Author Notes
Hey there everyone! I know amnesic Honoka story already exists. :'3 But I can't say no to a friend's request! And don't worry, it's different. Reasons for Honoka's memory loss and recovery alike, they should be different. :'3 At least, I've already come up with the plot, so…I won't be influenced by other sources. –chuckles-
I hope you like this bobzity-san! :D
And to every reader: May you enjoy~
The music faded. Her vision faded. She only felt a hard thud to the right side of her head which hit the floor headfirst where she fell. The high fever made everything so painful as she felt the cold of the rain and heat from the fever engulf her body where she laid on the cold, wet floor. And then it was all black. The cries of worries for her name soon became nothing too.
Kousaka Honoka has fainted during their live performance for the School Cultural Festival.
After that unfortunate and fateful incident, Honoka would experience her sight blurring when she walks or runs, but she just shakes her head with her eyes shut tight each time. And when her sight returns to normal, she puts on a smile again and continues with her idol and daily activities.
"Kotori-chan~~!" Honoka shouted in delight as she ran towards her ash-grey haired childhood friend who has yet to hear the news.
"W-What?" Kotori was surprised by the hug from her energetic childhood friend.
Eh? What was it that I want to say? Why am I hugging Kotori-chan?
Honoka paused as she felt a throbbing in her head, but it didn't last that long as she heard her other childhood friend's voice.
"This." Umi lifted the notice paper in her hands.
"E-Eh?" Kotori stuttered still confused and Honoka pulled away from embracing the ash-grey haired girl, putting her hands softly on the ash-grey's shoulder.
"We did it. We really did it!" Honoka remembered the good news she wanted to share. "The school won't be closing down! We really did it!"
"It's…not a lie!" Kotori beamed as the news settled within her and Honoka returned an equally touched and relieved smile.
"Mmph!"
Everyone decided to have a mini celebration of their success in letting Otonokizaka High not be closed down. Halfway through, Umi calls for everyone's attention.
"I know this is sudden, but…Kotori is going overseas to study… She will leave Japan in two weeks." Umi's solemn tone was the only sound in the extended clubroom.
Honoka sat in silence.
Kotori-chan is leaving? Leaving Japan? Ugh.
Honoka felt a slight throb in her head.
And some confused murmurs from the others were heard.
Kotori could only keep her head and eyes lowered as she explained, doing her best to keep her voice from breaking. "I've always wanted to study costume design… And then, my mum's friend from the overseas school offered me a spot to further my studies there… I'm sorry… I wanted to tell you this sooner, but…"
"Kotori did not want to dampen the mood during the School Cultural Festival, so she chose not to tell then." Umi added with the same solemn tone.
"So that's why recently…" Nozomi didn't finish her sentence about noticing Kotori's upset mood lately.
"You're not returning once you go, right?" Eli asked.
Kotori nodded. "Probably not until I graduate from high school."
Everyone felt a knot tying in their stomachs from the news, and they did their best to control their emotions, but one did not.
She just couldn't. Honoka stood up, slightly wobbly, both from the impact of the news, and the stinging pain in her head.
"Why…didn't you tell me?" Honoka questioned as she approached Muse's designer, her closest childhood friend.
"As I said, there was the School Cultural Festival." Umi helped answer, though she leaned backwards at Honoka's approach.
"You knew about it." Honoka stated, her lips pressed in a crooked line as she tried to hold back from crying and bursting into a mess of emotions.
Umi and Kotori both flinched from Honoka's blunt statement.
"I…" Umi didn't know what to say as she stared at the ground unable to keep eye contact with the gingerhead who was obviously hurt.
Honoka placed her hands softly above her childhood friend who was soon to be leaving and asked gently. "Why didn't you tell me? I understand that there was the live, but…Umi-chan, Kotori-chan and I have always been together!"
"Honoka!"
"Please try and understand Kotori's feelings-"
"I can't understand!" Honoka shouted as she held back the tears that threatened to explode from her shimmering blue orbs. "She's leaving! We've always been together, but we're going to be separated! Yet…" Honoka lowered her head, the pain was threatening to split her apart, but she held on.
"I tried to tell you a bunch of times…" Kotori started, and Honoka looked up, shocked to hear that the ash-grey said she tried to tell her. "But you were so focused on the live performance…focused on Love Live…" Kotori smiled despite the melancholy weighing inside her. "So I was going to tell you after the show… I was going to discuss with you about it…but that happened…" The tears escaped wet golden eyes. "I wanted to tell you! I wanted to discuss it with you before anyone else! After all, you were my first friend! And the friend that has always been beside me!" Kotori hunched her back as the tears continued to fall, and she revealed how much she wanted to speak to her first and bestfriend but couldn't.
