Musical Inpiration: Shingeki Vc- Pf 20130218 Kyojin

"Connie Springer?"

Connie looked up from his meal to face the soldier who called his name, one of the remaining senior scouts of their regiment was standing by their table at breakfast that morning and Connie didn't have to think twice as to why. It had been two days since Reiner's 'escape' from Ehrmich and everyone was a little bit on edge from the news. There hasn't been an official report yet, but the gossip going around was that he had help from someone on the inside who took on all the guards stationed at the facility and freed him. He expected this though, and it was only a matter of time before they questioned him.

"The commander wants to see you," the soldier said stoically, making everyone at their table look to their smaller friend who just stood up wordlessly and followed behind. They walked through the halls towards one of the offices in the headquarters, whose doorways were flanked by at least six scouts standing fully armed on guard. They nodded to the soldier who escorted him as Connie entered the room where Commander Erwin was seated on a desk, with Commander Hanji and Captain Levi on either side of him. He gave a salute to them before noticing one more person in the room. Standing next to Levi near the corner, Connie recognized him as the soldier from that night. The one he tied up and left at the alley before Reiner could kill him. Their witness.

"Connie," Commander Hanji started, nodding towards him, "We're sorry to disturb you during meal time, but the matter is quite important. I assume you know the news by now about Reiner, given how everyone seems to be talking about it around here. Correct?"

He nodded, keeping his face blank and emotionless. It wasn't a hard thing to do to be honest, because that was exactly how he was feeling right then.

"Okay. So while we're not directly placing accusations and such, seeing as you were the closest person to him you do understand that we're just being careful here." She paused and adjusted her glasses before continuing, "We were informed that when you visited him a week ago, you requested to be alone in the room with him. Was this true?"

Connie blinked and looked the commander straight in the eye when he gave his honest answer. "Yes."

"Why is that?"

"I wanted to talk to him in private," he answered with the same monotonous voice, completely unfazed with the way they were all looking at him.

"And what is it that you talked about with him?"

"Personal things. Things that I believe have nothing to do with his escape."

Hanji pondered his answer for a moment, then nodded. "Where were you in the evening hours of two days ago?"

"I was with Krista. We spent the night together in one of the taverns in the eastern district of Trost." The lie wasn't foolproof, but it was the only one he had. He still remained aloof though, impressing even himself with how well he could lie.

"Can she back up that statement?" Hanji prodded, her eyebrow raising in suspicion.

"Of course."

She wasn't buying it, and he knew it. The look on her face said as much. It just occurred to Connie how it must've angered her that Reiner had escaped. She just lost her biggest experiment test subject yet. Before she could fire up another question though, the garrison soldier silently standing by Levi suddenly spoke up.

"It's not him."

Everyone in the room turned to him in surprise, even Connie. He half expected Hanji to counter his statement but it was Erwin who spoke up next.

"Are you certain soldier?"

The guy looked at Connie again as if studying him from a different perspective, and nodded in finality. "I'm sure."

Commander Erwin sighed and placed his one remaining arm on the desk in front of him. Ever since that day retrieving Eren, the commander looked more worn out and older than before, so far from the dashing man he'd once been when Connie first enlisted to the scouts. "Very well then. Springer, we're sorry to have to do that to you. After so many of our soldiers turning up to actually be enemies of humanity, there's no such thing as being too careful these days."

Connie nodded, "I understand."

"That goes to say that you should always be on high alert. If you see anyone acting suspicious or out of the ordinary, don't hesitate to report it to us," the commander said with a straight face, his eyes boring into Connie's. "Alright, on to the next matter, Levi?"

Captain Levi, who was silent all throughout the initial interrogation, nodded to Erwin before speaking. "I want you to prepare for departure after breakfast. I'm taking you and the rest of the 104th back to the old scouting base today. You still have your belongings there, correct?"

"Umm. Yes," Connie answered, only remembering now that he did still have his things there. Since that day they were isolated after their first expedition, they hadn't gotten the chance to go back what with everything that had happened recently.

"Tell your friends. We leave by the hour," Levi said flatly before dismissing Connie.

