Author's Note: Okay, so here I was thinking that Teardrops & Teacups was finished. As I was planning out Empire, I realized how big of an impact T&T would have on that plotline later one. Looking back at T&T I realized just how many errors there were and that it needed to be edited/revised. Well, that totally inspired a discussion between starrnobella and me. Turns out, there's more to this story than meets the eye!
So, here we are. This is the first chapter of one of TWO companion pieces to T&T. This story will probably be darker than T&T ever was; in fact, I know it is. PLEASE check the trigger warnings. Also, to my readers of T&T (and the other parts of the WwT series) welcome back! I hope you enjoy this story. To my new readers, welcome to the ride! There will be four chapters that coincide with the chapters (years) of T&T and I will post a chapter as I edit T&T and write this. The second companion piece is going to take me a while longer and will be started after the completion of this four part tale.
I want to thank starrnobella for inspiring this story and beta reading like a rock star! She is also the amazing person who wrote the articles and addendums for this story! You're fantastic and I love you more than words! I want to thank Squarepeg72 for alpha reading and sending me copious amounts of pretty things like quote aesthetics and songs to hit me in the feels. I must also thank SaintDionysus for creating an epic T&T playlist for me and sharing T&T on tumblr. I love that you call Teardrops & Teacups Hermione's Eat. Pray. Love. story… It really is, and I think this new piece will show everyone just how much it really is!
Enough rambling…onto the story! Please leave lovely feedback when you're done! xxDustNight
Disclaimer: All non-original characters, plot points, and information belongs to J.K. Rowling. The cover photo is a mashup I created from photos found on Google. The story plot and dialogue belong to me. I do not write for profit.
Full Summary: A companion piece to Teardrops & Teacups, this story is a collection of unsent letters and travel logs that Hermione wrote over the course of her four year journey to find inner peace. The letters and logs portray exactly how dark and lost Hermione was feeling during this time, along with moments of happiness and inspiration after having her heart broken.
Trigger Warnings: Adultery, Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - F/F/M, Near Death, Minor Character Death, Light Dom/sub, Mildly Dubious Consent, Infidelity, Suicidal Thoughts, Dark, Angst, Miscarriage
Playlist: htt*ps:*/ope* *tify.c*om/u*ser/1246*401351/pla*ylist/4Kbud*Jyqif4ZrKeu0ao*IsL
Travel Logs & Unsent Letters
Pairing: Hermione/Multi
Rating: M
Companion Pieces to Teardrops & Teacups
Mini-Fic/Prequel to Wolves without Teeth
Part One: 2006
Song Recommendations: "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap, "Over My head" by The Fray, "Hurt" by Christina Aguilera, "Not Ready to Make Nice" by the Dixie Chicks, "Animal I have Become" by Three Days Grace, "Be Without You" by Mary J. Blige, "So Sick" by Ne-Yo, "Too Little Too Late" by JoJo, "Waiting on the World to Change" By John Mayer
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"Tea: a few minutes' peace amongst the constant battles of life."
— Terri Guillemets
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Travel Logs & Unsent Letters
Part One: 2006
24 December 2005: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
Draco,
I'm not certain how to get across exactly the way I'm feeling right now. I want you to know that I wish you all the happiness in the world. I always have, and I always will; but a part of me aches for that happiness to be with me. It wasn't supposed to be this way, you know? Our fairy tale was only just beginning, and now… Now it's a broken mess.
I guess I'm writing you to say… I love you. Please, don't go through with this marriage. There has to be some way, some loophole we missed in the betrothal contact. We were supposed to be forever, that's what you said. We had plans, wishes, dreams of forever. Don't...don't let me go, Draco. I can't go through this life without you.
Love,
Hermione
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1 January 2006: Travel Log #1
Sydney, Australia
Traveling again… This time without searching for Horcruxes or the threat of Voldemort down my back. Only, I don't feel any less scared. This time it's a different type of frightened. I'm so terrified of what the future holds, especially since I thought I had it all figured out. Brilliant job at the Ministry and a handsome man on my arm. Who would have guessed eight years after the bloody war and Pureblood idiocy would still manage to make my life a living nightmare?
I've arrived in Sydney to stay with my parents for a while. I think it will do me some good to be away from London and all the papers flashing news about the wedding of the decade. It should have been different, a different story, a different bride… I'm going to try to keep from thinking about it. This is a new year, and I hope it brings new beginnings, or at least gives me reason to move forward from this heartache.
Either way, I know I'll be okay in the end.
I've survived worse things than a broken heart.
