Hello and welcome to my first take on a very dark side of my story telling. I am currently writing a few drama stories in my career as a fanfic writer but none of them are that tragic to say the least, so I wanted a new take on this category.

This may be a bit new to you, since most fanfics here does not really delve into the concept of Imperials. I'm not criticizing them or anything, I just feel a little bit awkward when writing this. But to be honest, after watching the Gate anime, I felt pretty bad for some of the Imperials who died in battles. Some deaths are justified, deserved like the ex-soldier bandits at Italica, and I felt good to see them gone, but for some, they are just loyal soldiers who fought for their empire, for their livings and for their families. And their deaths makes me feel it was such a waste of manpower and such a terrible news for their relatives. And I can see how pointless this war is for them (Imperials mostly since their prince is a total idiotic failure). I'm not glorifying the Empire, just having a look at those poor fated individuals.

Chapter preview: A diary (or a few pages of it) of an Imperial commander who have learned that war is not what it seemed to be, the hard way.

Please don't be harsh on me, I'm just a casual writer eager to learn. Constructive reviews are highly appreciated

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Gate materials in this story, only the characters are mine.

Summer, 687 (20xx)

The Imperial's conquest has begun.

The emperor has issued the order. All Imperial's active soldiers, commanders, generals, citizens are to prepare for war. The empire will go on a glorious expedition beyond the realm of this world. An expedition that is promised to bring back honours, glories and riches for our vast and powerful kingdom. An expedition that will prove to the entire universe the titanic of our empire, that there is absolutely no one that could stand in our way. An expedition that will expand our discovery of the empire further and further, beyond what is called to be the final frontier of this world. A special gate will be used, a gate especially created using dark magical power from some of our finest magicians.

I found myself agreeing to the idea of an invasion of the other side of this world at a session of the Imperial Senate the other day, along with an overwhelming majority of senators there. It was a decisive victory, almost ten to one. They were all eagered to see this empire grow, expand and prosper. Surely, deaths are sure to follow, families torn apart. Alongside with it will be slavery and oppression. There will be horrors to come, but if it is the cost for our empire's expansion and wealth, we will take it. Politics and law can wait.

I was assigned as one of the co-commander of the invasion forces. As I watched my men marching through the gate, I thought of their future, to return as rich and glorious individuals, and the empire's, to last for another thousands of years. I looked into their eyes, eyes that burned with loyalty and passion for our kingdom. And I looked back to the gate, and waited, for our future to come.

Late-summer 687 (20xx) (A few weeks after the Battle of Ginza)

That future didn't come.

Sixty thousands dead. Six thousands missing, presumably captured and executed. Exchanging for what? A few of them and a bunch of slaves.

Dear God…

That such a thing could happen.

What happened to those fearsome eyes that burned with passion and loyalty? All I saw were horrors and lifeless ones, extinguished. Soldiers that walked with confidence and power through that gate now return, limping, crawling, creeping with wounds and terror even worse than the depth of hellfire. Just what had become of them?

To the words of those who for some miracles able to maintain their calmness after the disastrous battle, the army on the other side of the gate used an unfathomable but extremely devastating long-ranged and rapid-firing weapon that pierced through each and every single one of our soldiers armors with relative ease. We didn't even have a chance to get close to them. Our dragons were also killed, by some sort of flying beasts, that also carried the same sort of weapon. At first, we overwhelmed them, but we were eventually pushed back and driven to the point of destruction. Only a few minorities returned to tell the tales, the unbelievable and tragic tale.

How will I explain this disaster? I'm not talking about the senators or the emperor, but to the families of those sixty thousands who perished. They all died in vain, there was no denying it.

The worse part is that the armies on the other side of that gate had come to us, to OUR world. We have provoked them, and they are here for revenge, for sure.

The emperor has made the plan. A simple but, to be honest, incredibly unwise plan. Go to Alnus Hill, where the gate is situated, with one hundred thousand soldiers and overwhelm them with sheer forces. Haven't they seen what happened to those one hundred thousands who got through that gate that now they decided to send another?! There is no way that will work! I've seen them on that hill, their weapons are beyond anything we have seen before. I'm surprised that our vassal states, Elbe, Mudwan and Alguna actually listened to these idiots.

I tried to convince them not to, but they called me a defeatist, blaming me entirely for the defeat, and dismissed me from my post. I was lucky to not be executed for it, but still, not lucky enough to stop them. Or rather, not strong-willed enough to stop them, stop them from massacring these soldiers

One hundred thousand soldiers. I quietly looked at them as I was escorted away from the hill, looked at the sacrifices some are about to make. Some were only brave men fighting for their livings and their families'. They were the only working laborer in the house, and now these families are about to be torn to shreds.

The more I thought of it, the more my heart ache. My failure to stop them isn't just what I feared. What I feared the most is that everything we have done and about to do is awaken a sleeping giant.

