A/N: Okay, so I lied about the review reply, but this one I definitely will, because surprisingly it turned out to be the last chapter. Enjoy!
Chapter 39: Goodbyes
'... Sally and Jacob's basement conversion adds another dimension to their semi-detached property. With the fake porthole windows and naval interior design, the space serves as as fantastic accompaniment to ex-naval officer Jacob's woodworking hobby, with a cosy, "under-the-sea" feel.'
'It definitely inspires me for my art,' Jacob told the camera crew. 'I'm so pleased with how it came out.'
'D'you think this guy has mental issues? Like, he's not quite resurfaced from his submarine?' Rose wondered quietly from next to the Doctor as they laid in bed together, holding onto each other watching the television.
'Well if he's putting in fake porthole windows and steel stanchions then he's definitely got some syndrome,' the Doctor replied.
'Not only do they have an amazing new space, but their conversion has added £20,000 to their property.'
'But it cost them fifty grand,' Rose pointed out. 'I mean, the porthole windows were three grand each.'
'Are there any plans for further conversion?'
'We'd like to do the loft,' Sally said. 'Now Jacob's got his own space, I'd like mine, for my painting.'
'Kinda sounds like they don't wanna be near each other,' Rose pointed out. 'You can't get further away than the basement and the loft.'
'... But we won't be doing that until after the baby's born.'
'Where's that gonna live, the garden shed?' Rose wondered.
The Doctor snorted with laughter.
'If you're planning a conversion, contact us via the details on-screen.'
As the credits rolled, they looked at each other. Rose leant forward to kiss him. She pulled back, and checked him over. He was about eighty percent bandaged.
'Do you need anythin'?' she asked.
'Cup of tea?' he asked hopefully.
She smiled and kissed him again. 'Okay.'
She hauled herself out of bed, still in a pregnancy pyjamas, and waddled out of the door.
The Doctor reclined in bed, wincing a little as he did so. He'd been given orders to stay in bed for a few days as his body attempted to heal the mass of cuts, bruises, burns, a fractured arm, broken ribs, and the stab wound to his shoulder. It was day two. Normally he'd be bouncing off the walls, but he didn't feel like it. Instead, he'd spent his hours holding his human wife watching lame television, who cried quite a lot of the time as they intermittently shared experiences of the first people they'd killed in explicit detail. It was a difficult thing to pitch correctly. He didn't want to normalise what she'd done, but he also wanted to keep reminding her that she wasn't alone.
When they'd got back from the Moirai, Jack had made sure eleven-year-old Tony thought Toby had killed the Doctor. Tony had then used the manipulator he'd stolen from the past version of Jack, and disappeared. He would never return, they knew. He was gone - off to live his life pursuing the Doctor.
Telling Jackie the truth about her son was one of the most excruciating experiences the Doctor had ever had in his entire life. It wasn't so much telling her Tony grew into an evil, manipulative mass murderer, or that he'd tried to burn the Doctor to death, or that he'd tried to take over the universe, or that Rose would've been next on his hit list, or that most of the suffering the Doctor and Rose had endured over the years was because of Tony. It also wasn't because the Doctor had conducted the entire conversation in his underwear as he waited for Martha to come and attend to him. It also wasn't because throughout the conversation Rose was wiping away the blood from his face and arms. It was Jackie's reaction - or rather, her lack of reaction - that unsettled him the most. He'd been expecting rage, grief, confusion amid other potent emotions, but she'd just stared at him.
She had listened without interruption as he had explained how Tony's bubble of annoyance from being taken from his father had been ballooned by Tony's future self. He'd explained that little Tony had been completely manipulated by his future self, in a never-ending self-destructive timeloop. He'd detailed that Tony had been on this path since the day the Doctor had saved them from Pete's World. He'd described how it had been Tony's destiny. He'd explained that Tony's natural aggression had been the cause of his own destruction. He'd said how Tony was now fated to live an evil life, believing mistakenly that one day he'd killed the Doctor. He'd told her how there was nothing they could do to change that.
It had been quite a conversation.
Then of course, Jackie had asked how Tony had died. The Doctor had told her when Rose had dissolved into tears. Thankfully, whatever the Disciples had done worked. Jackie had fallen on the side of accepting it had been Rose's only option, and that Tony hadn't been her son for a very long time. She'd explained how what Tony had done over the years had been unforgivable. She'd even said she was glad someone had stopped him.