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3 January 2006: Travel Log #2
Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
It's early. So early the sun has barely risen and already there are a smattering of people on the beach. Mostly, they're running, or walking, or just taking in the sunrise. A few of the restaurants are open for breakfast, allowing the early morning stragglers to get a small bite to eat or a fresh cup of coffee. I'm more of a tea person. I found a lovely little teacup at a random shop this morning. It has the Australian flag painted delicately on its surface. I don't know what made me buy it; it's not like I can use it to drink tea. Maybe, when I finally return home, I'll place it on my mantle to remember this vacation. Alas, the day is young and my mum will be wondering where I am. I suppose it's time to return to the house.
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14 January 2006: Unsent Letter to Draco Malfoy
France is one of my favorite places to visit.
Did you know that when you decided to take her there for your honeymoon, or was it her idea? I can picture the two of you strolling through the Louvre, hand in hand as you gaze at art as beautiful as you.
Did you kiss her at the top of the Eiffel Tower? Did you make love to her in your special suite, hoping to conceive a child while the city of lights illuminated your bodies through the window?
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25 January 2006: Travel Log #9
Sydney, Australia
Deciding to stay in Australia has been a wonderful idea. Maybe I'll never return to dark, old London. I can visit the beach with my mum and go to the flea market with dad. I can almost forget the pain and heartache that I left behind. I think I can do some good work for the Wizarding world as a whole if I can just get my head together. As I sit in my bedroom, I imagine a world that's not governed by societal norms created by Purebloods of the past.
If I never return, I can easily forget.
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31 January 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley
There are days when I remember what it felt like to hold your child within me. I remember the joy, the nervousness, the hope. Then, I quickly remember what it felt like to have that all fall to pieces in the blink of an eye. How can you look at me, even now, after all the time that has passed, and know that my body failed you-us!? I'm sorry, Ron. I wish I'd been stronger...that the effects from the Cruciatus hadn't cursed me this way.
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11 February 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
I've started something, Draco.
I will set you free.
I promise.
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14 January 2006: Travel Log #13
Sydney, Australia
Mum and dad took me to the Opera House tonight. It was beautiful! We saw Kiki and Herb and it was exactly what I needed to break through this fog I've found myself drowning in. It's hard to believe how much can change in a year but change it has. I'm not quite sure how to feel at the moment so I am going to join my parents for one last cuppa before heading to bed. At least I'm not alone.
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26 February 2006: Unsent letter to Kingsley Shacklebolt
Minister,
I am resigning as Head of the Magical Law Enforcement Department. I will not be returning. You may donate the items in my office to charity. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.
Thank you,
Hermione J. Granger
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26 February 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
Fuck off. Don't be so daft, Draco. Keep your job. It makes no difference either way. I'm not staying away because of you, I'm staying away because I don't trust myself to be around you without falling to pieces. I'm still desperately in love with you and I hate myself for it.
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15 March 2006: Unsent letter to Harry Potter
Why the bloody hell would I want to come back to celebrate St. Patrick's Day? I think I'll pass this year, Harry. I know you want to cheer me up, but I know he will be there with her. No, it's best that I stay away. Alcohol and unrequited love is a recipe for disaster.
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17 March 2006: Travel Log #20
London, England
I'm back in London for a short time. I'll be spending the evening drinking and catching up with mates from school. I'm not sure whether this is a great idea or the worst of all. Either way, I'm planning on staying for a while. I've missed Harry, Ron, and Ginny. When I am with them, everything almost seems normal. I have much work to do in order to eradicate all the Pureblood Laws, but I can take off one night for pleasure.
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18 March 2006: Travel Log #21
London, England
Last night was a horrid mistake. I drank far too much and let them get to me. I remember bits and pieces, fragments really, of the aftermath. It felt wonderful to be in Draco's arms once more. His cologne coupled with the scent of apples consumes me even now. I don't care that I cried myself to sleep or that I woke up alone… He brought me home and made sure I was safe. Surely that means he still cares? Maybe all this research I've started won't go to waste. Maybe once I've finished eradicating all the bloody laws Draco will come back to me. I'll make a fresh cup of tea and then get to work… A hangover never stopped me before.
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19 March 2006: Travel Log #22
London, England
I feel like I've broken all over again. How can one person suffer so much? Being here is nowhere as easy as I thought it would be. I've not left the flat since after the party, and I have no desire to do so. They'll be worrying about me at work, but I can't find it in myself to care. I'll probably lose my job, but at this point, it doesn't matter. In fact, I have no clue how long my side project is even going to take. I fear it will take much longer than anticipated. There's so much research involved, not to mention the sleepless nights, more traveling, and writing draft upon draft of the addendum itself. I will have to find some sort of balance between it all lest I lose myself in the process.
