A/N: Wow, it has been a crazy few months and this chapter is WAAAAAAAAAY overdue. I appreciate all of the readers who have stuck with me through this hiatus! Y'all are amazing! I've been picking away at this chapter for a while, but it was time to put it out there, so I hope you like it. Please enjoy!
"Who are you?"
Those words bounced around Rick's mind like an echo chamber, yet he could not wrap his head around their meaning.
She was right there, his wife, his best friend, the mother of his children…
His wife…
"Michonne-"
"Mommy, Papa's here!" Andre squealed obliviously, yanking happily on Rick's coat. "Papa's here!"
Michonne's eyes widened slightly, the room spun, her mouth was dry.
"Give him to me," she quietly ordered in a tone Rick did not recognize. She barely recognized it.
Beads of sweat formed on her face and her skin flushed.
Everything felt wrong...
"Michonne, what hap-"
"Give me my son, now."
She has amnesia!
Shane's words finally clicked and once again, Rick found it difficult to breathe.
She doesn't know who you are… she doesn't know who you are… she doesn't know who you are-
"Mommy, look!" Andre giggled, pulling on Rick's beard. "Mommy, look at Papa!"
Michonne gasped, attempting to reconcile her son's words with her own ignorance. Her mind fired away with conflicting thoughts, fear and anticipation coursed through her body, she could barely think straight. She wanted to move, but her legs anchored themselves to the wood floor, leaving her spiraling.
"Andre," she began, looking away from Rick's piercing gaze. If she looked at him any longer, she wasn't completely sure what she would do. "Andre, this is… this is Papa?"
"Of course," the boy responded just as Sasha, Shane, Abraham, and Jesus walked in.
"You don't remember me."
His eyes caught hers, haunting her dreams with warmth, love, desire, and agony as realization finally dawned. It was the most painful thing to see and she suddenly felt nauseous.
"You weren't there," she muttered so only he could hear.
It would have been better to pierce him with her katana.
Sasha came over. "Maybe we should take this into another room," she suggested, noticing other Hilltopers coming out to investigate.
"I couldn't find you," Rick whispered, ignoring Sasha completely. "Michonne, I looked… They kept moving you, I couldn't find you or Andre or Judith… Jesus Christ, where's Judith?!"
Michonne's eyes flickered up and Rick instinctively moved towards the stairs, but Ryan moved to block his path, which only provoked Shane to get involved.
"Hey, back off!"
Shane intercepted him, hand on his throat and a knife in the other. "You better watch yourself, asshole."
Instantly the foyer was filled with drawn weapons and shouted pleas to calm down. Jesus and Tyrese attempted to pull the men apart while Daryl and Abraham threatened each other with a drawn pistol and crossbow. Andre cried. Sasha moved to help.
Among the chaos, Michonne's heart raced and her vision blurred. Her legs wobbled. The room spun.
From upstairs, Judith's wails pierced through the fray.
"ENOUGH!"
The room stilled, all eyes on Michonne.
With a shaky voice, she gathered herself with a deep breath. "Rick, could you please wait in the library?"
When he did not immediately move, their eyes met and she forced herself to ignore the fluttering in her stomach. Steeling herself, Michonne motioned to the library. "We need to talk privately."
There was a strange formality in her voice that took Rick back to the day they met, back when he was just a sheriff and she was just a lawyer. Back when he was a stranger to her…
Judith wailed and Michonne winced.
Rick wanted desperately to go upstairs, but as if in a bid to confirm in the most painful way possible just how much of a stranger he was to her, Michonne reached out for Andre.
"My son."
This can't be real…
"Michonne-" He stopped, catching Sasha's alarmed shake of the head before the woman sidled up to Michonne and whispered something in the woman's ear. Michonne's eyes widened, Sasha nodded towards the stairs.
"I'm… I'm going to go get her," Michonne disappeared, leaving Rick stranded.
"Did you really look for her?"
The searing rage that flashed through Rick's eyes took Sasha by surprise before Andre tugged on his father's shirt, sniffling.
"Papa, don't leave again," he whispered into Rick's shirt. "Please don't leave again."
Rick wept.
After returning order to the manor, Sasha looked for Michonne, who was gone much longer than expected to take care of Judith.
