Prologue:

Arcane:

understood by few; mysterious or secret

A/N: Well here is my second fanfiction. I like to take the Grey's characters that we know and love and put them in new perspectives. So for this one, I am going way out there and pairing Jackson and Meredith together. I think they have a lot in common surprisingly and would be an interesting match. Anyways, this chapter is more like a prologue starting back in Season 11 Episode 10. I changed some of the dialogue around but the plot begins in the same way. Eventually it will start to diverge away from what was shown in Season 12/13 and go into my own world. Let me know what you think! Review and enjoy :)

(Disclosure: Ideas have been pulled from Grey's Anatomy, and I know that I don't own that)

She didn't understand it. All her life she had been alone, and now that she was there again, it felt uncomfortable and unnerving. Even with Zola sprawled out in her bed, breathing gently in their sleep and occasionally mumbling and kicking, and Bailey in the crib next to her, Meredith felt alone. She had told Derek to go but in this moment, all she wanted was him to be there with her. She wanted to feel his arms wrapped around her, his lips gently kissing her neck in the early morning light. Instead she was alone.

The early morning peace was broken abruptly by the incessant beeping of the alarm, urging Meredith to get up and ready for another long monotonous day at work. It used to be exciting. Being a surgeon used to give her a rush, a joy, a high that nothing else could replicate. Until she met Derek. He had become her new drug. Their love added to the happiness she found at the hospital. Of course she had bad days, days with patients dying or refusing a surgery, days where she was so tired she fell asleep in her car before even starting it. But the good days overrode those always. And yet, her days now were filled with routine cholecystectomies and appendectomies. Nothing big or exciting.

Maybe that was contributing to her loneliness.

And the fact she had no one left to compete with. Even in their different specialties, Cristina and Meredith found ways to compete. Like who could complete their routine surgeries the fastest, or who could get the bigger tumor, or the craziest condition ever. Maggie wouldn't do that with Meredith, she was too chipper and content to compete. And she didn't have the edge like Cristina did. So Meredith stopped searching for impossible or wild cases. She settled for routine and mundane. She needed something good.

"Mommy, get up" Zola yelled, poking at Meredith's back. "I'm hungry!"

"Okay, Zo-zo, I'm getting there" Meredith sat up and smiled at the still sleeping Bailey. He was a beautiful mix of Meredith and Derek, her green eyes and cheeks and his nose and smile. Bailey would grow up to be McDreamy junior. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Daddy's pancakes" Zola cried, jumping up on the bed.

"I can try, but you know my cooking is not nearly as good as daddy's" Meredith smiled, stretching as she stood up.

"When will daddy be back?" Zola asked, concern filling her little face. Meredith's smile faltered for a second before she answered.

"Soon. Remember the president asked him to do a big and important job? That's where he is now" Meredith offered her daughter a hand.

"That sounds boring," Zola commented as she took Meredith's hand and jumped off the bed.

"Yes, I suppose it does," Meredith laughed. "Come on, let's get you dressed and then some pancakes."

Meredith had just dropped her kids off at daycare and was looking over her schedule as she made her way through the halls. One bowel resection that evening and then the tumor. It was a fairly large tumor surrounding the liver and hepatic vessels but it would be simple to remove and a long surgery. Meredith knew that Wilson was going to scrub in with her but she needed someone else to talk too during that time. It was too long to be alone in a room without decent conversation. Spotting Alex by the elevator she ran to catch up with him. "Alex," she said as she neared him. He turned with a small smile. "Do you want to scrub in on this sarcoma?"

"Is this a ped's case?" Alex asked.

"No…"

"Then why do you want me to scrub in?" Alex cut her off.

"I want some company. It will be a longer surgery," Meredith explained, raising an eyebrow.

"You have Wilson," Alex grinned. "And she is great company."

"But I want a grown up to talk to, not her" Meredith complained. The elevator doors dinged before opening.

"Sorry, Mer, but no," he said as he stepped into the elevator. Meredith sighed before seeing her next victim.

"Dr. Bailey, would you like to scrub in with me today? I have a sarcoma," Meredith smiled.

"I don't know, Grey. You have a resident" Bailey said, not impressed with Meredith's charm.

"But it's a big sarcoma. In the hepatic vein and it will be bloody and gross," Meredith tried to sell her surgery, pushing the chart into Bailey's hands. Looking it over, Bailey nodded and then smiled.

"Page me when it's time," Bailey said as she handed the chart back and began to walk away. Meredith felt instantly more happy. Now she would have someone to talk to while they resected the tumor. Maybe today would be a good day after all.

That good day feeling was lost in the middle of surgery. They could no longer see clearly where the tumor was and where it wasn't. It was like it had moved since the last scans. "What is going on? I can't see anything," Wilson asked as she continued the suction.

"It's like it changed shape," Bailey thought out loud, gesturing for the screens to be brought closer. "Are these old scans?"