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28 March 2006: Travel Log #25
Ministry of Magic, London, England
I've forgotten how chilly it is in the library vaults of the Ministry. I have my thick robes on plus a warming spell cast, and I am still chilled to the bone. I've found some interesting information regarding the earliest instances of Pureblood marriages. As it turns out, they used to cast a spell on the first born son in a family. Upon his 18th birthday the magic activated within the wizard. He then had until his 21st birthday to find a suitable wife. I suppose that is where the deadline clause in Draco's betrothal contract came from. Luckily, the spell was outlawed in the early 1500's, but the practice lives on. I will have to keep looking for more information on this. I'm entirely intrigued, but also absolutely revolted. All this just to ensure an heir for the bloodline? It's madness.
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2 April 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley
Ron,
If you were so worried about me, why didn't you come talk to me? I hate that you feel like you have to talk about me behind my back. Have I really changed so much since Draco was taken from me? We're friends, Ron. You don't have to act like this. Please, just… I need you to talk to me. I could use someone to talk to about all of this. I really could. I feel so alone. Maybe it's time to go back to Sydney.
Hermione
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5 April 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
Draco,
Oh, look at me… I am an absolute disaster without you. You kept me together when I needed it the most. Now, my friends don't talk to me and I'm running away all the time. It's both a blessing and a burden that my parents live so far away from everything I know. I can escape here to get away from it all. I worry that there is something wrong with me… My friends seem to think so anyway. I need you. I need you to put my broken self back together again.
Hermione
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20 April 2006: Travel Log #32
Sydney, Australia
Ran into the strangest woman at the Australian Ministry this afternoon. She reminded me a bit of Luna, but with long black hair instead. Anyways, she let me sit down and interview her, but refused to tell me her name. She told me that some families still use that horrid spell that forces you to marry before your 21st birthday. The catch? It's used on females,not the males! What a disgusting practice. This woman apparently had the spell cast on her at birth and was forced to marry her husband the day she turned 18.
Luckily, she has a happy marriage, but she told me she just had to speak with me once she heard what I was working on. Apparently, word has traveled here about what I am researching. When I asked her for more information, she told me she could say no further, but what she's given me is enough to implement into my addendum. I will have to work on a new draft when I get home from dinner with my parents tonight. I'm going to be heading to the west coast this weekend looking for a lead this woman gave me.
Supposedly there is a secret Wizarding village where you can elope if you have a betrothal contract. The church there will marry you and keep you hidden from the authorities. The woman seemed a bit jumpy when telling me about it, so I'm not sure how reliable the information is regarding its whereabouts. It's worth the look anyway. Plus, it will be nice to get away from my parents for a while...and the pitying look I get from them each time I emerge from my room with tearstained cheeks!
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25 April 2006: Travel Log #38
The University of Western Australia, Perth, Australia
Who would have thought there would be a secret Wizarding community within this University?! Certainly not me. Perth is a lovely city, by the way. In my search for the elusive wizarding church, I stumbled upon a group of young witches and wizards. They told me all about the community here and brought me to the University to talk with a few of the professors. They knew all about me, of course, having kept up with information about the second Wizarding war. It's all a bit much, but they've been very accommodating.
If only my friends were the same way. I received a letter from Harry today. He's rather mad that I just took off without saying where I was going or sending any letters. I still have to write back, but I needed some time to cool off before doing so. I'm trying to set up a few interviews with Pureblood marriage counselors… It's funny, really, how there are specially certified marriage counselors for the Pureblood witches and wizards but not for the Halfbloods and Muggleborns.
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2 May 2006: Travel Log #41
Cottesloe Beach Hotel, Perth, Australia
I've decided to forgo attending the annual commemorative Hogwarts benefit dinner this year. I just can't wrap my head around the prospect of running into Draco and Astoria. I have no desire to get all dressed up in fancy robes and a fake smile only to suffer through an evening of pitying stares and endless questions about where I've been of late. I haven't been sleeping or eating the way I should. I should be worried, but I'm not. I'm just so numb to everything.
I am up to Addendum Draft #30 now. It seems like ages since I started this journey, when really it's only been a few months at most. There's so much left to research… I think I need to travel other places too, besides Australia, in order to gather more information. What about Russia? Or France? What are the marriage laws in Spain… Even the United States! This project will be endless, but it's the only thing keeping me sane right now.
