Disclaimer: Nintendo owns Zelda etc.

So Archive Of Our Own got to see this gem before you guys, and then I realized that this site is in dire need of some RevaLink. OTPlz.

Rule 63 (genderbending) applies in terms of our favorite Hero. I suppose that makes her the Heroine.

As well, this story takes the premise of BotW and makes a slight alteration, in the form of the Champions essentially being sealed instead of killed (stasis AU) and Link not needing a 100-year nap to save Hyrule... more like 3-5 years. Characters from BotW may still show up because it's simpler than making an equivalent number of OCs, but for the most part the setting is the same.

HAVE FUN.

Chapter 1: Hydromelons and Molduga Guts

Revali has to admit that, even if they do owe most of their success to Mipha's suggestion to Zelda, they were all supremely awesome. Especially him.

When Calamity Ganon reared his ugly, porky head, he had come prepared in ways the Champions could never have suspected. Each of them found themselves locked in a spiritual battle for control of the Divine Beasts while the Guardians rampaged against the country they were built to protect. For a few terrifying years, it seemed that the ancient evil would realize its desire to spread ruin across the land, but somehow, Zelda had managed to awaken her sealing power and Link had managed to not only come to the aid of all his fellow Champions, but also beat Ganon into oblivion.

Hyrule has some scars that needed healing, but Revali can enjoy his recently bolstered celebrity status from the comforts of his home in Rito Village.

Best of all, he can keep his encounters with Link to a minimum. Because there is no way Revali would do anything other than acknowledge that the Hylian Champion had done his job. Call it pride or obstinance or what have you (Revali would call it common sense), but he doesn't think Link needs to know that Revali maybe kind of sort of admires him. Just a little.

But when couriers from the recovering castle visit, and he hears that Urbosa has invited Zelda to Gerudo City for some well-deserved vacation and "girl time", he has two reactions.

The first is to imagine Link escorting Zelda to the gates of the city and then being promptly left to starve in the sand dunes, because everyone knows only women are allowed in the city's walls. It makes him snicker, because after all Link has done for Hyrule, he could theoretically meet his end because the Gerudo are absolute in their enforcement of this mandate. The picture gives him a good chuckle - Link huddled beneath the city walls, trying to keep warm by a campfire while roasting a meager meal of desert weeds.

The second is to imagine the Gerudo making an exception for Link. Because Revali is loathe to admit it, but Link is, after all, the Hero of Hyrule. And as Hero of Hyrule he would be afforded some exceptions. Exceptions which could potentially include being the first man ever allowed inside a women-only city, and said women marveling at his ability to be there, and then basking in Link's presence, and charisma, and fawning all over him...

Revali's not jealous. At all. He's disgusted that Link is potentially going to get all of this attention without sharing. And it's definitely not jealousy, but rather a giddy sense of party-crashing and a zeal for competition, which informs his next move.

He invites the other Champions as a cursory politeness. Daruk, however, not only respects Urbosa's mandate that this is a girls-only trip and her ability to shoot him with lightning bolts that actually hurt, but also acknowledges that he prefers his women a bit more mineralized than the ones in the city, so crashing a girl party in Gerudo town on the off chance that Link might be forming a harem has zero appeal. Revali gets a surprise when he invites Mipha, in the form of a facial expression akin to smelling sour milk that the Rito warrior had no idea the fair Zora lady was even capable of making. It occurs to Revali only then that, if she still harbors some of her once-obvious feelings for the Hylian Champion, it was more rude than polite to extend an invitation to see whether or not said Hylian was wasting away in the desert or busy forming a harem. He's fairly certain even sweet Mipha will go off on him, but she just shakes her head and tells Revali that it would be far wiser to stay away.

Wisdom is Zelda's thing, not his, so he duly notes and disregards that advice and packs for his flight to Gerudo City.

The desert winds don't agree with him at all. No amount of wind has any excuse for being this blisteringly hot or full of sand. He's going to need a good long bath to get sand out of places between his wings he didn't even know he had, and he's going to need to stock up on chillshrooms for the flight back, because even though his speed is only improved by flying, he's still downing chilly elixirs like they're the only source of fluid for miles in this goddess-forsaken desert. The only solace is that the thick sands disguise his approach and give him plenty of time to plan his next move.