They'd all then hugged, and cried. The Doctor was beyond relieved that Jackie and Rose's relationship had survived it - although he wasn't quite sure Rose's psyche would. But that was his next challenge. To save her from herself.
He'd then had to tell everyone what had happened. That the Master had beaten him with a metal engine part and was probably now having a mental breakdown somewhere; that the Doctor had had to fight Braxiatel; that Tony had set the Doctor on fire; that the last key had been extracted and it seemed to be the end of it. More tears. More hugs. He'd cried, too. Everyone jokingly blamed it on the baby hormones, despite the fact everyone knew it wasn't. He'd appreciated that.
Alex was stable and recovering, and Leah had been satisfied. Braxiatel had been confined to secure room in the TARDIS. The Doctor hadn't quite decided what to do with him yet. In fact, he hadn't quite decided what to do about most things. He didn't know what he was going to do with his insane brother, or what he was going to do with Rose. Rose was the more difficult problem. She was flipping between being her usual self, and bursts of random anger. She didn't know how to cope with this, and he'd never had to do this before. Yes, he knew what it was like to kill someone, but that didn't mean he knew how to help someone else through the experience. Not to mention the fact that the sheer guilt he felt for bringing her to this point wouldn't go away.
There was too much going on in his psychology for him to function beyond the most basic parameters. Eat, sleep, toilet, repeat. Jack was taking care of the kids, Jackie was bringing meals, and everyone else was looking in to check on him and Rose. For now, things were decidedly uneventful.
He just wished he knew what he was going to do next.
'Knock knock,' suddenly came Jack's voice from beyond the door.
'Hey,' the Doctor said as a cue for him to enter.
'Martha wants to know if you need more painkillers,' he said, popping his head around.
'Nah, I'm fine,' the Doctor replied as Bargain Hunt came on the television.
Jack peered at the program. 'This is something I didn't think I'd ever see. You watching Bargain Hunt in bed.'
The Doctor half-smiled. 'Anything else?'
'Alex is doing well. I've made the Tardis totally secure in case a Time Agent turns up, and locked down Torchwood too.'
'Thanks,' the Doctor said, feeling a little weight burst into being inside each of his hearts. He was going to have to take him back to Anzen when he was better.
'Hey, he's better off on Anzen. It's the only thing you can do,' Jack pointed out, noticing the Doctor's reaction.
'I guess.'
Jack promptly took a seat on the bed. 'What are you going to do about Brax?'
'I don't know,' the Doctor replied honestly.
'I had a thought. You never did find out who built New Shada, did you? You just knew it was someone who knew a lot about Time Lords, and knew their technology.'
'And?'
'You said yourself, that place was the only place capable of holding a Time Lord prisoner for a really long time,' Jack said. 'And now, well, you've got a prisoner. I think you built it, Doctor. So you could hold Braxiatel. Or rather, you're about to build it.'
The Doctor thought seriously about that. 'You've got a point.'
'You can keep him there, secure. Maybe one day he'll change back.'
'Maybe,' the Doctor muttered, unconvinced.
'You think he won't?'
'All I know is I didn't see a single fleck of my brother left in that man,' the Doctor replied quietly. 'That was just before he stabbed me in the most painful and debilitating place possible. I think everything Brax was is gone.'
Jack nodded. 'But you don't know that for sure.'
'No.'
'So he could change back,' Jack said positively.
'Well, I suppose.'
Jack nodded, smiling. 'In the meantime, have your son and look after Rose. Don't worry about anything else. We're all here to help. Me, Martha, Mickey, Ianto, Jackie, Gwen, Rhys, Seth … everyone. We're here for you and your family, and we need you to know that.'
'Thank you.'
Jack nodded, and got up. 'Let me come with you when you sort out Braxiatel,' he said. 'I don't think it's something you should do on your own.'
'Okay.'