I'm sure my friends are worried, I would be too, but this is just something I need to do. If not for Draco, at least for myself. I'll send another letter to Harry this week...and one to Ron too. If only so they don't come looking for me. I don't want anyone to see me like this right now.
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16 May 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
Draco,
I hope that this is all worth it in the end. I haven't slept for days. Days. Endless writing of drafts. Papers scattered all over the hotel floor. Scattered pieces of my heart written into the each and every line. I've never wanted anything as badly as I want to free you from the contract you were forced to follow. Do you even miss me? Do you even want me? I can't stand being alone any longer. I need out of this place.
Hermione
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21 May 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley
I am back with my parents in Sydney. Things got really dark when I was alone. I am afraid what I might have done if I hadn't come back here when I did. I'm in a bad place, Ron. I need you.
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23 May 2006: Travel Log #50
Sydney, Australia
Cut this trash out of Witch Weekly. I don't even know why I subscribe to this garbage. When the owl delivered it this afternoon and I saw the cover, I about threw a fit. It took mum three hours to coax me out of my bedroom. It shouldn't have come as a surprise. The entire point of Draco having to marry Astoria was so they could produce an heir to continue the Malfoy line. It still stings to see it's finally happened. The love of my life has moved on… Anyway, every time I read it I just want to punch Astoria in her Pureblood face. Clearly I am a horrible person. Why am I even saving this? I have officially lost it, as dad would say.
It's official! Baby Malfoy is on the way!
23 May 2006
Katie Bell
LONDON - Five months after their spectacular Christmas Eve wedding, Draco and Astoria Malfoy have announced that the first heir to the Malfoy family line is on the way! The announcement comes after months of speculation since seeing Astoria leaving the maternity ward of St. Mungo's Hospital earlier this year.
When asked about their soon-to-be bundle of joy, Astoria was filled with happiness. "The timing for this pregnancy couldn't have been any better. We were just coming down from our newlywed high when we found out we were expecting, and that just raised the excitement levels even more," Astoria told reporters in an exclusive interview.
"Our families and friends have been more supportive than we ever could have imagined. Draco and I can't wait to welcome Baby Malfoy into the world. Raising a family with the love of my life is a dream come true," Astoria continued.
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24 May 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
I just wanted to tell you congratulations. I think you will be a great father.
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30 May 2006: Travel Log #52
Sydney, Australia
Owls. Real original for a wizarding baby shower theme. What is wrong with me? Ginny is one of my best friends! I guess it's just adding salt to an open wound, receiving the invitation to her baby shower just days after hearing Draco is going to be a father. I can't decide if I want to go or not… I don't know if I can fake a smile through that sort of event. Not right now, anyway. It's just too hard.
Look whooo's having a baby!
Join us for a
Baby Shower Honoring:
Ginny Potter
Sunday, June 18, 2006 at 12:30pm
The Burrow
Hosted by Molly Weasley and Luna Scamander
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5 June 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I wish I could tell you that I forgive you, and that I understand, but I don't. I want you to know that I am doing everything in my power to find a way so that this never happens to anyone ever again. No one should have to suffer like this.
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8 June 2006: Travel Log #53
Sydney, Australia
I haven't really felt like doing much of anything these past few days. I think I scared my dad last night. He came downstairs to get some water in the middle of the night and found me hunched over at the table working on an addendum. Sleep is eluding me once more, and after finding out I'm still unable to carry a baby until full term, there was no way I was getting any last night. Damn Bellatrix and her bloody curse! I know that's what it's from.
After Ron and I lost our baby, I did a lot of research. As it turns out, fertility and pregnancy complications, along with tremors and memory loss, are side effects of being subjected to the Cruciatus curse for long periods of time. I'd hoped that my case was different, but it appears it is not. I suppose I will never have children of my own. Draco probably realized this when we had our pregnancy scare… The doctors said the same thing when that happened. He probably figured he might as well marry Pureblood Astoria Greengrass since Mudblood Granger can't bear children.
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13 June 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley
Ron,
I'm scared. I have these moments where everything just sort of hits me at once. All the pain and sadness from the past couple of years settles in my heart and I can barely breathe. I just collapse in on myself and forget about everything around me. I don't know what it means or why it happens. I don't know how to make it stop. My nightmares have returned too. I wake up screaming for you and Harry. Bellatrix's cackling laughter echoing in my ears. I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want the darkness to consume me. I don't want to lose myself. What do I do?
Hermione
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20 June 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley
If something happens to me, just know that I have always loved you, Ronald. You were my first love and my very best friend.
