Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (rightfully owned by Masashi Kishimoto) nor any other implicated series, and I do not make any money out of this fiction. I will also add that any sections or phrases in this chapter that bear resemblance to works by the author are recreated in the same spirit of free usage and is not for profit.

A/N: Due to a serious case of writer's block on Hidden Inhumanity, I decided to type out the first chapter of one of my many unwritten fanfictions. By some coincidence, rather than a troubling preoccupation or obsession, this one also features Gaara as a central figure, although in a rather different light than my other work.

As the title suggests, this story takes inspiration from the One Piece character Sir Crocodile, particularly his Devil Fruit abilities. This will be the only point of crossover for the series so I have kept it in the Naruto area, rather than the Crossover one. No prior knowledge of One Piece is needed to understand this story as this small point of crossover will be fully explored in this story.

As with my other works, there will be no pairing in this one either.

I started another fiction, sometime last year I believe, which never amounted to much and could not rouse my continued interest. With any luck, this story will be able to sustain my attention alongside Hidden Inhumanity. As you may surmise, then, I make no promises to this fiction's longevity. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy it.

As you may have noticed, I have a wonderful piece of cover art already in place for this story. This has been another terribly generous donation by Spiral of Destiny, who has drawn a number of pieces of art for my other stories and even did the cover for my sequel story to Silent Humanity, Hidden Inhumanity.

This chapter is dedicated to Spiral of Destiny.

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It was so hot; the uncomfortable sweatiness that had plagued him earlier on his trek had long since dried up and now all that was left was the exhaustion and the vague sense that his mind was slowing down. He hadn't been a great thinker beforehand but now that his dehydration was nearing its final stages, he was struggling to remember how he had gotten here and where he was going.

He was aiming for something wet but any more specifics were lost to the haze.

He stumbled onto a path, or maybe it was a road; it was visibly indistinct from the surrounding dunes but it was pleasantly firm compared to the free sand that he had been trudging through for…

He had no idea how long he had been doing this… thing…

Walking. He was walking. That was the word.

He followed the road with no clue which direction he was travelling in, unable to look up to see if he was close to anything. He'd been fooled by mirages before (he was almost sure that had happened) and plus moving his head was beyond him right now. His legs were the priority.

He could feel his back and his neck cooking. He'd wrapped his shirt around his head as soon as he had escaped, but after the second sandstorm he had woken up half-buried and minus his shirt/headdress.

He couldn't bother himself to look anymore, but the last time he had checked, his arms had been bright pink and itched worse than the sweat had. He'd always thought he was impervious to sunburn when he was growing up, but here he was, learning the only lesson more painful than Iruka-sensei's patented four-hour history lectures.

Still, better pink/scarlet skin than grey. His skin had been grey when he first got out into the sun, before the burns had set in. If he was like the other grey-skinned boys who had been brought back in, his hair was probably white now too. Maybe it wasn't. The others with the white hair and grey skin had all died.

Maybe…

…It was too hot to think about things…

He would gladly trade all of his hair for the rest of his life for a single glass of water or half an hour under some shade.

This was hell, wasn't it? You were supposed to burn in hell, and here Naruto was burning. This was his punishment for stealing the scroll and betraying Jiji, and for everything that happened in that freak's cage.

He'd been walking on this blessedly firm road for somewhere between an hour and seven years. Even if this was his cursed afterlife, he could feel his legs starting to give out a little more each step. He knew, somehow, that if he collapsed here he would die.

With this inevitability in mind, Naruto summoned up the strength required to move his head and take a peek at something that wasn't his feet or the sand his feet were in contact with. He had never before had to make such a concerted effort to move a muscle, nor to straighten his neck, but now it took all of his rather stunted concentration to look to the horizon and see if he was near to an oasis or a cliff.

Either would be welcome.

Oh. Great… Another mirage…

He had to admit, the one in front of him was a lot more detailed than his last mirage. There were big walls and even little guards stood on them, and some buildings behind the walls.

Maybe there would be something to drink behind the mirage.

He finally collapsed, either his legs or his feet giving out. Worse than the sunburn, his feet were blistered and red all over the soles (that might have been the missing patches of skin), having been rubbed down by miles and miles of heated sand and rocks. After water and shade, some form of footwear would be high on Naruto's wish list.

He considered crawling now that he was on the ground, but what was the point?

Bloodied knees wouldn't make his head stop spinning or his throat stop burning. Might as well let himself get started mummifying.

"Who's this?"

Huh, the mirages were talking now…

Naruto remembered next to nothing about (anything, but especially about) what Iruka-sensei said about mirages, but he thought they didn't talk.

Weird. Anyway, back to dying.

"Just a kid. Got ditched by some traders, maybe? There aren't any Genin missing right now, are there?" The second mirage guard said.

"None that I know of. There was that boy the demon killed a couple weeks ago. No body. Maybe he got away."

"Nah, that one had black hair. I saw him on his way out with his group. Civilians always kick up a fuss when theirs disappear. This must be some trader's kid, then. Probably got raided on their way here."

"What if he's a spy?"

Naruto wished these mirages would stop talking already. Dying was turning out to be as painful as living in this desert.

"I don't know any village that would be willing to do this to a Genin just for infiltration. It's not like he's gonna see anything any of the other spies aren't already seeing in the village."

"He's not gonna be seeing anything at this rate. He looks like he's on death's door. Half tempted to put him out of his misery."

"Kazekage-sama is going to want to talk to him first, you know."

Naruto would never get around to dying if they wouldn't shut up. He rolled onto his back, which he immediately regretted as his sunburn flared up, as did his exhaustion and his headache. Plus now the sun was in his eyes, even though they were closed.

He cracked them open and searched through the flair to see the same blurry figures. Maybe they weren't a mirage after all. On the off chance they were real, Naruto tried to ask for water.

He managed to open his mouth, but his throat was as dry as his… well, everything. He couldn't even manage a croak, he just ended up breathing out in juddering gasps.

"I don't want to carry him. With my luck, he'll die on my back."

"You just don't want to carry him because then you have to deal with Misao-san again. How many rejections is it now?"

"Five. She'll say yes eventually. When I make Jounin, she'll be all over me."

"When you make Jounin, rain will fall and we'll have a meadow outside the walls."

"Screw you." He laughed.

"Alright, Rock, Paper, Scissors. Loser has to haul him to the Tower."

"Hold on. He'll croak." He pulled the canteen from his belt and Naruto had never concentrated so much on one item in all his life. He would have cried in relief if his tear ducts hadn't sealed shut two days ago.

His head was lifted and the canteen was placed at his lips. Water was tasteless and without scent, but at that moment Naruto smelled water for the first time in days and it was even better than Ramen.

Gods, he was delirious!

As it flowed into his mouth, just a drizzle, Naruto coughed. It was the greatest relief of his short life, but his body seemed to have forgotten the sensation of swallowing and he ended up coughing and spluttering. He tried again and managed to get a little down his throat. He continued in little gulps, but all too soon the bottle was taken away. He tried to hold onto it with his lips but he couldn't keep the canteen near him.

"Don't give him too much. He'll just throw it up when you're carrying him."

"Yeah, right, you're gonna be the one carrying him. Come, on. Quicker I can get rejected again, the quicker I can get back to staring at the dunes with you."

"Alright. Rock! Paper! Scissors!" They both revealed their hands. "Ah shit." He said. Paper beat rock.

He knelt down and considered how best to carry the urchin. He would prefer not to have him so close on his back, but carrying him bridal wasn't much better. He poked the skin and bones and realised how light a dehydrated boy was. He hefted the skeleton under his arm and started walking to the Kazekage's office.

It felt like it would snap the child's neck if he tried jumping onto one building he took it slow and walked along the streets.

Marching through the village with what looked like a child's corpse under one arm attracted a smidge more attention to him than he had anticipated but the rumour mill would spread the truth soon enough. Saving the life of some orphaned wretch wouldn't make him a hero but it should be good for at least one lay. The trick was not to waste his time on that frigid secretary, Misao like his partner. The bar near his apartment was much more fertile ground.

"Suno, what did you find this time?" A nearby Jounin asked, wandering over. He was probably on his way back from a mission.

"Kid wandered to the South Gate from the desert. Probably won't last much longer. Figured I'd give him to the system. Stop him cluttering up the gate, at least. Enough skulls around the place."

They both laughed and Suno continued onwards.

He made it to the Kazekage's office eventually, after three more stops and an inspection from the village leader's guards (to make sure the boy definitely wasn't an assassin or a spy, which they deemed him not to be since he was almost dead and thus not threat to anyone right now), he was admitted to see his busy commander.

"Kazekage-sama."

"What is it?" The man asked from behind his bamboo curtain.

"A child approached the village from the south, sir. He's halfway dead."