"No, they were taken two weeks ago," Wilson answered.
"It has definitely grown since then. Look, it's in the diaphragm and oh no. Everyone get your hands out of here and someone page cardio 9-1-1" Meredith ordered. "We can't continue. It is all the way up to the heart."

Later that night Meredith sat alone in her lab, watching her 3-D printer work. They had decided to print the entire tumor so that they could really get a good look at it. Bailey and Maggie had left to go get some food and possibly a nap. So it was all Meredith now. The door swung open behind her, someone storming in. "Oh, Meredith" a shocked voice came from over her shoulder. "I didn't think anyone would be here at this time of the night. I'm sorry." Meredith turned around on her stool to take in the distraught looking Jackson. "I'll just go."

"No, wait" Meredith called. "You obviously need to get away from someone so you can stay here." Jackson paused in the door, before turning back to Meredith.

"Thank you," he whispered moving to the stool next to Meredith. He put his head in his hands as he leaned on the table.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked, observing the very upset man before her.

Earlier in the day:

"April, please" Jackson pleaded. She hadn't listened to him since the ultrasound. All he wanted was to form a plan for their child. He knew that Osteogenesis Imperfecta could be a death sentence, but it could also be a good life that just had a few extra challenges to it. In order for him to try to accept this condition, he needed a plan. He had always been that way. Whenever he was unsure, he made a preliminary plan. After he had the first few steps in his head, he was okay. But before then the unknowing would eat him alive. It's how he passed medical school and started his internship. It's why he chose to be a surgeon in the first place. There were always plans put in place. First you prep the patient, then you make the initial incision. It always went that way, there was no other way for it to begin.

Now all he wanted was a plan, a step one for his child. It's how he dealt with this, it's how he coped with everything. "I just want to talk about it" he followed her out of the exam room.

"You want to talk about termination," April turned sharply to face him, tears filling her eyes.

"No," Jackson tried to explain. "I want to talk to you. About what you want, about our options."

"And I don't" April exclaimed. "I want to have a baby and now I want to go home and see my mom."

"Your mom?" Jackson was surprised. April usually dreaded when his mother came around unannounced and now she just did the same thing to him. "Your mom is here?"

"Yes, she came out when I told her about the test. She wants to be here," April explained, reaching out to place her hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged her hand away.
"If I had called my mom, you would be furious. Why is this any different?" Jackson's voice rose.

"Because she's my mom. She doesn't meddle," April's voice hardened. That was fight that Jackson didn't want to get into now. Their mothers weren't the problem at hand.

"April, can we just talk right now about our baby?" Jackson lowered his voice, knowing that when he got angry, she got angry and that was not what was needed right now.

"No. My baby. My body. We will talk about this after the test because my baby is going to be fine," April snapped, turning on heel and leaving the small waiting room. Defeated, Jackson went on with his day with the unknown eating up his insides.

He hadn't seen April all day and now he was outside his front door, hoping to talk to her reasonably now. He stared at the door, knowing she was on the other side. No doubt she was in the kitchen, preparing dinner for him. While April was an amazing and brilliant surgeon, Jackson knew that she took pride in being a housewife in the evening. She loved coming home and heading into the kitchen to prepare something for him, even though he had never asked her to. Sometimes they would even cook together, laughing as they worked like a well oiled machine, handing each other utensils like they would in an O.R..

And it broke Jackson's heart that now April would probably not be able to cook dinner for a family, for their buddha baby. It was one her biggest dreams to have a family. And now they faced such a devastating setback in their future.

Slowly Jackson worked up the composure to open the door. "April," he called as he crossed the threshold. "I'm home."

"Oh Jackson," April's mother called from the dining room table. "How good it is to see you. I am here for the both of you."

"April," Jackson walked over to the kitchen where April was busy cutting and prepping for dinner. "Can we talk please?"

"No, she doesn't want to," her mother answered for her. "We are going to talk to God tomorrow. Perhaps you would like to come with us to church and talk to God."

"I want to talk to my wife," Jackson exclaimed, his frustration growing.

"She is not terminating the pregnancy. We do not stand for abortions" her mother came over to him.
"That's not what I am saying!" Jackson raised his voice. He was tired of them putting words in his mouth. He had never said he wanted to terminate the pregnancy, though it might be a reasonable option if that was the case. "I just want to talk to you, April! You haven't let me just talk to you."

"That's because you won't listen to me. Miracles happen, Jackson. My baby is fine and will be until tomorrow!" April finally said. "My baby. My body."

"And I'm the father! You can't just disregard me! I understand that it is your body, and you make the final decision. But I am here, and I am wanting to talk to you. To figure out the choices and the next step. Please, don't disregard me." April looked up at him, tears filling her vision. Shaking her head she ran towards the bedroom, unable to face him.
"Now look what you did, you made her upset. She needs to stay calm" her mom scolded him as she followed April into the bedroom. Slamming his fist down on the table, Jackson let out a frustrated sigh before grabbing his keys and leaving. The slammed door echoed through the apartment.

