…they way you use them…" her voice trails off as we both understand that she isn't just talking about my surgical skills.

Maybe it's the high of just making it through a surgery in the middle of a war zone, or maybe it's that this beautiful woman, smiling up at me, who believes in me more than most people in my life ever have, or maybe it's both, but I don't hesitate. Wrapping a hand around her to rest on the small of her back, I pull her against me and kiss her, softly at first, and then when she relaxes into me, the kiss deepens, and I am sure that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Our kiss is slow and soft, as we learn each other's mouths.

I could kiss her forever.

Eventually, I pull back, not wanting to push her farther than she is ready for. We stand together in the moonlight, foreheads touching, still breathing each other in.

She breaks the silence first, giggling quietly in the darkness. I laugh too, because the sound of hers is contagious. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. I just…I'm just happy," she replies, reaching out and taking my hand in hers.

"Me too," I agree.

"Are you tired? Cause I am wide awake. Would you want to go somewhere and talk?" she looks hopeful as she waits for my answer.

"You read my mind." I tell her, and with our hands still clasped together, I follow where she leads me.

We walk for several minutes, quietly enjoying one another's presence, until we reach a hill. For some unexplainable reason, this part of the desert sits higher than the rest and at the top, where April chooses to sit is a small patch of white flowers blooming against all odds.

She sits down, and I follow watching as she strokes a leaf on one of the flowers. "When I first got here, I wasn't sure I made the right decision. There was so much sadness and despair, you know? I came here trying to get away from that, and I just found more of it," she scoffs and shakes her head to herself. "About a month after I arrived, I had a really tough day. We were called out to a building that had been bombed about thirty miles away. We loaded the truck with all the medical supplies we could gather and went over our triage plan thoroughly on the drive there. We could not have been more prepared." She pauses, and I wait patiently to hear about this moment that April wants to share with me. Sighing she leans back on her hands and looks up to the star-sprinkled sky. "It didn't matter," she says softly. "We were too late. They were already gone. Twenty-three people. It was a church. They bombed a church," her voice rises in anger, and I contemplate if I should say something, reassure her that there was nothing she could have done, but I decide that is not what she needs. She needs me to listen, so I stay quiet.

"A church!" she repeats. "We had to check all the bodies to make sure they were really gone. We would reach for a pulse and when we didn't find one, we just stepped over the body and moved on to the next. Six of them were just kids. I thought to myself, "What kind of monster would do that? Who could hurt an innocent child?" and then I remembered. I have no place to judge them. I am no better than they are."

Her eyes find mine now, and I am overwhelmed by the sadness I see in them.

I reach out to wipe a stray tear from her cheek, and I find the words she needs to hear, "Don't say that April. You would never hurt anyone."

She shakes her head back and forth, and her voice comes out barely a whisper, "I did, though. I did hurt someone…I killed my little sister."