Honoka's mouth was left agape and dry as she wanted to desperately say something, but every single word that Kotori laid out on her just served as a blow to her already aching head.
"Of course…" Kotori stood up abruptly causing Honoka to fall backwards. "Of course I wanted to tell you!" Kotori ran off in tears, unable to stay and face everyone, unable to face her dearest friend.
"Kotori-chan!" Honoka stood up, her face was flushed as she felt the world around her turning blearier as her childhood friend ran off, down the corridors, getting further and further away from her.
Umi continued defending Kotori, telling Honoka why she was not informed, and that Kotori most probably did not want to go, how much Kotori wanted to speak to Honoka, asking Honoka to understand. But those words barely reached the gingerhead who could only stare at the empty doors, the ringing in her head only resounding louder and louder, as the pain increased tenfold till she felt nothing.
Honoka stumbles her way out of school alone after finding out that Kotori is leaving Japan for good, and has ran away from her.
"Kotori-chan…"
Honoka gripped her arms tightly, nails digging into skin as the pain from the thought of losing her childhood friend and the pain from her head tried to eat her whole.
It's all my fault… Kotori-chan is leaving because I did not notice.. Kotori-chan is leaving because I did not notice how much she was worrying… Because I did not notice Kotori-chan wanted to talk to me… Because I was so caught up with Love Live… Because I overworked myself and fainted… Because… Because I'm such an insensitive idiot!
Honoka blamed herself over and over again as her legs brought her onto the road before the traffic turned green. A fast approaching blinding light seemed to engulf Honoka's entire existence as a loud beep of the car got her attention.
Am I going to-
Honoka didn't finish her own thought as she blinks and back stepped as best her clumsy legs could bring her. Her ankle tripped on the pavement she backed up to and fell, the back of her head hitting into the curb with a loud thwack.
"Ugh..!" Honoka groaned on the ground. She escaped death, but her head still suffered, now from an external injury too.
"This is all my fault…" Honoka curled up on the cold ground as the tears left her blue orbs that no longer shined.
Maybe ten minutes passed, or an hour. It didn't matter. Honoka wasn't dead. The pain in her head subsided enough for the gingerhead to push herself off the ground to trudge her way back home. Even though her head felt slightly damp and pain, she did her best to ignore it and go home.
Kotori is leaving. Everyone is upset, but staying upset doesn't help the situation in any way. So Eli suggests having a final live with the nine of them before Kotori goes. Honoka is still blaming herself for all that has happened, and really…
"This will be the last live with all nine of us."
Eli's words rolled inside Honoka's head, and she didn't like the sound of it one bit.
Last? Live? Nine of us?
Honoka decides she does not want to have anything to do with performing anymore. What's the point? There's no meaning in continuing. And so…
"I quit. I quit being a school idol."
Nico was stopped by Maki from raging at Honoka physically, but her other childhood friend was not going to stand around doing nothing.
Umi grabbed the ginger's hand and gave a tight slap that stung the gingerhead and herself at the same time. Though it wasn't just Honoka's cheek and heart that ached. She felt a throbbing pain shoot through her head again, as though an old wound was opening, but even so, the pain in her empty heart resounded louder.
Later at home, Honoka blacks out in her room.
Coming to after an unknown amount of time, Honoka held up her phone, and opened her photo album. Staring at some of the images that held scenes of a blue haired girl, ash-grey haired girl and a ginger haired girl smiling broadly; Honoka frowned as she could not remember what exactly happened then for the three of them to be smiling so happily.
Honoka got Kotori to stay in Japan after she had a heartfelt confession with Umi and received the push to run after their childhood friend that was at the airport.
Honoka stopped Kotori from leaving and brought her back for Muse to perform START:DASH together. And finally, all is well and happy as a new chapter was beginning.
All it took was one more simple accident to break the already existing crack.
Honoka felt happiness well up in her heart. She was genuinely glad that everyone is still together. Honoka smiled from the bed she was sitting on, but as the faces of each member in Muse appeared in her head, as she tried to remember the performance that just ended; everyone's happy and satisfied smiles. The images swirled and blurred within her, Honoka held her aching head in her hands and tried to shake the pain away like how she's always done.
"Ugh…"
Honoka got onto her feet and tried to walk, but trips on her own unstable feet. She hits the side of her coffee table, rendering her unconscious.
The next morning, Honoka's younger sister, Yukiho enters her room to wake her.
"Onee-chan, why are you sleeping on the floor? You'll catch a cold like that! Do you want to fall sick again?" Yukiho shook Honoka who was lying on the floor.
"Nn…" Honoka came to slowly.
"Onee-chan, Onee-chan. You're going to be late again! C'mon, wake up and prepare for school!" Yukiho gave a light slap to her sister's shoulder to urge her older sister off the floor.