"Why did you bring him into the village? You should have let him die outside." The Kazekage had paperwork to do. Plus he had another report from Orochimaru to trawl through. It was trying, having to discern the kernel of truth in that Snake's missives filled with lies. He didn't need distractions like this.

Suno wasn't sure what he could say to that. If the Kazekage himself told him to dump a child outside of the walls to die in the sun, he would be forced to comply. These were not the times to try his hand at disloyalty.

"Who is he?" In the dim room, it was difficult even for the most powerful shinobi in Suna to see the boy now lying on the floor.

"I don't know, Kazekage-sama. He doesn't have any identification on him and his only clothing is a simple pair of shorts."

Rasa considered this. His village was going through hard times at the moment and with the plans he had in store, now was hardly the time to be taking in orphans from other countries. Weakness and expense had no place in Suna anymore. And then he thought back to something else. He was missing none of his own Genin but he had received two separate reports of missing children lately. One was from Sarutobi, which he would have happily dismissed offhand, and the other was from Orochimaru, which he dismissed with thought.

Now that he was presented with a missing child, he should probably check, if only so he knew which lies to tell when he killed the boy.

The Hokage had asked him to send out patrols to search for a missing Genin, apparently wary of upsetting their relations by sending his own (after almost certainly having sent his own and them having failed).

"What colour is his hair?"

"It looks white, sir. His skin is ashen, too, under the sunburn. It appears to be grey, sir." Suno reported.

"A Kumo boy?"

"I'm not sure, sir. I don't think so. His hair is right but his skin's not dark enough and his facial features don't look right. Maybe a mix?"

Regardless of this half-breed's nationality, he wasn't the tanned, blond Genin Sarutobi "lost" in his country. That meant the boy was the Snake's lost experiment. Orochimaru had claimed it was just an escaped prisoner who had not been used in his research yet, but Rasa was willing to bet all the gold in his pocket that this was another lie. There was no way that treacherous Sanin would have bothered mentioning the surely dead escapee if he weren't of some value.

Which meant he had some ability, maybe even a rare Kekkei Genkai. Or he was useless. Either way, a simple test would prove how valuable the boy was to the village, and with the test he had in mind, a failure would be taken care of immediately. However, it would have to wait. Even if it was a healing bloodline, it would require a few days of recovery before any exhibition could be reasonably expected.

"Take him to the Iryō-nin, tell them he has two days to recover and then he is to be brought to me."

Suno swallowed the lump in his throat. Having the boy looked at by medical-nin was good but it would be useless if he was killed by Kazekage-sama in two days. Still, no point in questioning orders. Kid wasn't his problem anymore.

"Yes, sir." He picked the boy back up, wondering whether it would more merciful to "accidentally" drop the boy on his way to the hospital and let him die peacefully in a back alley rather than whatever Rasa-sama had in store.

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Naruto awoke, which was an unexpected development, out of the sun and without that terrible feeling of sand against his parched skin that had pervaded his senses for the last week, month, year, however long he had been wandering the desert without water. Everything still hurt but the hurt was much better than it had been. His throat still felt like an unused litter tray and he had no energy.

The twelve-year-old turned his head, which was on a pillow of all things, to see he was in some sort of hospital. Shit! Had he been sent back to Konoha?!

He tried to jerk his head in every direction to see what was around him but that only gave him a neck ache. He went slower and saw the same basic hospital set-up that had been in his home village but it also looked a little different. The IV running into his arm was the same as he had seen in Konoha, as were the sheets and the boring ceiling tiles, but the window let some light through the blinds and it was more blinding than his wonderfully moderate home was. Plus he could smell, behind the industrial disinfectant, the smell of sand.

Thank goodness, he hadn't been sent back to Konoha. Even if he was destined to be executed in this village, wherever it was, it was better than being killed in his home. Better than being condemned by the few people who had trusted him in the world. They all thought he was a traitor now thanks to Mizuki-teme and he had no proof of anything else. Fact of the matter was, he had betrayed the village and stolen that scroll.

So, if he was in a hospital, maybe they weren't going to kill him. Why bother healing him to behead him later? Naruto thought.

He must have been in the Village Hidden in the… Rocks? No, that was Iwa…

Hidden in the Dunes?

No, that wasn't it.

Ah, Village Hidden in the Sand! That was it. In Kaze no Kuni!

Were they allies or enemies of Konoha? Would they hand him back or kill him?

Wait, how would they know it was him? Even if he was in the Bingo Book (and he was definitely going to be looking for one of those soon to see which picture the used for his S-Rank entry), his skin and hair were different now. He didn't have anything from home on him, so maybe they wouldn't know.

What if they let him join Suna's ninja?! If they were allies, he wouldn't have to fight Konoha-nin or anything, and he could just hide if he ever met anyone from there!

But would they even let him? They didn't know he'd failed his graduation tests, but they probably had their own…

Gods his throat was still dry. They were pumping water in his arm, it looked like, but couldn't they have left him a glass of water or something? Hell, he'd settle for some of that disgusting tea Jiji drank.

Not that he'd ever get to drink that tea again…

He finally had enough water in his body to let loose a tear which he hastily rubbed into his pillow with his cheek. He was supposed to impress these shinobi, not let them think he was some sort of cry-baby.

"Ah, you're awake." A doctor had poked his head in while Naruto was distracted, an embarrassing lax since he was supposed to be showing off his ninja skills. He tried to pretend he had known the man was there.

"Ugh, ug ack." He tried to say nonchalantly, only to realise his voice was still gone.

"I'll get you some water. You're being fed through your IV at the moment but it won't help your throat." The kindly doctor held the glass to his cracked lips and he greedily drank what little was poured his way. "Not too much. You've been asleep for two days but you're doing quite well." He propped Naruto up with some pillows. "Kazekage-sama has ordered that you be brought to him in three hours. It would be in your best interests if you can walk and speak by then."

The concern evident on the man's face made Naruto think this Kazekage person was not a kindly as his Hokage had been.

Over the next two hours, Naruto practiced moving his sluggish arms and his bandaged feet under the thin bed sheet while periodically working very hard to reach for the glass of water on the bedside cabinet. The doctor who had not offered his name nor asked Naruto's had left him to his exercises, probably to see his other patients.

Naruto was finding it easier the more he moved his stiff body, although he could feel the heavy amount of bandages and other protections over his feet, arms, neck and back. With the amount of care they had given him, he was feeling more and more confident in his assessment that they probably weren't going to kill him immediately (unless he gave them a good reason to).

By the time the doctor came back in, Naruto had taken two steps on the cool tile floor before retreating to the supportive bed. Even standing still, he'd felt like a soft wind could knock him on his face, which was perfect since he happened to be in Wind.

"It's time. I can help you get there but you will have to walk into the tower on your own. Do not disappoint Kazekage-sama, for both our sakes." The doctor was more worried than Naruto thought was necessary.

How mean could the village leader be if he had been acknowledged by everyone here?

The doctor, whose name Naruto would ask for if he saw him again after this ominous meeting, pulled Naruto's arm over his shoulder and helped him out of the hospital. Naruto would have happily swapped for a wheelchair but beggars couldn't be choosers. With how diminished he felt after simply walking to the elevator, he couldn't risk sending away his helpful doctor.

He garnered a number of curious looks from the hard faces of the Suna citizens, for the second time that week, he was unaware. Walking was painful, as was pretty much everything at the moment, but he persevered without letting himself show too much pain. He had a chance to start anew here, and here they wouldn't know he was the deadlast. And they wouldn't know about him being the Kyubi.

The doctor led him to the biggest building in the village and said his farewells, evidently eager not to have to face the Kazekage himself.

In Naruto's mind he started to conjure images of an even older, grumpier Jiji, scowling with sharpened teeth poking out.

He limped as fast he could through the door, drawing even more conspicuous stares from the shinobi working in the building. The fact that none of them stepped in to help him or stop him probably meant that he was expected and he best not be late.

Unlike the hospital, there were no elevators here so he winced as he climbed every step, wishing dearly for another week of bed rest. It was as he reached the top of the first flight of stairs that he realised he did not know where he was going but unlike the ground floor, the upper areas seemed to be deserted, which meant he had no one to ask for directions.

The thought of going down stairs only to have to come right back up was beyond him right now so he continued his ascent figuring it would be like Jiji's tower and the Kage's office would be on the top floor somewhere, probably behind a scary secretary.

As it turned out, thankfully, he was wrong, as he only had to climb to the fourth floor, around halfway up the tower, before he encountered a busier area and a suitably strict-looking kunoichi manning a desk. Worse came to worse, he would just be told to climb another five hundred flights of stairs.

He wheezed as he hobbled along the hardwood floor to the desk.