Their group set out from Trost immediately after their morning meal, and Connie found himself riding on horseback towards the old scouting base with his friends. He took note of their small number, and thought about how much people he had lost in the last three months since graduating from the training corps. It should've made him sad, but all he really felt right then was a gaping emptiness, devoid of anything. Since letting Reiner go, he'd pushed away all his emotions to the point of numbness.

"So what did they call you for?" Jean suddenly asked him, riding next to his his horse. His tone seemed uninterested, but Connie knew this was merely his way of showing concern "Are you in trouble or something?"

"No." Connie shook his head, keeping his eyes front. "They just asked me if I was the one who let Reiner go." He said it so casually, like it wasn't that big of a deal.

"...and?"

"And what?"

"Did you?...let him go?" Jean asked hesitantly, watching his friend's reaction.

Connie looked at him then, and finally saw the concern in the brunette's eyes. He wondered what he looked like to him right now. If he still saw the same person he'd known all these years, or someone different. Because he felt different, and whether the change is good or bad is still under consideration.

"What do you think?"

His response made Jean pause, and he just kept staring at him trying to read his emotionless face.

"I think you'd do it...if you could. But I don't see how you could've if you did," he answered squarely before giving him a small smile. "No offense though."

That was his best alibi. The fact that no one would even think twice of Connie's capabilities made him the last suitable suspect on the list despite any connection he had with Reiner. Then there was the fact that he wasn't even afraid to get caught, in the off chance of that happening. He just didn't care anymore.

So much so that he even considered ending his own life if it came to it. The thought had been sitting in the darkest corner of his mind like a dormant predator since that day at the forest where they captured Reiner, and the drive only intensified when he let him go two days ago. He'd be lying if he said he didn't mean it that day, the last stunt he pulled in an attempt to get Reiner to talk. If he didn't stop him when he raised his blade to his neck, he was sure he'd have done it. Just this morning, before he'd been called to the commander's office, he'd been staring at his knife at the breakfast table just thinking how it would feel to cut his wrists right there.

"Connie…" Jean whispered, interrupting his thoughts. "I know we...haven't talked so much since...you know." The brunette shrugged, not wanting to mention Reiner. But Connie understood him and just raised an eyebrow.

"I said some stupid things to you a few days ago. I'm sorry," Jean continued, eyes looking away when Connie faced him. "I just...I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Okay?"

If the situation was different, he'd probably laugh at Jean's pathetic attempt at consolation. Looks like Jean's been paying more attention to his actions than he thought, so with a small smile, Connie nodded to his friend before looking forward again. He'd have to be more careful where he lingered with his thoughts next time.

The castle base finally loomed in the distance and it didn't take much longer for them to reach the place. With all the chaos that had happened recently, the place felt like a total retreat from everything in their world. It looked the same as usual, untouched and undisturbed, tucked within the quiet of the woods. They parked their horses at the stable and proceeded inside while they waited for the captain's orders.

"Alright, we got here a little early so I'll give you all time to settle first. You're free to do whatever you want, just be at the mess hall by lunch time," Levi said in front of the foyer addressing everyone before turning to face Eren. "You. Come with me, I need to talk to you."

Eren's face turned the slightest bit of pink at that before he nodded, "Y-yes sir."

Connie watched them go and felt a slight pang of jealousy for his green-eyed friend. He was lucky to have the person he cared about be with him. To have someone like Levi be there—someone strong, smart, and most importantly human. He would've given anything to have that as well.

He sighed and started to walk up the familiar steps towards his and Reiner's old bedroom. He took his time getting there, and only realized he was stalling when he stood staring outside the door for a few minutes. It's just a bedroom. Get over yourself. With a deep breath, he turned the handle and stepped in.

Everything was quiet, and the disappointment he felt right then was unmistakable. What did he expect to see? That Reiner would be sitting on the bed, smiling and waiting for him? That maybe everything would just turn back to the way it was when he got here? He felt stupid for even wishing that and mentally scolded himself for being naive. He knew better than to hope now.