When Alex was recovered enough to sit up and talk three days later, he was overjoyed to see his parents and his big sister. After they had a mini reunion, he proceeded to tell them all about his life on Anzen. Having to put his son on a distant planet to protect him weighed heavily on the fully-grown Time Lord's conscience, but Alex soon got rid of that. The rate at which the boy talked and the enthusiasm with which he did it was beyond anything they remembered of him before he went there. The boy who had been so mute and withdrawn was now two inches taller, three shades more colourful, and about a clear mile happier. The persistent feeling of sadness was very hard to maintain in the face of such a happy little boy.
'I get to play all day, 'cept when it's school but I like school so that's okay,' Alex told them happily. 'And there's a girl called Maddie, and she's my best friend.'
'So you like Anzen?' Rose asked.
'Yeah,' Alex said. 'Everyone's really nice.'
'Is there anything I can do to make it even better?' the Doctor asked quickly.
Alex thought about it. 'Nah,' he concluded.
'So you're happy?'
'Yeah! I want you to come more, though.'
The Doctor nodded. 'We will. Promise.'
'Okay,' Alex replied happily. 'When am I going back?'
'When you're better,' Rose said.
'How long's that?'
'However long your Auntie Martha says it is,' Rose replied, running a hand through the boy's thick brown hair.
'Maybe about a week,' Martha announced obligingly from across the room. 'You're a very lucky little boy, you know. This could have been a lot worse.'
Alex nodded, and his face dropped a little. 'I was outside with Maddie when Uncle Brax ran at me with the gun. I knew things were bad so I told Maddie to hide and I ran the fastest I could but I couldn't get away, Daddy. Then I heard a bang and then I woke up here.'
'Yeah, Braxiatel shot you,' the Doctor muttered. At least Alex didn't remember being in pain. He didn't seem to be traumatised at any rate.
'Why did Uncle Brax shoot me?'
Both parents hesitated, but Leah didn't. 'Cos Uncle Brax turned out to be an right old arse,' the five-year-old informed him.
Everyone in hearing range laughed, except for Rose.
When Leah announced that she was hungry, the Doctor took her to the kitchen to begin a food hunt. He went to the cupboard, and she jumped up to sit in a chair.
'So is everything back to normal now?' the five-year-old asked.
'Pretty much,' the Doctor replied. 'Well, as normal as it's going to get. You okay with beans on toast?'
'Yeah,' Leah replied happily, and he got to work with his one hand, trying to cater. He faintly recalled a time when he relied on food dispensing machines. He'd really become tragically domesticated.
He set everything in motion and sat opposite her at the table as they waited. 'I wanted to talk to you. I know things have been a bit … well, un-normal, like you said. I wanted to check you're okay.'
'I'm okay,' Leah informed him.
'I'll answer any questions you have.'
She paused, thinking. 'Was it Uncle Brax that hurt you?'
'Partly,' he replied. 'Also partly the Master, and partly future Tony.'
'So Tony's evil, now?'
'Yes.'
'Why?'
'His future self manipulated his younger self. He created his own hatred for me.'
'But he's dead now?'
'Yeah, he is.'
'How did he die?'
The Doctor paused. He had to tell her, he decided. 'Mum killed him and saved my life.'
'Mummy killed him?' Leah repeated.
'Yeah,' the Doctor replied. 'She's very upset at the moment, so don't talk to her about it.'
'But if he was evil and it saved you, why's she upset?'
'Because she's taken a life, and no matter how justified it is and no matter how much it makes sense, it's a lot to take in. She's hurting. Also the fact it was her brother doesn't help. Killing someone, whoever it is, is a really traumatic experience. Death isn't nice, not for anyone. It just got to the point where there was absolutely nothing else to do.'
'Is Granny okay?' Leah wondered.
'Yeah, she understands it had to be done,' the Doctor confirmed. 'She's suffering too, but she's strong. So's your mum. But it might take a while for your mum to get through this. I'm going to do everything I can, but I'll need your help.'
'What do I do?' Leah asked.
'Just … be there for her. Don't talk about it, just be really, really nice. Make things easy for her. If she asks you to do something, just do it.'
He was feeling the tears building again. Leah promptly jumped off of her chair and moved to hug him without a word. He just held her, running his hand through her hair.
'So is the Moirai thing totally over now?' Leah asked as they held each other.
'Yes. No more keys, visions, or riddles. It's all over.'