"I was told to report to the Kazekage." He rasped. Even though he had managed to drink his fill under the doctor's watchful eye, he was still parched.

"You're late." She said, sparing him only one glance before getting up and going to introduce the visitor and explain that the delay was in no way her fault.

"He's waiting for you. Remember your place." She said, unsure whether the boy would know how to address a Kage, especially her employer/commander who was particular about the respect shown to him.

He nodded to her, saving what little voice he had for his forthcoming interrogation. He just needed to remember what he had planned to say since he woke up.

Inside the office was nothing like Jiji's light and cluttered working room, this was more like what he imagined a Daimyo's audience chamber might look like. There was a shadowed figure sitting behind a bamboo curtain which Naruto presumed was the Kazekage.

He entered, careful not to stumble, and slowly sank into seiza, wincing as sitting on his burned calves made the skin irritations flare up.

"What is your name?" The Kazekage's voice was gruff but younger than he expected.

So, now to start his carefully formulated but intentionally vague backstory…

Crap, he forgot to come up with a fake name!

Quickly, as quickly as his brain was ever able to work, he tried to summon as many boys names as he could. Sasuke was out, so was Kiba, and Chouji didn't sound right, Shikamaru was a silly name to begin with, nothing like his majestic name. But what could he use?! Naruto was an outlaw name now, so he would call himself…

He'd been pausing too long now, he needed something other than Naruto, but it was all he could think of.

"Menma, sir."

Crap! He hated menma, especially when they got caught in his teeth. Damn, and now he was stuck with it.

"Menma? That was the best you could do, a ramen topping?" Rasa consider making the boy tell him his real name, but it wouldn't be of any use to him anyway. "Foolish child. Lie to me again and I will send to my torturers. Why are you here?"

"I would like to join your village, Kazekage-sama." Naruto said, bowing into dogeza and trying not to think too hard about torture methods.

"You would ask to join my village but what use do I have for a half-dead street rat with no possessions or name?"

"I'm a shinobi, sir. A Genin." With any luck, that lie would not be the breaking of him, Naruto thought. "I was trained by Gezo-sensei. He was a nuke-nin from Kusagakure but he was killed and I ended up in the desert."

"I've never heard of him. So you're a half-dead, half-trained disciple of some no-name Chunin missing-nin who did not rate a place in the Bingo Book? As a foreigner, you could never be trusted with any of my village's important secrets, you could not survive a trek through the desert, you are probably weaker than even a fresh Genin, so what reason do I have to admit you to my shinobi?"

"I can fight, sir." Naruto knew he wasn't supposed to contradict the man, but he still had some slither of pride left over from before his time in that cage. "And I'm fast, and I…" He had hoped the offer of cheap labour would be a good enough draw here. He hadn't expected to have to sell himself like this. Suddenly the boastful boy came up short in front of the terrifying village leader.

"Is that all?" Rasa was about ready to send the boy back to Orochimaru at this rate. His tentative ally would most likely play at being grateful for delivering the boy back to him, whereas so far the boy had shown no interesting or valuable abilities. His doctors had found no physiological abnormalities either, so there was no reason not to let the Snake continue his nefarious experiments.

"Um, well, there is one other thing." Naruto could sense the danger in the air. It was now or never. "I can turn rocks into sand by touching them." He wished he could say more of this technique he didn't remember learning, but the only time he had managed to use it was when he first received it and that had been by accident.

"You can create sand?" Rasa could not imagine a less useful ability in the desert if he tried. Outside of the desert it might be marginally more useful. This Menma boy must have been a work in progress, or else Rasa had overestimated the magnitude of Orochimaru's research findings.

"I think so, I only did it the once. I destroyed the room I was in."

"Very well," said the Kazekage from behind his obscuring bamboo curtain.

"I will allow you to take an entrance test. If you pass you can join as a Genin in my forces." Naruto nearly jumped out of his skin when the voice of the Kazekage came from right behind him. He spun his head around and found a man standing only a foot away, wearing a blue version of the Hokage's robes and hat. Naruto glanced back and there was still the same robed shadow behind the curtain. Did that mean he had been addressing a fake the entire time?

That didn't speak well for his abilities.

"What is the test sir?" Please don't say Bunshin, please don't say Bunshin, please don't say Bunshin!

"A sparring match with my youngest son. He is around your age but is already a Genin. I will observe and decide your fate."

"Thank you, sir, Kazekage-sama. I won't let you down!" Naruto smiled when he heard the merciful test.

Rasa didn't bother responding. He had been expecting something much more than this these past two days after having reread the vagaries of Orochimaru's scroll concerning the missing boy. He had thought he would be gaining some powerful abilities the Snake didn't want him controlling, instead he got a boy who could turn some of his country's rare rocks into more sand. He might send the remains of the boy back to his partner in crime after the demon was through with him.

Naruto had fallen into a less than dignified heap when he tried standing from his seiza position. He got to his feet as quickly as he could, hoping his new boss had not seen that blunder but suspecting he would have known about it even without seeing. Jiji always seemed to know things he shouldn't have. It made anonymous pranking impossible.

"Where is Gaara right now?" The Kazekage asked his secretary.

"Training field number four, with his team and sensei." She responded automatically, knowing offhand.

"I will be back in under an hour. Have the new regulation proposals prepared for my signature by then." He walked on without a parting word. Naruto nodded at her as he followed.

Naruto enjoyed going down the stairs compared to climbing them but the pace the village leader was moving at was less pleasant. All he could do was hope the Kazekage would make allowances for his ill-health during the sparring match. As it was, Naruto feared he would collapse upon arrival, regardless of how strong his opponent was.

It was a strange thing. Less than forty-five minutes ago, Naruto had walked these same streets and attracted all sorts of stares, but now that he was in the company of Suna's best shinobi, not one look in his general direction. It was a far cry from the way civilians used to run up to chat with Jiji whenever he was walking about Konoha.

People were running in the other direction here.

Since the gods never tired from laughing at Naruto's misfortunate, it came as no surprise when they had to walk almost to the edge of the village to find their aim.

"Kazekage-sama!" The supervising Jounin snapped his salute out as soon as the Kazekage was within sight. Two of the others, teenagers, also followed suit, in a noticeably less crisp manner. The last, the redhead who was probably Naruto's opponent since he looked about the same age, made no move at all, in fact he even seemed to glare.

Naruto guessed that was a privilege of being the intimidating leader's own son. The scary really ran strong in the family, though. The kid was all glares all the time. If Naruto didn't know any better, he would think this guy wanted to kill everyone he saw.

"Wait here." The Kazekage walked over and explained the test to the Genin team and their instructor, but Naruto was starting to get a bad feeling about this when they kept glancing over at him like he had the plague.

Rasa stepped back with his two children and Baki to watch the "match". He had told Gaara to fight the boy, fully expecting a death within two minutes if the other boy was lucky. With this blood sacrifice, the demon should avoid attacking civilians for a week or two.

Rasa's eyes narrowed when he observed "Menma" bow with his fist and palm together in a distinctly Konoha fashion. Probably just something he saw a real shinobi trainee do, or something his no-name sensei taught him. Or maybe he was originally a Konoha runaway and joined up with a missing-nin. If he lasted all five minutes of the sparring match, he would ask.

Likely as it was…

"I'm Menma." Naruto introduced himself, as was polite.

"…" The boy stared with those serial-killer eyes of his. Maybe he was just racist and didn't like foreigners, Naruto mused. The hostility was still better than Sasuke-teme's haughty disdain, that was for sure.

"Begin!" He commanded.

Naruto sunk into his defensive stance, unsure of what his opponent would use in this fight. They had been told they were free to use anything, except lethal force Naruto assumed. The weird panda boy would probably attack head on and then Naruto could dodge and attack from the flank.

The cork of the panda's gourd flew off, putting Naruto in mind of a giant carbonated drink, but instead of cola flowing out, Naruto's least favourite substance came flying towards him. He jumped out of the way of the sand that impacted the ground where he had been stood and immediately made a dash for the caster.

He was just as fast as he promised, his adrenalin drowning out the dull throbbing of his burns and lethargy his dehydration had him spelled under still. He was upon the hostile redhead before he could even turn his head. He reached back to deliver a solid punch to his face, smiling at the notion that he could finish this sparring match so swiftly against an obviously competent opponent, when more sand rose from the gourd and block his attack.

His knuckle felt broken as he jumped away again, he held it in his other hand. He had attacked in the Kazekage's son's blind spot but somehow the sand-user had still blocked his attack. It might have been instinct but Naruto doubted it.

He was getting the impression he had bitten off more than he could chew. He risked a look at his prospective employer and those dark eyes were familiar now, they held the same condescension he had known all throw his schooling by that bastard Mizuki. The look he had belatedly identified as the expectation that he would fail.

