The Choices We Make
MadaSaku
Part one

With trembling hands, Sakura slowly lowered herself onto the bathroom floor before her knees gave out on her. She exhaled shakily, no longer sure if the churning of her stomach was from what she had just learned or rather the morning sickness she suspected she had been experiencing for a few days now. Most likely a little of both.

It felt unreal. She had thought she had just been pushing herself too hard and not taking care of herself again as the hospital once more became overrun with injured shinobi. With summer about to be in full swing, the number of missions always increased as small cities bordering their country requested the assistance of their ninja. Never once had she considered the possibility of being pregnant. Not until Shizune had teased her the night before when she walked into their shared office to find Sakura demolishing an entire box of donuts by herself.

Sakura would have taken a test right then if not for the fact an entire squadron had been rushed into the ER from an ambush. The women had spent the whole night fighting for the lives of their comrades and while Shizune had chosen to celebrate their victory by catching up on some sleep, Sakura had slipped away to the bathroom.

Another rush of emotion swelled in her chest as she pulled the test from the counter to hold it at eye level. There was no mistaking the double blue line that told her she was expecting, but there was no relief or happiness. Only aching anxiety of what she would do now.

Pressing a hand to the base of her throat, Sakura closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wall, no longer able to stare at the plastic stick. How the hell did this happen?

Well, she knew how it happened, but how did it happen?

Sakura didn't need an exam to tell her how far along she was. She already knew she was approaching her sixth week as it had been that long since the last time she'd been with anyone. She tried not to recall that night, but it was hard not to now that she was facing the consequences.

A coded scroll had come in from Suna. Normally Shikamaru was their go-to cryptographer, but with him being out of the village on a mission, the Hokage had asked for Madara, the Head of the Uchiha Clan, and Sakura herself. Having worked with the older male on multiple occasions and even once healing some nasty wounds from a hard-won battle, they had worked together comfortably, their intelligence and intellect easily melting together.

Until they deciphered the letter to find it was from Temari detailing Suna's plan to protect itself from the ever-growing threat from the Village Hidden in Valleys. Attached had been a second page they would later learn after decoding it was a very personal note for Shikamaru, describing in far more detail than Sakura ever needed to hear exactly what the Sand kunoichi would do to him the next time she came for a visit.

Her conversation with the Uchiha Head had turned more brazen and flirtatious after that. Somehow, they had ended up half-naked as Madara took her on the very counter they had been hunched over only minutes before with her thighs around his hips and his arms caging her in as their mouths kissed every inch of skin they could reach.

It had been a one-time thing. They had parted ways and never spoken of the matter again, even on the occasion when they shared tea and perhaps a meal. Sakura hadn't regretted their night together. Until now.

Again, the question of what she would do crossed her mind. She needed to tell Madara. But she didn't want to tell him. With his status, it was all very complicated and things could get very political very quickly. She would have to calculate and consider everything very carefully before she did anything.

But not right now. Right now, all she wanted was to go home, sit on the couch, eat a tub of ice cream while she cried and take a nap. All in that order.

And that's just what she did. Except after Sakura kicked off her shoes and made a beeline to her freezer, she realized she didn't have any ice cream. Or any food in her fridge at all that hadn't already expired. Tears immediately sprang to her eyes and she slammed the door closed before she wiped at her face furiously.

Sakura would not allow herself to be overcome with emotion. She was a strong kunoichi, in every sense of the word. She had trained under the Godaime herself, she was the first person in the village to kill a member of Akatsuki, she had mastered the Yin Seal and she...and she had gotten herself pregnant with Uchiha Madara's child.

Sakura promptly burst into tears again. Through blurry eyes, she found her way to her couch and unceremoniously plopped down onto the cushions before she buried her face in her hands. She didn't know how long she cried as she curled into herself but eventually the tears stopped as she drifted off, her body and mind in need of rest.

It was unclear how much time had passed before Sakura roused again. She woke groggily, her bones like heavy stones and her eyes itchy and puffy. She felt no better emotional or physically than before her nap, and she was content to just roll over into a more comfortable position and fall back into the blissfulness that was sleep when she realized she wasn't alone.

Slowly Sakura rolled over to face her quiet visitor, already having recognized his chakra. Though what he was doing in her little living space, she had no idea.

Kakashi.

He was sitting in her armchair, the one she frequented often while reading through medical textbooks and journals, his feet propped up on the corner of her coffee table and his familiar, orange book in hand. Some moments passed, the silence broken only by the soft rustling of a turning page, before Sakura finally pushed herself up, aware Kakashi would not have stayed if he hadn't a reason.

After rubbing a hand over her swollen eyes, Sakura peered at her old sensei. He was dressed as usual in his black, shinobi pants and three-quarter sleeve shirt while his mask and forehead protector covered the majority of his face. His boots were absent, left next to the door by her own, as was his Jounin vest but otherwise he looked no different than he normally did. She eyed him tiredly. He didn't look injured. So what did he want?

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

Her voice was quiet but raw and rough from her earlier release of emotion. If her face hadn't yet given away the fact she had been crying, her voice definitely had but she made no move to cover it up. Kakashi had been a part of her life for over ten years; he had probably noticed something was wrong the moment he walked through her door - or snuck in her window. She hoped that wasn't why he stayed.

