When I'm bad I'm even better

Chapter 1: Let's don't wait

Buffy Summers was looking at the blackboard with a blank expression in her face. History. How she hated history… If it wasn't because her teacher was a total hottie she'd get up right now and leave the stupid class. She snorted. Yeah, sure. Like she had the stones to do it…

That last phrase resounded in her mind, childhood memories playing in her brain like movie trailers… and she remembered his voice.

"You don't have the stones!"

"Oh, I sure do! I have a bunch of… stones" her little voice echoed in the small garden.

"You cant do it, you are too afraid!"

"I'm not!"

"Prove it" then came the smirk, even at age ten he looked cute with that smirk… or that was how she remembered.

"Ok… watch and learn." She said in her best I-know-what-I-am-doing voice. She kneeled in the grass and dug in the dirt with her little fingers until she felt something soft and long moving between them, then she pulled lightly and once the worm was out the dirt she showed it to the boy beside her with a proud look.

"There!" she screamed waving the worm in the air. Both kids looked at each other pausing for a moment…

"EW!" they yelled standing at once. The little girl dropped the worm.

"Miss Summers!" her teacher called her, snapping her out of her memories.

"Yes?" she asked startled.

"The answer to the question I just asked…" he said, giving her a look the said 'I am not repeating myself'. Buffy gulped, she had no idea what he was talking about. A taping in the tight caught her attention; Willow had slipped a piece of paper in her desk.

"Ah… London, sir." Her teacher eyed her a couple of second, Buffy felt her face begin to burn.

"Yeah, that's right." The teacher said, starting to talk again about whatever they were studying right now. Buffy sighed and looked at Willow with a huge smile.

"Thank you so much, Will!" she whispered.

"No prob."

That was weird, she decided, she didn't use to zone out like that… at least not in History, now math, English, Chem, that was totally different. Childhood memories, she hadn't thought about that in a long time and when they came she always tried to repress them, but today… it has been his voice, she could still hear it but now she didn't know if she was making it all up or if she really remembered it. It has been 3 years since the last time she saw him… that's not much, is it? I should still remember his voice…

Stop it, Buffy. Stop it! She told to herself, she had sworn not to think about him again. It has been 2 years since his last letter… not that she read them, but it was nice to know he still thought about her. She snorted, he probably forgot about me already… I know I forgot about him… yeah, SO over him.

She looked at the blackboard again, her eyes falling in the teacher for a minute before noting what was written in large letters in the board. London. Oh, give me a break! She didn't want to think about him, she really didn't. Why has his mother wanted to move to London in the first place? It had been 10 years ago, she didn't really remember. The divorce, yeah, that was the reason, her mother wanted a fresh start after her father decided to leave her for his secretary. And thanks to him I ended up in England! It hasn't been that bad, really. Except for attending to a private school, with uniforms and everything… at least she had little William then. They had met in the airport, his mother, aunt Christina, was a colleague of her mother in the Gallery she was going to work in London, they had spoken by phone before arriving and Christina had found the perfect apartment for them, just a door away from Chris and her son, they were going to live in the same building.

So there he was, a couple of steps behind his mother, bright blue eyes searching the crowd for those two people that were going to be his new neighbors. He was only 9 years old.

"Here" he had said, "My ma told me to give you this." It was a little stuffed pig.

"A pig?" she asked looking at her pink new toy. He shrugged.

"I thought it was cute."

"It is" she smiled, "Thank you." He shrugged again.

"You speak funny."

"No, you speak funny."

For three years they had been inseparable, but once William turned 12 and girls started to give him second looks everything changed. They continued to be friends, but it wasn't the same.

"What happened to your hair?!" Buffy asked surprised by the change.

"Hum… not much, a little bit of gel and bleach…" he answered looking at his reflection in the mirror.

"Your mom is going to kill you." She guaranteed. "And what's with the spikes? I liked your curls…" she moved a hand to soften the hair that was screaming for oxygen beneath the layer of gel.