Shit!

He kept dodging the sand that almost crushed him half a dozen times and he found no further opportunities to get close to the over-powered Genin. He spotted a stray rock and dove to grab it in his bruised hand. He briefly gave consideration to using whatever power he had to turn it into sand, but other than the fact that he did not know how to use that ability, he decided having a handful of sand on a sandy courtyard, facing a guy who could control the substance, would be less useful than having a decent sized rock to throw.

He kept up his dodging routine but there were more near-misses as time went on. He wished there was a clock close by, sure that four and a half minutes had to have passed by now, but in reality less than two had ticked by. He managed to skirt around the stationary opponent and then threw the rock as hard as he could as the redhead's back. It would hurt like hell but it served him right for using his sand so recklessly.

Some of those sand attacks could have killed him!

But the rock bounced off of the sand barrier like his fist had. Was someone else controlling the sand? It had to be, which meant that this was not a fair test!

He was about to stop and complain about this blatant cheating when his next jump didn't work. He looked down to see why he hadn't made it off the ground and he panicked, his foot was stuck.

It was impossible to discern the sand of the courtyard and the sand his enemy was using, so he had jumped right into it and now it was climbing all of his body until he was totally encased with just his face showing.

"Okay, I concede. Good match. Cool justu." Naruto smiled nervously. He would have mouthed off about this injustice here and now but those crazy eyes were still looking at him like he had insulted the guy's mother, so Naruto thought diplomacy was worth a shot for a change.

"My name is Gaara and I'm going to kill you." Gaara raised his splayed hand and Naruto knew that wasn't a good sign.

"Come on, I'm sorry about the rock. I didn't have any practice kunai…"

No more words, Gaara stared for a moment longer and then clenched his fist. The sand covered Naruto's face and then crushed him.

Temari averted her eyes while Kankuro shut his. They both knew better than to actually turn their heads with their father there. He kept telling them they had to forge strong hearts so they had to witness what the demon that killed their mother was capable of.

Baki looked stony as ever, more than used to both his student's and his commander's behaviours by now.

Gaara looked peeved, maybe even downright angry. That was unusual following one of his killings, Temari thought. Normally this was the one time they could tell him to do anything, when his bloodlust had been sated temporarily. Now he looked worse than ever.

She stared at the scene and tried to work out what was so wrong to upset her little brother.

"What's up with Gaara? He looks pissed." Kankuro eloquently surmised.

"I don't know. Something's not right."

She stared for a moment longer and then it clicked, "It's the blood. Whenever he performs his Sand Burial technique, blood flies everywhere." More than once she had needed to take a shower because she had been standing too close to her baby brother. Blood stains were impossible to get out of silk once they were set, sadly.

Both teens looked to their elders but they seemed less interested in why the youngest Sand Sibling was so discontent, in fact they had started off towards the Kazekage tower, discussing the reason for this display.

"What should we do?" Kankuro asked, keeping one eye on Gaara as he shifted his sand about to find either the blood or the now missing husk.

"Do you think he managed to escape somehow?" She asked.

"You saw that match, right? Kid couldn't have been more than an academy drop out. There's no way he got out of that technique in time. Plus, do you think father would have let him go if he did?"

She agreed with that. Still, this left the problem in front of them. "I was hoping he would be in a good enough mood I could get him to shampoo his hair tonight."

"Good luck with that." Kankuro said with a grim smile. They had been left in charge of their little brother since they were teamed up, which essentially boiled down to feeding him, staying out of his way when he was in a bad mood, and making sure he looked after himself. And doing his laundry.

Try telling a homicidal demon-host to do his own laundry. That had been tried by his last caretaker before it was decided Gaara would automatically graduate to a Genin and was his teammates'/siblings' problem.

Their first task had been to clean up the last carer.

"Nothing to be done about it now. Let's leave him here and get something to eat. He won't be hungry until later anyway. We'll get him something on our way back he can have tonight." He said.

"We're going to have to come back and get him afterward, you know. When he's like this I don't like leaving him out in the open. Someone might wander by too close. You remember that guy two months ago."

"That painter?"

"Yeah. He walked through Gaara's favourite play park and got crushed because he didn't see him sitting there. And he's in a much worse mood today."

"Okay, we can come and see if he'll move in a couple hours."

"I have some spare money from the stipend this week. I'll get him a cactus as well. That might cheer him up a bit."

"He's got enough cactuses."

"Cacti." She corrected with a smile, swinging her fan onto her back. "And I'd like to hear any better ideas."

"I don't have anything, I just don't want to bump into another one of them when I clean his room."

"Like you ever clean his room!" She accused, smiling again. "What are you in the mood for?"

"Anything but ramen. It'll just remind me of that guy." Kankuro smirked. He'd always had the darker sense of humour.

They set off, trying to move their minds and their conversation temporarily away from their troubled little brother still stood rooted to his spot in the training ground, staring at his sand as it continued to shift and spasm above his head.

"So, what do you think happened to that guy? No blood is weird, but no body left over is inexplicable." Temari said.

"Did you see the kid's hair and skin? Maybe he had some sort of bloodline. Maybe he was made of stone or something."

"That would explain why father bothered giving him to Gaara. Whatever was supposed to happen, I don't think it did."

"Whatever." Kankuro dismissed. It didn't matter anymore. "Let's get Barbecue."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Mother was unhappy. She protected him and he killed the pest for her but there was no blood.

There was supposed to be blood.

Even Temari and Kankuro agreed there was supposed to be blood and they were fools. The day after that boy failed to feed mother, he felt the need rising again and went for a walk.

He had happened across a trader from outside of the village, which Baki had told him were better prey for some reason, so he decided to kill him. The man screamed, Gaara laughed, mother roared, and the sand imploded. But there was still no blood.

It was like what he imagined a bad dream would be like.

He told Temari to explain it to him, and then Baki, since they would usually know something, even if they were fools, but they were more useless than ever. He tried explaining his problem to Kankuro but he was never any help.

The out-of-town trader had left a husk, but it was dried out completely and his sand was still thirsty.

It made no sense.

He destroyed two buildings because he had a headache and one of the Kazekage's men appeared. He might have been an assassin or just a scout, but he killed him too and it still wasn't working. How could he prove his existence if there was no blood?

Mother was mad at him too. The pain wouldn't go away until he fed her and he needed blood to do that. He tried one last time, killed another weakling, and when the same non-result occurred, he ground his hand against his throbbing temple and tried to stay calm. The Kazekage would send more people to kill him if he lost control again.

His team had stopped taking missions because he couldn't be trusted not to kill clients of civilians. He was being followed all of the time to make sure he didn't attack any more innocent bystanders.

His idiot brother and useless sister were bothering him about something in the afternoon of the fourth day after that gnat had placed the second curse on him and stolen blood from mother forever. He had decided to discard the sand he had been carrying for over a year and a half since it had to be the problem.

The sand was supposed to be an extension of mother but it wasn't and it was greedily drinking all of mother's blood. Still, it was a waste to throw away sand he had saturated with chakra for so long.

He unclipped his gourd, silencing his teammates, and let it smash on the floor under its own weight. He walked to the other end of the courtyard so he wouldn't accidentally collect any of the same faulty sand in his new gourd.

"It's going to be okay, Gaara. Right, Kankuro? I'm sure it will be fine now, so please stay calm." Temari would not shut up.

With a look at them both, Gaara stopped the kabuki idiot from saying anything. Why did he keep them around?

He would reconsider that question after he got this problem sorted. He wouldn't want to waste their deaths if they couldn't even please mother with them. They would be somewhat more formidable than other weaklings, much better quality sacrifices.

Temari and Kankuro had seen that look in Gaara's eyes before; the look that said he was considering whether or not they would be fun to kill. It was usually a good indicator that they should take an extended mission outside of the village for a couple of weeks without him.

They watched him gather sand from the ground to make into a new weapon but their eyes were drawn back to the other end of the yard, to where he had dropped his gourd and where the discarded sand was now shifting. Being a windy country, it could be dismissed as the sand simply settling, but with the troubles their little brother was having and how erratic he was on a good day, they split their attentions in case today their teammate had finally settled on killing them both.

Gaara was focussing on his new sand, trying to force as much of his and mother's chakra into it at the outset so it wouldn't slow him down if he needed to defend himself from assassins tonight since he was probably going to have to defend himself from assassins tonight…

Wait, he heard sand moving and it wasn't him…

He snapped around, fear painting his expression, just as the mound of sand had ceased repeatedly settling. It was silent and still in the courtyard, even the wind had slowed. With a glance to make sure his intrusive team members weren't doing anything, which they assuredly weren't for their own sakes, he approached his old sand, pulling his new batch on with him.

