Chapter One: The Space Pirate

Tenchi Masaki was not your average everyday high school kid. For one thing, he'd been trained from the time he was small to know a hundred ways to kill a man with a stick, or even his hands. He spent much of his spare time reading factual books of information. What he did not spend a lot of time doing was hanging out with friends. Mostly because he didn't have any.

This had been satisfactory to him, until the day that everything changed.

It all started one day when Tenchi was making his way down the steps of the Masaki shrine. He was clad in his school uniform with his bag hung over one shoulder. Then he caught sight of what he appeared to be two shooting stars, trading lights between them. One of them veered off, trailing smoke and crashed nearby. The other crashed further away.

'…I think I'm going to keep walking now.' decided Tenchi. 'Whatever happened, I'm sure it can happen without me.' And he began to make his way down the steps. It was at this moment that he realized that he was curious. And that whatever it was might provide an escape from dealing with school.

So he turned and made his way into the forest towards where the shooting star had landed. It took some hours of walking to make to the landing sight. As he walked, he came to the river, where a twisted and broken wreckage of dark crystal was lying. 'Well whatever it was, it landed around here.' he mused.

Then he saw the girl. She was curvaceous, with wide hips, a slim waist and a rack that was to die for. She was clad in a low-cut white kimono with orange sleeves. Her hair was long and cyan and fell around her and framed her adorable face. He kneeled down by her and smelled the scent of alcohol on her breath. Her ass was incredibly firm, and the effect was only enhanced by her low-cut kimono.

Tenchi realized he was feeling her up, and decided to stop. He scooped up a bit of water from the river and poured it down her throat, then waited. Her eyes opened. 'W-what…'

'Oh, you're awake, damn.' muttered Tenchi. 'Look can you feel your limbs? Because any hospital bills are going to have to fall to me, and I'd rather not-'

She was up in a shot, clinging to him. 'Oh, I'm so scared!'

'Really? I can tell by your insincere tone.' mused Tenchi.

'I am Ryoko and I'm being chased by a space pirate!'

'…Are you?' asked Tenchi, now beginning to regret coming out here.

'Yes, you have to protect me!' cried Ryoko.

At that moment something came crashing out of the trees to land before them on two heavy metal feet. It was a mecha of some sort, with a screen with what appeared to be a single glowing eye behind it. It also had a gun for one arm and a shield for the other. Tenchi blinked in surprise, the situation too surreal to panic. This boded poorly.

'There he is!' cried Ryoko, pointing at it. 'That's the space pirate!'

'Yeah, I can tell by the fear in your voice.' deadpanned Tenchi. 'Okay, did I fall down the steps and hit my head? Or did I just inhale fumes? Because either way-'

The space pirate raised a gigantic gun arm.

'…Time to go.' said Tenchi, before grabbing Ryoko and making a run for it.

And that was how Tenchi Masaki found himself being chased through the woods by a giant robot. The only consolation was the beautiful cyan haired women clinging to his arm. It had been a bit of a day thus far. And it only got worse as they abruptly halted at the edge of a cliff, a sheer drop descending into the forests below.

Tenchi turned around as the robot appeared before them. It approached them, its footfalls leaving great prints in the dirt. 'Okay, look, I'm sure you want to kill this girl and all, but do you think you could hold off on murdering us? I've got a family you could torture us to death in front of.' Grandpa could handle this. He only had to reach Grandpa in one peace.

'Now that's an interesting idea,' mused Ryoko.

'What?' asked Tenchi.

'I mean there's no use reasoning with him.' said Ryoko 'He's a savage criminal, with no ability to plan ahead of time.'

'What are you, his ex-girlfriend?' asked Tenchi.

'Oh, how did you guess that?' asked Ryoko.

'What?!' said Tenchi.

'This is our destiny!' cried Ryoko 'We promised we'd die together remember!'

'No, no we didn't!' said Tenchi, not at all enthusiastic about the prospect.

Then the space pirate tripped over something and landed face down. There was a long silence, broken only by the sounds of moving parts as the mecha tried and failed to stand. Tenchi blinked. 'He seems unable to get up, huh?'

'It looks like it.' said Ryoko.

They walked a ways away, and Ryoko glanced back with an uncharacteristic smirk. Bringing one foot around, Ryoko kicked the mecha off the cliff to descend down the cliff below. 'Byyyyye!' she called. Then she looked up. 'We can go now.'

Well, it was official. Ryoko was psychotic herself. For now, Tenchi should not call her bluff. Not until he got back to the house. So he turned and ran the rest of the way back. She pursued.