Autumn 687

I knew that was going to happen

The Empire is dead.

The battle of Alnus Hill was again a total failure on us all. Another sixty thousand deaths tolled on the number. Cream of military and political leadership of our vassal states completely wiped out in a single day. The empire has lost almost half of our military strength that was built solidly through out centuries in just a span of a few weeks.

Such humiliation…

The most powerful empire in this world, one that is to be feared when the name is called, defeated by an unknown faction even when we outnumbered them one hundred to one.

Not only that, now some of those Imperials that survived the battle have deserted, and become bandits, robbing innocent civilians. I felt my veins rushing through my body like a charging horse at that. Those treacherous animals! What do those civilians do to deserve that?! And why do those pigs lived for this?! There are more honorable and brave men who deserved to live in their places! Just why is this happening?!

It was one of the darkest moments of my life.

After calming down, I finally pondered, about the damn fate that we were brought about. Is this one of God's punishment on us? For being too arrogant, too force-imposing and too tyrannical?

And is the Empire about to change?

Whatever the answer was, all I knew was my shattered faith on the empire's ideology and beliefs, my deadened trust on our governing elites. This world - my world- has been turned upside down.

Winter 687

If this Empire is changing itself, I wish it would not have been this way.

An assassination attempt on the emperor was initiated while he was discussing peace with the Japanese, or it was called, government. My only hope of ending all this tragic stories has been shattered, only to follow by a series of nightmares. The worst of all is that the emperor's son, Zorzal, has seized the throne for himself. That worthless burden prince! If the emperor's decisions have been terribly unsounding, then this idiot's orders are completely insane and lacking of basic knowledge.

The capital was placed under a long curfew, to arrest all the pro-peace senators. He was playing his little dictator games. Thankfully, I wasn't arrested, due to the fact that they couldn't find any relations between me and them, in spite of my frequent protests and such.

That did not stop the Japanese from attacking. Not long after, the Japanese, with some unknown means of transport, sent troops flying down to our capital. They retreated afterwards, but so many men died…

After the battle, I walked along the wounded. There were injuries more severe than anything I have seen before. One had one of his legs completely severed, one had guts and intestines exposed. Doctors and nurses couldn't tend all of them, there was just too many. The worse thing was that some knew they couldn't be saved, and waited with absolute horrors of death in their eyes, the eyes that once contained so much expectation and determination for a bright future.

At one moment, I stumbled across a familiar face, a young legionaire. I recognized him immediately, he used to be my best student at the military academy. He was a young man with a beautiful pair of eyes who wanted a simple life, an ambitious person who wanted to become a military commander like me. He admired my caring personality towards my men, and vowed to do the same once he became like me. A simple but admirable dream, for some commoner like him.

But reality had failed him.

He lied on the bed, as flat as a cockroach, his breathing ragged, his face was a mixture of dirt and blood. At his torso and bottom, a large, thick piece of cloth was laid on top, stained in a round, warm, red liquid.

The soldier noticed me, and also recognized his old teacher back in the days. A small smile formed on his face. I didn't know whether it is a genuinely happy smile to meet again the teacher who we had so wonderful memories together, a sorrowful smile to conceal his sadness for failing me, or a bitter smile to the beautiful irony of this meeting.

I knelt beside him, slowly lifting the cloth covering his wound. What I saw horrified me. His left leg was amputated, his stomach was pierced through by a projectile. He winced loudly in agony and pain, his screams edged deep into my haunted memory. His eyes widened in order to help ease his unending pain to the point that I could feel it popping out of his body. It didn't really work for him.

I immediately knew it was hopeless. He probably felt the same as me, as his eyes whispered to me with lifelessness. With tears glistening, he had given up on everything, and asked me a favour, one of the hardest things for me to do: Kill him.

I hesitated on the thought. That I was going to kill my own student, the student that I once inspired, the student that I thought I would see him shine in glory and honour. Am I going to kill that dream once and for all? I looked at him, and I knew that I couldn't do that. But then he begged me, with all his remaining might, that he couldn't take it anymore, the pain, the sorrow was too much for him to bear, that it was time to move on. In that look he gave me when he pleaded, I saw no life in it, nothing remained, just a collection of the most negative of the negative feelings. It was empty, and it was spreading to me like wildfire.

The internal war inside of me broke out, between killing him or not. What a terrible dilemma God had placed on me. I could not decide, whether to put him through a quick and painful death, or leave him to die in a slow and even more painful death, and for every second I hesitated, his mental and physical pain continued to torture him, tearing his fragile body apart. I could only blame myself for being so weak-hearted.

Then finally, when I couldn't bear to see him screaming for me to end his own life like that any longer, I grabbed his sword, which was placed next to his bed, unsheathed it quickly, without a clear mind, and stabbed him, in the chest. The sound of his cracking bone cracked my mind. He coughed one last time, struggling to utter like something was lumping on his throat. Then his eyes lost his usual brightness, his organs lost all functions, leaving behind one big motionless skeletal figure.