"But just because you liked it doesn't mean it will stay that way, now does it, pet?" he told her while removing her hand from his head.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?" she asked looking at her friend.

"The bell rang like 2 minutes ago and you are not half way home yet, are you feeling alright?" asked Willow concerned. Buffy laughed halfheartedly.

"Of course… I just thought we were going to El Victori today…" she said, she was looking for an excuse for being lost in her thoughts again, but then she remembered that it was true, they had decided to go to the little Café that afternoon.

"Oh, yeah… I forgot!" Willow said "is the gang going to meet us there?"

"I think so… I told Xander to tell the others, I hope he doesn't forget."

"Hum… knowing him…" her friend murmured while grabbing her books.

"Let's hope for the best."

***

They sat in their favorite table, the last table to the left in the balcony, where they could see the people walking in the street and the park. El Victori was a relatively new café and the favorite place for the high school kids to hang out in the afternoon when the Bronze wasn't open yet… and you could drink a marvelous freezing cappuccino.

"There is Xander!" Willow exclaimed waving at him.

"Will, don't you think he will see us? We sit in this table every time we come here…" Buffy explained in a quiet voice.

"Oh, yeah, right." Her friends said blushing.

"Hello Will, Buffter."

"Hi, Xander. Where are the other guys?" asked Buffy.

"Why? Counting the seconds to see Aaaaaaaaangel?" her friend teased. Buffy rolled her eyes; somehow she doubted that the teasing about Angel would ever stop.

Everybody knew that Xander had had a crush on Buffy when she first moved to Sunnydale 3 years ago, but now that was looong over. Xander treated her like his little sister, always protecting her from 'big bads'-as he called them. But the truth was, he liked Angel… but Buffy didn't. Or at least she didn't like him that way. True, he was cute and extremely sweet… and being the capital of the basketball team gave him some points, but Buffy just wasn't ready to think in a guy that way… sometimes she doubted she would ever be… maybe she should become a nun…

"Easy, Buff, they are just looking for a parking space for Oz's van." Buffy nodded, and smiled when she saw the huge grin that appeared in Willow's face when she heard the name of her boyfriend.

"Oz is here? I though he had to work today." Willow said, excitement all over her features.

"Nope, that's tonight." Two guys entered the café then, Oz and Angel… they could have been brothers if they didn't look so much different, they had the most expressionless faces Buffy had seen in her whole life, but she could swear she could see something in Oz's eyes every time he was near Willow. And there was definitely something in Angel's smile when he saw Buffy, too.

"Hey, Buffy." Said the brunette. She smiled at him and moved her chair so he could place his chair next to hers.

"Where is Anya?" Willow asked Xander.

"Oh, FBLA meeting." Anya had been Xander's girlfriend for quite a long time now, and they appeared to be doing just fine… or GREAT, if you decided to listen to Anya's comments, but they had slowly learned to ignore them.

A waiter came to take their orders, they ordered the usual, 4 freezing cappuccinos and an orange juice for Willow --she wasn't exactly caffeine-friendly.

"Oh, oh! And how is the song for the contest doing?" asked animatedly Willow, jumping up and down in her seat. She was always like that when it came to the band; she was their biggest fan… or only fan, however you choose to see it.

"Progressing." Said Oz. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Progressing? We only have the first 2 chords for the chorus!" she yelled.

"Calm down, Buff." Xander stretched his hand to take hers. "We have 2 more months… we'll make it."

"Yeah, and I have been practicing a new routine with drums that could go in the beginning of the act, it will be alright." Angel assured.

"Alright? It can't be alright! It has to be phenomenal." 

"Sure, Buffy." Xander said with a serious voice and mocked concern, like the way you'd talk to a psychotic person.

"Don't mock me, Harris…" the girl said in a dangerous low voice, Xander immediately dropped the girl's hand.