"Michonne?"
She quietly entered the room and sat down beside her friend, observing the woman quietly as she rocked Judith back and forth. Tearstains marked Michonne's cheeks. Her eyes were red, puffy. Detached.
Sasha touched her arm.
"Oh… hey, Sasha." Michonne looked around. "Where's Andre?"
"The library, with his father," she answered carefully. "Ryan and Tyrese are with them."
Michonne looked down at Judith. "His father…" She gasped and looked around frantically. "Sasha, that's what Andre called him… Papa." Running her fingers over her child's hair and tiny features, she saw him… saw him clearly in Judith's face. "He's their father, Sasha. He's real…"
A silent nod brought tears to Michonne's eyes. Sasha embraced her quickly, rocking back and forth.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be… Andre cried. I honestly don't think I've seen a grown man cry as much as cowboy did," Sasha muttered. "Hell, I even cried."
"Sasha."
"Sorry, I did… this is like one of those stupid Lifetime movies."
Michonne nudged her friend. "Sasha!"
Offering an apologetic smile, Sasha kissed her friend's brow. "Sorry…"
Taking a deep breath, Michonne wiped her face and tried to clear her head. "He's down there now?"
"Yeah… he's doing pretty well with Andre too." Michonne raised an eyebrow and Sasha shrugged. "He's doing great, actually, but considering how emotional that was, I'm trying not to give him too much credit just yet." Michonne's eyes wandered to the door and Sasha took her shoulders. "Hey, look at me… you don't have to do this now. I gave them the broad strokes, mostly to keep him at bay… if you need time to gather your thoughts, take it. He's not going anywhere. Not anymore."
Michonne shook her head, shifting Judith around in her arms. "No… I need… I need answers, Sasha… I've been dreaming about this man for God knows how long, and now he's here, he exists, he's real, Sasha… he's real… and I deserve answers."
Sensing her friend's hesitation, Sasha recalled the exchanged looks in the foyer and the immediate intimacy that was hard to decipher, borne beyond simple dreams. Sasha knew this could cause problems if they were not careful.
"Michonne, look at me… I'm with you, no matter how this turns out, I'm with you. When you're ready, we're gonna go down there and get answers… we're hopefully gonna find out who that man is and who you were before all of this started. And while I will admit that his reunion with Andre was a beautiful thing to witness, I've also seen how taken Andre is with Abraham and must remind you that your son is a notoriously terrible judge of character so…"
Michonne released a watery laugh and rolled her eyes, feeling some of the tension fade. "You're ridiculous…"
"Yeah, maybe…" Sasha's face became serious. "Michonne… of all the things we don't know about who you were before all of this, and of all the things we've pieced together from your ID and Andre, the one thing we know for sure is that you and him weren't together when the world fell apart."
"Are you saying I shouldn't trust him?"
Sasha shook her head quickly. "No!" Biting her lip, she glanced over at the door and lowered her voice. "No, that's not what I'm saying… what I am saying is that you had crazy sexy dreams about a man we weren't even sure existed until a few hours ago and now he's out there being 'Daddy of the Year' and… well, it'd be impossible if it weren't happening before my eyes."
"What are you trying to say, Sasha?"
Michonne sensed her friend's apprehension, mirroring the tiny nagging feeling in the back of her mind.
"What I'm trying to say is… I saw the way he looked at you and the way you looked at him." Michonne blushed, confirming Sasha's assumptions. "All you know of this man is from those dreams."
"And Andre."
"Andre's three and he liked Derek the first time he met him. Seriously, Michonne, he's not best judge of character," Sasha pointed out with a tiny smile before she sighed. "What if you're only recalling the good memories? What if there's a reason you weren't with him?" Sasha seemed to be struggling with the hint of skepticism she had introduced. A hint of doubt. "I just want us to be careful and deliberate until you..."
"Until I get my memory back?"
"No, because that may never happen," Sasha responded bluntly. "I meant until you're sure… this can't be easy, having an intimate history with a man you don't remember… having children with a man you don't remember, especially given the last few months… You held back from Ryan because I think some part of you hoped, against all odds, that something like this would happen. But now that we're here you have to actually deal with this and I just…" Taking Michonne's hand, Sasha took a deep breath. "I like this place, Michonne… this is the most stable situation we've had since the world ended and that's accounting for this whole Negan situation. There are other communities working together and this whole thing with Rick… I just want to be careful."
