"You'd really like them, they're lovely people."

"Ron especially would love to talk about cars with you, he really rather likes cars."

"Hermione has been insisting she learn who can listen to me go on about Corkles for three hours and keep a straight face. … now that I say that myself I think she's my least best friend, but Ginny thinks you sound wonderful."

This, for more than half of their six month relationship, before Luna finally sat Dudley down and asked if he'd like to join her friends Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione on their monthly double date night-a triple date, with them included. Dudley might not've accepted, save that Luna had been going on about how important her friends were to her for so long that he likely knew more about them than they did by this point, and he knew it would make her happy. And, indeed, the way her eyes lit up when he told her yes, he'd love to go, he'd been dying to meet them for ages was worth it all. So on a chilly December night, Dudley put on a nice shirt, got in his car, and drove up to London, picking up Luna on the way to the restaurant. It was a nice place, not too fancy but certainly not cheap, which Dudley found somewhat thoughtless as Luna's friends had no reason to think he could afford this. They entered, Luna peering around the establishment, and were quickly waved over by a gangly ginger and a woman with wild, curly hair. Luna beamed and dragged Dudley over.

"Hello guys. This is Dudley." She said it with such pride and warmth that Dudley wasn't entirely certain she was introducing him as a boyfriend and not as her son. Regardless, he held out a hand to the ginger, who stood and shook it.

"Ron Weasley, pleasure to meet you." Ron's tone was pleasant, but there was an odd look on his face, and the only reason Dudley could place it was because he could tell he had the same one.

"Likewise, but… have we met before? I swear I know you from somewhere." Ron merely shrugged.

"I suppose we must have, since I have the same feeling. I was an au-a policeman until a few years ago, I met a lot of people I don't remember and who I'm certain wouldn't remember me." Remembering his manners Dudley then offered his hand to the woman.

"Sorry, forgot myself."

"That's quite alright," she responded politely, taking the handshake though she didn't stand. "Hermione Granger-Weasley. Please, sit, both of you… all of you, actually," she looked pointedly at her husband, who grinned sheepishly and sat back down.

"Right, chairs. Good for sitting in." Dudley chuckled as Luna smiled brilliantly. Dudley was entirely right, it had been important for her friends and boyfriend to get along and he was apparently doing swimmingly so far. Determined to carry on the momentum as he sat, he turned to Ron.

"So you said used to be a policeman. Mind if I ask what changed?" Ron's face lit up.

"Became a dad, I did. Our Rosie was born two years ago and I decided to stay at home so Hermione could keep working." Dudley raised an eyebrow.

"Very progressive of you. Most of the men at my office brag about how good of housewives their women are."

"Yes, I'm sure there are plenty of men like that," Hermione rolled her eyes. "Fortunately Ron is just lazy enough to not want to work and responsible enough to take care of things while I'm away."

"Yeah, I'd rather spend time with my daughter than be chasing criminals and filing paperwork all day, imagine that." Despite their sniping words there was a sort of light heartedness, as though this bickering was more fun than irritating for them, and Dudley found it rather amusing. He could only remember his parents disagreeing a few times in his entire life, and they had always been loud, angry rows. "Anyway, it's not been all housework. I've had to start working part time at my brother's shop now that we have number two on the way." Dudley blinked and glanced once more at Hermione, this time specifically at her stomach. It was well concealed by her thick-yet-classy jumper, but on specifically looking for it he could make out an early baby bump.

"Congratulations," he said, not sure what else to say.

"I imagine Lily Luna will appreciate growing up with a playmate," Luna interjected, no longer content to enjoy the scene. "It was certainly nice having Ginny down the road when we were small, and Rose and Albus are like two peas in a pod, aren't they?" Hermione nodded, but Ron threw a sly grin at Dudley and Luna.

"You know Luna, it could be a trio rather than a duo." His grin grew wider and a bit more malicious. "It's a bit late for the same school year, but if the genes are anything to go by some blonde mixed in with the gingers might be a nice change of-OW!" There was a loud thump as Hermione's foot collided with Ron's shin, saving Dudley as his face reddened at roughly the same pace as he understood the other man's meaning. Luna, however, merely looked thoughtful.