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28 June 2006: Travel Log #56
Darling Harbour, Sydney, Australia
It's time I return home. Ginny and Harry want me home for the birth of Albus. Such a lovely tribute, naming their son after our old Headmaster. Dumbledore would be honored. They won't share his middle name with me, saying they will tell everyone when he is born. It must be pretty pivotal of a name if they are keeping it under wraps. James Sirius was a beautiful tribute, so I can only imagine what they will do for this new baby.
The weather is lovely here at the Harbour today… A perfect ending to my trip. I'm worried about myself. These past few weeks have been some of my lowest points since after the war ended. My PTSD is really bothering me lately. Every little loud noise scaring me half to death. I won't even get into the nightmares. My parents are worried. So worried, in fact, that my dad sat me down just yesterday to talk to me about the war. He wanted to know what happened. That was a long time ago, I told him, but he insisted.
Today, I sent word that I would need a permit to apparate home to London. I can't handle the look my dad gives me each time I come into the room. It's like he knows I'm losing my mind, but he's afraid to say it out loud or ask me about it any further. I feel like a burden, and so I shall leave before that feeling gets any worse. I think I'll take the ferry to the other side of the Harbour and walk for a bit over there. Who knows the next time I'll be someplace warm. After all, Moscow is my next destination, and we all know what the weather is like there this time of year.
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3 July 2006: Unsent letter to David Granger
Dad,
I'm sorry for scaring you and mum while I was visiting. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I promise I am going to find out. I've not felt like myself for some time now, and I need that to change. I need to stop this insanity. I love you.
Hermione
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12 July 2006: Unsent letter to Harry Potter
I don't know if I am a good person anymore, Harry. I've been having such dark thoughts. I worry that I am not a good enough person anymore to be Godmother to James. I need to be committed.
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21 July 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
Draco,
Holding Harry's newborn in my arms, I couldn't help but wonder what it would like to be your wife, pregnant with your child. I remember thinking I was going to have your baby once… I was scared and excited all at once. It was terrifying, but nothing is as terrifying as the realization that I am not yours and that you are not mine. I sound like a ridiculous teenager, pining over her lost love. But it's true. I have lost you. Haven't I?
Hermione
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3 August 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley
Ron,
I'm losing myself. I couldn't even stand being in the same place as him. I panicked and just ran out on all of you. I hope Harry wasn't upset. I'll write you when I get to Moscow. I need to get away. I can't be around him. It's all too hard.
Her…
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4 August 2006: Travel Log #63
Soori Bali, Bali, Indonesia
I'm meant to be traveling to Moscow, but I needed to do something rash. Well, more rash than traveling across the world in search of information on Pureblood marriages, anyway. I have this old fashioned globe in my bedroom at the flat. I spun it, closed my eyes, and let my finger stop on a place to travel. Bali. That's where it landed, and so here I am. It's absolutely beautiful.
I splurged, dipping into the savings vault I have from being awarded a War Heroine. What other use do I have for one million galleons? So I helped destroy a Horcrux? So what? Oh well, that money is going to help me on this journey. Missing so much work is going to cost me. Kingsley already said so the last we spoke. He granted me permission to travel, but I am out of vacation and personal days.
Nevertheless, I intend to enjoy myself for the next few days before apparating to Moscow. I've sent all of my research and drafts ahead to the Mercure Arbat already so I won't be tempted to lose myself in them while here. I need a vacation, a proper one. This place is beautiful, and as I sit by the pool sipping a cup of tea, I feel at peace for the first time in weeks.
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9 August 2006: Travel Log #65
Mercure Arbat Hotel, Moscow, Russia
Moscow is far warmer than I anticipated this time of the year. Well, apparently we're having a 'heat wave', but I am not one to complain. After spending those few days in Bali, I will miss the sun and warmth. I'm interested in doing a bit of sightseeing before I buckle down and get to work. I have a meeting with the Russian Minister for Magic on Monday so I have plenty of time to enjoy myself.
This hotel is beautiful, by the way. I find myself rather lucky to be able to indulge in these traveling adventures. I miss my friends something fierce while away, but this is just something that I must do. I haven't really been 'alone' since before the War. This is giving me time to learn about myself and grow as a person. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
I still have to write to Ron and let him know I arrived safely, but I think I will find somewhere to have lunch before seeking out an owl. Besides, Ron has asked what I want to do for my birthday. I'm not feeling much up to celebrating so that will take me a while to come up with an idea. I know I'll go home to London, but that's still an entire month away.