Michonne smiled, understanding her friend's reservations. Pulling Sasha into a hug, she released the rest of the tension she was holding.
"Thank you… I love you."
Sasha's hold tightened. "I love you too."
"Also, I don't want to talk about the dreams… not yet… they may be memories, but… I suppose there's also a possibility that they're just dreams."
Sasha snorted. "Yeah, but considering how much more attractive he is than you led me to believe, wouldn't it be great if they weren't."
"Sasha!"
"Sorry." They released each other and Sasha stood up, motioning to the door. "I'll go check on them. You take your time-"
"No," Michonne stood up with Judith. "I should go out there. I need to go out there."
They stopped at the door and Sasha paused. She went back to the bed and grabbed Michonne's katana, handing it over to her friend. "You ready to do this?"
Michonne kept her eyes forward, securing the katana to her back. "Don't leave my side."
"Never."
When they reached the library the door was ajar so Michonne peered through to see Abraham and Ryan standing on the far wall of the library near the windows. Andre played by the coffee table and Rick sat on the floor with him, his back to her. They were coloring and Andre seemed to be three hours into the story of how they had all arrived at the Hilltop.
As she came through the door, she caught sight of Shane at the desk, speaking with Tyrese and Glenn. He was the first to see her.
"Rick." He inclined his head towards her and the man turned, standing quickly when he saw her. They stared at each other, briefly lost again in a strange moment of momentary recognition.
"PAPA!" Judith screeched. "Papa!"
Before anyone could stop him, Rick was at Michonne's side, cupping Judith's face to calm the baby as she reached out for him. Without thinking, Michonne relinquished her daughter into his arms, watching in amazement when Judith immediately fell quiet, clinging to Rick as if her life depended on it.
"Oh, look at you," he gasped. "Look how big you've gotten."
"Papa," Judith murmured, tugging on his beard. "Papa!"
"Hey baby," Rick cooed. "Oh honey, I've missed you so much, oh God, I'm so sorry."
"Papa," Michonne repeated slowly, still trying to comprehend her children's response to this man. She stared into his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that warmed her body and she almost laughed. Sasha was right. She needed to be careful. The real thing was more powerful than the dream.
He started to reach for her but stopped himself, clearly unsure now of how to address her. "I… are you okay?"
Taken aback by his question, she nodded slowly. "Yeah… I'm okay."
She's lying, he thought.
"Hi Mommy," Andre waved from the table, pointing to Shane. "Look, Uncle Shane is here too!"
Michonne looked up at the man, surprised that her child recognized another person. "Uncle Shane?"
"Shane… I'm Shane." He seemed uncomfortable as well and she glanced over at Sasha, suddenly unsure of herself.
"Um… okay, well…" She glanced over at Abraham and Ryan. "Would you two give us a moment?"
Ryan frowned and came over to her, a little too close for Rick's liking.
"Michonne, we should probably stay," he suggested, looking over her face with worry. Perhaps a little jealousy. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"
Placing a hand on his arm, she offered him and Abraham a smile. "I'm fine, really. I just need some time, to figure this out," she replied, somewhat apologetically. "Please."
Ryan's eyes darkened, but he acquiesced, shooting a strange look in Rick's direction that only Shane caught before he and Abraham left.
To avoid an awkward silence, Michonne decided it was best to just jump in. "So… Rick Thomas, you-"
"Grimes," Shane corrected as Rick sat down on the couch next to Andre.
"What?"
"Rick Grimes…" Shane motioned to Michonne. "Your last name is Thomas."
"Really?"
"You kept your name," Rick finally added, scooting forward on the couch and placing a hand on Andre's head. "What hap…" He stopped himself from asking that question again. He aggravated Sasha with it nonstop while they waited for Michonne. As crazy as this all was, he needed to remain calm. There was no way to force the answers he wanted out of her. Sasha made that perfectly clear with both of them. Michonne simply did not remember…
"Did you looked for me?" Michonne's voice cut through his soul and tears filled his eyes.
"Every single day," his voice choked and she knew instantly her question devastated him. A small part of her wished she could take it back.