"Hm," she mused. "Maybe…"

"Luna!" Dudley hissed, restrained from yelling only by the public venue.

"… no, you're quite right Dudley. Not just yet." She smiled apologetically at Ron. "Perhaps next time though. We'll have to coordinate." Dudley turned roughly the colour of a beet as Ron laughed uproariously, causing the other restaurant-goers to give them dirty looks.

"Never change Luna. Never change."

They chatted about fortunately lighter things for the next fifteen minutes. Dudley learned that Ron's brother owned a joke shop, that Hermione was a civil rights attorney, and that despite adoring cars Ron had failed his driving test.

"7 times," he said with alarming cheerfulness.

Dudley contributed to the small talk, but it seemed that Luna talked to them about him even more than to him about them because they already knew quite a lot about his life. Every so often Luna would pat him on the thigh, as if to convey that he was doing well and she was pleased with him. Dudley found it a bit condescending, but sweet all the same. When asked about the monthly dinners, Hermione smiled fondly.

"We've been doing these since we left school. Back when we were all just dating it was a nice way to have fun as a group, and now it's just become tradition I suppose. We've got a standing invitation for any of our friends to join us but Luna's the first to be in a serious enough relationship, besides Draco." Ron snorted.

"Never expected that. I honestly thought Neville would work up the courage to ask Hannah out before Luna found a bloke-ow!" Ron's cry of pain was less pronounced this time, but Luna seemed unperturbed. Hermione, however, was giving him a glare of death. Luckily, Ron was saved. "O-oh look, there's Ginny. Let's wave her over and change the topic." Dudley turned in his seat, and his eyes went bogglingly wide. Waddling towards them was another ginger-family, most likely-who looked like she might go into labour at any minute. Ginny smiled broadly and gave a small wave as she slowly made her way to her seat.

"Sorry we're late," she said. "James." Ron, Hermione and Luna all nodded sagely as if that explained everything. "Harry's parking the bike." Ginny then turned to Dudley. "So you must be Luna's famous boyfriend. Ginny Potter." Dudley had a less than stellar reputation about his intelligence, but it was, for the most part, not true, having been earned during a time in his life where excessive thought was discouraged and excuses were made. That being said, he still wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, and so, distracted as he was by the thought of this very pregnant woman riding on the back of a motorbike and how there was no way that was good for the baby, he missed the obvious connection that this woman's surname was Potter, and he knew her husband's given name was Harry.

"Dudley Dursley," Dudley responded absentmindedly. The others at the table were not so distracted. As one, four pairs of eyes snapped immediately to Luna (for even within the womb, Lily Luna Potter had subconsciously absorbed her mothers' many tirades against the Dursleys whenever her father showed signs of his childhood trauma), who seemed rather oblivious to her friends' reaction. Before anyone could speak, a voice came from behind them.

"Sorry we're late." Dudley began to turn to greet the last comer. "I assume Ginny told you, James was being quite the-Dudley!?"

"HARRY!?"

It was him. Same scruffy black hair, same brilliant green eyes, same stupid lightning scar that Dudley had always secretly thought looked badass. Harry Potter.

The cousins stared at each other for a long minute, the rest of the table deadly silent, before, as one, a thought occurred to both of them at once, and their gazes snapped to Luna. Finally, she seemed to notice something was wrong.

"… I feel as though I've missed something terribly obvious."

Dudley leaned against the cold stone wall of the building and ran a hand through his hair. He'd been wanting this moment for years, to be reunited with his cousin, to apologise for all the terrible things he'd done as a child and thank Harry for protecting his family when they didn't remotely deserve it. But it had come so suddenly and unexpectedly, after Dudley had all but given up hope, and on top of that the crashing realisation that came with it-Luna was a witch, duh, obviously, points against Dudley's intelligence right there-he'd been a bit overwhelmed and needed to run out. The cool air had felt good on his skin, but now it just made him feel clammy. He inhaled deeply.

Alright, I can do this. I'm a man. I faced down a bloke twice my size, and I'm a big guy, knowing full well he was going to knock a tooth out over a bloody trophy. I can face Harry.

"Dudley?"