"So I guess you will be practicing a lot now?" Willow pouted to her boyfriend. Oz squeezed her hand.

"Yes, the contest is coming closer and closer… and we really don't have nothing yet." Willow pouted again. Buffy knew she felt a little left out sometimes; Xander, Oz and Angel had started a band 4 years ago, they were good… but not that good. They needed a singer, and once they heard Buffy singing in a karaoke night in The Bronze they had made up their minds: Buffy had to be the lead singer. She was perfect; she could sing and had all that music-star vibe going on. But it had taken a lot of convincing before she agreed to sing in public. Now they usually played in the Bronze when there wasn't other band available.

They had started to try to make their own songs a year ago, 'try' being to keyword. Xander had seen an ad for an intrastate band contest and had decided to inscribe the band… the other members of the group had tried to kill him after that, they didn't have a song and they were not going to make a fool of themselves in front of the whole state. But after a lot of begging by Xander's part and a lot of support by Willow they decided to give it a go. Of course they still blamed Xander for it.

***

Two cappuccinos and 3 hours later, Buffy was back home, she knew her mom was not going to be home just yet, so she watched TV for a while. Surfing the channels she reached to the conclusion that something was really wrong with the TV:

"…was born in England in 1789…"

"…while I was backpacking through Europe…"

"…was a style that began in London in the first years of the…"

"…Stonehenge in southeastern England…"

"…a video from the new British band…"

Buffy turned the TV off. What's with the foreshadowing? She thought… something is going to happen.

Just then her mother entered the room carrying 2 bags full of groceries and a huge smile.

"Hi, mom."

"Buffy, you wont believe who called me today!" Joyce said entering the kitchen to leave the groceries in the counter. Buffy felt her heart skip a beat.

"A-aunt Chris?" she asked fearing the answer, she got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen.

"How did you know?" asked her mother facing Buffy. Oh my God.

"Lucky guess." She explained faking a smile.

"Lucky guess." Her mother agreed, going back to the groceries. "But you wont believe what she told me." Oh my God was all Buffy could think. And her mother, without waiting for a response, continued. "They are coming." Oh no "Here! To Sunnydale!" Oh my… "Christina is having money problems and Will almost failed the year, so she decided to have a fresh start… you know, like we did." Joyce looked at her daughter, Buffy just nodded.  "They are going to live with us for a while." WHAT?!

"With us?!" her mother nodded. "B-but… why?!"

"They haven't found a house yet, so while they are on it I thought we could let them use the guest room. They helped us so much when we were in England." Joyce stopped placing the groceries in the fridge to face her daughter. "I thought you were going to be happy… I now how much you missed Willy."

"I-I am…" she said forcing a smile, trying to process the information. The last person in the world that she wanted to see again was going to be living in her house for God knows how long… and she was supposed to be happy! But it wasn't her mom's fault… she didn't know. Nobody knew. "What did Giles said about it?" There! That was her only hope. Good ol' daddy Giles.

"He is more than thrilled about it!" Damn. I think I am going to be sick.

***

Her mom and Giles had gotten married 6 years after they got to England; they had met in an exposition in the Gallery her mother worked in. At fist Buffy had been reluctant to accept him, in her mind her mom was only hers and the last parental figure she had had wasn't the best; but she soon learned to love him like a father, now she couldn't imagine her life without him. They had decided to go back to live in the US a year after their marriage, Buffy was 15.

Buffy pressed her face against the pillow, wondering if it will be enough to kill herself, but at the last minute she sat up in the bed. This was ridiculous! Spike couldn't just walk in her life again, he was dead, so dead to her… her eyes moved to her open closet, she could almost see the little green box that guarded one of his letter, his last letter. She hadn't read it, she hadn't read any of his letters and she hadn't written him back. She just kept one, somehow knowing that it was going to be the last; she had burned the first 4 afraid that she would read them if she didn't. Why had she done it? Why had she burned them? Because she knew what it was written in them "You have it wrong, Buffy. You have it all wrong…"

The phone in Buffy's bedside table rang; she picked it up after the first ring.