'Aww,' Leah moaned. 'It was fun. So when are we getting Theo?'
'He's due in the next week or so,' the Doctor replied.
'Then cheer up,' Leah ordered him. 'You can't let Theo be born in all this sadness. Theo needs a happy world. So be happy.'
The Doctor smiled a little. 'Yeah.'
'I'm serious,' she said, drawing back to put her hands on her hips, Tyler-style. 'Be happy, mmkay? What's he gonna think when he gets here and you two are all sad? I can't smile enough for all three of us!'
He laughed through the slight wetness of his eyes. 'Okay, okay. I'll be happier.'
'Good!' Leah said, and hugged him again. 'Where's my food?'
An hour later and twenty years in the past, the Doctor and Jack were standing in the very centre of the newly-built New Shada, constructed by robot drones according to the Doctor's exact specifications. They were looking at Braxiatel through a one-way mirror, who was inside the most secure cell in the entire facility. He was currently unconscious, but it wouldn't be long until he woke up and realised what the Doctor had done to him.
'He's not getting out?' Jack asked to confirm.
'All of this can only be opened by both of us at the same time,' the Doctor replied. 'It's got five force-fields, seven triple-deadlock seals, and vocal and retina scan checks. The transmat to get here is double-coded. You know one, and I know one. We need each other to open this. He's never getting out, unless we both decide he can.'
Jack nodded.
They sank into silence, for a moment just watching Braxiatel. The Doctor noticed Jack staring at him. 'What?'
'You can talk to me, if you want,' Jack offered.
'I'm all right.'
'You're currently locking up your insane brother, who might never get better, and you're standing there looking like Jackie's trying to tell you what's happened in EastEnders,' Jack pointed out. 'I've barely heard you say more than three words in a sentence since we got back from the Moirai. Talk to me.'
'I told you, I'm all right.'
Jack obviously realised he wasn't going to get anywhere, and shut up, just as Braxiatel roused. It only took a few seconds for him to register his surroundings, and know what his brother had done to him.
'Theta!' he roared, angry. 'Let me out!'
Jack rested his hand on the Doctor's good shoulder. 'Don't stay too long,' he advised. The Doctor nodded, and Jack promptly left through the transmat.
Braxiatel stood up, absolutely infuriated and staring straight through the two-way mirror. 'I know you're there Theta. I can smell the human from here.'
The Doctor just watched him, willing for there to be any sign of his brother inside this man.
'So it's come to this. You've locked up your own brother,' Braxiatel spat. 'Just got no hope in me, have you?'
The Doctor remained silent, just observing him. Finally, Braxiatel noticed the Doctor had left the trunkike in the room. He picked it up, gazing at it for a moment, before he suddenly screamed, and threw the trunkike at the wall. It burst apart, and hit the floor in a shower of wood. But the Doctor noticed something, and evidently so did Braxiatel. He dropped to his haunches, and scooped up a little holodisc that had been hidden inside. He looked directly at the Doctor, and smirked.
'Oh wow. Shall I play it?'
The Doctor's eyes widened as Braxiatel set it on the floor, and it activated. Immediately a holographic version of Brax burst into being. He looked terrible.
'Theta, please, please help me,' he croaked desperately. 'Toby is Tony, and he wants the key in you. He's trying to make me betray you. He's taking my mind, Thete. I'm slipping away. I can feel everything I am, going. You've got to stop this. Save me. Get me away from him. I don't want to hurt you. Don't let me hurt you, or Rose, or the tots, or your friends - anyone. Save me, please. Save me. Stop Toby. I don't want to die.'
The hologram cut out. The Doctor just stared, utterly horrified.
'Oh dear,' Braxiatel said, and laughed. 'Shame you didn't see this earlier, isn't it?'
He laughed uproariously; a very cynical, maniacal kind of laughter as he stamped on the holodisc, breaking it apart.
The Doctor numbly reached for the transmat, and left.
A week after that, Martha checked on the Doctor and Alex's progress. The Doctor was healing - even his telepathic damage was clearing up. Soon, the only wounds would be the ones in his head. Alex was ready to go back to Anzen with only a scar to show for his experience.
