Mac stared at his nemesis, his mouth dry, his pulse ticking along like a galloping horse. Blank white circles stared back, almost glowing in the early morning sun. It had taken Mac a week of attempts, but today would be the day he decided. The jeep seemed to mock him with a cruel smile. Mac almost turned back, again.

It had taken him two weeks to wean Jack down to two visits a day and only 25 phone calls. Riley had finally cracked into the website and managed to get a lot of data for them to sift through as well as a couple addresses to kick in doors. Mac had tried to keep busy, he'd updated his bike's engine again, he'd made a paperclip model of the solar system, including space station MIR and Hubble telescope and it hung across the ceiling of his room, he'd worked up to running again although his feet were still sore, he felt like he was running on blisters, he'd cleaned everything in the house several times, he'd made a blanket warmer but needed more blankets to test it on, he hadn't quite gotten the heating coils to hold at the right temperature yet, and he'd weather-stained the deck.

Mac knew he was driving his friends insane, more than usual anyway, but they didn't understand, he had to get back out there, had to chase the people that had done all this, had to. Otherwise, he could feel the black tar of terror rise and feel himself drift away, and Mac was afraid if that happened, he'd never come back again. Today he had demanded Jack to take him to Phoenix, Jack hadn't outright laughed, quite. Mac had tried to intimidate Bozer and even begged Riley, but they were all adamant he wasn't up to it yet. How could they know that when he didn't?

So Mac had stopped asking, cajoling and trying to deal, he decided to drive himself, dammit! He was going to go out there climb into the orange beast, as Bozer sometimes called it, and independently take himself to work, like he had for every other day of his adult life. Every day he told himself the same speech...but would start gasping for air as the walls of the garage started breathing and suck in closer and closer until everything was hazy behind a black cloud of memory and fear. Time to man up. He told himself as he dressed with shaking hands. What had been so automatic before seemed to exhaust him, make his heart pound, made him jumpy. He was tired of being afraid.

Mac was also afraid that if he didn't do it today, he might never be able to do it again. He wore his blue button down and khaki slacks. While the rest of the team wore casual clothes he always made himself dress professionally. When they were in the field or talking to others, it helped people see past his relative youth. Shaving had been hard, and painful between the remaining faint bruises and shaky hands, but he'd managed to not look horrible. The worst hurdle had been his feet. He tried to put his feet in his boots and almost broke into screams. His running shoes, which had only been marginally better were still muddy and wet from yesterday's run. Mac frowned and had resorted to wearing his Nike sandal slippers. They looked ridiculous. He'd put on black dress socks, but it didn't help. Mac shook his shoulders and cracked his neck.

Before he could think about it more, he unlocked the door and climbed in. The familiar smell of leather made his head spin a minute. He closed his eyes as shakes ran through his body. He again saw the boy laying on the road, heard the whisper of a footstep, the pain...snap, snap, snap. Mac shook his head and wiped sweat out of his eyes. No, he wouldn't go back there. He pulled on his seatbelt and turned on the motor then the air.

He drove with the automatic skills he'd perfected over the course of millions of drives, but they felt odd, alien as if someone were moving his limbs like a puppet. He snapped on the music only to find Kenny Rogers blaring. Mac snorted. At least he knew how his car had gotten home. He took a path to work differently from the one he normally did. Mac figured he was doing well if he managed to get there. He would confront the site of his kidnapping later, maybe when Jack or Bozer was with him.

As much as he growled at them and pushed away from their help, he knew he would still be lost, or worse if it wasn't for them. He shook himself back to the present as he pulled up to the Phoenix parking lot. The once familiar glass building loomed over him, blue and gleaming like a tidal wave. Mac forced himself to breathe a normal rate. There was nothing here to hurt him. Just once Mac wished he could believe the lies he told himself. He got out of his Jeep and stared at the building.

The idea of facing everyone, of everyone knowing he had been broken...Mac blinked away tears telling himself to stop being a drama queen. He squared his shoulders and strode to the front doors as if it was just another day...his dry mouth, sweaty palms and jackhammering heart were constant reminders that were not the case. The security officers looked at him in surprise then broke out in grins. Mac grinned back. The word spread quickly and it seemed like everyone in the building came out of their offices to greet him. Mac felt a weight lift as he was greeted with hugs and pats on the back. Only a few made fun of his feet which Mac took with a good-natured shrug.

It was exhausting. By the time he reached the War room door he felt like he had run a full triathlon. Instead of a finish line, however, he was faced with a scowling Jack Dalton. Riley and Bozer were more of a mixture of happiness and relief. Jack, was not happy. He held it in. Mac sighed knowing he would be getting an earful later. Matty stepped out of the door and studied Mac head to toe. Their eyes met and Mac could see her testing him somehow. She nodded and smiled nodding back into the war room. Mac smiled back. He nodded at the last of the well- wishers and walked towards the war room.

"Welcome back!" Riley said giving him a hug. Mac smiled. Bozer didn't say anything, just gave Mac a hug and couldn't stop grinning. Jack hung back until it was only him and Mac. His stomach cartwheeling, Mac braced himself. Jack looked him over noting every subtle sign of distress only he knew to look for. By the expression on his face, he did not find enough to encourage him.

"Are you sure you're up to this?" He asked. Mac looked down and ran a hand through his hair, before meeting Jack's gaze. He let the mask of wellness drop, showing Jack exactly how much this was freaking him out.

"No." He admitted. Jack shook his head and puffed in frustration. He wagged a finger at Mac.

"You only stay as long as you can handle it, I'm driving you home, and you are not, I repeat are not leaving this building to do anything that even hints of a smell of fieldwork, got it?" Mac actually laughed. Jack growled. Mac forced himself to be serious.

"Got it." He said. Jack glared at him another minute before turning and leading the way into the war room, Mac could hear him muttering under his breath something about 'stuborn stupid geniuses' and 'bald.' Sitting on the couch and pulling out a paper clip as Matty began going over the info so far, was the moment Mac knew he was back.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

And cut...Thank you all for reading. I never really planned to write or planned how this story would go, I literally was led by your questions and reviews. Thank you for helping me shape this into something cool. Especially thank you to my regular readers and commentators, if this story is any good at all it's all because of you! Thank you to all who favorited/ followed me and/or any of my stories.

I do have another story in the works called The Ten Merry Widows, it won't be nearly as intense as this one, but probably will be at least as warped as all my others. I also need your help. As I alluded to in this story I am considering a story where Murdoc and Sarana (my bat-shit crazy villain from Valhalla) get together and take on the team. What would you like to see? I am seeking out any suggestions for H/C, characters, plot bits…? Anything. I can't promise I will use them all, but I will definitely use them. THANK YOU!