Walking in the room, the first thing he noticed were the unkempt blankets over Reiner's bed—the bed they shared every night in the month that lead up to their first expedition. He sat down on it and felt its familiar softness, remembering the last time they slept here like it was yesterday. He remembered being woken up by the blonde that day, fresh from his bath and still getting dressed, telling him to get up because the captains were calling them. As clear as the memory was, it felt like a lifetime ago, and he wondered now if things would've turned out differently if he hadn't gotten up that day. He still would've lost his family, that's for sure, but would Reiner still be here? He couldn't decide whether he preferred knowing his secret or not, whether being ignorant was better than the alternative.

He sighed. What does it even matter? He knew now anyway and he was gone, so he shook his head to drive the thoughts away and stood up from the bed. He shouldn't be thinking about him anymore. Connie went to the closet to try and busy himself with his stuff but immediately got the opposite when he opened it. It was the smell, his smell. It hit him in the face the moment he opened the wardrobe and the memories that came with it stirred so many emotions inside him. He suddenly felt his knees grow weak, and he bit his lip and rubbed his eyes before the tears could even come out. Looks like not thinking about him was a wasted effort.

Connie grabbed one of the larger uniform coats from the hangers and brought it back with him to the bed. This was the only thing he had to remember him by now, and as pathetic as he looked right then, he didn't care when he brought the jacket to his face and inhaled its scent. It still smelled exactly like him and he scrunched his fists at the fabric, angry that it was making him feel this way.

A crumpling sound caught his attention and he paused. There was something inside the coat so he felt through the pockets for the source. Inside the buttoned left breast pocket was a folded piece of paper, crumpled and stained on the edges. Frowning, Connie put down the uniform and unfolded the paper, his eyes widening and his heart suddenly hammering from what he was looking at. It was Reiner's handwriting. He took a deep breath to calm himself and swallowed the lump in his throat before he started to read.

Connie,

Hey. So, I don't really know how to start this. It feels weird writing to you when you're sound asleep behind me, but this is something I feel like I have to do so here goes.

If you're reading this, then you probably know my secret by now. Either I've worked up the courage to tell you and you're reading this in front of me, or I'm dead and you found out the hard way. I really hope it isn't the latter though, but if that's the case then I'm sorry.

I know you're mad, and I get it. You have all the right to be angry. I kept so much from you and even now I can't tell you everything. All I can hope for is that you find it in you to forgive me someday. I know I'm a terrible person, and I don't deserve someone like you, but heaven knows how much I tried to stay away and prevent this from happening. How much I tried to keep us from becoming closer and entangling my life with yours. It's not that I never wanted to—because I really do want this. It's just...I know I'm only going to end up hurting you. And I probably already have. I'm really, really sorry.

You might think that everything about me is an act. That everything was a lie and I just played with you. Initially that was the case, but I hope you believe me when I say that now, it couldn't be any farther from the truth. None of my feelings for you are fake, and none of what we shared was a lie. There may come a time where I might be forced to say otherwise. I don't know, I hope it never has to come to that. But if it does, then please understand that I'm only doing it to protect you. I would never, ever hurt you because I want to Con. That's the last thing I ever want to happen.

I want you to know that I really do care about you, more than I care about anyone else really. You mean the world to me, and I meant what I said before about how special you are to me. Sorry...I didn't realize writing it would be just as hard as actually saying it. But I guess what I'm trying to say is…

I love you Connie.

I think I always have, and just never acknowledged it until tonight. But I'm certain of it now. It's funny really, when I think about how you were always the one flustered with all my flirting back then, yet I'm the one who falls completely in love. I hope that by the time you're reading this, I've already told you how I feel, and how amazing I think you are. How much I love kissing you whenever you blush, how much I swell with pride whenever you prove yourself a competent soldier. How I believe that you always bring out the best in me, and how much you make me happy and actually make me feel like a normal human being.

I don't know what the future holds for us, and it hurts everytime I think about it. Everyday I wish we didn't have to live this way. I wish the world wasn't this messed up, and I wish we weren't tied to our duties like this. But there's no use in whining about it now is there? This is the life we have and we just have to live with it in whatever way we can. I'm just thankful I got to live a part of it with you.

I love you so much Connie, and I will always love you. Nothing would make me happier than for you to feel the same way about me...despite knowing what I am and what I've done. I really am sorry for not telling you sooner. You deserve so much more than what I give you. If after this you choose not to be with me anymore, then I'll respect your decision. I've been selfish long enough, and all that matters to me now is your happiness.