"Hello."

"Hi, Buffy!"

"Hey, Willow." She said in a depressing voice.

"Hum, drama much?" Buffy chuckled.

"You don't have idea…"

"What happened?" asked her friend concerned.

"He is coming…"

"Who?" now Willow was confused.

"Spike… remember a told you about him?"

"Oh, yeah! Your friend from England. What do you mean 'he is coming'?"

"He is coming here, Sunnydale… with his mom, they are going to live in my house for Pete's sake!" Buffy shrieked.

"Calm down, Buffy…" Willow said in a quiet voice. "What's so wrong about that? Except for the sharing the bathroom with 2 other people."

"Sorry about that." Buffy told her. "It's just that… is a little complicated, can we talk about it tomorrow at school? I think dinner is ready."

"Of course, Buffy. Just calm down, ok? It can't be that bad." Buffy could almost 'hear' Willow's reassuring smile.

"Yeah… thanks, bye."

"Bye"

***

Dinner was torture; her mother just couldn't stop talking about their 'wonderful time' in England, or about how cute Buffy and William had been together, or how handsome William would be now. Buffy had to use all her self-control not to rip off her own ears and throw them at her mom. Even Giles was participating actively in the conversation, only Buffy was looking at her dinner with murderer eyes.

"Something the problem, Buffy?" Giles asked when he saw her playing with her knife.

"Ah… nah. Just… not hungry." She said leaving the knife in the table.

"Aren't you excited, hon?" her mother intervened.

"Oh, yeah, delighted." Sarcasm all over the sentence, but her mother didn't notice.

"I am glad."

***

"In a week, they are going to be here in A WEEK." Buffy yelled, her eyes as big as plates. Willow watched her from the other side of the table, quietly eating lunch; she knew Buffy long enough to know when to keep her mouth shut and wait until her friend emptied her mind of murderer thoughts. After Buffy stopped playing with her knife, she started:

"How old is he anyways?"

"18… and 3 months." Hum, exact date. Interesting. Willow thought.

"Is he going to study here or did he graduate already?"

"He is going to study his senior year here… with us. In this school. Maybe he will eat in the same lunch break… maybe he will seat next to us!… oh God."

"Hum… siblings?"

"None."

"Parents?"

"Divorced."

"Eyes?"

"Blue."

"Interesting…" Willow murmured, giving her friend a dubious look.

"What?" Buffy snapped.

"He wasn't just a friend, was he?" Willow asked raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" asked Buffy blushing.

"He was your best friend! You knew each other for… what? 7 years?" Buffy looked embarrassed at her lunch. "Why have you never told me about him?"

"It is not really something I like to talk about…" The blond shrugged.

"Why?" asked her best friend while licking the little pot that had contained tapioca pudding.

"He hurt me, ok? We were the best friends in the world until he just became to 'cool' to hang out with me. He started dating and all… and I suddenly didn't matter anymore."

"Well, Buffy, people change…" Willow started to say, but her friend didn't let her finish.

"I don't give a damn, he better not try to hang out with me or anything because I will not be 'friendly little Buffy' anymore!" Her friend just gave her a little knowingly smile.

***

Before Buffy could catch her breath or at least buy bus tickets to get the hell out of the state, the day came. All the week had been spent in cleaning up the guest room, cleaning up the bathroom, buying groceries, etc. And now, here she was, standing in front of the door, waiting for her mother, aunt and ex-best friend to get out of the car and enter the house.

The door banged open suddenly and there he was, carrying 3 huge bags, the guy with the most gorgeous blue eyes.