The first fleck of gold he saw in the mound and he would destroy everything within a mile. He'd suspected the Kazekage's technique of being behind his troubles. All of his troubles, but especially the blood disappearance.

Something was emerging from the mound now, but what could it be…?

It didn't make sense. If things didn't start making sense soon, he would let mother come out and deal with it.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Naruto had never liked dark cramped spaces. He had been locked in closets a fair few times when he was in the Academy, and after his time in that prison (or was it a laboratory?), that claustrophobia had been kicked into high gear. Anything that reminded him of that place made his adrenalin surge and his desire to flight kick in.

Sadly, when the sand had finished covering his face, blocking from view the crazed malice in that creepy redhead's expression, Naruto was in no position to run. All he could do was squirm in his binds and wait for the match to be called, for his loss to be assumed, and for the technique to let him out.

Naruto didn't feel the sand crush his body into nothing. It was too fast for his brain to perceive. One second he was cramped and struggling, and then all was darkness.

Naruto thought he was dead. It wasn't like his delirium in the desert where he was just suffering and pitying himself, here he felt like he was in void, inarticulate and ephemeral. He could barely string together thoughts, taking an eternity to piece together a working cognition: that he was nowhere. He didn't have a body, but since he had no eyes with which to check this state, it was still only a theory.

Over the course of a couple days of eternity, Naruto began to piece together more thoughts, almost an intact consciousness. But still his placeless insubstance continued.

Another day of eternity and he began to get vague sensations of light and heat, all so obscured it was like being carried out into the sun with one's eyes closed. And then came physical sensation, of shifting and moving, but without any point of reference.

He was still so thirsty. It wasn't like his time in the desert, it was a cold thirst where he knew he wanted to drink but did not need to.

With the introduced external reference points, Naruto could keep track of the time better, so his many eternities became minutes and hours with events to fill them.

It was still boring as hell, clinging to these small and intangible sensations.

He tried to exert himself, to figure out what he could do in this dim afterlife, the latest one. He had gone from his cage hell, to his desert hell, to this dark void hell, and he was starting to get pissed off. Demon or not, traitor to his village or not, he did not deserve to go from one hell to another.

Let him at least stick with one and be done with it.

And then came a splash of… water? Something like that. He couldn't drink it because he didn't seem to have a mouth, but letting it wash over him was a massive relief. And then it happened again and again, always preceded by the feeling that he was being moved.

The more he tried, the more he felt like he was moving something, that when he exerted his will he was rewarded with the same sensation of action. Maybe he had just been injured by that red-haired freak?! He was probably in some hospital recovering or something like that.

And then it came. It felt like a weight had been taken off his him, that ropes were no longer binding his arms and his legs and his chest. A restriction he didn't even know he had been under was gone and suddenly he felt like he could move more than ever.

He did what he had been doing, so much easier now, and tried to make some semblance of a real movement and it worked!

He tried to stand up, which was hard because he had to remember what it was like to have legs and to be able to move them. It pained him to know that if it had been Sasuke or Shikamaru, they probably would have been able to pull themselves together in a second.

Thinking was never going to be Naruto's greatest strength. His indomitable will might be, though.

But the more he forced himself, the more he felt himself reassert, becoming solid and real again.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Gaara watched the sand crumble and build, as if there were some object beneath the small pile trying to push itself to the top. And then the sand, his sand, gained cohesion and was able to build until it was a pile as tall as Gaara. It stopped there. Another look towards the other two to make sure they had nothing to do with this farce proved they were just as dumbfounded.

The pillar shifted and then started to crumble in areas that revealed finer details, details that looked distinctly human.

Gaara was one step away from killing this interloper and then the last of the sand fell away, leaving a perfectly formed human figure, the colour faded into it and Gaara's outstretched, waiting hand dropped to his side.

There stood a boy, drenched in blood, with hair a red as his own and it all made sense. Gaara was his mother's child, and his mother was in the sand. He had fed blood to mother and she had created someone else. Logically…

"Otouto." Gaara said, looking at the newly birthed boy from out of the sand, his newborn brother.

"What did he just say?" Kankuro whispered, not trusting his ears. Temari just watched avidly, her hand reaching behind herself to her fan in case he was hostile.

"What did you say, 'ttebayo?" Naruto asked, woozy from his transformation.

Gaara stepped forward, bug-eyed and cautious.

"Um, what happened?" Naruto asked, looking around. Suddenly the boy who tried to kill him was staring at him even more creepily than he had been before and walking up to him. Was that whole thing a Genjutsu, had he dreamed being in that void?

"Brother." Gaara said, putting his hand against Naruto's chest definitively.

Naruto squirmed at the strangely intimate touch, and tried to work out why this weirdo, who he had only met today (or possibly four days ago) was asserting they were brothers.

"You've got me confused with someone else. I just got here." Naruto laughed, rubbing the back of his head and trying to diffuse some of the tension that was seeping out of the psycho in front of him. His hand came away covered in the remnants of blood his hospital issue clothes seemed to be saturated in. Gross.

"Look, I'm just going to go and ask the Kazekage if I can take my test again with someone else. I suck with Genjutsu, you know?" He took a step straight back, out of the weirdo's reach and looked to see where his future employer had moved to. How long had he been under that illusion?

Now that he was really looking, wasn't he in a different training field? And why was he covered in what he could only assume was blood? Another shudder passed through him. He needed a bath pronto, preferably before he found Kazekage-sama.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" Kankuro asked, not able to tear his eyes away from the spectacle playing out. Gaara had just initiated physical contact with someone, which Kankuro had not seen since Uncle Yashamaru had been killed. And why was Gaara calling this strange ramen kid 'Brother'. Hell, he didn't even call Kankuro brother; it was usually just some generic insult or glaring at him.

"Don't ask me why, but I think Gaara believes that guy is our brother."

"What? Why would he think that?" Sure, Gaara was emotionally stunted and a bit naïve, but he wasn't stupid and his delusions were pretty focussed.

"I just told you I don't know why." She ground out. "Wait, it couldn't be because that kid's hair is red, could it?"

"It is the same shade, but it's just hair. Although, he did come out of the sand. You know how Gaara is about his sand."

"So should we tell him or let that guy do it?" She asked.

"Leave it with that guy. It's his problem; let Gaara kill him."

"It's a shame. Somehow the guy survives being crushed by Gaara and now this." She sighed.

"Some people just have no luck." Kankuro sighed as well. So much for team training today… It had been a long shot to begin with since Gaara had been in that mood.

Gaara had let his hand drop down and was now circling around his object of interest. His little brother had been born out of the sand so they were family, not like the Kazekage and his teammates who were corrupt and wanted him dead. Mother loved him and had given him a brother.

What was he supposed to do with him? He wasn't supposed to kill him, Gaara assumed. What else did one do with someone?

Wait, where was he going?

Naruto was seriously freaked out. He was tempted to just ditch this village for a nicer one, with less psychopaths and a more agreeable climate. One that was suited to sustaining life, unlike this country's.

"Stay here, Otouto." Gaara commanded. He still needed to figure out what brothers did.

"Look, Gaara or whatever your name is, I'm not your brother, okay?" Naruto was losing his patience. The freak could stare at him with all of his malice and pent up crazy, but he was done here.

Gaara tilted his head. Why was his brother saying he wasn't his brother?

A look at Temari and Kankuro proved it was a confusing statement. Or they were just idiots, which was equally likely.

His brother was walking away and when Gaara stepped forward, his brother jumped forward, aiming for a roof. Gaara's first instinct was to send out his sand to destroy the fleeing target. He caught his brother's leg in his sand and automatically crushed it. After the moment had passed and he was dragging the absconder back to him, he realised he should not have maimed his brother either.

He thought hard about what family meant but all he had was mother, and the other ones who hated him.

Temari and Kankuro had watched the rejection with resignation, and then when the boy tried to flee they already knew how it would end. When the sand crushed his leg, they winced and then they started thinking of what to do with the rest of their days. Temari was thinking about polishing her fan casing, and Kankuro was calculating how much makeup he had left at home and if he needed to buy another pot from that smirking salesgirl.

"He's not screaming." Kankuro observed. "First there's no blood or body, and now he's not in pain from a crushed leg. He's definitely doing something." He was ready to deploy Karasu at a moment's notice.

Naruto had thought he would escape but he felt his leg get caught mid-jump. He looked back but where his leg should have been encased in sand from the thigh down, it looked like his leg had merged with the sand. He tried scraping away the sand but he seemed to have dug into where his leg was supposed to be encased. His leg had turned into sand!

"Oi! What did you do to my leg?!" He screamed as the sand finished pulling him back and left him hanging in front of the psycho.

Gaara was as perplexed as all of his (real and fake) siblings. He couldn't turn into sand, to the best of his knowledge, so why could his baby brother do it? As he watched the dangling, flailing, yelling, teenager sway to and fro, he decided it didn't matter.