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12 August 2006: Travel Log #68
Padlock Tree Park, Moscow, Russia
I was walking along the river just now and stumbled across the strangest trees. Well, as it turns out, they're not really trees at all. They're "trees" of padlocks. It's fascinating. I asked one of the locals passing by what they were, and he explained as best he could in his broken English. He seemed rather enthusiastic about the entire thing, explaining how he and his fiancee were planning to add to the display on their wedding day. It took everything I had to keep the smile on my face as he talked.
After he left me alone, I walked over to the trees and looked at all the padlocks. Sure enough, just like the man told me, each padlock had the names of a couple written on it. The tradition is that when you're married, you come to the bridge with your husband or wife and add a padlock to the trees. Actually…
As I was just writing, a couple appeared still in their wedding attire! They shared a kiss before clicking their lock into place. Everyone in the vicinity clapped and cheered for them. It made me sad, so I think I'll head back to my hotel room for the evening. I have notes to finish for my meeting with the Minister anyway…
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15 August 2006: Travel Log #69
Kupol, Moscow, Russia
I am absolutely disgusted after my interview with Abram Vinokurov! What a horrid man! I feel absolutely awful for his daughter. How can he say she will never marry anyone but a Pureblood!? This! This is exactly why I am doing this insane research! I don't want anyone forced into a marriage they do not want to be. While I wait for my dinner, beef filet with foie gras, I am going to start sketching out another draft for my addendum. This will make 105 now… Where has the time gone? Hell, I might even order dessert. I hear the rhum baba is quite delicious!
Addendum to Blood Purity Laws, Draft #105
Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.7.14: Family Involvement in Betrothal Contracts
Betrothal contracts should be created by the people they involve, not their families. Their families are not the ones stuck in a loveless marriage being forced to have children just to continue a race of pompous self-righteous jerks.
The family may be concerned about their blood line, but in this day and age, bloodline isn't what should matter. It should come down to who the persons involved want to be with and want to raise a family with.
That stupid, stupid spell. Families that use that spell on their daughters should be subject to the Unforgivable Curses. No one knows what they want to do or who they want to spend the rest of their life with before the age of twenty one, let alone before the age of eighteen. Hell, I'm pretty sure no one knows even after they get married sometimes.
Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.9.1: Rights of the Parties Involved
If there is a contract in place, the parties involved should be able to void the contract instead of being charged with a refusal to cooperate. Maybe the families get along, but the persons who are being forced to wed cannot stand each other.
I can't even believe there is an infidelity clause and rules for infidelity in these stupid things. What does it matter who is sleeping with who if the marriage that they are parading around looks happy?
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13 August 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley
Ron,
What if you had been the one with a betrothal contract? How would you feel then? How can you write me to say I am wasting my time. What if you and Pansy were forced to separate? Wouldn't you want to do everything in your power to get her back? I will keep going until this thing is over. When I'm finished, no more Pureblood Laws will dictate the witches and wizards of our society ever again.
Hermione
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27 August 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
Dearest Draco,
It's late...I should be fast asleep, but I am wide awake. I ache for you, my love. I miss you fiercely, and since I cannot be with you, I shall continue writing these addendums until I know I can set you free. Too much to drink and not enough sleep has led me to be quite open, it seems.
Do you remember our first night together? It was Valentine's Day and you thought I'd forgotten. We were so naive then, just learning about one another. You took me to The Tower and then we came back to my flat and watched a sappy movie. You kissed me and then we had some of the best sex of my entire life.
Is she as good as I am? Is she better? Does she satisfy you like I did?
H
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16 September 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley
Can I change my mind about coming home for my birthday?
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19 September 2006: Travel Log #74
The Leaky Cauldron, Diagon Alley, London, England
Ron and the others planned a special celebration for my birthday. I have to admit, I had a lot of fun. We spent the evening out and about in Muggle London acting as if we were tourists. We rode the London Eye and tried to make the guards at the palace crack a smile. No one was successful, of course. Afterwards we came back to Diagon Alley for drinks at the Leaky Cauldron.
I may have had a bit too much to drink, but Ginny and Luna agreed to spend the night with me in a room upstairs. Ron and Pansy were the first to leave, but I'm not surprised. Pansy is still a bit possessive of Ron, and after having about six or seven pints, I may have been hanging on him a little too much. I'll apologize next time I see her. I love Ron, but I'm not *in* love with him any longer.
I've just come down for a quick cup of tea before they close for the night. Well, Tom is telling me a letter came for me while I was upstairs getting settled. I wonder who it could be from?