The grandfather of the Masaki Household was sitting on the blue sofa. He mused to himself on important spiritual matters. At the same time, his dark-haired son in law was busy cooking dinner in the kitchen. He looked up after a moment to the kitchen 'Nobuyuki, where is Tenchi? He is home late tonight.'

'Well, then he must be out picking up girls.' laughed Nobuyuki.

'No, he doesn't take after you.' mused Grandfather. 'Although now that you mention it he has been a bit lazy of late. Maybe I should scold him when he gets back in.'

At that moment the door was flung open and Nobuyuki looked up. 'There he is now.' He made his way out to meet his son. He found him in the company of a beautiful woman, and both were gasping for air. Or at least Tenchi was.

'Tenchi, it's very late, where have you been?' asked Nobuyuki. 'Are you becoming a juvenile delinquent on me?' He paused as he looked at the women. 'What did you two do, elope or something?'

'Yes,' said the women, 'it was a whirlwind romance.'

'No, no we didn't.' said Tenchi. 'It's a long story…'

Five minutes later after a very interesting story which was a pack of lies. Nobuyuki reeled beneath the revelation. He set his hands on the dinner table to steady himself. 'Outer space?!'

'Yes,' said Ryoko, 'and I'm a danger to anyone who befriends me now.'

'It must be very cold in outer space this time of year.' said grandfather. 'Have some tea.'

Nobuyuki reached forward and took Ryoko by the hands. 'You have been through a very great hardship young women from outer space. You have my word that we will protect you.'

'Oh how very kind of you to speak so kindly to a total stranger.' said Ryoko. 'I thank you, honorable Father.'

'Oh, can I believe my ears?' asked Nobuyuki. 'You called me Father.'

'My father…' said Ryoko.

'My daughter…' said Nobuyuki. 'Tenchi you have a wonderful bride!'

'…I'm surrounded by idiots.' said Tenchi in resignation.

A harsh assessment which was not necessarily untrue. This looked to be interesting.

As the moon rose over the trees, Tenchi Masaki was put to work reinforcing the walls of the house. As he hammered in additional boards, he felt a profound sense of frustration.

'First question,' said Tenchi, 'why am I the only person here working on this project? Dad was the one who vowed to defend her?' He hammered in another nail. 'Second question…' He set the last nail in place. 'Why are we raising defenses against typhoons? We are facing someone who can shoot energy beams out of their hand?' He hammered in the last nail. 'This is a complete waste of time.'

'Stop whining and remember,' said Nobuyuki, 'always put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Oh, wait that didn't come out right.'

'Well I'm off to the shrine now.' said Grandpa. 'You come call me if anything happens.' And he began to make his way up the steps.

'Oh, well good night father.' said Nobuyuki.

'Oh you've all been so kind.' said Ryoko. 'But you really shouldn't go to this kind of trouble for me, I'm only endangering you.'

'Could you please quit the goodie two shoe act?' asked Tenchi. 'It doesn't suit you.'

'Well what would?' asked Ryoko, and at that moment she smiled and looked very murderous.

'Now don't you worry young lady.' said Nobuyuki. 'I'll stay up all night to protect you.'

Yeah, there was no way that was happening.

Sure enough within a few scant hours, Nobuyuki was asleep on the couch. Tenchi, for his part, was trying to do his homework. Emphasis on trying. The sound of Ryoko playing fighting games was blotting out all noise.

'Yes, yes, yes, yes,' began Ryoko. 'no, no, no, no…'

Tenchi picked up the remote and muted the television. Ryoko paused and looked up. 'Hey, what's the big idea?'

'I'm trying to do my homework.' said Tenchi. 'And I can't do it with all this noise.'

'But I need the sound!' said Ryoko. 'It's essential to my immersion!'

'Fine,' said Tenchi, 'I'll go to another room then.' And he stood up.

At that moment Ryoko crawled over at lightning quick speeds and gripped him around the legs. She stared up at him with big eyes. 'Oh, you're not abandoning me are you?' Her tone was hurt.

'Will you relax?' snapped Tenchi. 'I'm going into the next room. I'd rather get my homework done before we all get murdered.'

'By who?' asked Ryoko, blinking.

'The space pirate.' said Tenchi. 'The thing that chased us through the woods trying to kill us! The mechanical monstrosity you used to date that is even now hunting us!'

'Oh right,' she said, 'the space pirate.'

'Yes!' he said 'Don't tell me you forgot!'

Then there was a knock at the door. Tenchi looked up. 'Well, that'll be him now. We'll sneak out the back door, and make for the shrine.'

