So I'm still writing, apparently, despite no laptop. I can write short oneshots on my phone as I did at work a few times last fall, and writing is one of the few things that helps me cope with everything, so I'm still trying. My multi-chapter fics will have to wait until I have a computer again, but I can't stop writing, I guess. Apologies for any minor grammar or tense issues in this – it's even harder to edit on a phone.
When Toby leads Happy out onto the dance floor and the first notes of the Dem Bones remix starts playing, Paige realizes she should have known that it was going to hurt. She's spent the past few days trying to mentally prepare for the awkwardness of seeing everyone again, but she clearly hasn't done enough.
The ankle bone connected to the leg bone.
The leg bone connected to the knee bone.
Paige's chest feels like it's constricting around her heart.
As far as the rest of the world knows, it's Happy and Toby's song. Arranged for them, debuted as a dancing song by them, and danced to only by them. And they hold each other close, swaying, foreheads almost touching as they move around the center of the dance floor, looking at each other like there weren't any other people in the room.
Well, not quite. Paige knows them well enough to know if no one else was there they'd be consummating by now. But still. The way they look at each other is the way anyone would want to be looked at. Paige has been looked at that way before, and she's given that look, too. She's given that look more recently then the rest of the world thinks.
The hip bone connected to the back bone.
The back bone connected to the shoulder bone.
Walter is standing on the other side of the floor. Is he thinking of the same thing she is? Of the night just over a month ago when he extended his hand to her, late at night at the garage, with no one else there, and they'd slowly swayed to this exact song? Of how close they'd been to one another? Of the way their eyes had hesitated making contact at first, but once they had, they hadn't broken it until minutes after the song had faded out?
His memory is very capable of blocking things out. It's been a defense mechanism of his all his life. Maybe he's not thinking about that night at all.
Paige wishes she could compartmentalize as easily. She is going to remember that night for the rest of her days. Vividly. It had felt like they were moving toward something. Something she wanted. She'd gone home that night with her heart pounding. It felt like a beginning.
She's had to spend the past month realizing that it wasn't. It was the last wonderful moment before the other shoe dropped.
All of it is difficult. It's lovely to be back among these people, her friends, her family, and she regrets pushing them away as she attempted to survive by quitting cold turkey. She needs them, her son needs them, even if only in a casual, non – professional capacity. But it still hurts to not be what she used to be to them anymore. Her life still feels vacant, despite being so full of money and people and luxuries. The most fulfilled she's felt since leaving Scorpion was today, when, of course, she helped on their job. And on Monday she will go back to her job at Elia Industries and Team Scorpion will go back to saving the world. That's how it is now.
Walter lifts a hand and runs it absentmindedly through his hair. Paige feels a pang in her chest. She's missed him so much. Her anger at him has long since faded – maybe it shouldn't, maybe she should still be upset, but she's not – and it's been replaced with a gaping hole that aches to be filled. Filled with late night conversations and sideways glances and jokes and smiles and little touches. That's not all she wants with him. She's come to terms with that. But she's willing to take what they had before. She would find a way for that to be enough. Having something with him is better, she knows all too well now, than having nothing at all.
The shoulder bone connected to the neck bone.
The neck bone connected to the head bone.
Walter and Toby would both point out that the 'head bone' wasn't the medical term. Although Walter hadn't said anything like that the night they danced. He's improving. He's always improving. Even when he's regressing, he's aware. That's improvement in itself.
A small smile comes over his face as he watches Happy and Toby. He's not even looking at her and Paige feels her heart rate increase. With it comes the inevitable sinking feeling in her stomach.
They'd been so close.
She'd even been looking forward to this wedding, letting herself imagine that maybe something might happen here. She feels her cheeks flush as the thought brings about a rush of embarrassment. What a fool she was. Every time she loves someone it ends badly. Carter, in high school. Then Drew. And now Walter.
The two final words of the song – my love – fade out, and Paige sighs, looking down. Everything she wants is in this room. Her son, her family, the man she loves. She knows one thing for sure – she's taking nothing for granted. Ever again.
"Milady."
She jumps. Sly has come up on her without her knowing. "Hey." She knows her smile is warm. Her affection for Sylvester knows no bounds.
"A little bird told me that the next song is really fun to dance to. Dance like a fool." Sylvester smirks. "The only way I know how."
Paige notices only now that the first dance is over and that Ray and Cabe are out on the dance floor tapping their feet to whatever the D.J. has put on. She doesn't recognize it right away. She looks back at Sylvester, who is smiling and tipping his head expectantly. "Group boogie?"
Paige chuckles. "Yeah. Okay."
She follows him out onto the floor, joining the others. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Walter wandering toward the refreshment table. She shakes her head to clear it. Right now, she's not going to angst over him. Right now she's letting loose with her people, and trying to forget that come Monday, they will be here, together, and she will be back to elsewhere.