"For months," Shane added before Sasha shot him a threatening look to be quiet. This was Rick and Michonne's moment. They were just there for support and protection.
"Then what happened?" she asked, causing his heart to skip. As ready as she had been to address this methodically, the moment she was across from him her mind vomited question after question, demanding answers to fill the massive void in her memory. Her heart raced, but this time she did not feel weak. She felt energized, stronger under his gaze… angrier… "I don't remember my life before this… I don't remember you, I don't remember them before." She motioned to the children. "They would ask for you every day…" Rick closed his eyes and bowed his head in shame. "What happened?"
The room fell silent for a few seconds as Michonne tried to sort out where she was trying to go and Rick struggled to keep it together.
"You were with Mike," he whispered and Michonne froze.
Mike.
Mike stop, please…
Michonne frowned. "Andre's father?"
Rick and Shane looked alarmed. "You remember him?"
Michonne shook her head, realizing how she sounded. "No… no, Andre would just mention Papa and Daddy…" Her eyes met Rick's. "It took me a while to figure out he meant two people."
Andre tugged on Rick's jeans. "Is Daddy gonna be here too? Mommy said he was sleeping."
The two men paled.
"You know what happened to him," Michonne accused and Rick shook his head.
"Yes." His breathing was labored and Michonne could tell this was painful. Sasha's doubts about him were beginning to melt away. "I don't know everything…"
"Maybe we shouldn't talk about this in front of the kids," Shane suggested but Michonne was too far down this track to pull back. She needed an answer and she knew he would give it to her. He looked like a man ready to lie down and give her the world if she demanded it.
"No, tell me," she murmured, drawing Rick's eyes to hers.
His chest constricted painfully. He wanted his wife back.
"Michonne." Her heart fluttered when he said her name but she remained firm and held his gaze. She needed the truth and he was desperate to give it to her. "It was Mike's weekend to have Andre, so you went down there with him and Judith… Mike got bit so you stayed with him." Rick fiddled with a strand of Andre's hair, recalling the confusion and unbelievably ignorant actions they had all taken in those first few days of the turn. "We didn't know… things were getting worse, but you and I, we didn't know. If I had known what was about to happen, I would have…" He stopped himself, realizing this was not the stance he needed to take. "I got a call from you… you told me you put him down," he whispered, trying not to get too graphic in front of the children.
Sasha glanced over at Michonne but remained silent. Their assumptions had been correct.
"You wanted to stay, wait for the police, but Atlanta was getting worse. It was getting so bad, you had to leave…" Rick's eyes glazed over as the memory of her screams, of Judith and Andre's screams returned to him. He reached out and touched Andre's shoulder, assuring himself that his child was alive. That this was all real. "One of the neighbors tried to stop you and…"
Rick lowered his head as numerous emotions crashed over him. Shane placed a hand on his back before looking over at the women.
"The last thing we heard was you getting in the car and shots fired," he explained quietly. "Line went dead and when we finally found the car, you and the kids were gone. We traced you as far as the camp outside of Alpharetta."
"Where Derek died," Sasha muttered. "That camp was overrun…" She and Michonne exchanged glances.
He searched for her for over seven months… Michonne shifted uncomfortably. How close had he been to finding her? If they had remained close instead of leaving, could they have found each other sooner?
"We lost the trail," Shane added, catching Michonne's eyes. "Rick wanted to keep looking, but I-"
"Shane." All eyes fell on Rick as he continued to keep his head down, still struggling. He should be overjoyed… he should be grateful, yet all he managed was overwhelming guilt for not being there with her, for not finding her, and for being angry that she could not remember who he was, which only added to the guilt…
He wanted to scream.
Finally he looked up and met Michonne's gaze.
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Michonne, I should have-"
"Rick! RICK!"
Daryl barreled through the door, followed closely by Jesus, Ryan, and Abraham.
"Ain't the best time," Shane growled, moving to stop them all, but Daryl waved around a two-way radio.
"Move, man, it's Negan," Daryl grunted, handing it over to Rick. "He wants to talk."
"Is he here?" Michonne demanded of Jesus, who shook his head.
"I've got the walls covered, he's not here-"
Crossbow, what's taking so long?