The Doctor made a flying visit to Verga - the planet devoted to the storage of personal possessions that had kicked all of this off. The Disciples had left him two keys - one for his future self to give his past self, and one for the safety deposit collection. He took out a deposit box, and left expressed instructions to find him on Earth if the security of the object inside was to ever be breached. He put the other key inside a sealed box, deep inside the TARDIS. Then, they went to Anzen.
Everyone stayed inside the TARDIS, so as to not be affected by the memory filters. This time, they were going to remember him. The Doctor, Rose, Jack, Martha, and Leah all said good bye to Alex before he stepped out onto the planet. He waved, and then walked away. Despite knowing that it was the only solution and Alex was far happier, it still hurt the Doctor to have to watch his son leave. But he'd rather he knew about Alex than forget him completely.
He piloted the TARDIS one-handed back to Torchwood Tate to drop off Martha, and then to Torchwood Three. He parked the TARDIS. Jack and Leah left, so only the Doctor and Rose remained.
The silence was palpable.
'You hate me, don't you?' Rose suddenly asked in the silence. 'I can't hear your thoughts anymore but I can feel it.'
'I hate myself,' the Doctor corrected. 'Not you. Never you. This wasn't your fault. I'm angry that I let this situation get so bad. You should have never been put in that position. I should have made you more safe.'
'This wasn't your fault though,' Rose told him firmly. 'I chose to kill him.'
He laughed, without any hint of humour. 'You didn't have any kind of choice.'
'Nothing … feels right anymore. We don't feel right. The world doesn't feel right.'
'We always feel right,' he told her. 'Don't doubt us. It's everything else that's wrong.'
Another long pause.
'So what happens now?' Rose wondered quietly.
'Now, we wait to have our baby,' the Doctor said.
'Then?'
'Then …well, I don't know. But I'll think of something. After Theo's here, we'll sort it out. But right now, Leah was right. We need to keep smiling.'
'I don't think I can smile.'
He took her into a one-armed hug. 'I said it's going to be hard, and that still stands. But it's not impossible. You won't feel like this forever. I promise. You can smile, even if it's fake. One day it'll be real again. I'll make it real. You did that for me, so I'll do it for you.'
'Okay,' she muttered, pressing her face to his chest where his dual hearts were beating. 'Things are never gonna be the same again, are they?' she realised. 'We were so happy-go-lucky. It's not gonna be like that anymore.'
He rested a hand on her belly. 'Things will be better. Just wait and see.'
'Promise?'
'I promise.'
'We'll get through this,' the Doctor told her, cupping her face in both hands. 'This is our hardest challenge, but we'll make it. I'm not giving up, so you're not going to give up. Okay?'
'Okay.'
'Say it again.'
'Okay.'
'So what aren't you going to do?'
'Give up.'
'Good.'
'I l-love you,' she said, her voice breaking.
'The feeling's mutual,' he replied, smiling half-heartedly. 'You've got me, and I've got you. That's the way it's always going to be.'
She nodded briefly, and then straightened up, steeling herself. 'Okay. I know you. You'll think of somethin'. We're gonna get through this. Just …'
'Yeah?'
'Just don't … let it win.'
'Since when, Rose Tyler, have I ever let the bad guy win?'
She laughed. It was the first laugh he'd heard from her from what felt like a very long time. Something warm erupted inside his hearts at the sound.
'We keep fighting,' he said. 'Keep winning. We go on. Together.'
She nodded again. 'Together,' she affirmed.
They linked hands, and walked out of the TARDIS.
To be continued ...
A/N: Done!
This has been the longest story I've ever written, fic or otherwise, and it was only when I checked out the date I first started posting this, did I realise that this story has been going for a year. A YEAR! :o
So deep, heartfelt thank yous to everyone who's been on this journey with me, not just for this story, but also if you happened to dabble in the previous ones in this series too. Special awards go to reviewers - you've made this possible, so please take the credit. You know who you are.
I always swore I would keep going with this series as long as 1. I had new ideas, and 2. People were still reading it. I love this little fic world I've made, I love this show, and I love doing this. I really hope you'll continue to allow me into your brains and brighten up your inboxes with alerts every now and then. That being said, bit of a break for me now, but I'll be back at some point. There's a whole load of fuckery to clean up here, to put it mildly.
I WILL review reply. I will, I will.
Laura