"Whenever I'm late, I always like to think of an excuse before I meet with the person," Kakashi said without lowering his book. "However, since I didn't give you the opportunity, allow me to offer you some. 'Lost on the path of life' is always a personal favorite of mine. As is 'A black cat crossed my path, you see, so I had to take the long way around.' They're both very good so please feel free to take your pick."

Confused, Sakura's brows furrowed as she shook her head slowly. "What're you talking about?"

This time Kakashi did lower his book to peer at her with his visible, dark eye. He studied her a moment before he sighed. "It appears you've forgotten about your poor, old sensei. We were supposed to meet to spar three hours ago."

Her expression remained unchanged until a vague memory resurfaced of her agreeing to meet him just before noon before getting a quick lunch. In all that had happened that morning, Sakura had completely forgotten and she let out a low groan as she pressed her palms to her eyes before she dragged her hands down her face.

"I'm so sorry. A squad was ambushed late last night and I..." Sakura trailed off as she recalled the little, white stick she had thrown into the back of the deepest drawer of her desk. Tears filled the corners of her eyes, but she swallowed thickly and blinked them back. "A lot just happened this morning and it slipped my mind."

"I see," Kakashi murmured. "Are you alright?"

The quiet concern coloring his tone immediately brought her tears back with renewed vengeance and a few escaped down her face before she was able to wipe them away. "No," she said shakily. "I mean yes, but I...I don't know."

He stared at her perplexed. "Okay. Do you want to talk about it?"

Sakura's immediate reaction was to shake her head and keep it all bottled up, but she trusted Kakashi and she knew if there was one person she could talk to about her situation, it was him. Her old sensei may be a little dorky and a lot of a pervert, but when it came to personal affairs, he could be trusted with even the darkest of secrets. She took a breath as she prepared herself for what she was about to reveal.

"You've fucked up before."

Kakashi blinked. "Thanks…I think?"

"No," she corrected. "I mean, you know what it's like to make a mistake. A horrible, horrible mistake."

His confusion was evident even behind his mask, but he nodded slowly nonetheless. "I have. More times than I care to count."

His honest admission gave her some reassurance but she still hesitated before finally saying the words she hadn't yet admitted to anyone: "I slept with Madara."

"Last night? How…?" Kakashi asked. "Wait, was this before or after the ambushed squad."

"No. It was a month and a half ago."

"Oh," he murmured. But he was always excellent at reading 'underneath the underneath' and his eye widened. "Oh."

Automatically his gaze dropped to her stomach and she looked away as her eyes filled with tears again. The room lapsed into silence with the exception of her soft sniffling and Kakashi waited for her to regain most of her composure before gently prodding, "Are you two...is he courting you?"

A hollow laugh escaped her as she wiped the dampness from her eyes. Her mascara from the night before stained her fingers and she let out a soft curse as she attempted to wipe the black smears onto her shorts. She looked up when she suddenly found Kakashi standing next to her, a tissue in his hand, and she murmured a quiet thanks as she accepted it from him.

"No," Sakura finally answered as she cleaned her face. "It was a one-night...thing."

"Were you drunk?"

She looked at him sharply as he settled himself beside her. "Why do you ask?"

Kakashi merely shrugged unapologetically. "I'm not judging you. Uchiha Madara's kinda known for being an ass. I'm just surprised you'd do him. Willingly."

It was a moment before her glare faded. "It just sorta happened."

"It always does," he muttered quietly. Then louder he added, "Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know. I mean, what will happen if I do?" she asked. "He's the Head of the Uchiha Clan. Am I going to have to marry him?"

Kakashi shot her a mildly amused look. "You're the Godaime's apprentice, Sakura. She would kill Madara before she allowed anyone to force you into a marriage with him."

His light teasing caused a small smile to caress her lips but it quickly faded. "Still, this child is half-Uchiha. You know they're not going to let me raise it on my own. They'll want to train them as a shinobi, whether it's what me or the baby wants."

"Then will you terminate?"

His question hung in the air like a physical weight. She had already considered the option but just like the time before, she felt her throat close up and her heart ached behind her ribs at the thought. Sakura had always wanted children - at least one girl - but she hadn't planned for one this early in her career and she didn't know if she was ready for one yet.

"I don't know," she eventually whispered. "There's a lot to consider."

Next to her Kakashi nodded, fully aware that the decision she was to make was hers and hers alone. "Well you don't need to decide right now," he told her. "Or even today or tomorrow. Just think about it. But you'll need to decide before you start to show. You don't want Madara to learn by rumor."

She nodded but didn't reply as she picked absently at her tissue. Kakashi rested a supportive hand on her shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze before he withdrew his touch. He was never one for physical contact but the simple gesture gave her some solace and the heavy burden on her shoulders felt lighter - if only a little.

"Do you need anything?" Kakashi finally asked.

Sakura pursed her lips together as her chin trembled slightly. "Ice cream."

He blinked in surprise and opened his mouth, but his words seemed to fail him. She got the impression he was about to tell her that hadn't been exactly what he meant but then his shoulders slackened and an amusement smile formed under his mask.

"What flavor?"

tbc...

I'm sure many of you are wondering why I haven't updated anything in quite so time. To put it simply, May was a horrible month for me. Without exaggeration. So for now, I'm going to write some angst until I feel better and then I will get back to my other stories.

So prepare yourself because it's going to get worst before it gets better.