'Why the shrine?' inquired Ryoko.

'Grandpa is a skilled martial artist.' said Tenchi as he led her out.

They got out the side door. As they opened it they heard a whining noise. At their feet, they saw what appeared to be a round blue metal orb scanning the area. Tenchi paused. 'Erm… what is that?'

'It's a scanner,' said Ryoko, 'a tool used by the Galaxy Po- I mean space pirates to watch entrances! He's on to us!'

At that moment around the bend came the space pirate, whose arm cannon glowed. Tenchi and Ryoko made a run for it, sprinting up the steps as the space pirate chased after them. Its shots went wide as Tenchi and Ryoko rushed up the rest of the mountain. Finally, they crossed the last step and came to Grandpa's shrine.

The old master stepped out, bokken in hand. 'Alright, what's this all about?'

'Grandpa!' said Tenchi. 'Space pirate!' He pointed to the machine as it boosted into the air and landed before them. Then it turned to face Grandpa, who paused, sizing it up.

Finally, the old man closed his eyes. 'What a nuisance.'

The space pirate turned its cannon towards him, and then Grandpa had passed the machine by. There was a long pause. Then the machine collapsed with a sound of grinding servos. It exploded into flame a moment later, as Grandpa made his way back to his house.

'Hooray, you did it!' cried Ryoko.

'Wait…' said Tenchi, 'you actually took out a giant mecha with a bokken? I mean I know I was banking on it, but that doesn't seem possible.'

Then the smoke cleared.

And that was how Tenchi Masaki got a front row seat of the space pirates round, large and shapely ass. It was clad in a blue jumpsuit which clung to her every curve and crevice. She wriggled, shaking her ass in an appealing manner as she tried to shed the wreckage of her suit. Tenchi took a moment to appreciate the view while resisting the urge to do more than look. Finally, the show ended as she glanced back. She had blue hair and was wearing an orange headband. Her chest was nothing to sneer at either, though it was not quite as ample as Ryoko's.

'Surrender yourself space pirate Ryoko, there is nowhere for you to run!' And she stood up, drawing out a gun to point it at Ryoko.

'And the truth comes out.' mused Tenchi. 'I knew there was no way she could be your girlfriend without getting in on the business.'

'She is not my girlfriend!' said the women. 'I'm a Galaxy Police officer sent to apprehend her.'

'Sure you are,' said Tenchi, 'and that's why you were firing energy beams at us all the way up the mountain.'

'I wasn't shooting to kill.' She said. 'My suit was malfunctioning ever since I got kicked off that cliff. And anyway you were harboring a known fugitive.'

'Known?' asked Tenchi. 'At what point during this conversation did I have any idea what was going on? Ryoko, you got anything to say about this or should I just take her word for it?'

'Oh how could you suspect me when there is no proof.' said Ryoko.

The women Ryoko had claimed was a space pirate drew out an object which expanded into a screen showing her data. Her name was Kiyone Makibi. 'This is my ID. It proves I am who I say I am.' The screen changed to show Ryoko. 'And here is her wanted poster.'

It was amazing how quickly someone could change. Gone was the false innocence, and in was a smirking demon. Ryoko was laughing. 'Okay, so you figured me out. I had a hangover when I ran into you. Otherwise, a lousy cop like you never would have been able to shoot me down.'

'Actually, I timed my attack so that I'd catch you while you were drunk.' said Kiyone proudly. 'I didn't take any chances.' Tenchi took this opportunity to stand firmly behind Kiyone by about ten feet.

'Well congratulations,' said Ryoko, 'you shot me down. Now you're trapped down here with me. So what's the next step of your master plan stupid? Or should I just cook you?' She took a menacing step forward and summoned red energy into one hand.

'Stand down or I will open fire!' snapped Kiyone.

'Go right ahead,' laughed Ryoko.

Kiyone fired a single shot. It collided with a yellow energy shield, broke straight through it. Ryoko moved aside just in time and the beam shot past her cheek. The space pirate looked back as the yellow bolt shot off into space, then looked to Kiyone. '…That shouldn't have worked.'

'It's a disruptor pistol.' said Kiyone with a smirk. 'Designed to bypass energy shields. I did my homework.'

'Well color me impressed,' said Ryoko, stretching her neck, 'of course, now that I know you have it, that's the closest you'll have ever come to hitting me. You're hunting big game now, too big for you!'

Then she surged forward. Kiyone fired again, but just before the bolt hit Ryoko, she phased out and appeared some ways away. Kiyone fired several more shots, and each time Ryoko disappeared and reappeared later. Then she surged at Kiyone with a red energy saber.