Honoka stared at the redhead squatting close to her. She felt scared as she closed her lips tightly together, afraid and unsure of what to say.
Who is she? Where am I? She's calling me 'onee-chan', so…I'm her sister? If that's the case…I shouldn't worry her…
"… School..?" Honoka asked.
"Yeah. Change into your uniform and go to school." Yukiho points at Honoka's uniform and the gingerhead nods slowly.
After changing into her uniform, Honoka went downstairs and was greeted with more unfamiliar faces that seemed to be her mother and father.
Honoka clenched her fists.
There's no point scaring everyone. It's better if it's just me who's afraid…
Honoka decides to handle all the scary and lost feelings on her own as she pretended to know who she was talking to. Skipping a hearty breakfast, she left for school.
Her body seems to know the way down the streets that was familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.
"Honoka-chan!" Kotori who saw her childhood friend at the front called, but there was no response.
"Honoka-chan!" Kotori tugged her childhood friend's hand for her attention.
The gingerhead jumped a step away from the sudden contact. "Who?!"
"Honoka-chan, good morning!" Kotori greeted with a bright smile.
The gingerhead returned with a blank stare.
I'm Honoka..? I think my mum was calling me Honoka earlier too… Who is this though?
"Honoka-chan, are you still half asleep?" Kotori teased, though the lack of response made her smile turn small.
"Good morning, Kotori, Honoka." Umi approached from behind.
"Good morning, Umi-chan." Kotori turned to greet her other childhood friend that has arrived.
So her name is Kotori? And the other girl is Umi… She seems to know me too…
"Let's go to school together, Honoka-chan!" Kotori chirped happily, brushing off Honoka's earlier reaction due to being half asleep.
"L-Let's, Kotori…" Honoka replied and turned to walk.
"Honoka, are you okay?" Umi asked as her eyes observed how Honoka took really long to respond.
"I'm okay..?" Honoka replied uncertainly after she realized she was being talked to.
"You usually address Kotori with a 'chan' added." Umi pointed out.
"Now that you mention it…" Kotori commented softly.
Uh-oh… I made a mistake with how I address others… What should I do? They both look worried already… I don't want to worry anyone, so…
"I-I was just trying something new… Heh heh…" Honoka laughed awkwardly to her lame excuse.
"Is that so?" Umi believed Honoka and continued on her walk.
"But I'll stick to the…usual…I suppose…" Honoka mumbled the last parts.
Whatever usual is…
Apparently they have physical education today. Halfway through, Honoka felt faint as a slight pain in her head greeted her.
"Honoka, look out!"
Honoka turned sluggishly at the shout of caution, the next thing she felt was a ball in her face, and she is hit unconscious.
"Honoka!"
"Honoka-chan!"
Voices of concerns that were not heard by the already fallen gingerhead rushed over to her side.
Honoka's heavy lidded eyes slowly pried open to the conscious world.
"Nn…" Honoka groaned softly when she tried to move her arms that felt heavy as lead.
The movement got the attention of the other occupants in the nurse's office immediately, and blurry blue eyes were met with eight worried faces.
"Honoka-chan!"
"Honoka!"
The eight people with worry-stricken expressions called loudly.
"Honoka-chan, thank goodness you're awake!"
"Honoka, how are you feeling?"
"Honoka, I'm glad you're okay!"
"Honoka-chan..!"
Many concerned words were spoken. Relief had replaced the worried expressions of the eight other girls.
However, the one girl that they were concerned for had an expression they could not comprehend or wanted to see; the ginger haired girl on the sick bed had an expression equivalent to that of fear and confusion.
"Honoka..? Are you feeling alright?" Umi posed the question on everyone's mind.
"Who..?" The ginger haired girl asked through her hoarse voice filled with uncertainty and that lurking fear.
Honoka's question brought upon a deadly silence in the nurse's office and a fast creeping feeling of dread in the eight other girls' hearts.
"Honoka-chan..?" Kotori held the ginger haired girl's right hand in both of her shaky ones. The ash-grey haired girl felt the hand flinch from her touch, and she felt her heart breaking even more than it already was.
"Honoka…Stop messing with us…" Umi tried for a smile, though her expression betrayed her, the doubt in her heart showed on her face. Almond eyes looked into almost seemingly blank blue eyes and Umi caught the slight head shake the ginger haired girl did.
"I'm-"
"Honoka-chan…D-Do you know who I am?" Kotori was crying as she pulled the ginger's hand closer to her, just like she was holding onto hope dearly for Honoka to just tell her this was all a nasty prank.
The ginger haired girl turned her head to look over at the crying ash-grey haired girl. "I'm…Honoka?"