Revali is savvy enough to realize that strutting up to the front gates will attract more attention than landing somewhere out of the way, so he swoops in behind the palace lower than the guards can see and begins scouting for any route of ingress, while listening for any word of Urbosa's whereabouts. Walking about for longer than necessary grates on an aerial ace such as him, but he keeps in mind his ultimate goal and decides that whether or not he ends up laughing at Link's misfortune or usurping his Gerudo harem solely for kicks, it will all be worth it.

He's passing along the area of the palace perimeter which apparently runs against the private bathhouse when he hears the Princess' voice and stealthily comes to a standstill.

"Urbosa, look at that unruly mane of hair and tell me we don't need to cut it."

Revali's frantically covering snickers at the thought of Urbosa getting a haircut until Urbosa replies.

"If you'd been running around in the wild for the last couple of years fighting to save your kingdom, you would have less than perfect hair as well, Princess. ...That said, we're here and we've got time, so we might as well give you a haircut- oh, don't give me that look."

That causes Revali's face to scrunch up in confusion. Was Zelda referring to her own hair? The Rito warrior will freely admit that the Princess possesses both beauty and grace in abundance, and he can't possibly imagine a situation where Zelda's hair could turn into an "unruly mane". Although... the way Urbosa phrased it...

"Zelda and I are going to get enough salves and shears to sort your hair out, and if we find out you've climbed over the wall to escape, I'll make Ganon look like a child's playdate," Urbosa threatens in deceptively pleasant tones. Revali reminds himself for about the ten thousandth time to never irritate Urbosa. However, that confirms it – Link is in the city with them (which would make him squawk, if he weren't a highly composed and disciplined warrior) and about to be subjected to what could potentially transform into all manner of feminine makeover.

It's here that Link's inability (or unwillingness?) to communicate using more than subtle shifts in facial expression and the occasional grunt work against him.

Seeing Link get dolled up almost beats the possibility of a Gerudo harem.

Revali makes sure that Urbosa and Zelda have left to find the war weapons they'll need to go up against this veritable "mane" of hair the Hero possesses, and then he alights to the top of the wall and subtly makes his way around the perimeter so that he is directly behind Link. The Rito takes pause at the amount of scars on Link's back and decides that, in acknowledgement of the Hero's often agonizing and thankless efforts for Hyrule, he will slightly moderate his teasing. But overall, he agrees with the two ladies. Link's hair is an atrocious mane. It only hangs down to his shoulder blades, but the tangles are evident even from up here. The twinge of pity Revali feels for the poor boy not being able to find time to properly groom himself is enough for the Rito to decide to tone down his teasing slightly more.

But there will still be teasing, and lots of it.

"Well well, sounds like you're on the chopping block for a makeover. I can't wait to see the outcome."

Revali actually gets a shocked gasp-noise out of the Hero, which pleases him immensely. Revali even gets a full-fledged expression of surprise as well - wide eyes and mouth in a small O-shape, and even a furious blushing, which is more expression than Revali anticipated, or ever saw at any point before or during the war against the Calamity.

Revali also gets far more than he bargained for when Link whips around to face him, arms frantically flying up to cover his chest-

... which should not have what amounts to two hydromelons attached to it.

Whatever Revali wants to say dies in his throat as he searches for something else to say, and for something else to look at. But it's hard to distract himself from a revelation of this scale, especially when the evidence is looming large (quite literally) right in front of his eyes, and how did Link ever manage to hide those? And then he realizes that steam disperses quite readily in the dry desert air.

And Revali starts to say something else. It might have ended up as a snarky comment, or a joke, or something vaguely flirtatious, or even a sincere apology, but he doesn't manage to get a single word out, because in a frighteningly fluid motion, Link reaches for a bowl containing actual hydromelons, pegs one at Revali with Goron-tier strength, and nails him right between the eyes.

The greatest warrior of the Rito drops like a sack of bricks, tumbling off the roofside and into the middle of the stall that happens to be selling Molduga guts. The heavy odor hits his nostrils at the same time the merchant starts shrieking silly, and through the haze of confused thoughts he hears another woman yelling, "Guards! A voe has snuck inside the city!"

His last thought is that Molduga guts better not stain clothing or feathers, because that will be a bitch to clean tomorrow.

End Chapter 1