Mom,

I'm fine, I don't need to come to Phoenix. Forks is my home now, Charlie needs me, I want to be here. Don't worry about me I will get over this, you just need to give me time.

I love you, and Phil.

Love, Bella

I finished typing this short email to my mother and sent it before climbing back into bed and laying there. I didn't do anything anymore if I could help it and sending the occasional email to Renee took a lot out of me.

It had been a few weeks since he had left. I didn't go to school for a few days, just slept, or tried to. Whenever I would sleep, I would dream about him. Him leaving, telling me he didn't want me anymore, and I guess I couldn't handle it. I would wake up screaming, feeling like someone had punched a hole through my chest.

Charlie ran into my room every night, stood by my bed for a few minutes and then went back to bed. He had no idea how to handle this, but he never talked to me about it. Which was the best for both of us, it would hurt too much to talk about it and we weren't exactly the best at talking about our feelings.

But after a few days he told me that I had to go back to school, or I had to move back with mom. So, I went back to school. My friends had tried to talk to me but I barely heard them, I almost never responded and I assume they gave up. I focussed on my school work and my grades started improving immensely because I used it as an escape.

For a few hours, anyways.

I started to form a routine. I would wake up, usually hours earlier than any normal person, but I couldn't go back to sleep, and then I would check my emails. Usually I only had one or a few from my mom, depending on how long it had been since I had last answered her. When I thought it was early enough I would start getting ready. I didn't really care how I looked anymore, as long as I was clean, and so it didn't take me very long to get ready.

Then I would go downstairs and make Charlie and I breakfast. It's not that I cared much about eating, but if I found some new recipes I could think about that instead of other things. Then Charlie and I would eat, usually not talking. He would leave for work, I would leave with just enough time to get to school and not be late, that way nobody would try and talk to me. Not that anyone tried to anymore.

I would go to all of my classes, barely eating at lunch, and then go home. I would do my homework, taking my time to think through everything. Then I would make dinner for Charlie and I, sometimes finding complex recipes to take more time than usual. After dinner, I would go over my homework again, double checking it. Then I would do something around the house. Then I would go to bed again.

My day was boring but full of things to do and ways to try not to think about anything. It didn't work for long but in those brief moments of concentration I felt almost complete, sane. And then I would feel crazy, broken, terrible.

I knew it wasn't normal, but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to change anything. I thought I had been loved by someone and here I was, alone, not loved by him anymore, possibly I never had been. I didn't know how to handle it, either, my friends and family weren't the only ones.

"Bella?" I looked up from scrubbing the kitchen floor to see Charlie standing in the doorway, looking uncomfortable. "Bella, I'm worried about you."
"I'm fine, Charlie," I told him, very used to him saying this. I went back to my scrubbing, being very precise about all the cracks between all the tiles.

"Bella, I think you should go back to your moms. I don't think it's helping you to stay here," he told me. I looked up at him in horror. I would not leave, I could not leave. I had to stay here.

"Dad. I'm not leaving."

"Bella, you don't go anywhere anymore. You aren't you. You're just an empty version of my daughter. I don't know how to help you and I want to. But you don't see or talk to anyone other than me, and even then, you barely talk to me. That can't be healthy."

I was thinking furiously. I couldn't leave Forks, nowhere else would be home to me, not anymore. If Charlie wanted me to see someone, spend time with someone, that's what I would have to do.

"I'll call Jacob. I'll ask if he wants to spend time together. I'll call him tomorrow after school. Please, dad, just let me stay," I pleaded with him, and I think hearing emotion in my voice shocked him. He just stared for a few seconds before nodding once and going back to his tv.

I let go of the breath I hadn't realized I was holding in. I finished scrubbing the floor and then went upstairs. I guess I would have to call Jacob tomorrow. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad, I thought before falling into a terrible sleep.

So, this is my first long fanfiction, and I have been working on it for quite a while. I will try to update every couple weeks at the latest.

BUT if I ever don't update for a while I promise I will finish this story eventually, I might just get busy or get writers block. But I hate leaving things unfinished so this story will be finished, definitely.

Let me know what you think! Comments and advice are always welcome. This is not beta'd by anyone so there may be some errors, but I try and read through it all a few times before I post.

This is just my take on a better story than New Moon, because while I love the Twilight books, I hate New Moon, I hate Bella's reactions to everything and I just find her really irritating so this is just me changing it so I'm not as annoyed about it.

And Paul is my best friend's favourite character so I got the idea from her.