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19 September 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
NINE MONTHS, DRACO! I HAVEN'T HAD A SINGLE LETTER FROM YOU IN NINE MONTHS AND NOW YOU SEND ME A BIRTHDAY MESSAGE! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? I WAS FINE! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE OKAY AND NOW THIS! HOW CAN I LOOK AT YOU AT WORK AND NOT FALL TO PIECES? MERLIN, I HATE YOU.
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21 September 2006: Unsent letter to Harry Potter
I'm leaving again. I'll be back when I can. I know you worry so I thought I'd...
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22 September 2006: Travel Log #76
Dylan Hotel, Dublin, Ireland
I wasn't planning on returning to Moscow until Christmas, but I've changed my mind. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a permit to apparate there until the 29th. I couldn't stand staying in London any longer either so I came here instead. The hotel is far more extravagant than I needed, but no one will think to look for me here. I can be alone and bask in my misery.
I've never been to Dublin, but I expect I'll visit again. I think I will go and visit the Cliffs of Moher tomorrow after I've tried to get some rest. I also must see the monument to Oscar Wilde. Perhaps I should take some of his sage advice…
"With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon, who could not be happy?" -Oscar Wilde
He is right. I am free. I have my books. There are lovely flowers to be seen, and well, the moon-she is gorgeous. What I wouldn't give to be out among the stars. Wouldn't it be amazing to just leave all this behind and venture to a new world? I'm being silly. The late hour and the three glasses of merlot I had at dinner must be getting to me. I will rest for now. Tomorrow is a new day.
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23 September 2006: Travel Log #77
Cliffs of Moher, Dublin, Ireland
Staring out at the sea, I wonder what the future holds for me. I go from moments of clarity to these moments of such darkness where I find that I can't even breathe. I've been here all day watching the tide come in and out, the clouds roll across the sky, the sun rise and fall. It's an endless cycle of the unknown. What will tomorrow bring? Is it all worth it? I sound ridiculous.
I scared myself today. I ran at the edge, almost certain I wouldn't stop. But I did. I did stop. I fell to my knees, breathless and trembling. I knelt there for so long my legs went numb and my back ached from being hunched over. I didn't cry. The tears simply would not come. That didn't stop my chest from aching like I'd had my heart ripped right out. Then again, maybe I have…
Someday this will all make sense. Someday, I'll be whole again. Until then, I'm going to keep on traveling and researching until I find my purpose. Because there has to be a purpose to all of this, right? Why else would I feel so drawn to this task? Why else would I go to sleep and wake up wanting nothing more than to finish what I've started? I worry. I worry about myself, but more than that, I worry there is no end to this madness.
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30 September 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
I've been carrying around the letter you sent me on my birthday. I don't know what else to do with it. Do I burn it? Throw it away? Write you a thank you note? Why would you even bother to send me a letter after all this time, Draco? Do you still care for me as I care for you? Is there hope for us yet? I love you. I want you. Only you. I promise, I'll set you free.
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3 October 2006: Travel Log #80
Mercure Arbat, Moscow, Russia
And so it's finally happened. Astoria has given birth to Draco's heir proving, once again, how she is a better match for him. The bloody prophet arrived this morning with the story flashing across the front page! Merlin, I feel so stupid pining after him all this time. The birth of this child is proof that Draco has moved on from me. So he sent me a birthday letter? That doesn't mean he wants me any longer. Here I am, alone in cold Russia while Draco welcomes his beautiful son into the world. Just imagining what the future has in store for Draco and his family makes my heart twinge. I want that...a family of my own…
I don't want to be alone forever.
Draco and Astoria Malfoy announce the birth of their son, Scorpius!
3 October 2006
Demelza Robins
LONDON - An heir has been born! Draco and Astoria Malfoy welcome son, Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, early this morning weighing in at 3.7 kilograms and approximately 52 centimeters long. The happy family welcomed the grandparents at the hospital to join in the bliss.
"We are excited to welcome our beautiful son, Scorpius," Draco told reporters as the family prepared to leave the hospital to begin their new life at home. "Astoria and I are excited to start this new adventure as parents and cannot wait to see what the future has in store for the three of us."
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5 October 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
Draco,
I want to wish you the most sincerest of congratulations. I've seen the papers, and Scorpius is a beautiful baby boy. I hope you are happy. I know you're going to be a wonderful father. The best of luck to you and your new family...
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10 October 2006: Travel Log #85
Mercure Arbat, Moscow, Russia
I've fallen into a bad place and I can't seem to drag myself out. I'm afraid of what I'm becoming. I'm afraid of what I might do. I can't sleep or eat. All I do is research, write, and revise addendum after addendum. It's the darkest form of therapy. When I do manage to pull myself up long enough for air, I walk around Moscow in a daze. I don't know where I go or what I do, but I always end up back here in my room.