The room stilled at the sound of Negan's voice. Rick's entire demeanor changed, his eyes hardened.
"I'm here," he answered.
Ah, Rick. I've been wantin' to talk to you. It appears you've been holding out on me.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
First Jesus Christ Superstar steals my children. Abraham snorted, earning him several glares from around the room. Then you turn one of my very own against me… Daryl perked up at that, exchanging glances with Shane and Jesus. And now I find out you got a fucking ninja in your midst.
"Oh, he said a bad word!" Andre yelped and Michonne quickly scooped him up while Sasha grabbed Judith, taking them out of the room.
"Mommy!" Andre complained. "I wanna be with Papa!"
"Honey, I don't want you hearing that. It's okay, I'll take you to our room."
"Mommy!"
"No, we're gonna go upstairs," Sasha responded, grabbing Andre's hand before looking up at Michonne. "Go, I'll watch them."
Michonne frowned. "No, I can't-"
"Michonne, go!" Sasha barked, pointing back at the door. "You need to be in there."
"FUCK!"
Michonne rushed back into the office where Daryl and Shane were arguing over someone named Dwight. Rick looked ready to kill. The sight sent a chill down her spine.
"What happened?"
"Negan's kidnapped three people from Alexandria-"
"I told them to stay put!" Rick roared. "I told them-"
"Rick, that's not important right now," Shane snapped, having noted Michonne's alarmed expression. It would do his friend no good to scare her.
"He has Dwight too," Daryl pointed out.
Shane shot him an annoyed glare. "We need to figure out how to get our people back first."
"After all he did to help us-"
"Shut up, Daryl, that asshat was there for the first line up, I ain't about to throw him a fuckin' parade just because he suddenly decided to snitch."
"Don't talk to me-"
"Who was taken?" Michonne interjected pointedly, glancing over at Abraham in exasperation.
"Two men, one girl, Enid, Tobin, Aaron," Shane answered, eyes still on Daryl.
"I thought all of the communities had been locked down?"
"Yeah, well, it's not a surprise with Enid, considering what happened to Carl, man I told you she wouldn't stay at the Kingdom… apparently the Saviors were watching and snatched them."
"I told them to stay put!"
Shane snorted. "Yeah, well you didn't exactly stay put when you heard about…" He drifted off under Rick's withering glare.
"Well where are they? We have to get them back," Michonne insisted, coming over to take hold of Rick's arm. "What else did Negan say?"
As tumultuous as everything seemed, as soon as she touched him, Rick breathed, his mind focusing, however barely, on the situation at hand.
Michonne, the children, her memory, all of that would have to wait…
They needed to get his people back. She wanted to help.
"He wants to meet. There's a small town a few miles down the road with a sawmill. He wants an exchange."
"Exchange?"
"Those three for you and me," Jesus piped up, motioning them over to the desk where he examined a map. "Apparently we both made a huge impression yesterday."
"That's not gonna happen," Rick growled and she caught his gaze. "I'm not gonna let that happen."
"Does he think you'll honestly do that though?" Abraham demanded. "Just turn yourselves over?"
Jesus shifted. "No… we have no intention of turning ourselves over, but-"
"We're not gonna leave people behind," Michonne finished, glancing over at Rick. "You have a plan?"
"Yeah, get our people back."
A strange look crossed Michonne's face, as if for the briefest of moments she recognized the man before her. Just as quickly it vanished when she withdrew her hand from him, hurrying to stand next to Jesus and distance herself from the conflicting emotions he continued to flood her with.
"Here," Jesus pointed to a small intersection in the middle of a town. "Negan wants to meet here in one hour."
"What exactly did he say?" she asked, aware of Rick's presence moving to her side. "What did he want?"
"Not much, just that he wanted you two in return for Tobin, Enid, and Eugene. Wants to find a way to conclude this war," Shane muttered and Michonne stood straighter.
"A way to end the war? With us?"
"He's lyin'," Daryl told her.
"But he has your people… and your other friend," she pointed out, remembering the argument earlier. "If he wants to end this-"
"He killed Hershel and Deanna," Rick cut in, meeting her eyes. "Bashed their heads in with a goddamned smile on his face… the only way this is over is when Negan is dead."
