Lies. The only truth in this world is that everybody lies. I, self-proclaimed master of the 108 loner arts declare this to be the only fallacy free truth there is. My parents are the biggest example of a lie. The thing about lies is that, they don't last forever, and when their time comes, there's almost a bitter-sweet after taste left in its wake. When our parents got separated, we were happy the fighting was over, but things never really tend to stay the same. I wouldn't necessarily call myself a disbeliever, but my faith in a god was waning. The only thing I had going for me, was my little sister, Komachi. If there's one good thing left in my life back then, then it was undoubtedly her. Dad got custody, but we almost never saw him because he at work most of the day so he could provide for us and wasn't really in a position to move when he got back. I respect him, and more than anything else, pity him. As for mom, if she's even worthy of the name, was off with god knows who, god knows where. I don't' know how dad kept soldering on after mom's affair without breaking down.

Luckily, Komachi was way too young to remember those harsh times, and never really had much interaction with our demon of a mother ever since, and her outlook on life, had much more hope than what either I myself, or our dad could ever hope to muster. I held no intricate fancies of grandiose dreams that run rampant among the masses. There has only ever been one instance in the chronology of my existence that I've ever slipped up in regards to my ideology on life.

I was in middle school back then, still naïve, still a hopeful, and a lonesome wholesome fool. People tended to stay away from me, due to my dead fish eyes; can't say I really blame them though, when even my own mother detested those very same eyes. Those who didn't get scared off, tended to do what man-kind is compelled to do when encountering anything which does not satisfy their definition of normal; Hate. I was different, the social outcast (at the time, not by choice) and the freak. I got bullied, but nowhere nearly as bad as this one kid, Zaimokuza. The difference between me and him was, that bullies tended to get bored with me when they couldn't get any reactions out of me, but Zaimokuza would fight back. Well, at least try to, and this made him much more of an appealing target to their sadistic nature than me or some of the other outcasts. Up till now, life really hadn't given me a reason to keep my hopes up, about anything really, but I guess, in the grand scheme of things, these events were meant to facilitate the passage to being the man I am today. Kaori Orimoto, just hastened the process.

With a perm, bob cut curly brown hair, rosy cheeks, and quite frankly the prettiest face a girl in middle school could ever hope to muster. She wasn't someone who people would associate with interacting with the maggots of the social hierarchy, but for some reason, which I now assume to be pity, she did. She was the only person who never looked at me in disgust like the others, the only person who didn't judge me, she was perhaps the only person who I thought of as a friend, and I guess that ended up being the reason why I more or less set myself up to crash and burn. Like most adolescents, I too was not immune to the throes of the hormone induced state of love. I had been contemplating for quite some time how to go about telling Kaori how I felt about her. Fate granted me the perfect opportunity to, as they say, enlighten myself, when I got called out to lunch by her. Like a true fool, wearing my heart on my sleeve, I decided to use this opportunity to confess.

"Please be nice to him", "It'll be fine Kaori, what's the worst that could really ever happen? All we're going to do is have a little fun with him". Kaori looked uncertain about the whole idea about integrating Hikigaya with her friends, but with a little coaxing and promises, was adamant that she was doing the right thing here. Hikigaya need more friends, and she would be the one to facilitate him across that channel. It was all for his good. They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, little do they know, it's not always the carver that peers into hell.

I was nervous. My legs were more or less trembling. I was sweating profusely. Is this called love? We exchanged pleasantries, as was the norm between us. "Kaori could you come with me for a sec, there was something I wanted to talk to you about", I asked, barely managing to keep my composure. She looked a little puzzled but none the less, accepted my request. "So what is this about Hikigaya?" she gazed at me inquisitively. I looked at the floor, all grand plans, eluding me. Why do you do this to me Brain. God damn it. "It's because you listen to our heart you nitwit". I was broken out of my internal reverie by Orimoto calling me out. "Hikigaya?". I decided, that it was now or never; it was time to man up before losing my nerve "Kaori-san, will you please go out with me ?" I asked, waiting for a reply with my head bowed. A few moments, which felt like an eternity passed. The damning silence was broken by her giggle. The giggle slowly ascended the steps to outright full blown unadulterated laughter. "Hilarious Hikigaya!" "Look the creep confessed to Orimoto. This is pure gold. Who'd have thought the creep was into you Kaori". I suddenly raised my head up, to only be met with faces of my tormenter. Howling away at my expense, I hadn't realized they were so close by.