Sometimes, I fall into fits of sleep, but those don't last long. My nightmares bring me back to consciousness. When this happens, I crawl back into bed after being ill and read through my travel logs. This notebook grounds me...I can see a change in who I was and who I am...who I may become… I don't know how to stop this.
When my hands ache from too much writing, I organize my teacup collection. I have so many now. It all started with that one in Sydney. Each time I travel someplace I've never been, I buy a new one. I have three from Australia, two from Moscow, one from Bali, and another from Dublin. I don't know yet what I will do with them, but they're so pretty to look at.
The sun is rising, so I should probably try and sleep…
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11 October 2006: Unsent letter to Jean Granger
Mum,
I need you.
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12 October 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley
Ron,
I can't get out of this bed. I can't do anything at all. I can't…
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14 October 2006: Unsent letter to Harry Potter
Harry,
I'm worried too, but I can't reach the floo.
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16 October 2006: Unsent letter to Jean Granger
Mum,
I got your letter, but I don't know what to say other than I'm falling apart and I don't know if I can put the pieces back together again. I'm embarrassed because you and dad taught me to be stronger than this. I'm going under…
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16 October 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley
Ron,
help…
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1 November 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
Draco
Nearly one hundred addendums in a single month… I vow to finish this journey for you. I may not survive, but I will set you free in the end. The dark is rising, clouding my brain and making it difficult to write...to breathe...to live… But my love for you is strong, so strong. I must…
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7 November 2006: Travel Log #87
St. Marinov Magical Hospital, Moscow, Russia
I am such an idiot. I've been admitted to the Wizarding hospital here in Moscow. Yury found me the day before last nearly comatose in bed. Severely dehydrated and exhausted, I'd been unable to answer the phone or get in touch with the front desk for a few days to pay my room fees. They'd sent up the bellhop to check on me. I feel horrible for scaring him as I did, but he saved my life.
After sending word to Kingsley and Ron, I also finally replied to Harry's letters too. I need to floo my mum and dad when I'm finally released because apparently they've been worried too. In all the time I've spent fretting over my damn addendum drafts, I forgot about myself and how losing myself would affect those around me. I'm going to try and be better. I should go home to London, but I'll stay until the holidays like I'd planned.
It can't get much worse than this.
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23 November 2006: Travel Log #90
Red Square, Moscow, Russia
I'm sitting here people watching in the Red Square. It's cold, far colder than I need to be subjecting myself to right now. The Healers told me to rest, relax, and make sure I eat and get enough fluids. I'm trying. Honestly, I am.
My parents will be arriving on the 4th of December so I just have to keep myself together until then. I asked Yury what else there was to do in Russia this time of the year and he gave me a few suggestions. I might try them out, but I also might just try and get myself put back into some sort of order.
I don't know who I am anymore, and I don't like it. Not one bit. What do you do when the person that made you whole leaves you behind? Where do I start? I need guidance. I'll find myself eventually. I never give up. It's getting late and I still have to find a quiet restaurant to eat.
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24 December 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy
Happy anniversary…
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25 December 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley
Ron,
I hope you understand why I'm staying away again this year. It's just too hard being around your huge, loving family. I want a family like that… one of my own… It's going to be hard enough coming back and re-immersing myself in regular life. It's going to kill me being in Draco's presence every single day at work trying to solve that new case.
How am I going to stand knowing he's happy? That he has the family he always wanted? When is it going to be my turn? What do I have to do to get my happy ending? Run to the edge of the universe? Because I would. I would do anything to be happy again. I'm going to need you, Ron. I know I don't usually ask for help, but I am now. I need your help, Ron. Please.
Hermione
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31 December 2006: Travel Log #96
Mercure Arbat, Moscow, Russia
It's our last full day in Moscow. My parents and I will be celebrating the New Year at St. Basil's Cathedral tonight, and then tomorrow they fly back to Sydney while I apparate home to London. It's hard to believe that this time last year, I was packing my bags for Sydney. I never knew this journey would turn into such a huge part of my life, but here I am.
Mum and dad think I am going to run myself into the ground, and they're probably right. I can't stop now, though. I just finished Addendum Draft #300 today which is a feat I never thought I'd achieve. In all honesty, I expected to give up before reaching one hundred. We'll see how many more I need to do before it's complete. Maybe, if the Minister allows it, I can do a bit more traveling after this new case and finish up before the next year rolls around. I'm also hoping this next year brings less teardrops and more happiness. Fingers crossed. Happy New Year.