He let his brother drop to the ground with some of the attached sand and it puffed out into a cloud before retracting and settling back into Naruto's leg.

"What did you do to me, teme?" Naruto was confused and angry, poking his leg to make sure it was solid and glaring his accusation at the sand freak.

"Brother." Gaara insisted. Teme was an insult. He had to teach his little brother things like this. Yashamaru had been his family, before the attempted murder, so he was a semi-viable role model. Plus, it seemed he couldn't kill his little brother even if he wanted to. He was the perfect brother because he wouldn't be killed.

Naruto didn't seem to be paying attention to the scolding.

Gaara kicked Naruto in the head, sending him back from his seat on the ground to lie flat of his back, clutching his forehead.

"I am your brother. Not teme." Gaara said. If his brother would not listen to him, Gaara would have to teach him differently from Yashamaru's patient methods.

"Woah." Kankuro commentated.

"Shut up, Kankuro. This is bad. We need to tell Baki-sensei or father about this before it goes any further."

"Why? They seem perfect together. He might even balance Gaara out and Gaara can't kill him. I say let him stay and get crushed a few times."

"It's not healthy!" Temari insisted. Part of her resented how easily Gaara accepted this stranger as his brother when he shunned her and Kankuro and threatened to kill them. If he weren't so proud, Kankuro probably would have felt the same way. "Plus what if that kid starts telling Gaara to do things? We can't just let some bloodline foreigner influence Gaara like that!"

"Maybe you're right." Kankuro conceded. "But what can we do? What could anybody do? Gaara will kill anybody that tells him any different, and unlike that guy over there, we won't grow back!"

"Father will do it. He can control Gaara when he loses control."

"You trust father to do it?" Kankuro whispered that part.

Temari glanced at Kankuro, silently agreeing with his scepticism. "What choice do we have?"

Naruto clutched his aching head and looked up at the dangerous and clearly crazy boy. He looked again at the spectators but the older teens seemed entirely disinterested in helping him out of this situation. He couldn't run because he got caught, he couldn't fight because this guy was way stronger than he was, and he couldn't tell him the truth because apparently that earned him a kick to the head.

Revision: cage hell - desert hell - void hell - hell populated by crazy people intent on driving him insane too.

All he needed was a hell where he was chased by ghosts and he would have bingo.

He stood up again and slumped his shoulders. There was no avoiding this. He tried to remember the guys name again.

"So, what now, Gaara?" Naruto asked politely. Clearly teme was a taboo word from now on. Thank gods Sasuke wasn't here.

Gaara leaned forward and slapped him around the side of the head. "Brother." It hadn't been a curse word so he wouldn't kick his learning little brother in the head this time, Gaara thought.

Naruto stared at this deluded redhead and considered slugging him for slapping him, but that gourd sat on his back warned him against it.

"Right… so, what now, onii-san?" This was demeaning.

Gaara considered. He had taught his little brother a valuable lesson about swearing and taught him to call him brother, so next he should…

He should take him to a bath house. Yashamaru used to make him clean up after he got dirty, and Temari insisted that he clean all of the blood off of himself at regular intervals, so that was what they would do.

"You need to bathe. Come with me." Gaara walked in a random direction since he did not know where any bath houses were. He usually showered at home.

Naruto still wanted to protest, against both this situation and the fact that he was supposed to follow orders, but he had to admit that he would indeed like to have a bath.

"He's taking him to a bath house." Kankuro was stunned.

"You keep an eye on them, make sure he doesn't say anything suspicious to Gaara and I will alert father."

"I have to watch Gaara play house?"

"Yes. And have a bath too while you're there." She commanded, leaving immediately. That kabuki costume was dramatic (that's what Kankuro insisted, anyway) but it didn't have much in the way of ventilation.

He frowned and followed after his brother and step-brother (?). He caught up after they passed a street with a cheap place, correctly assuming Gaara did not know where he was leading them.

Naruto had begun flagging behind, possibly attempting to slip away while Gaara was distracted with searching but Gaara noticed and grabbed his wrist tightly, pulling him along and making the bones in his wrist creak and grind together.

"Okay, okay, I'll keep up!" He pleaded, trying to retract his arm from the crazy boy's vice-like grip.

"Hey, pst, isn't there anything you can say to him?" Naruto asked the kabuki guy after Gaara had released him.

"No, afraid not. Gaara doesn't listen to me or anyone. You're stuck with him until he works out what's going on and kills you." The way he said it with a smile made Naruto turn green.

Suddenly playing along seemed like an even more palatable option.

With Kankuro steering them, they soon arrived at a bath house, and while Gaara and Naruto were getting changed and collecting their bath towels, Kankuro had warned the proprietor to clear any regulars he wanted repeat business from out of the building. When Naruto and Gaara stepped in, the baths were empty.

Naruto was glad to be free of his bloodied garments and to wash his hair. He showered first but kept one eye open to make sure his abductor wasn't up to anything. Feeling his hair free up and going back to its soft, clean state was lovely.

In a mirror nearby he could finally confirm that it was white, under all of the blood. Finally seeing himself for the first time in…however long, was a strange feeling. Since he had been in the cage, this was the first chance he'd had to see his grey skin and his white hair together. His burns were gone, which was nice, but the difference from his old appearance was startling.

When he had finished scrubbing himself, partly to see if they grey could come off, he settled into the bath. They kept the baths here a lot cooler than in Konoha, which was a blessing in this weather.

The kabuki guy entered, having ditched the stage costume, and proceeded to follow their lead, even washing off the cool war paint.

"So, what's your name?" Naruto asked kabuki-guy.

"Kankuro. I'm Gaara's and Temari's brother." He flatly stated. He didn't want to converse with a condemned man.

"Wait, so he's done this before?" He jerked his thumb towards Gaara who was methodically washing himself. Naruto thought he saw the redhead's mouth silently counting his scrubs.

"No, he's actually our brother."

"Great…" Naruto said. "So, what's his deal? Couple kunai short of a pouch?" Thinking was not Naruto's strength and neither was tact.

Kankuro scowled. It may be true but he would not sit by and let people talk crap about his brother. "He's not crazy," He started, doubting that assessment, "he's just… he's had to deal with a lot of stuff. He's still gonna kill you, you know."

"Yeah, thanks." Naruto grumbled.

"So, what's your deal, Ramen-kun? You got a bloodline or what?"

"Ramen-kun?" Naruto asked. How did this guy know he loved ramen?

"Menma in ramen." Kankuro said shortly, tipping a bucket over his head to wash away the suds.

"Oh." Naruto nodded, actually quite liking the nickname. It was better than Menma.

"So, what about your ability? You suck but that was a pretty useful technique; where did you learn it? I've never heard of another village specialising in sand techniques."

Naruto was pissed at the casual dismissal of his skills, and said, "Dunno, it just happened. I was just fighting him, and next thing I know…"

Kankuro snorted. He was sure his father would be able to get a more elaborate answer out of him.

"So why am I his brother? I assume he doesn't do this with all of his attempted murder victims?"

"Well, there aren't many attempts still running around, but it's probably because of your sand thing and also all that blood that's in your…"

Naruto sighed, "That's it? Jeeze. That's just my luck. What the problem now?" Naruto noticed Kankuro had stopped paying attention and was now looking behind him. There he found those black-rimmed eyes staring at him again, totally focussed on him.

"Shit." Kankuro grunted.

"What?" Naruto asked.

"Your hair's not red anymore!"

"You can't be serious!" Naruto saw the look on Gaara's face and knew it was serious. "Have you considered medicating him?" He whispered.

Gaara stalked forward, walking right up to the freshly cleaned and de-blooded Naruto who was paralysed in fear, and grabbed his head in both his hands. He turned Naruto's head this way and that, looking for some streak of red left over.

Sadly Naruto was no slouch and had done a good job washing his hair.

"It's white." Gaara said. "It should be red. You need more blood." He said. "Kankuro."

Kankuro nearly jumped out of his skin when Gaara turned on him. "H-hold on, Gaara. I'm your brother, too, right?"

Gaara glared at him but didn't immediately attack or call the sand from his gourd sat out in the changing room. Kankuro took shallow, unnoticeable breaths and thanked the god of puppets that he didn't have to call Karasu in here, sat next to Gaara's gourd and unlikely to provide much protection in a straight fight with his little brother.

"Uh, I can make it red and it won't come out with water!" He bargained.

"You won't need to use blood?" Gaara asked, sounding unconvinced.

"It will make his hair permanently red." He said. Or semi-permanently, but good enough, Kankuro thought.

Gaara considered this and then let go of Naruto's head and slipped into the bath. "Do it now or I'll kill you." He glared again.