They stared at each other, a mutual understanding of the road ahead forming between them.
For Rick, it was strange… he knew her, recognized her, but there was a glint in her eyes that came from months of pain he was removed from… a part of her life he would never know…
For Michonne, it was nerve wracking to feel such familiarity with a stranger…
Coughing, Abraham turned the map in his direction. "Five roads in, surrounded by woods… how many tall buildings?"
"Seven, eight maybe?"
Ryan snorted. "It's obviously a trap, Jesus Christ, you're not actually thinking of going?"
Rick's eyes narrowed. "Those are my people-"
"Oh yes, so let's just walk Michonne into a fucking trap-"
"Shut up!" Michonne snapped, waving Abraham over. "Abe, this here… this is the sawmill, right?"
"Michonne, you cannot possibly-"
Pulling Ryan and Abraham into a corner, she took a deep breath. "Ryan, we need to get them back," she whispered, looking up at the man.
"You saw what happened last night, Michonne. This isn't our fight."
"If you're scared-"
"I'm not scared," he snapped. "I worried… we've been on the road for months, you've barely slept, you're exhausted-"
"Ryan-"
"Don't deny it, I know you haven't been sleeping." When she didn't respond, he sighed, glancing over at Rick and the others. "Look… I know what's happening and I'm not… A lot's happened in the last couple of days, it's not a good idea to just go out into a warzone completely unprepared."
Touched by his concern, she squeezed his hand quickly. "It'll be okay. I think I have a plan."
"You think?" Shane muttered, recognizing the wheels turning in her mind, but also unnerved by how close she and Ryan were.
With a hand on hip, she matched his gaze.
"Yes… I have a plan." Taking a shaky breath, she pointed to the map. "We're gonna do the exchange." Instantly, Rick and Ryan objected, but she ignored them. "How long does it take to get there?"
"Forty minute drive."
"Good, then we leave in twenty minutes."
Ryan reached out for her hand. "Michonne-"
"Ryan," she eased out of his grip, painfully aware of Rick and Shane's eyes on her. "Do you remember those Scavengers we ran into on the road a couple months back? When they trapped us in that warehouse?"
Frowning, he nodded. "Yeah, I remember."
"Good… I need you to explain to them what we did cause we're gonna do it again…" She glanced over at Rick. "I'm gonna go get Sasha."
Rick watched her leave, staring at the office door for what seemed like forever. When he started to walk after her, Ryan moved to stop him but Shane blocked his path, allowing his friend to slip away.
"You and I are gonna have a problem," Shane snarled.
"Try it," Abraham grunted, drawing Jesus to step between them.
"Enough, we're all on the same side," Jesus interceded. "Let's get this figured out!"
Shane waited until Ryan reluctantly backed away before he returned to the desk. He caught the obvious looks Ryan shot for the door, but said nothing of it. This was not the time to address that issue.
"Yeah… let's do that."
"I'm surprised you're not trying to stop me," Michonne whispered as she stood at the door of the bedroom with Sasha, watching Andre and Judith play on the bed.
"Why would I try to stop you? You've got a plan, this is important to you, I'm in."
"Good… I'm gonna put them down for a nap, I'll meet you down stairs."
Sasha rubbed her back. "Are you okay? I mean, after all this, how are you?"
Michonne shook her head. "I can't… I can't think about that until we get those people back. They're important to them and as a leader here, I can't just not do anything. It's important to them, it's important to him…" Her lip trembled and she gripped the door jamb to steady herself.
Sasha frowned. "Michonne, you don't have to do this. That Negan guy couldn't have seen you clearly, I could go. Someone else could go."
"No. I… I need to do this… I need to help."
The determination in her friend's eyes left any argument moot. Instead of continuing, Sasha sighed and nodded, glancing over at the children briefly.
"Fine… Andre, Judith, I'll see you later."
"Bye Auntie Sasha!" Andre called back, waving happily.
"See you in a few."
Michonne waited for her to leave before going over to the bed.
"Hey babies, it's time for bed."
"Awww! Not now!" Andre protested. "Papa needs to tell us a story!"
"Andre-"
"Michonne?"
"Papa!"
The boy scrambled off of the bed, leaping into Rick's arms.