Driving to the hospital, Jackson realized how alone he was. He didn't have anyone that he could go talk to. No one would be on his side. Alex was too caught up with Wilson to care enough about Jackson. Callie and Arizona were battling their own problems, plus Arizona was their doctor and would be on April's side. Owen was most definitely on team April.

Jackson missed Mark. Mark would have had some piece of advice to give him, then offer to buy him a drink while they talked through it some more. Jackson was trying so hard to make a Plastics Posse but it kept falling through. Mark was irreplaceable and in times like this, all Jackson wanted was to see him one last time. To ask him one last thing. To get one last piece of advice.

Now at the hospital, Jackson was unsure of where to go. He didn't feel like picking up a shift and working in the E.R.. The E.R. was April's and being there would be a constant reminder of her. He had to go somewhere that April never was. Then he knew exactly where to go. April hadn't set foot in a research lab unless absolutely necessary so that is where he would go.

A hospital at night was usually very quiet and dark. It could sometimes be alarming how empty it felt at night but tonight, it was peaceful. But that didn't stop the anger he felt from bubbling to the surface. His pace increased as he stormed through the hall. He threw open the door to Meredith's lab not even realizing the light was on. "Oh Meredith" he remarked, startled to see her sitting at the 3-D printer. Why was she here this late at night? "I didn't think anyone would be here at this time of the night. I'm sorry." Jackson felt his mask failing, his emotions rising to surface on his face. "I'll just go."

"No, wait" Meredith called to him. "You obviously need to get away from someone so you can stay here." Jackson paused in the door considering his option, before turning back to Meredith. He could go home or stay here. Staying her sounded like a much better option. It was April free.

"Thank you," he whispered moving to the stool next to Meredith. He put his head in his hands as he leaned on the table.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked, observing the very upset man before her. Tears clouded his vision as he prepared to tell her what was wrong. He and Meredith had never been very close, their lives always took them away from each other and they weren't what he would consider to be close friends.

"April won't talk to me," Jackson started. "I just need a step one to get me to tomorrow. I just want to talk to her, to let her know how I feel and how she feels. But she won't let me talk to her."

"Would it help to talk to me?" Meredith offered.

"No, you must be busy," Jackson argued.

"I am watching a 3-D printer print. It's like watching paint dry," Meredith laughed. "I have all night." Jackson looked up at her, taking in the concerned smile she had on her face.

"The baby has Osteogenesis imperfecta. The tests come back tomorrow to reveal which type he has" Jackson began to talk through it. "I want to have a plan for whichever type he has, I want to talk to her about it and…"

"What would you say to April if she was here? What are your wishes?" Meredith interrupted him.

"I would say that I love her, and I love our baby. All I want is the best quality of life for him. I don't want his life to be painful. If he is type two then I think inducing labor is the best option. It will be hard but it will ease his pain and ours. We don't have to go through a full pregnancy knowing the death sentence that waits at the end, knowing that his bones are breaking while he is suppose to be in the safest place on earth. If he is any of the other types, then we will do everything possible to make him comfortable.

I just want to know what she wants. We are married, we are his parents. We have to work together to make the best decision for him. We can't just stop talking when things get hard."

That hit hard for Meredith. Jackson was right. When things get hard she couldn't just stop talking to Derek. She needed to communicate with him about what was happening in their lives. She loved him and she shouldn't let him go while they were angry at each other. Pulling out her phone, Meredith went to her music. "Stand up," she ordered Jackson.

"What?" he questioned.

"Stand up," she repeated. Once he was standing she turned on the music. "Now we are going to dance it out. I always dance when it gets hard, so dance it out." She started to dance, feeling that relief she always felt when she danced. It was proven that dancing makes someone feel better and for her it was completely true.

After a minute of watching Meredith dance, Jackson gave in. He started to dance it out with her and she was right. By the end of the song he felt a little bit better, more relaxed and happier. "Here's the plan," Meredith looked right into his eyes. "You are going to go with April tomorrow to the appointment. You are going to hold her hand when Arizona comes in with the test results. You are going to cry, whether it be of relief that it isn't type two or in agony that it is. You are then going to listen to what Arizona has to say. Then you will talk to April. Then you will see where she is at. Okay?"

"Okay," Jackson agreed. Now that he had a plan, everything felt better. Even if it wasn't the plan that he was looking for. "I just feel so alone in this. You know? Like I feel surrounded by all these people but not really with them. Like I am going through the motions of being with people but not actually with them. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes. I feel that way too. With Derek and Cristina gone, everything is just so empty. But there are still people who love me all around me" Meredith smiled. "But, I am here for you, Jackson. I can be your person if you need me to," Meredith opened her arms for a hug. Wrapping his arms around her, Jackson let himself feel okay again. He felt the loneliness start to disappear as he felt her arms wrap around him.

And it was the same with Meredith. She felt like there was another person in her life again. Someone who would gladly dance it out with her. Someone who understood this feeling of being strangely alone.