I'm running out of paper, so I guess I'm ending it here. I'll just tell you more in person...in the off chance that we're still together when you read this. I hope we are.

Love,
Reiner.

He read it about five times. Five times until it completely shattered his heart and broke his resolve. Connie was a mess by the time he was through. He tried to breathe and calm himself but it was pointless. His sobs racked his body as he let it all out, because it was the only thing he could do at this point. It hurt to think that Reiner wrote this ages ago, and the fact the he could've known all this since then was agonizing. It was unfair. It was so unfair. He'd already started moving on in the last two days since he left but now all that effort and pretense crumbled in an instant

"Connie?"

He didn't hear her at first, but Krista didn't wait for him to. She entered the room and sat down on the bed next to him so she could put her arms around him, cradling him on her shoulder where Connie completely dissolved into tears. He felt so ashamed of himself. For being so weak around Krista. For wishing that Reiner was the one to hug him instead of her. For letting Reiner go. For wanting to kill himself.

All his pent up emotions overflowed to the surface all while Krista rubbed his back. He was a mess, and the more he tried to stop it the more the tears kept flowing. So he gave up and cried all he could, sniffing and wailing incoherent noises like a child. When he had no tears left to cry, all that was left was the burning pain in his chest that he was all too familiar with by now.

"I'm sorry," he said to Krista after he found his voice. He couldn't even face her.

"It's okay." She held his face so their eyes could meet, and she smiled that warm, beautiful smile of hers. "We'll always have each other's backs."

Connie sniffed and nodded, trying his best to return his friend's smile. They sat like that for a while, in comfortable silence, sharing each other's pain and understanding. Because who else was there to understand what the other was going through?

Connie eventually showed her the letter Reiner wrote, which was more crumpled and wetter than it had been half an hour ago, and let her read it. To his mild surprise, she shed a few tears of her own afterwards before proceeding to fold it back and place it in Connie's breast pocket.

"Did you do it?" Krista asked, her large blue eyes boring into his golden ones.

Connie's first instinct was to lie, not because he didn't trust her, but because he didn't want to involve her more than she already was. But eventually he found himself nodding, and she gave him an understanding smile.

"They asked me earlier where I was two nights ago. A little after they called you in. I figured that's why you came to visit him in the first place," she explained, holding Connie's hands in hers. "Why didn't you tell me in the first place?"

He looked at her shyly before he sighed and gave his answer. "I didn't want you to get tied up into my mess too much. Plus, I never imagined I would actually pull it off."

Krista nodded then gave him a hug. They've both lost the people most important to them, and Connie swore at that moment that he would never keep anything from her again. He hugged her back, and felt his heart swell from the love of his friend. He then thought about the others. Jean and Sasha. Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. The people who all cared about him, they were his family now. And in the days to come, a family is what he really needs to keep pushing forward.

"Let's go, the others are probably waiting," he said after breaking away from Krista. He wiped his face and stood up from the bed and held his hand out for his friend. "Thank you, Historia."

She chuckled at that and wiped her own face before taking his hand and getting up as well. They both walked to the door and got out, but not before Connie turned to give it one last look. The peaceful room, empty yet so very full. It was then that he swore to himself. He was going to see Reiner again. He didn't know when or how, but he was going to do whatever it takes for it to happen.

Hey Reiner? I'm not giving up. Wait for me.

Connie closed the door behind him and faced Krista. Taking a deep breath and nodding to her as they made their way down the castle steps to their friends.

Aaand that's it. Such a bittersweet moment to end this one hell of a journey. When I first started this story, I only wanted to add to the Reicon online love. I never imagined that it would grow this long, considering it's my very first time writing anything. I do sincerely hope you enjoyed reading this just as much as I wrote it. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much to you guys. I wouldn't have made this far without all your supportive, emotional, and inspiring comments.

I swill probably write another Reicon story. I already have a rough idea in my head so I'll have to build on that. Plus the Reiner POV of this story is still under works so yeah, look forward to that. Thanks again guys! 'Til next time!

-FOXY