"Hey, buddy," Rick kissed his cheek, still amazed by his child's growth. Michonne observed Rick's tenderness towards the boy, in stark contrast to the rage downstairs after Negan's demands. She wondered if this was a duality that had always existed, something dangerous that she may have experienced…
Catching her watching him, Rick approached the bed slowly, well aware of her apprehension.
"I, um… just wanted to tell them goodbye, before we left," he admitted, ruffling Judith's hair. "God, she's grown so much… she was so small the last time…" His voice hitched. Michonne's heart skipped a beat.
"Papa?"
"Yes?"
"Where's Carl?"
Rick sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling Andre into his lap. "Carl's at Alexandria."
"Why isn't he here?"
"He… he was hurt."
Michonne gasped with Andre.
"How? What happened?!" the boy demanded immediately while Michonne sat down across from him on the bed, jostling Judith as she settled. Rick reached out for her hand, instantly causing her heart to race yet calming her.
"Negan shot him. He's fine, but he won't be able to come here to see you for a while."
"Can we see him? Mommy, let's go see Carl! Mommy, please-"
For some reason, Michonne found herself looking to Rick for help, unable to address this demand in any competent way. Until that moment Carl escaped her thoughts and now shame and uncertainty filled her to the brim.
"Andre, Carl's fine, he's fine," Rick assured, catching her gaze. "It's not safe right now for anyone to leave, that's why Mommy and I have to go…"
"You're leaving?" Andre squeaked and Michonne frowned, recognizing the signs of an oncoming tantrum.
"Baby, it's just a run," she cooed, squeezing his arm comfortingly. "Just like every run I've done before, you remember?"
Andre shook his head, on the verge of tears. "Don't go! Don't go, don't go-"
Rick held him tightly. "Andre, we're both coming back, okay?"
"You were supposed to come back last time!"
Rick's heart shattered as Andre began pushing him away, trying to get out of his arms.
"Andre-"
"No!" Andre cried, flailing desperately. "Don't go! Please don't go!"
"Andre, I'm coming back, I promise-"
"No!"
"Andre, I'm not leaving you anymore-"
"Papa, please!"
"Andre listen to me-"
"NO! I HATE YOU!"
Michonne gasped at the audible sound Andre's tiny fist made when it connected with Rick's arm before she snatched his arm, preventing the child from repeating the action.
"Absolutely not," she hissed, pulling him out of Rick's arms and sitting him forcefully on the bed. "Andre Thomas you will apologize right now."
"Michonne-"
"Rick," she snapped, glaring up at him. "He will apologize." She turned back to Andre. "Now."
"Mommy," Andre stammered, refusing to make eye contact as tears continued to stream down his red face.
"Andre, I know you're upset and I acknowledge your anger, but we do not hit. Apologize now."
Rick watched with a broken heart as the boy mumbled an insincere apology. He wanted to cry himself, unable to fathom what his child had gone through, the pain his absence had clearly inflicted only to sit there unbelievably helpless in comforting the boy. Kneeling down next to Michonne, he attempted to reach out but Andre fell into Michonne's arms, sobbing. The noise only inspired Judith to whimper, on the verge of tears.
"No more Papa! I want Daddy! Where's Daddy?!"
"Andre, your Daddy-"
Michonne stood up. "Don't, you should leave."
"Michonne-"
"Rick, please," she whispered, stepping between him and the children. "You need to leave. Now." Taking a deep breath, she motioned to the door and noticed Tyrese peeking in. "They're waiting for us, so you should go. Andre, Judith, say bye to Papa."
Both children declined to respond and Michonne caught the hurt in Rick's eyes. The desperation, the need to remain being torn by his obligations. Despite her reservations, she reached out for his arm, instantly getting his attention. As pale as he was, his skin burned under his touch but she shoved down the primal feelings resurfacing.
"Rick, please… Tyrese and I will handle it from here and I'll meet you downstairs in a bit, okay?"
For a moment Rick thought of protesting. Every instinct in his body demanded he stay, everything in him knew he had to go, yet he could not move, even as Tyrese came in and helped settle the children.
What was happening?
What life was this?
Michonne was alive. Judith and Andre were alive.
This was the happiest day of his life...
And everything felt wrong…
A/N: Please let me know your thoughts.