A/N: I had a couple requests at the end of S12E3 from fellow Bones fans to generate a story based on Brennan's comment to Booth about "bagging his sniper" when they do the down and dirty so she doesn't get pregnant. Concurrently, dgschneider directed me to a review comment/prompt she received from Julie SBXMomX on her 'Sounds of the Sea' story (awesome in-progress story if you haven't read it yet) that also plays on the theme of prophylactics and DG thought might mesh with my writing style.

While it took me a bit to deliver and I doubt anyone would've expected THIS as the result, I hope it fulfills the wishes expressed and entertains simultaneously. This is a two-shot and the 2nd chapter will be posted sometime on Tuesday, formerly 'Bones day'. Sigh . . . still not over it yet.

And a reminder, note rating.

Disclaimer: I own nothing Bones related except my imagination. (4/23/2017)

Brennan arched her back and groaned in pleasure at the feel of Booth's warm lips suckling her naked breast. Her long, slender fingers slid up his neck, threading through his short hair as she held him to her. "Mmmm. This is an excellent way to wake up."

"Fuck, yeah." He added his teeth to the mix, gently biting down on the puckered nub and relishing her reaction – the sharp inhalation of breath, the instantaneous thrust of her core against his erection, the involuntary tightening of her hands on his scalp. "Feels like I've been awake for forever and all I could think about was being inside you again." He curled his tongue around the taut peak he'd just nipped, soothing the sting before blowing on it gently then repeating the same routine with her other breast, loving how responsive she always was to his attentions.

She laughed softly and placed the bare soles of her feet against his calves beneath the sheets, sliding her feet upwards in a caress of her own that opened her legs even wider, letting him settle just a little deeper against her. "Sounds like a good idea to me." She wrapped her legs around his waist, tightening her abductor muscles in a manner that rocked their pelvises together and let her grind her clitoris along the ridge of his cock, her silky panties the only thing separating them.

"Jesus," he muttered between wet kisses to her chest and throat. "Baby, you keep that up and I'm not gonna last long."

"Touch me, Booth," she implored. "Touch me and you'll know I don't need you to last long. Don't I feel ready to you?" His hands had been holding her at the waist, but, at her command, he slid one down between them and cupped her, the damp heat between her legs obvious through her panties.

"You're overdressed," he grumbled, hooking his fingers inside her waistband and tugging down. Brennan lifted her hips and unhooked her legs long enough to let Booth strip her bare. Then she wrapped herself around him again. He palmed her upper thigh, pulling her leg higher on his waist so he could slide his fingers into her center from behind. "God, you're so wet, already. Wet and ready."

"Yes. I know." With the removal of her underwear she could now slide her wet folds up and down his length directly, the sound of their flesh comingling like music to their souls. "Hmmm, I feel so aroused."

He half-chuckled, half-groaned, pushing himself up on his arms so he hovered over her and could watch her face as he slid his cock up and down across her most sensitive nerve bundle. "You're horny, Bones. That's what it's called."

"Oooh, that feels good."

"Say it." He rubbed a little harder against her and a little higher, letting his heavy testicles bounce against her perineum. "Let me hear you say it in layman's terms. C'mon, Bones. You can do it."

She grinned, enjoying his teasing and willing to give in if it would move things along. "Yes, I'm extremely horny right now, Booth. I want to feel you inside me, not just against me. I want you to bury your penis inside me and make me cum all around you. Now, Booth. I need you, now."

"Oh, yeah." He leaned down and kissed her deeply, their tongues tangling together until they both needed a break for air. "Better grab a condom."

Brennan stretched her arm out towards the nightstand and opened the drawer, reaching inside to grab a condom and came up empty handed. At the same time, Booth's phone started ringing.

"Crap. We're out of condoms."

"Shit. I think we have a case."

They spoke at the same time, both aware that their morning activity had just been thwarted.

A sexually frustrated Special Agent Seeley Booth stood within the section of the yard that had been cordoned off by yellow crime scene tape making notes as his partner, and wife (and should've been morning lover, damn it) relayed details to him about the skeleton the FBI had dug up early that morning. So far, everything she had told him indicated the remains they had discovered could belong to Marvin Hildebrand, a young but aggressive newspaper journalist that had reportedly been pursuing a potentially explosive story about the Congressman in whose yard they currently stood before he mysteriously vanished almost six months ago. Police and the FBI had considered the Congressman as a suspect when Hildebrand first disappeared, but until they'd received an anonymous tip late last night, they'd not had any real evidence to link the Congressman to foul play. However, the tip last night had provided enough specific and credible details about the story Hildebrand was rumored to be pursuing plus allegations linking the Congressman to Hildebrand's disappearance to allow Caroline Julian to obtain a search warrant for the Congressman's countryside estate, including permission to draft Tutti the cadaver dog into the investigation.