"AHH-Harry, hey, what's, uh, what's up?" Harry just raised his eyebrow in that way Dudley had come to translate, in their teenager years, as "I have something incredibly snarky I could say to you right now, but I shan't, because I'm too close to escape afterwards."

"Just wanted to, er…" Harry rubbed the back of his neck, snarky eyebrow dropped for something much more awkward and less natural, as though instinct had been overcome by the reality of the situation. "Make sure you were okay, I suppose."

"Right… yeah, I did kind of just flee the restaurant, didn't I?"

"White as a sheet and everything." They stood there awkwardly for a moment.

"So, er," Dudley started, trying desperately to break the tension. "What's it like back in there? I can't imagine you've, er, said the nicest things about me in the past, if anything at all." Harry shrugged.

"I can't say I've said much at all. Life with your family isn't… something I like to talk about. I'm pretty sure my wife wants your head on a pike, but I guess Ron and Hermione had a good first impression, and Luna just kind of ordered appetizers for the table as though nothing were wrong."

"… she planned this whole bloody thing didn't she?"

"There is a greater than average chance of that, yes."

"I'm going to kill her. Or marry her," Dudley sighed. "Haven't decided yet." Harry moved next to Dudley and leaned against the wall with him, pulling a small, recognizable box from the inside of his jacket. Dudley eyed Harry curiously.

"Since when do you smoke," he asked cautiously.

"Somewhere around the third disembowelled child." He pulled a cigarette out of the pack and raised it to his lips. He moved to put the pack away, but paused before hesitantly holding it out to Dudley. "You and your gang used to smoke, right?" Dudley cringed slightly at the mention of his gang.

"Quit back in college."

"If Ginny asks, I quit too." Harry looked up and down the alley quickly, then brought his hand near his face and snapped. The tip of the cigarette ignited instantly, causing Dudley to start, but he kept his reactions down. They stood there in silence for a few more minutes, Dudley growing more fidgety with every passing second. Finally, he broke.

"Why are you just standing here?" He demanded, rounding on Harry. "Shouldn't you be… I dunno, yelling at me, or making some clever quip and leaving, or something?" Harry stared at Dudley for a second, before finally shrugging.

"Honestly, Dudley, I don't know." Harry shrugged. "I never actually thought this would happen. I figured we'd never see each other again. It never even occurred to me the bloke Luna's been gushing about for six months was you." Dudley's face flushes. "I mean, not because it didn't sound anything like you. Granted… it didn't, as far as I could remember," Harry admitted. "But I just… well, I don't exactly like thinking about Little Whinging that often."

"I… suppose I understand that," Dudley conceded. "I think about it all the time. What I'd say, what I'd do. But it wasn't miserable for me, at least not at the time. I kept those years in mind all this time to remind me to be a better person, but you were always pretty decent." Dudley came back to the wall, and they stood in silence for a while longer while Harry smoked.

"… Harry, I-" Dudley attempted to break the silence, but Harry cut him off.

"I forgive you, Dudley."

"… how'd you know I was gonna apologise?"

"I can read minds."

"Really?"

"No, you're just really, really obvious." Despite himself, Dudley grinned.

"There's the wit I remember." Harry chuckled.

"Look, Dudley, it was a long time ago. We were stupid kids, and I already knew by the end that you were turning it around. I figured that handshake before we parted ways said everything that needed to be said between us. And frankly, if you weren't a good man Luna wouldn't have had anything to do with you in the first place. I've long since learned to trust her judgment… well, about people anyway. Magical creatures I take with a grain of salt."

"So you wizardly types don't believe in her strange creatures either, huh," Dudley snorted.

"You spot a Nargle for yourself and tell me about it, and maybe I'll start to believe."

It was another half an hour before they came back inside.

Several hours later, as Dudley was driving with Luna back to her flat, he looked over at her.

"Hey Luna."

"Yes, Dudley?"

Why did you spring Harry on me like this. How could you not tell me you were a witch. I have a deep and abiding phobia of magic dating back to the age of eleven, reinforced by basically every experience I've ever had with wizards, and while I'm willing to work on it to make this work I need you to know it's gonna be really, really hard for a while.

"Thanks." The rest could wait until morning.

The feeling of updating a fic after such a long time that you've moved twice since the last one is unlike any other.