[ Author's Notes: Yaaaay, my first fanfic ever seen by people other than myself. If you're wondering why I keep putting Kamui's name in quotation marks, it's because that's how Subaru keeps addressing him when they first me, by calling him "Kamui" instead of just Kamui. For a complete understanding of this fic, it helps to have read this. ]
Call and Answer : Subaru Sumeragi by Margot - Nov. 14 2000
All I can think when I first arrive is how disgusting it is.
The "Kamui" is standing there, pinned to what remains of the walls. He's bleeding nearly all over his body. It's oozing everywhere... even out of his mouth. His eyes are just staring at nothing.
His friend, Monou Kotori, is suspended to a cross, but she's already dead. The Holy Sword is protruding from her chest, and she, too, is bleeding horribly. The Sword... it's right through her heart.
It's disgusting; there's so much blood.
The other boy, Monou Fuuma... he is Kotori's older brother, and was also "Kamui's" old friend. All he does is stare at us when we arrive... stare and grin.
The grin is disgusting. I want to tear it off his face. I remember that stare, that grin, from years ago... I could never forget it.
I had a stare like "Kamui's" once, too. And my own sister... bleeding from her chest.
Fuuma finally speaks. "'Kamui'... I will kill you."
"Kamui" doesn't seem to be listening, and Fuuma disappears. The wires holding the girl to the cross suddenly pull themselves in every direction, and she breaks apart... her very insides fall out of her body and hit the ground with a sickening sound. "Kamui" finally reacts... he screams and pulls himself off the wall. Another of the Dragons of Heaven, Arisugawa Sorata, yells at him so he will stay back, but he doesn't. He lurches forward and picks up the girl's severed head.
All he can do is scream.
It's horrible. I remember so much of this... it's disgusting.
"Kamui" is in the hospital. He doesn't speak, or eat, or move. All he does is sit there and hold Kotori's severed head. Sorata can't reach him, and the others know it's hopeless... no one can reach him now.
".. A girl who was really important to him... was killed before his eyes by a guy who was equally important."
I stay silent.
Another of the Dragons of Heaven, Nekoi Yuzuriha, is hysterical. "If he doesn't regain consciousness, what will happen to him?!"
"..... He'll stay like that. He won't see anything. Nor hear. All clammed up inside his heart... forever."
I can't stand still anymore. I have to do something. I have to move.
I start going into the room where "Kamui" is sitting.
"I'm going within 'Kamui'."
The others look at me as if I've just announced I'm going in to kill the boy. At least that would put him out of his misery. I place my fingers on "Kamui's" temples and start reciting incantations. I don't put any thought into it. My sister's image is on my mind... I can't decide whether I want it there or not.
I enter "Kamui's" consciousness. The water has a regular blue colour, but... it feels polluted and brown. "Kamui's" resistive force immediately takes the form of a dragon and begins attacking me; I want to destroy it, just to make things easy, but I'll hurt "Kamui" if I do... things aren't easy anymore, of course.
They haven't been easy for a long time.
But it doesn't matter... I manage to dive past the dragon before it injures me too badly, and I finally see something... "Kamui," Kotori, and Fuuma are standing there.
And it begins to happen again.
"Kamui" watches it all over again...
I didn't forget it when I saw it the first time. And it's still as disgusting as I remember. There's so much blood.
"Kamui" dives forward for Kotori's severed head once again. I try to reach him, but the water suddenly swallows him up.
If I follow after "Kamui," I may seriously injure him. If I stay here, "Kamui" will never be pulled back into the real world.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?
I don't really have a choice... I follow him.
There are three children here... it must be "Kamui," Fuuma, and Kotori several years ago. I can't see their faces, but I know what's going to happen... I start running towards them.
But I don't make it in time.
Again. I'm too late. Again.
The child Fuuma begins to split apart. I try to yell at "Kamui" not to look... but he doesn't listen. The older Fuuma pulls himself out of his younger version's body. He stabs the younger Kotori, and says to "Kamui," "I will kill you."
"Kamui" covers his eyes and cries.
Fuuma and Kotori disappear.
The two of us are left alone.
I bend down beside him, but he doesn't notice me... I have to shake him before he pays attention. He's just a child... I want to hug him and tell him everything will be alright, but I've practically forgotten how to hug people... and nothing will be alright.
"Kamui" stares at me, not knowing who I am. I tell him my name, but his attention leaves me and he begins to cry again. "Please... don't kill the two of them..."
What is he thinking?! I'm standing right in front of him; doesn't he see me?!
I grab him and shake him, and I get straight to the point, before he forgets I'm here again.
"If you don't leave this dream, nothing will begin and nothing will end. Things will only get worse."
I hesitate. The past few days, horrible memories have all been flooding back to me... I want to forget them all. Before, I could just push it out of my mind in a moment, but now I have to remember.
I hate this.
".. Like me."
"Kamui" just stares at me. Finally, he can hear me. I tell him where he is, what's going on... he ran away from reality because of a traumatic event. My sister, in my onmyouji robes, appears in front of us. Seishirou, too, appears, and surprisingly, "Kamui" knows who he is. I tell "Kamui" how I know Seishirou.
"Kamui" doesn't really understand, but I continue anyway.
I don't feel any pain on the inside as I talk, only numbness. But I think pain is showing on my face.
The memory of Seishirou ripping out my sister's heart appears, and "Kamui" cries out and runs to them. I feel like yelling, "Don't you think I would have tried to help if it was real?!" But... he's just a kid.
I was just a kid, too.
I speak to him gently. "When Neesan got killed... I couldn't do anything.
I was hiding in my own heart. I ran away from reality. Like what you are doing now. It might be good for you to stay here, if that gives you the greatest happiness. But... if you don't come back out, nothing will begin, and nothing will end. You won't be able to do anything when it's really important. You will only be a spectator, like how I was... 'Kamui'."
I keep going... I tell "Kamui" that now, I live for my wish. It's getting more difficult to continue now. And "Kamui" says to me...
"... because he was special?"
It's my turn to stare now. He's just a child... and still, he knows so much. He changes into a slightly older version of himself.
He tells me he wants to bring Fuuma back... he couldn't protect Kotori. He wants to protect Fuuma more than ever. I tell him that, if Fuuma comes back, he will know that he killed his sister.
"Kamui" begins to cry again.
I ask "Kamui" if he still wants to save Fuuma, even if people will say he's selfish?
"Yes."
Even if people will blame him?
"Kamui" changes into the sixteen-year old version of himself. Sixteen... the age that was so eventful for me, will be eventful for him as well.
I know the pain is showing on my face for sure now.
"Yes."
Even if no one understands his wish?
"Yes."
"Then, for the sake of your wish..."
I take him in my arms. I haven't held another person in my arms for years now. I forgot what it felt like. I told myself long ago that I would never become close with another human being...
But I can do nothing else, except hold him. He holds me, too. Maybe he knows I need it.
"Come back."