Chapter 11: The Empty Orchestra

James couldn't keep his eyes off of River for all that he was concerned she was the only person in the room. The night was far from a complete disaster now that that he confessed his love to her and she felt the same way. He wanted to dance with her, to feel her embrace him and to kiss her again.

"Oh no he is," Inara said in a weak tone. "I can't believe he bringing that thing out."

"What thing?" James asked as he stared at Melchior in fascination as he was plugging in wires and pressing a few buttons. He was familiar with the screen and what looked like speakers and there was a strange glossy black podium. "What is it?"

"Empty orchestra," River said.

"That is a high tech orchestra?" James asked as he continued to study the machine. "Or the orchestra is filmed and to be projected on the screen."

"Japanese empty orchestra," River explained. "You drink and you sing and it tells you how to sing. There are words and you don't forget."

"Testing one and two," Melchior's voice was broadcast via the microphone. "I know the events of tonight have been erratic and not gone down to anyone's plan, but since some of you are still here I think we can still have fun."

"You gulp!" One of the guests shouted.

"An the ones who stay are mostly either drunk or immature," Inara said and sighed.

"I know who you are, spud," Melchior said and pointed at the crowd. "But we are going to do this karaoke a little different. When you get up here and sing it would be a song your character would sing, or a song about your character."

"Too easy," River said as she smiled at James. "But I can't wait to listen. Your voice is beautiful."

"I will give it a try," James said with a shrug.

"I'll go first," Melchior said and pressed some buttons on the podium. "There are thousands upon thousands of songs here so there should be something and if you need help looking for one I'll lend you a hand. Here we are." He stood up next to the screen as a loud electric guitar twang was heard followed by some beats and more guitar music.

"This is a type of rock and roll?" James asked. He had started to tolerate and even like the genre but this type was a bit harsh.

"Very heavy and full of iron and other types of metal," River added. "British like you."

"Has he lost his mind? Can he see or is he blind?" Melchior sang. "Can he walk at all or if he moves would he fall?"

James listened along with his held tilted. He wasn't sure if he liked this type of music, or song in particular although that guitar riff will be hard to forget.

"If his goal is to help people relax and enjoy themselves I believe it is working," Inara said as the other guests were clapping along to the beat and laughing.

"So it is perfectly fine not to be able to sing at all?" James asked.

"Exactly," Inara said.

"My turn!" Jayne shouted as he ran up towards Melchior and the machine. "Yo Mel you got this song?" He whispered into the odd genius's ear.

"Yup."

"Should we be afraid?" James asked.

"We are always afraid when it comes to Jayne," Inara told him as different music started.

"Spiderman Spiderman does everything a spider can," Jayne belted out.

Luckily for everyone the song was short and their Captain took the microphone.

"Howdy y'all," Reynold said as he waved at everyone. "Not a pirate but a specific pirate. He was a real person back in his day and he was quite the character and he walked around like this." He swaggered around while mimicking Sparrow's hand movements. "And he would talk like this. Mate you have a nice ship but you are lacking in the rum."

"He had to be him," James said in an exasperated tone while he placed his hand against his forehead. "I still don't know what possessed his mind to be Sparrow." He relaxed when he felt River stroke his back.

"But enough about Captain Jack Sparrow," Reynolds said. "Gonna croon ya little ditty that they sang back in the age of sail." He cleared his throat. "Yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me. We pillage we plunder we riot we loot."

"Elizabeth taught him that song," James said. "I remember when she was a child and a lieutenant and she was singing that song."

"She taught Mal?" Inara asked. "He barely talked to her or Will Turner except to get those captures for you."

"And I am grateful they did," James said as he remembered watching the screens as the young couple said their final goodbyes and wished that James would be happy in the future. Their wish came true he was very happy in the future. "Elizabeth taught Sparrow that song."

"But he did sing it," River reminded him.

"He had sung it yes."

"And I don't know how they managed to dance around to those shanty songs," Reynolds said once his song was over. "I have a feeling though our next performer should be the King himself." He pointed at James. "Elvis Presley."

James walked up to his captain, gave him a pat on the shoulder and turned around to face the applauding crowd.

"Thank you, thank you very much." He typed in Hound Dog on the keys and and turned to face the crowd. His eyes were on River. He listened to music and glanced at the screen. "You aint nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time." He didn't need to look at the screen. He had been practicing the song for days as well as the dance moves. He swung his hips in a gyrating motion and even reached into the crowd grabbed River by the hand and spun her around while the crowd was cheering and dancing along. When the song ended he let out a howl.

Simon carefully put the needle into the ballerina's arm and pulled out a little bit of blood into the pen like tester. He stared at it and waited a few seconds for it to digitally beep with the results. He smiled when the green light lit up.

"I'm going to be all right?" The ballerina asked.

"You are devoid of any toxic material," Simon said. "I would book a follow up with your personal doctor to be certain. I am certain the Hammonds would allow you to borrow a guest room to rest if you need to."