Kankuro sighed, resenting his brother openly, and climbed out of the tub, wrapping his towel around him as he went to hurriedly change. He didn't have long by the sounds of it.

As he rushed out of the changing room, towel still draped over his clothed shoulder he found himself surrounded by his father's elite forces.

"Hold!" One shouted, which Kankuro was thankful for as the kunai aimed at him were lowered.

"Kankuro, where are you going?" Temari shouted, coming from the back, looking upset. "I told you to stay with them!"

"Gaara's about to go nuts! That idiot ramen kid washed the blood out of his hair and now Gaara confused or something. I have to go and buy some hair dye or he's gonna go on a rampage again." Kankuro was desperate to get running, but with his sister, and probably his father there, he would wait until cooler heads agreed.

Temari wasn't sure. Maybe this would be a good chance to extract the stranger before he got his hooks in any deeper. With this many Jounin around they could limit Gaara's damage, probably less than five casualties.

"Go. Bring some fresh clothes as well." Rasa ordered him, appearing as well.

"Yes, sir." Kankuro went running.

"Go in and take Kankuro's place." The Kazekage ordered.

"But, sir…it's a bath house. It's single sex…" She wouldn't outright refuse an order but she was hoping he had overlooked that simple fact.

"Irrelevant. Stay clothed but monitor them." He said, an edge to his voice sending her running in the opposite direction to Kankuro, into the bath house where the owner was cowering under the desk.

"You should go." She told him. If he was lucky, the man might still have a livelihood to return to at the end of the day. He went scampering off.

Sadly there were no Gaara insurance policies in Suna anymore.

She steeled herself. She lived with two boys so it shouldn't be such a shock, but she still had to run through the procedures of insubordination in her head before she could bring herself to walk into the baths.

"Ah!" Naruto spotted Gaara's sister enter, fully clothed, and suddenly the psychopath still staring at him like an errant cockroach jumped to number two on his list of immediate concerns. "There's a girl in here! You shouldn't be in here!" He screamed.

Gaara reluctantly turned his head and when he saw his sister there he turned back.

Naruto wasn't sure if Gaara's lack of concern was because of the familial ties or because of the craziness in the family, but he still didn't want a girl to watch him sit in the bath.

Temari scowled. This could be a manipulation to get rid of her, but the way this kid was freaking out, she was getting the sense that he was something less than a master manipulator. He was an idiot.

She leaned against a far wall, staying as disinterested as she could while keeping an adequate watch.

She composed a list of 'Things she would rather be doing instead of watching her little brother and his captive/adopted brother bathe':

1. Watching Kankuro eat.

2. Going clothes shopping with those vapid dropout girls from the academy.

3. Acting as her father's personal guard for another month-long mission.

"Can you turn around? I want to get out." 'Menma' gingerly said.

Temari turned her head so she could still see him in her peripheral.

Naruto glared but knew this was the best she would do. He tried to stand and grab his towel but Gaara said, "Not yet. Wait until Kankuro has returned."

"But I'm pruning!" Naruto whined, waving his shrivelled hands in Gaara's face and failing to elicit any response. He dropped back into the water and sulked.

He just had to wait until they met with the Kazekage and this whole mess would be sorted out. He would take his chances out in the desert again if he had to, anything to get away from the crazies.

"I don't suppose there's anything you can say to him?" Naruto asked Temari. Gaara didn't so much as twitch when he was addressed so dismissively.

Temari didn't bother replying, she just snorted.

"Yeah, I thought so." Naruto slumped back onto the bath's edge. At least he got to enjoy some time when his skin was not totally dry. He wished they would top up the bath a little, though. It was starting to look as if someone had let the plug out. It was at least five inches shallower now.

He got bored after four minutes of silence so he made the mistake of trying to entertain himself. Cupping his hands together, he made a little squirt of water shoot out of them. Satisfied that his power and aim were still on top form, he shifted a little, found his mark, and fired his little jet of water into Gaara's face.

Expecting the dead-eyed stare to turn into creased brows and a smile, Naruto understood the scale of his miscalculation when instead of mirth Gaara's face looked enraged.

"It was a joke! A joke!" He backpedalled a couple of feet and grew very nervous.

When Gaara stood up, looking way too angry for the slight involved, Naruto knew drastic action was called for.

"I'm sorry, onii-san!" He bowed his head. Looking up, he saw Gaara blink and the rage fade from his eyes.

Gaara sat back down, mollified apparently, for the moment.

Temari had watched the same events and she couldn't believe it. The kid messed with Gaara, got him angry, and he didn't even get attacked. Maybe this was a good sign.

"Don't forget to wash behind your ears, Gaara." Temari said. This was a good test of his mindset right now. Perhaps the kid would be a good influence on her little brother's temperament.

"Shut up Temari or I'll kill you." He called without looking at her.

She sighed. No change, then. Maybe she should try dying her hair…

"Temari, are you decent?" Kankuro shouted from the other side of the door.

"Of course I'm decent. Get in here!" She shouted back at him testily.

He crept in with his hands over his eyes, just in case. She strolled up to him and punched him in the arm. "Idiot." She sniped.

"Sorry!" He said, looking to see his brother and the foreigner where he'd left them and Temari fully clothed, thankfully.

"I got the dye and some clean clothes for the kid. You can go now." He told his sister.

"Finally." She walked straight out.

"Change his hair back. Now." Gaara said.

Patience was to Gaara as thinking was to Naruto.

"Yeah, yeah. Hold on a second." Kankuro dropped the bag with the spare clothes in, and started reading the instructions.

"Now." Gaara repeated, unwilling to deal with Kankuro's stupidity.

"Okay, okay!" He said, holding up his hands to placate his high-strung brother. "Come on, then, Ramen-kun."

Naruto looked back at Gaara to make sure he was allowed to leave the bath now, and did so.

Wrapped in his towel, he sat on a stool and waited while Kankuro finished reading the instructions and took out the pair of gloves.

"It should last about a month, I think." Kankuro whispered. Kid would probably be dead by then, but just in case.

"Thanks." Naruto mumbled. He wasn't wild about having his hair dyed red, but since his hair wasn't the right colour anyway, it didn't really matter. Maybe he could dye it back to his cherished blond when this was all over.

Gaara got out of the bath and watched him silently as the dye was applied. For an impatient boy, he could stand very still.

"You're gonna have to wait for a couple hours while it sets. Then wash it again. It says you're not supposed to wash your hair so soon before dying it so it might not last as long." Kankuro pulled the gloves off and washed off the small amount that had reached his wrists.

"Otouto." Gaara said, admiring the red colouring again.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm your otouto again. Happy now?" Naruto griped.

"Happy?" Gaara did not understand the question.

Naruto rolled his eyes and pulled the ruined white towel from his shoulders now that the dye wasn't going to run any more.

"We've got time to kill. Kazekage is waiting outside for when we're done, but you'll have to get dressed first."

"He's going to wait for hours while I'm getting my hair done?" And Jiji used to bemoan how little free time he had when Naruto wanted to go to Ichiraku's with him.

"He's waiting to make sure Gaara doesn't go on another killing spree."

"A killing spree?!" Naruto looked back but the unassuming natural redhead was still standing there, staring. "What is his deal, really?"

Kankuro considered it, but he couldn't go spreading village secrets, even ones that were known to every villager, with a suspicious infiltrator. "The Kazekage may or may not tell you. His choice, not mine."

"Wait, isn't he your dad? Why do you call him Kazekage?" Naruto thought it was strange, but it was not like he had any experience with which to compare it.

Kankuro grunted, avoiding answering that. "So, what's your deal? You showed up out of nowhere and everything."

"Uh…Long story. Not very interesting, really." He laughed it off a little.

"Gaara, if you want to get dressed, I'll keep an eye on him." Kankuro offered, if only to get his brother to change out of that towel and into his clothes before he caught a cold.

"Lose him and I will kill you." Gaara said, turning and going to change.

"Sure." Kankuro waved him off.

"Does he always do that?" Naruto asked.

"Do what?"

"Threaten to murder you and your sister."

"If he's in a bad mood, maybe. We try not to take it to heart. It's just how he is. I mean, he kills people, but so far he's not really tried to kill us so we figure it's just how he communicates."

"Uh huh." Oh yeah, crazy family strikes again. "I don't suppose you might let me run away now?"

"Not a chance. Gaara hasn't tried to kill me yet, but I'm not going to take any risks. Just bear with it. You might live at the end of this. Just don't try filling his head with any ideas."

"What kinds of ideas? I can't even tell that psycho I'm not related to him!"

"Don't call him that!" Kankuro would have beaten the shit out of this impertinent kid if he didn't know what Gaara would do to him.

"Sorry!" Naruto had forgotten he was speaking to Gaara's brother.

