Four days after he woke up, Jim was trying to pass the time with a book and failing miserably. He had decided to tell Spock and Uhura the truth about his cancer and why he'd been so aloof. He hoped there'd forgive him, but he knew Spock would be hurt and Uhura would tell him he was an idiot (in a subtle way, of course). But both of them could be trusted to keep it quiet, which is why he'd decided to tell them.

He was still very weak and visiting times were severely restricted by Bones, so he only had twenty minutes to explain things in their allotted time before his CMO would kick them out.

Spock had been just who he'd needed to be there at the end of his life, since Bones couldn't be. He wanted his friend, of course, but he didn't want to take Bones away from saving people that could be saved, unlike him: the dead man walking.

"Hello, Captain." Spock's voice jolted him out of his thoughts and he grinned at the sight of his First Officer and Lieutenant.

"Hey, Spock, Uhura. Thanks for coming. It's pretty boring around here and you know how I hate hospitals."

"It was no trouble, Captain," assured Spock.

"How are you feeling, Jim?" Uhura asked. "Dr. McCoy said you had something serious to talk about and that made me nervous." Her eyes were examining his thin figure, looking for signs of relapse.

"I'm getting better, Bones says, but it doesn't feel like it," Jim sighed. "Can't have solid food yet and I still end up sleeping half the day. It feels like I'm skin and bones right now." He wrinkled his nose with disgust holding up one arm rather shakily.

"I find it far preferable to the condition you arrived in," Spock said rather bluntly. "The doctor says you are progressing well, considering the circumstances."

"Well, yeah, it's better than being dead, but I can't help but want to do something! You shouldn't have to do both our jobs."

Jim hated that Spock had all the burden of writing letters of condolence to the families of the crew they'd lost in addition to being grilled by Admirals and writing endless reports. That was supposed to be HIS job.

"Jim, do not stress yourself about me. Vulcans require less rest than humans and I truly do not mind, knowing you are safe."

Jim was touched by Spock's honesty. The poor guy had finally admitted they were friends right before his death and was obviously still learning how the friendship thing worked, but he was doing a good job so far.

"Well, I trust you'll keep him from overdoing it, Uhura." He told the lieutenant with a grin. "Vulcans may be strong, but I don't want my friend here working himself to exhaustion."

Something in Spock's eyes glittered at the use of the word "friend."

Uhura smiled back at him. "I'm doing my best, Jim. Now quit deflecting, I know you've got secrets to spill."

Jim twisted the sheet into knots before he could find the words he needed to say. It was harder than he thought to tell his friends he'd kept such a secret from them.

"First off, this stays in this room," he stated firmly. "I'm not comfortable with the general public knowing this, that's why I'm telling you two, because I can trust you to be discreet."

They nodded, but looked at each other uneasily.

Jim took a deep breath. "You remember that time I passed out on the away mission to Delta 7?"

"Yes," Uhura answered cautiously. "You told us it was low blood sugar."

"I lied," Jim admitted, "a fact that will not surprise you, probably. In reality, I had just been diagnosed with Andorian leukemia, which is almost always fatal." Uhura gasped, but Jim plowed on. "The actual scientific name is impossible to pronounce, so you'll have to get it from Bones, Spock. Anyway, I'd been feeling bad-dizziness, fainting, weird aches and bruises-for a couple months and went to see a doctor who told me I had less than a year to live."

"Oh, Jim!"

"Captain-" Spock's voice trailed off in shock.

"Yeah," he sighed, toying with the sheets again. "I was thrown for a loop. How in the world could I begin to process my own mortality at 25 while telling my friends and crew that I'd be dead in less than a year? I chickened out and kept quiet until it got to the point I knew I couldn't keep going anymore. I was planning on resigning after Nibiru and telling you then, but then I lost the ship anyway, Daystrom happened, and there was no way I was going to miss out on taking down Khan, no matter how bad I felt. Then, when I realized what had to be done to keep us from crashing, it was perfectly logical that I go in to fix the Core."

Spock was frowning. "That illness would explain the exhaustion you showed after fighting the Klingons. Did Dr. McCoy know?"

"No." Jim said shamefacedly. "Not until he did a blood test while I was in the coma. I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys. I didn't know how."

"Were you in a lot of pain, Jim?" Uhura asked, wracking her mind for moments she missed and wincing at the remembrance of little moments that she'd brushed off as emotional stress.

"On and off. It didn't compare to the radiation, but at least I knew THAT would kill me much faster."

Tears filled Nyota's eyes and Spock cleared his throat, willing emotion away. Both of them had seen him in terrible pain from that radiation, but the revelation that the captain had been suffering in silence for months and he had failed to observe the signs was almost too much for the stoic first officer.

"I find that I am even more grateful to the good doctor now, Jim," he said evenly. "Has the serum cured your cancer as well?"

"Either that or the radiation," Jim said hopefully. "I'll have to be tested frequently to be sure the bad cells didn't regenerate, though. Bones already let me have it for not telling him."

"I imagine he did," Spock said dryly, "and quite colorfully, too, most likely. I understand why you kept silent, Captain, but I entreat you in the future to tell someone if you should relapse. You should not go through it alone."

Jim's heart was warmed by their words. He'd been so used to being alone, he hadn't learned how to rely on others. Now, he was a part of a family, and they wanted him to trust them they way they trusted him. He vowed to be more open from now on. They'd all need to be supportive of each other in the upcoming months as the investigation and recovery went on.

Bones came bustling in to give Jim his meds and shoo the visitors out. "Time to go, Commander, Lieutenant. Jim's about ready for his hypos and mid afternoon nap.

Don't make that face at me, Jim. You know I'm right."

"Very well, Doctor," Spock replied, reluctantly backing away. "Rest well, Captain."

Uhura stopped and squeezed Jim's hand gently. "Get well soon, captain. The chair misses you."

Jim gave a tired smile. "Thanks for coming, guys. I'll try to be more worthy of her this time. Tell Scotty I want to see him sometime and get a report on the repairs."

"Will do," she replied. "I'm a little concerned about him. But all you need to concern yourself with is healing, Jim. Sweet dreams."

"Live Long and Prosper, Jim." Spock added, holding up his hand in the Vulcan greeting.

Jim returned it shakily. "Peace and long life, Spock."

Before he dozed of, Jim thought he might have a chance at both those things thanks to the efforts of his family. He wouldn't trade any of them for the world and he'd never regret what he'd done to keep them alive.