"That won't be necessary," she said with a smile. "I can make it home with my boyfriend and I will sleep it off."

"That was the last one," Tatum said as she wiped her brow. "Some small disaster usually befalls these parties. I wasn't expecting anyone that would require my skill."

"None of us were," Simon told her. He glanced over his shoulder to see Kaylee was still talking with Dennis. "We should reunite with our crew since I'm sure this event is over."

"This has to be your first Hammond Gala," Dennis said with a laugh. "Usually after the disaster the karaoke machine is brought out. Always eases up tension and good for a few laughs."

"Really?" Simon blinked and turned to Kaylee. "Did you hear that? They are going to have a karaoke machine."

"Might get to hear you sing," Kaylee said.

"Don't think there is enough alcohol in the universe that will get me up on stage."

"I'm sensing a challenge," Kaylee said and took her husband by the hand and led him to the ballroom where there was still a decent size crowd and were in the middle of watching Inara as she was singing a classic song. "Oh no, we didn't get to hear the whole song."

"Oh," Simon gasped as he watched the companion.

"Men grow cold as girls grow old and we lose our charms in the end," Inara sang while everyone else either watched or dance. "But square cute or pair shape, those rocks don't lose their shape. Diamonds are a girl's best friend."

"She's really good," Kaylee complimented. "I mean I knew she would be, but it's nice to hear her sing."

"Fit's the character," Simon said as he and Kaylee weaved through the crowd and paused to where most of their crew was.

"Maybe that's part of the game," Kaylee guessed.

"All sing in character," River said. "Everyone is better."

"Thanks to you," Simon said and gave his sister a small hug.

"My turn," River said as Inara set down the microphone. She approached the machine, typed something in and smiled and the crowd.

"I wonder what song she is going to choose," Kaylee said and embraced Inara when she returned. "That was beautiful."

"I wasn't planning on singing," Inara said. "But River and James insisted that all of the 1950's trio sing."

"She usually doesn't sing unless she is paid to," Mal said.

"You almost went the entire evening without insulting my profession," Inara said. "I thought you were slipping."

"Don't have nobody to call my own," River sang. "Please turn on your magic beam. Mr. Sandman bring me that dream."

"Beautiful," James said. "The dream was beamed to me when your sister and I crossed paths."

"I see—what?" Simon asked and turned to James. He listened to the lyrics his sister sang and eyes widened when he realized what the former commodore meant.

"Doctor Tam I have to inform you of this fact. Your sister and I are in love with each other and I wish to court her."

"What?" Simon asked, ignoring his wife's squeals of delight. "What."

"Don't give yourself a heart attack," Reynolds said as he place a hand on Simon's shoulder.

"No he can't. She's my-"

"Adult sister," Inara reminded him.

The song ended and James walked up to River as soon as the two embraced they shared a deep kiss and Simon wanted to tear through the crowd and land a fist on him.

"His lips are on her," Simon sputtered. "She is kissing a man. They are kissing."

"That's pretty obvious, doc," Malcolm said. "You gotta let her go and think of it this way. You saved her and healed her. She will always be your sister and part of our family but she is not a child."

"It's too soon."

"It always feels like it is too soon," Inara added. "But you can't hold her back. River is in love. You fell in love with Kaylee and it isn't fair that you can but she can't."

"I-I need time," Simon said. "And maybe a few drinks."

"Don't worry doc," Mal said with a grin, showing off the fake gold grill. "I'll give him the special hell talk."

"Yes…yes that would be good."

Zoe watched the events with the karaoke from a safe distance and hoped that no one would try to hand the mike to her. It wasn't because she felt she was a horrible singer, nor was it because she didn't know any songs that a gorgon would sing even though that part was true. It was because she didn't feel like singing period. She was also more interested in learning facts about the case.

"He only applied the poison to the spinach puffs," Mrs. Hammond said after she and her husband had finished talking with the police. "The only food that he had prepared."

"That's good right?" Jayne asked. He was joking around with Brusque since they were both laughing about something. "Nobody is gonna get sick."

"It's good for everyone, but we did have to throw perfectly good food away," Mrs. Hammond said.

"You can never be too careful," Zoe assured her. "Sometimes you have to take the necessary precautions."

"Those finger lie tests really worked," Jayne said. "Maybe use them on those guys that framed his boyfriend. See if they was fibbing."

"We will be looking at the recordings more closely," Mrs. Hammond said. "See if Chandles was unfairly fired and I'm pretty sure he was and if still unsure we will have Melchior build his own version of the tests."

"Will you hire him back if he was innocent?" Zoe asked

"Without a doubt." She sighed. "Not sure if he would stay with Obadiah, not after what he had done, but then love can cause you to do strange things. By the way my husband and I wish to give your crew a small award. It won't be enough but it can purchase fuel to get from one end of our system to the other."