"So… you want to join Suna?" Kankuro asked after a prolonged, awkward silence.

"Well, yeah. That was the whole point of the test, right?"

"The test, yeah…" Kankuro didn't think it was prudent to mention that Naruto had been sent to his death.

Gaara walked back in, clothed and his gourd strapped to his back. "I'm back." He announced redundantly.

"Yeah…welcome back…?" Naruto said. What did the guy want? A parade? He'd been gone for five minutes.

They lapsed into another uncomfortable silence until Naruto couldn't bear it any more. "What do you like doing, Gaara?"

Gaara seemed surprised by this question, and then thoughtful at the question itself. Enjoyment was a state akin to happiness brought on by a pleasing activity.

"I like killing strong people and taking missions." He said.

"I figured that much out, but what else do you like?" Naruto was hoping there was some humanity to the guy. Gods! Naruto was supposed to be the demon and Gaara was making him seem like the most well adjusted boy on the continent.

"I…I don't like anything."

"You like cacti, don't you, Gaara?" Kankuro chimed in.

"Shut up, Kankuro. I grow them. I do not enjoy them."

"Why do you grow cactuses, then?" Naruto asked.

"Because I want to."

"Right…" Naruto deflated. "Do you have any hobbies? …other than the killing and missions."

"Hobbies…" Gaara considered this; social or personal activities performed in an effort to attain enjoyment or social gains. He did not care what people thought of him, and he only enjoyed one thing. "I look at the sky." He didn't actually enjoy stargazing but he did it frequently without purpose or aspiration.

"Hey I like watching clouds too!" Naruto agreed. He'd done it with Shikamaru and Chouji a handful of times and it was kind of fun. It was the most fun he could have while sitting still, he believed.

"Clouds." With the clear blue skies of Kaze, cloud gazing was less common here, but Gaara was familiar with the concept. It sounded less appealing. "Stars are better." He stated. There were many constellations to look at, and it was something to do at night while other people slept.

"Oh, hey, yeah, stars. Cool." Naruto said lamely. "What do you like to eat?"

"Salted ox tongue." Gaara said.

"Ew." Naruto hoped this was Gaara's latest eccentricity and not what he should expect of Suna's culinary proclivities. He looked at Kankuro and he didn't seem fazed. Turning back to Gaara, he asked, "Have you ever tried ramen?"

"Did you seriously name yourself that because you love ramen?" Kankuro asked.

"Other way around." Naruto smiled. Actually sort of true.

"It is fine." Gaara said. He did not really care for most foods except for one or two favourites.

"It's kind of expensive here. You'll get used to the local delicacies eventually." Kankuro said. The 'if you live' went unsaid.

Naruto was flagging. The thought that he couldn't eat ramen all the time sapped the last of his enthusiasm for this conversation.

It took another hour before he worked up the wherewithal to speak again. "You're both Genin, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. Although, in terms of combat, Gaara is way about Genin. Temari and me are the best Genin in Suna as well." Kankuro wasn't supposed to be letting any information about the village slip out, but he couldn't help but brag.

"Really? Cool!" Of all the people Naruto could meet in the village, it was the strongest Genin. Even if they were bat shit insane, one and all.

"Yeah. Are you really a Genin? You didn't even last two minutes against Gaara."

Naruto grumbled about that. "Well, I never passed the exam, okay? But I'm still amazing at other things. I was the best in my class at making traps and stuff."

"Your class? I thought you were mentored by a nuke-nin?" Kankuro latched on to a piece of useful intel.

"Uh… yeah, um, I meant my class of one. So I was the top of my class at everything!" He declared this, convinced he had covered for his slip up. "Can I wash this stuff out now?"

"It's supposed to stay in for another hour but the Kazekage will probably send somebody in after us soon. You don't want to see him when he's angry. Makes Gaara look like a…" Kankuro didn't finish that sentence when he noticed Gaara's brow creasing. It would so much easier to avert these faux pas if Gaara had some eyebrows.

Naruto gladly washed the red dye out of his hair and was left with a shade that matched Gaara's even more closely than the blood had done. It should have come out poorly but thanks to the perfectly bleached starting colour, it was a deep crimson with only the slightest streaks of white showing through.

He thought it actually looked quite cool. Blond was still better, since the Fourth Hokage had blond hair, but this would do until it faded and he could look into getting a different dye. And maybe an artificial tan since all of his time in the desert had not so much as tinged his grey complexion.

He dried himself off, finally, and then put on the clothes Kankuro had given him. He was less than impressed to find they were a spare set of the older boy's black cat costume, and were a size or two too big for him. He kept the hood down and tied the waist ties tight enough and followed the Suna natives outside.

He almost ran back in to the bathhouse when he saw the assembled high ranking shinobi collected all around the entrance. They all seemed to be watching Gaara like he was an enemy of the village waiting to strike.

Gaara seemed more concerned with standing next to Naruto, which Naruto could have happily done without.

The Kazekage was waiting there too, wearing his full robes again, and accompanied by Temari who looked annoyed, probably at the wait.

"Follow me." Rasa said, watching the boy he condemned to death walking side by side with the demonic failure. He started walking to his chambers, where he could be guaranteed of privacy.

To say the Kazekage had been surprised to hear from Temari that Orochimaru's experiment was still alive and Gaara believed him to be his brother would be an understatement. Still it presented as many opportunities as it did problems.

When they got to the Kazekage building, Rasa was satisfied that Gaara would not fly into a rage without provocation so he told his trailing Jounin to hang back outside, but remain alert. Depending on how this negotiation went, they might be needed.

When they reached his office, he told Kankuro and Temari to wait outside.

Now that it was just Gaara, the Kazekage, and him, Naruto could sense the tension in the air between these two, killing intent even. This was hatred.

"You have abilities you failed to disclose when you were here last." The Kazekage accused Naruto.

"I didn't know I could do it. And even now I don't how I did it. All I remember was being caught by Gaara here, and then my leg when I got out." Naruto rambled but from the glare he added, "Sir."

"What is to stop me sending you to my research division to have you taken apart and your abilities studied?" Rasa asked, waiting for one predictable response.

Naruto blanched. Gaara said, "I will kill you if you touch my brother." It was the first time Naruto had been glad to have a psycho obsessed with him.

"As I thought. You wish to join our forces, correct?" He addressed Naruto.

"Yes, sir. I really do." He said enthusiastically.

Gaara interrupted, "He will be a shinobi and join my team." Naruto thought better than to disagree about that right now, but hopefully he would get a chance to request a different team once Gaara was sent out.

"And Gaara wishes to keep you close to him. I will allow you to join Team Baki provisionally, with a full examination to be performed within the next three months. If you fail to follow orders or live up to this village's standards, you will be delivered to my research division." He spoke over whatever threat Gaara was about to utter, "And if you fail to follow orders as well, Gaara, or kill any more innocent civilians or shinobi that do not attack you first, I will have him killed first."

Menma would provide a good control for Gaara, and might in fact be a worthwhile investment by his own merit.

Gaara stood to leave without any further ado and pulled Naruto up as well. Naruto looked back and forth between father and son, and quickly performed a deep bow. "By your leave, Kazekage-sama. I will serve you and this village with distinction and loyalty." He pledged.

He turned to leave with Gaara, who he was apparently still attached to, but the village leader spoke again, "Remember this, Menma, fail me and you will be reunited with the Snake that did that to you."

Naruto paled as he was tugged out of the office by Gaara.

"So, what now?" Kankuro asked, seeing both boys still together.

"He is on our team now." Gaara said simply.

Both of them looked at Naruto with wide eyes. Naruto blushed and bowed, "Please look after me." He formally entreated.

When Gaara glared at them, they bowed back.

As if their team wasn't enough trouble to begin with…

"So, I'm gonna go and take a look around the village. See the sights, you know. I'll see you all later at team training." Naruto smiled as he tried jogging away.

Gaara watched him take two steps, sent his sand out and crushed him again, dragging it all back into his gourd without a second thought.

"Gaara, what the hell are you doing?!" Kankuro shouted.

"He's staying in here for now." Gaara said, walking away, not batting an eye.

Inside the gourd, Naruto was aware this time and he was pissed! He would have screamed at his captor but he still didn't have a mouth, nor could he escape. He just had to wait until he was let out or figured out a way to escape.

At least things were clearer this time around. He could hear muffled sounds and could see shadows moving around outside of the gourd. As soon as he was out, he was going to be having strong words with his presumptive 'older brother' about how to treat siblings.

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A/N: As I said, I hope you enjoy it, and if any of you would like me to try continuing it, drop me a review and it will become a little more likely. I have a fair bit planned out, as I do for all of my unwritten stories, so I would not lack for direction, only motivation if there is a lack to be found.

Thank you for reading.