I did the only logical thing a person could really do; I bolted. I ran, like I had never ran before. It didn't matter if I was cutting class, I needed to get out of there. I needed to think. I needed to be alone to sort this out. I made it home in record time, and was met with the gaze of a puzzled Kamakura lounging on the sofa. I ignored the second most important member of the Hikigaya household and shuffled up to my room. Jumped on my bed with face down, feeling horrible. I felt sick to my stomach. I physically felt the pangs tormenting my heart. Realization dawned on me; Kaori had pretty much rejected me. It didn't even matter to me, that there was an audience to witness my demise. Heck, she treated me as if I were a joke. If my feelings were a god damn joke. I felt as if I was repeatedly being punched in the gut. As I laid there lamenting, I hadn't realized that Kamakura had made his way to me and had now begun to purr against me. "You're hungry aren't you"

I hadn't talked to Orimoto-san since then either. I had decided to avoid her. Mostly because I couldn't really face her anymore after that day, and partially because it would just make my life more hell if I even tried. I had blocked her from my already scarce social media and never gave her , if she was trying, and myself the opportunity in real life. The following days were filled with ridicule and bullying. While my bullying was not on an ultra-grand scale before, ever since the confession, I was more or less public enemy number one for many. Someone had defaced and wrecked my locker, and all of my paraphernalia within. The name calling grew. I even got beat up a couple of times by the jocks , for "Not knowing my place", but the teachers just ignored it. As long as the jocks did good in sports, they could get away with anything short of murder.

What's the point of life anyways huh? Nothing ever works out for me. Nothing has ever worked out for me. No matter what I do, all I get at the end of the day is hurt. I wasn't rational, just heavily plagued by the plethora of negativity in my life. I didn't know how to cope with it. There just didn't seem to be a point where I could catch a break. Each day my strength waned, and little by little and I edged towards the end. The thoughts about ending my misery felt out right euphoric. There's no hope. No reason for elevating my suffering. Consequently, I had made up my mind. I didn't bother with a note, no one was going to miss me anyways. I had the pills ready. "This is it huh?" I said out loud to no one in particular. I brought the pills to my lips, and heard knocking before the door opened. I managed to quickly hide the pills under the covers. It wouldn't do to have Komachi walk in on me while I was withering away.

"Ni San what did you do?" she looked at me like I had robbed a bank or something. Hey, I'm not that bad you know. "There's this cute onee-san who wanted to see you. " Cute onee-san? No, can't be. "You can come in Orimoto-san, Ni-san's dressed." Wait. What? Don't I have some say in this? This is my room god damn it. "Hey Hikigaya" she says in tone, not quite like what I remembered. Komachi just winked at me and meandered away. I just gave her a blank look. I was not in the mood for this. "I tried calling and texting you, but you never picked up and you were avoiding me in school too. I convinced sensei to give your address. I came to apolo-" , "Don't bother. I'm sorry for what I did. I assumed too much", I cut her off, trying to dissuade her attempt at whatever angle she was playing. "No" she retorted without pause. "Listen Hikigaya, I never thought it would turn out as bad as this. I didn't know how else to react when you dropped that bomb shell on me. I had planned to introduce you to my friends and…", I lifted up my shirt a little, to be met by her horrified expression. "You mean the same friends that did this to me" I let out in disdain. "Oh my god Hikigaya!" she let out. For some reason she had assumed that hugging bruised parts of the human body would result in comfort. "I'm so sorry. I'm am so sorry" she let out, repetitively. I've never dealt with such a situation before, I didn't know what to do, except mask the growing ache as she held on to me. My shirt was becoming wet. Sniffling? Tears? She was crying! "Orimoto-san, it's alright" I let out softly. "It's not okay. This was never supposed to happen. I never even realized. Oh my god. I can't believe that would do something like this ", she let out, partially sobbing.

"Orimoto-san, it'll be fine." It won't last much longer either. "No, I need to make this right." She said resolutely, after finally breaking the hug, which I realize was more for her sake than for mine. "I'll talk to them, I'll figure something out" she continued. "Don't. Just stop it" I intervened. "The more you interfere, the worse it gets for me. Please just leave me alone.", "But you're my friend, I can't just do nothing" she argued. "I'm sorry Orimoto-san, I think it would be best that from this point onwards, we went our separate ways".