"That will be more than enough," Zoe said and smiled at her crew. Kaylee was embracing Simon who wouldn't stop staring at his sister and James who were holding hands and even Inara and her captain were leaning against each other.

"Looks like everybody is hooking up with each other," Jayne said. "How do long you think it will take Mal and Inara to stop arguing and bang?"

"Jury is still out on that one," Zoe said. "We have been waiting forever it seems."

"No kidding." He placed his hand on her shoulder. "That just leaves you and me."

"Jayne I am going to ask you politely to remove your hand before I actually move it and force it up your backside so hard you will be spitting it out."

Brusque chortled while Mrs. Hammond tried to keep from laughing as she approached her husband.

"Not going to do anything about this hostile situation?" Jayne asked as he stared at Brusque.

"Hell no," Brusque said. "I kinda hope she does but I also hope she waits so I can get me some popcorn."

"You wound me," Jayne said.

"Not as much as she going to."

"You laugh anymore and I'll do the same to you only twice as hard."

"Ever think about what you say?"

"No he doesn't," Zoe said as she walked way and approached her captain. "Enjoy performing for your audience sir?"

"I know of several salty singalongs," Mal said. "Figure to wait until everyone has a go ahead before I take the mike again. What about you."

"Not really in the singing mood, sir. I am in a good mood, and not just because of the party. We are receiving an award for our little rescue."

"Reward," Mal repeated. "What kind?"

"The kind that pays for fuel and food."

"Wait a second. We did the noble and good thing. The thing any good person would do and not ask for payment and you accepted the cash?"

"I thought that is what you wanted, sir."

"Of course I do," Mal laughed. "I'm just messing with you. Good thing we did decide to make a cameo."

"Very good," Zoe said with a smile. "Figure things would wind down after everyone has a go at the machine."

"Pretty much. We'll thank our guests and head back. Get some sleep and then back to kissing the sky."

The karaoke had gone on for another hour and it gave the kitchen staff enough time to prepare fresh food although most were wary to try, even when Jayne sampled a treat from each dish several decided to wait until they returned home to eat and Mal couldn't blame them even though he couldn't pass up a free mini brisket sandwich.

Most of the crowd left the area after Melchior put away the contraption and continued to dj a few more songs. Mal's crew engaged in one last group dance before they thanked the Hammond's for a lovely evening and returned to the ship to change out of their colorful duds and get ready for some shut eye.

"I would love to do this again," Inara said as she sat on the scaffolding looking over the cargo bay. She was still wearing her costume. "I can always let you know when another costume ball is thrown and which planet."

"Save it," Mal said. He was seated next to her and had removed the coat, the bandana and the wig. "This was a one time thing."

"What about for Halloween? I can always look up which planets have the best parties."

"If it means bobbing for apples and free candy then sure," Mal said as he grabbed onto his fake beard and pulled. He cringed as he tried to rip it off.

"I have some sealant remover balm in my shuttle." She placed her hand on his shoulder. "I'm glad to see you having fun for once."

"I have a lot of fun. What are you talking about?"

"You were becoming cold and distant and hard again." She watched as both James and River where in a deep embrace. "You have been complaining about everything is changing."

"Change can be good," Mal said. He also was smiling and the new couple below them. "I wonder how long until I have to start planning for their wedding."

"I'm sure it will be low key," Inara said.

"Good night," James said to River. "Have pleasant dreams."

"Nightmares have left since you appeared," River told him.

"Good thing the doc is in bed," Mal said as the two kissed. "Still in shock."

"Naw he aint in shock anymore," Jayne said. He was standing next to the entrance of the galley. "He's boning Kaylee in their bunk."

"We really didn't need to hear that," Inara said.

"It's true," Jayne said with a shrug and looked down at the cargo bay. "I wonder how long till he slips her the sausage."

"Jayne go to your room now," Mal said in a low voice. "You are grounded until the morning."

"Aye, Aye, captain," Jayne said and left.

"And the magic is ruined," Inara said.

River looked up at them, grinned and waved before she headed towards her bunk. James looked up at them, placed his hands behind his back and smiled, lifted his eyebrows once and headed towards his bunk.

"Our little princess is all grown up," Mal said.

"Where are we headed to now?" Inara asked. "Finances are still slim."

"Always slim, but now we can still eat probably take on passengers, see if anyone wants to head to Santo. Let Zoe spend time with family, let Jayne swipe some more money and see if we can find some work."

"In other words back to the usual," Inara said and stood up. "I'm going to get you that balm before I retire for the evening."

"Good cause this thing itches." He scratched at his chin. Things have changed and were changing and he was just going to have to roll with it, just as long as he keeps her flying.

The End

"Iron man" lyrics written by Geezer Butler

"Pirates Life for me" Lyrics by Disney

"Hound Dog" Lyrics written by Jerry Leiber

"Diamonds are A Girls Best Friend" Lyrics by Jule Styne and Leo Robin

"Mr. Sandman" Lyrics by Pat Ballard