Memories flooded her brain; it was like the dam that was repressing them abruptly broke, making her remember what she had tried to forget. What had he done to her… what she had let him do…

"I don't want to go…" she sobbed in his T-shirt. It was late at night and in only 5 hours she will be in a plane, back to California. "I don't want to go…"

"Hush…" he whispered in her hair. Caressing her cheek with his thumb. They had been like this for at least an hour now. He was surprised when he saw her tapping in his window, it had been ages since the last time she entered his room, but soon everything seemed perfect again, like it has always been… She was in her arms sobbing like a little girl, and he didn't feel like he was 15 anymore.

"Please don't let them take me away." She whispered.

"I cant…" he responded. She started crying again, and he rocked their bodies to make her stop… slowly her sobs calmed down; maybe she was sleeping. The memories of the last couple of years came to him… the way he had pushed her away, always thinking that he had better things to do than to be with her, thinking she will always be there. She was going now, and he couldn't help but think that all this years he had had it all wrong. Always trying to treat her like his little sister, always trying to protect her and always trying to push her away when she was every time closer and closer. Why do you have to start valuing the things that are not longer going to be with you? Her hair, he was going to miss her hair… and that little nose… and those huge green eyes… and the way she put her hands in her hips every time she thought she was right and he was wrong. And of course, the way she pouted when he hurt her… That lip. And to think that he had never kissed her!

Buffy sniffed slightly against his T-shirt; it felt good to be in his arms like that, even if it was the last time. How he was going to miss him… even when he had hurt her so much lately… He had a way of doing all seem fine when he put his arms around her. He whispered her name, and she could picture his lips moving even thought she wasn't looking at him, she had memorized those lips years ago, the way he pressed them together when he was confused, or the way he moved his tongue between his teeth when he made fun of something… And to think that she had never kissed him…

"Buffy…" this time she looked up at him, like excepting him to do something or to say something. He looked at her. Whipped her tears with his thumbs and murmured "I love you."  Did he mean a brother-sister love? She didn't know. Did he mean a friend-friend kind of love? He didn't know. And before either of them could think in an explanation for the words just spoken they were kissing, softly at first, not really realizing what they were doing. Then, Spike started to give her little butterfly kisses all over her face, kissing every one of her tears away, but before he could finish Buffy grabbed his face in her hands and pulled him in a hungry kiss. He didn't protest, in fact, he liked it.

It was her first real kiss, but it wasn't his first. He used his tongue to make her open her mouth, deepening the kiss even more. She moaned against his lips, suddenly very aware of how close they were, but she didn't care, if this was going to be their last night it might as well be very special. Her hands reached the hem of his black T-shirt and she rested her hands against his stomach, fascinated by how soft it felt.

The feeling of her little hands almost made him crazy, and before he knew it, he had her crushed against the mattress. She didn't protest, so he started caress her hips, going up and down her waist. He broke the kiss so he could taste her neck, making her whimper with delight.

None of them really stopped to think, it was fast and messy, but full of the feeling neither of them could speak aloud, at the end she rested her head in his chest while he played with her hair, the realization of what they had done slowly sinking in, she sat up in the bed, covering her breasts with the blanket.

She knew she had had feeling for him for a long time now… but did he have feelings for her? Beside the whole brotherly love thing… did he felt something? Did he felt something when he was kissing her? Why didn't he stop? Did he just use her…?

Her accusative look was what brought him back to earth… what had he done? What had she made him do? What had she made him feel…why had her made him feel just hours before leaving his life for good? "Get out." But even before he said it she had started to pick her things up, and once she was fully clothed she exited the room, using the door this time.

Later that day, in her seat in the plane, she replayed that moment in her mind. She was ashamed, how could she do that? And she felt hurt, how could he let me do it?

He didn't go to the airport to say goodbye, and she didn't care.

"Well, well, well. Isn't that little Buffy?"

********************************************

That's the end of the first chapter, how do you like it? Heh… I cant believe I wrote a sex scene (even if it wasn't that graphic) *blushes* that's what I do for you, my dear readers! Lol, so please review so I know if I should continue this story!

BTW, I know nothing about music, so bear with me when it comes to the band…

Irrel