Kotori sobbed.
And everyone else felt their heart break further.
"You're Kousaka Honoka…" Nozomi spoke up though her voice cracked at the last part.
"Honoka-chan…Honoka-chan! Honoka-chan! You can't forget me…Us…!" Kotori shouted in between her waterfall tears and hiccups. The ash-grey stood up and pulled the gingerhead into a tight and desperate embrace. "I'm Kotori! I'm Minami Kotori! Your childhood friend! Honoka-chan…"
The gingerhead again flinched at the sudden contact. She could only just sit there and be hugged as she felt sorry for the ash-grey haired girl that's hurting so much. But…she just doesn't know who they are. She can't remember.
"I'm sorry…"
Kotori cried harder.
"Kotori…Don't…" Umi placed a hand on the shoulder of her broken childhood friend to pull Kotori away.
Once Kotori slumped back down on the chair with her continued sobs, Umi had her eyes back on Honoka on the sick bed.
"Honoka…" The gingerhead took two seconds longer than necessary to respond to her own name.
Umi frowned and bit her lip. "Honoka, I'm Sonoda Umi. Also your childhood friend…"
Honoka blinked and lowered her gaze to the white blankets. "I…I'm sorry, I-"
Umi broke. She did not want to hear an apology. She wanted her Honoka back. "I don't want to hear you say you're sorry!"
Umi stepped closer to Honoka and had a strong grip on Honoka's shoulder; the gingerhead winced from the strength.
"I-"
"Say you're Honoka! Say you're Kousaka Honoka! Say that you know who I am! Who Kotori is! Who Muse is!" Umi shook violently at her childhood friend's shoulders as tears fell from her eyes.
"M-Muse..?" Honoka asked as she was being shaken.
Umi's world was a blur from the constant and abundant falling of tears as she was pulled, no, pried away from her dearest childhood friend.
"Umi, get a grip of yourself. Calm down. You're hurting Honoka! Umi!" Eli tried to be the voice of reason and calm as she bit back the tears that threatened to fall from her own blue orbs.
Umi shook her head violently as she hugged her own cold arms and stood to a side.
Nico decided to speak up next as she took a step in front. "Y-You couldn't possibly have forgotten about the Universe's Greatest Idol, Nico..right?" Nico put up the best Nico-nico-ni smile and pose she could do at the moment for Honoka.
"Idol..?"
Honoka's question only served to plummet everyone's hearts even more.
Hanayo turned away, unable to watch any longer as she broke into sobs from where she stood, her hands covering her eyes and mouth.
"Honoka-chan… Kayo-chin…" Rin's water works had long begun as she looked to the gingerhead with the sad, confused, yet blank look, before embracing her bestfriend to seek comfort with each other.
"Don't…Don't mess with me, Honoka! Idols. We're school idols!" Nico shouted and might have jumped the ginger haired girl if Nozomi did not place two hands on the shorter girl's shoulder to hold her back. "Nozomi, let me go!"
"Honoka-chan is hurting…" Nozomi choked back her tears.
"We're hurting!" Nico screamed and fell to her knees as she let the tears fall from her ruby eyes. She hated herself for that; an idol should keep smiling, a friend should stay strong for a friend that's hurting…
The redhead that has kept silent for a while now approached the gingerhead.
"… I'm Nishikino Maki." Maki bit her lip after introducing herself again to the ginger haired girl who is supposed to already know her, know her a lot, know her well.
The ginger haired girl looks at Maki and nods slowly.
"Can I hold you?" Maki asks, her fingernails digging into her arms.
"If…If that helps…I'm sor-"
Maki cut Honoka's apology off by pulling the gingerhead in for a hug. Once her face was hidden from Honoka, hidden from everyone else; the tears she tried to bit back rolled down endlessly.
Honoka felt her back got wet, so she knew. She also felt the hands that held her gripped at her shirt. Yet, there was nothing she could do, but just sit there.
After some time, Maki sniffled and roughly wiped her eyes to clear the tears before she broke from the one sided hug.
"I've called the ambulance. You need a checkup. Understand?" Maki informed, and the ginger haired girl eyes' widened before she nodded her understanding.
Author Notes
I'm in pain. I feel for Honoka and all of Muse. And I'm the one who wrote this. Sheesh! OxO
Things accumulate, and snowballs. Honoka's memory loss was a sooner or later thing with all that happened to her!
So how was it? Do let me know what you think! XD By the way, I'm sorry for putting everyone through the sadness and pain from Kotori almost leaving Muse, Japan and Honoka again! And Umi slapping Honoka... OxO I felt pain too!
So~ Leave a comment or review if you like~ XD (while I go attempt to recover from the hurt…)