It broke my heart.

That face, that lifeless eyes, it continued to haunt me for nights after that day. Not only couldn't I save him, but also I ended his own life. The blood in my hand, I could only pray to God for forgiveness.

Late-spring, 688

One sympathetic soldier of Zorzal's army, at one point, asked me: "If you are this unwilling to participate, why didn't you defect to princess Pina's faction?"

I gladly thanked his genuinely concerning attitude towards me, but it isn't as easy as he thought.

After a certain incident concerning Zorzal and his younger sister, princess Pina, he decided to flee to Telta with all of his pro-war senators, with the blind and stupid determination of continuing this pointless war. It would have been a very good news if he hadn't have taken me with him.

"We need all the men we could get!" He replied, after I confronted him about summoning me back to service.

Being a good strategist is a merit, but also a sin. After most of his generals defecting to Pina's side, he then turned to me, promising me with all those sweet lie that I would be granted with a stack of fortune to live with for the rest of my lives, only if I cooperate and defeat the SDF's forces. I knew that would be an impossible task, the differences between their arsenal and us are like a mountain top to a bottomless pit. I may be able to outsmart them, but I cannot outgun them. The real and bitter truth is that, they are too powerful.

But that idiotic prince couldn't realize that. He vowed to resume war with Japan, and after hearing the consequences if I did not follow him, I could feel the earth below me disappear, and I was falling down to the bottom of despair.

If I defect, I will be charged of high treason, and will be executed, along with my family.

My family…

If I die, it would not be anything big, but my family…

I have a beautiful wife, and two daughters, who were just in their playful, naive and carefree time of their life. They have absolutely no relation to this war or anything.

I cannot let them suffer the fate that they do not deserve.

And so I inadvertently had to follow him.

Such an acrid situation I was put in.

The war that I once thought to be bringing everything we needed, is actually bringing all the tragedies and calamities that one could not muster enough for. And a part of that is my initial foolish belief in our empire's culture, history and ideology, that taking anything and everything we wanted by force. The Japanese were right, that would all lead to our downfall. I should have had defected if I have the chance to, taking my family along with me. But I didn't.

For some reasons, I thought of the princess. She too was an old student of mine, back when she was young, energetic with her Rose Orders of Knight. I used to be her mentor, training her with academic knowledge. Now that she has established her own legion for herself, I envied her. Because in her world right now, she could see the line between good and evil, and she had freely stepped on the good one. I saw that as well, the only thing is that I couldn't step over it. It has chained me to the ground, using those that I deared the most.

Now, I can only lean on fate, let it decide my destiny.

I don't know what it will actually be, but I can tell for sure, it will be dark.

Winter 688

This may be the last time I write in this diary.

As you know it, the Empire is now engulfed in a terrible civil war, between brothers and sisters, who once lived under the same roof. And it was pretty much one-sided really. The SDF's forces are simply too strong.

The enemy initiated a counter strategy against our guerilla and scorched-earth's policy. And before we even realized it, we were pushed back to a small town surrounded by a huge forest called Mara. Behind us were cliffs, so there was nowhere to go. Initially, the villagers considered rioting against us, but as soon as they heard my name, they let us in, which was a bit of relief. We were at first determined to hold out at all costs, earning us a few minor victories, but it was not enough. Eventually, soldiers couldn't take it anymore.

I watched as my men collapsed from hunger, diseases and fatigue. There were no more food to spare, and the climate there is terrifying. Soldiers died in the shadows, their horses died beneath them, my army died…

Depressions and confusions gathered, we wanted to surrender. I wanted to surrender. It may be bitter, but I couldn't stand the sight of my men dying like this anymore. For every soldiers perished, it's like a cut of a knife slashing through my already broken heart.

But once a tragedy has occured, it will not end quietly. Zorzal's personal aid told me that if I surrender, then the conditions would be broken. That meant my family will be executed.

There's only one way to get out of this without it affecting my wife and two daughters. That is to fight until the last breathe against the superior SDF's army, like a fallen honorable warrior. That way, that prince would not see me as a traitor, and leave my family alone.

So this is probably the end, my end. If this is my destiny, I will take it, for the sake of my family, and my soldiers somewhere else. The only thing that I regret now are the lives of these men that I am about to end. Some are brave, and loyal to the empire, and I can say they truly deserve a more peaceful and haven life than this.

But that is the part of the tragedy of war.

It may be thought to be full of glory, justice and fun, but that is until they have seen losses, fathers burying their sons, wives crying for their husbands, brothers and sisters torn apart, friendships shattered, lives lost, deads forgotten.

War is not a joke, and is a result of human's failure at communication

I have thought of that ever since the battle of Alnus, but I knew one thing: This might happen to anyone.

War will always kill us for no good reasons...

References

"War will always kill us for no good reasons." A reference to Ernest Hemingway