Written For:

QLFC Round 2/Appleby Arrows, Captain: Gambol & Japes

Word Count: 1,101

Barty,

Sirius and I are planning on visiting Diagon Alley on Saturday this weekend to purchase our school things for the new term. I was wondering if you'd like to meet up with me there, and perhaps we can go for a coffee, or maybe ice cream if the weather is good?

Please reply promptly,

Regulus

oOo

Regulus,

Sure, I'd love to go on a date with you this Saturday. What time should I meet you, and where?

Barty

oOo

Barty,

Don't be an idiot, it isn't a date. We're just going to buy our school things. I'll meet you at 11:30am outside Obscurus Books. There's a limited edition copy of Curses and Counter Curses that I want to buy.

Regulus

oOo

Regulus,

Saturday at 11:30am. It's a date!

Barty

oOo

Barty checked his watch for the third time as he leaned against the wall outside Obscurus Books. He was twenty minutes early, but he knew better than to risk getting there later than Regulus. His friend was ridiculously impatient, and would have probably given their date up as a lost cause if he'd had to wait more than five minutes for Barty to arrive.

It was definitely a date. Regulus knew how much Barty liked him, and Barty was convinced that the feelings were reciprocated. Regulus was just far too shy, and far too fearful of what other people thought, to admit his emotions. But Barty was sure he was slowly wearing him down.

The summer sun was burning down on his face hotly, and the beads of sweat trickling down his neck were beginning to itch. From somewhere to the side of him, he could hear a shrill chorus of laughter, followed by high-pitched squeaking, like a chipmunk. All of these things grated Barty's exterior coolness, until he could hardly bear the irritation anymore. Sighing loudly, he pulled himself away from the wall, and glared into the doorway of the shop next door to Obscurus Books.

Gambol and Japes. Of course. It was a joke shop. That explained the noise coming from inside. Barty leaned back to peer through the window of Obscurus Books, noticing the lone shopkeeper inside, reading a book by the counter. How on earth could he concentrate with all the racket?

"Is there really any need for such noise?" Barty demanded to know exasperatedly, as he burst through the threshold of Gambol and Japes. "Some of us are just trying to mind our own business out there, and —" he stopped speaking as he realised who was making the noise. "Oh. It's you."

Sirius Black and James Potter were frozen with ridiculous grins on their faces, staring at Barty. "Sorry, Bartemius," James squeaked, his voice reminiscent of a shrieking cat. Barty raised an eyebrow, and turned his attention to Sirius.

"Where is Regulus? He's supposed to be meeting me at the bookshop outside. Isn't he with you?"

Sirius sniggered. "Oh yeah, you're going on a date." His voice wasn't as high-pitched as James's, instead it was wobbling all over the place, ranging between pitches. "I don't know. I left him at Gringotts."

Barty sighed, and turned to leave the joke shop, but a gnarled old hand grasped his shoulder suddenly. "Don't you want to try some of the toffee, kid?" The hand belonged to the white-haired old shopkeeper, who was clutching a tray of small, golden toffees in his shaking grip.

"Er…I think I'll pass," Barty muttered, glancing back over to Sirius and James, who were eagerly reaching for more of the toffees.

"They're free samples. A new batch that I've been working on this week. I've been looking for some of you pranksters from school to try them out," the shopkeeper insisted. "They make your voice go all sorts of strange when you eat them."

"I gathered as much," Barty replied warily. The other two boys had begun to utter streams of nonsense to one another again in their warbling, high-pitched tones, and were collapsing into peals of laughter. "How many have they had?"

The shopkeeper shrugged, and continued to smile toothily at Barty. "Come on, just try one."

"I really have to go." Barty tried to jerk his shoulder away, but the shopkeeper clung fast. The laughing stopped suddenly, followed by James yelling out — but even in the ridiculous pitch, it was obvious there was something wrong.

Sirius was clutching his throat. His dark eyes were bulging out of his head and his pale skin was steadily turning violet. James was staring on in frozen horror, shouting something ineligible, but seemingly unable to react.

Barty pushed the old man out of the way quickly. He hurried behind Sirius and wrapped his arms around him, clasping his hands at the front of Sirius' chest. Acting quickly, Barty pressed his body against Sirius's back. He slammed his clasped hands back against Sirius's chest several times, until a wet glob of half-chewed toffee flew out of his mouth.

But it seemed that Sirius had lost too much air. His eyes had slid back into his head, and he sunk to the floor as Barty let go of him.

"Is he dead?" James screeched in his ridiculous voice. "Mate? Mate?" Barty pushed him back.

"Give him some space," he muttered, bending over Sirius. "He's not breathing." Barty pinched Sirius's nose with one hand and used the other to pull his chin down, and then leaned over to press his lips to Sirius's. Carefully, he breathed mouthfuls of air into Sirius's lungs.

Finally, Sirius gave a feeble cough, and Barty moved away to let him sit up and catch his breath.

"Well, that was one way to have our first kiss," he sniggered once he had come around. Barty rolled his eyes.

"You're welcome."

"What?" a voice came from the doorway. Regulus was standing there, looking bewildered, holding a bouquet of daisies in one hand.

Barty rushed out of the shop, feeling his face begin to burn. "That wasn't what it sounded like," he muttered, looping his arm through Regulus's.

"Your boyfriend is a good kisser!" shouted Sirius, echoed by James's laughter. Barty dragged Regulus away from the shopfront, glowing with embarrassment.

"Why were you kissing my brother?" Regulus asked, looking bemused.

"I wasn't," Barty insisted. "Anyway, never mind that. What's with the flowers? I thought this wasn't a date."

Regulus smiled. "Well, it could be. Unless, of course, you're more interested in Sirius…"

Barty rolled his eyes again, and dug his elbow into Regulus's side. He didn't really want to repeat the story, but he was willing to try for Regulus.