The blue haired police officer backflipped away from the assault. Dodging out of the way of two bolts of red Kiyone halted. The bolts hit the ground and created two craters where they landed. Kiyone's blue hair flowed around her. Then she drew out something from a pocket. A whip of light lashed out from Kiyone's hands, wrapping Ryoko up with rainbow threads. Kiyone smiled and began to tighten it around the space pirate while reeling her in.

It was kind of hot.

'Pretty good,' said Ryoko, 'but not good enough!' Straining against the ties, Ryoko flowed with energy. The threads broke and the resulting slack sent Kiyone stumbling back to land with a crash. Ryoko leaped into the air, drawing her saber in a smooth motion. 'This fight is mine!'

It was at this point that Tenchi did the stupidest thing he'd ever done in his life. It was the split-second decision which defined his entire existence. He rushed forward and stepped in front of the incoming blade. Ryoko halted it mid swing in surprise, floating back a bit.

'Leave her alone!' said Tenchi. 'Or you'll have to deal with me!' He was so dead.

Ryoko remained very very silent. It was a moment which stretched into eternity. Then she lowered herself down and unsummoned her power. Putting her hands behind her head she smiled. 'Well, that was fun!'

'What.' said Tenchi.

'Oh come on, I was never really going to hurt you guys.' said Ryoko. 'I was just teasing.' She looked around. 'Actually, I think I rather like it here, I'm going to stay here for a while.'

'This is not a negotiation!' snapped Kiyone as she arose. 'Surrender.'

'Well I just might do that for you.' mused Ryoko.

'Uh… actually, she can't.' said Tenchi. 'She can't arrest you.'

'What are you talking about.' said Kiyone. 'I'm a Galaxy Police Officer, my job is arresting people like her.'

'Yeah,' said Tenchi, 'but this isn't Galaxy Police land or whatever place you have dominion over.'

'Well yes but…'

'And as far as I know, the government of Japan isn't even aware your organization exists.' continued Tenchi. 'So there is no way they can actually extradite her to the Galaxy Police. Wherever their headquarters are. Plus we don't have interstellar travel, so you're both stuck here anyway.'

'You don't understand, the Galaxy Police have authority everywhere.' said Kiyone.

'You started a firefight in the middle of Japan's airspace.' said Tenchi. 'If you'd had had your little showdown a few miles west of here, you'd have knocked down a couple of skyscrapers. I don't even want to think about collateral.'

'I didn't mean to…' she began.

'And if you think about it, you opened fire with a lethal weapon on me, a citizen of Japan. So when you get right down to it you're both criminals.' finished Tenchi.

Kiyone opened her mouth, shut it, and paused. 'I uh… I may have gotten a little carried away. But there were very good reasons. You have no idea what kind of stuff she's done. She has committed practically every crime we have a law for, she is the most wanted criminal in the universe!'

'Oh you flatter me.' said Ryoko.

'Look can we talk about this later.' said Tenchi. 'Right now I think you have bigger problems than whether or not you're going to catch her. How about we head back down to the house, make some tea, and discuss your plans for getting a roof over your heads?'

'Yeah, uh, right,' said Kiyone, flustered. 'I um… I think I'm going to need a place to stay.'

Ryoko wrapped her arms around Tenchi's shoulders. She pressed her mouth against his ear. Tenchi tensed at the proximity he was to her breasts. He could feel her warm breath on his neck. 'You were so amazing when you saved me, so valiant and brave...'

'Save it for later.' snapped Kiyone, pulling Ryoko off.

Tenchi was somewhat disappointed as they made their way down the steps towards the house. Still, it had been a pretty good day.

As the three of them walked off, grandpa chuckled to himself. 'Turned out to be a noisy evening.'

Authors Note:

Well, here we have A Darker Shade of Carnival. This first chapter was nearly completed for some time before I actually posted it. It's always been my goal to post a Tenchi Universe Fanfic at some point. But I could never think of a good story idea. One of the key problems is that Tenchi doesn't make choices. Neither do the girls.

Without choices and decisions, it's very difficult to write an AU fanfic. However, this is my attempt at one, dealing first with a different Tenchi. And second with a different order for the girls to arrive. Each character in this story is going to be different from how they are in canon, or at least that is my plan.

Whether it works out is another question.

I can't promise very frequent updates on this, but I'll try to get them out sooner or later.

Edit:

Removed some repeating dialogue. Also added a bit of dialogue to the end to round

Edit Edit:

Changed the first scene and removed the framing device.