Tutti couldn't have been on the scene for more than 10 minutes before she dropped to the ground, belly first, in a leafy, wooded area at the edge of the grass in the back yard – her tell for identifying the location of buried human remains. Sure enough, the FBI only had to dig down a couple feet before they found a human skeleton and Booth's phone had rung immediately after that summoning him and his wife to the scene, well over an hour's drive outside the city. He was still pissed at fate that his morning lovemaking had not been able to proceed to its natural conclusion.

"Damn. I just hate messy cases." Caroline Julian stood beside Booth, her standard frown on her face as she grouchily watched the investigation unfold before her eyes. She always took a personal interest in any potentially high profile murder case and one that involved a member of Congress anywhere in the mix was definitely in the high profile category. "And, Cher, this is shaping up to be one hell of a messy case."

Booth glanced her way. "We don't know for sure yet that the remains are Hildebrand's. Bones hasn't made a positive ID yet."

Caroline snorted. "Do you honestly think that will amount to a hill of beans of difference as to how messy this is gonna be? We've got us a dead body buried in a U.S. Congressman's backyard and according to your wife, we are not uncovering ancient remains here. Hildebrand or not, there ain't no way out of this particular scenario that's not gonna be messy."

"Right," Booth nodded, conceding her point.

At about that time, the Congressman's personal attorney showed up flagging her attention and she went to greet him. Caroline spent the next 45 minutes crossing verbal swords with the slick DC lawyer, her mood deteriorating from her typical cranky demeanor to just downright grouchy with each volley of legal maneuvering and side stepping he tried to throw at her. Booth kept a casual watch over her from the corner of his eye, just in case she needed him to intervene. Eventually though, she walked back to where he stood guard over the squints, her body language loudly proclaiming her annoyance and frustration to anyone who knew her well enough to read the signs.

"You and your good doctor there need to make sure you do this one by the book, Seeley Booth. The only thing worse than a career politician is a corrupt, murdering, career politician with a too high paid fancy lawyer trying to rewrite the facts."

"Of course, Caroline. We're on it."

Brennan stepped up from the hole she had been crouching in and joined the conversation. "Booth, I've completed what I can do here. Go ahead and have the field techs ship the remains, soil samples, and any other evidence we've collected to the lab." She turned to face Caroline. "The young man buried in that hole was not killed gently. Rather, it was quite a brutal murder and likely very personal. As such, there's a fair amount of evidence about what happened to him buried in that hole too. Booth and I are the best at solving these types of crimes. You know firsthand how high our solve rate is within the Bureau. I am confident that with the help of our team at the Jeffersonian, we will figure out what happened to this individual as well."

Caroline harrumphed. Years ago, she would've found Dr. Brennan's blunt words both arrogant and condescending but now she knew the scientist well enough to recognize that in her own bizarre Dr. Brennan-y way, she was attempting to offer comfort and reassurance. And the kicker was that it actually worked. Some of the tension Caroline had felt just a moment earlier dissipating with the reminder of who she had helping on her side. "Well, you two know what to do then. I'm gonna head on home for the day and just relax, maybe indulge myself in life's simpler pleasures before the shit hits the fan like it's bound to do once the press hears about today's discovery."

While Brennan returned to Booth's SUV to put away her field kit and change out of her Jeffersonian jumpsuit, Booth gave the final instructions to the FBI field team on shipping everything back to the lab and then they were also on their way.

The first part of the drive back towards their home took them along gently rolling narrow two-lane country roads lined with oak trees, winding past fields speckled with crops or livestock. It was stereotypical Americana. Many times they came around a bend in the road and were confronted with the sight of a house or a barn with a grain silo perched on a hill or nestled in a valley, visions that could easily grace a page in an America The Beautiful wall calendar or a coffee table picture book.

They drove mostly in silence, each preoccupied with their own thoughts. After a bit, Brennan dropped her hand onto Booth's thigh. His upper thigh, with her fingertips curling around towards his inner thigh. Booth sucked in a breath and covered her hand with his, not removing her hand, but halting her from straying any closer to his dangly bits.

"Careful there, Bones," he cautioned. "My sniper's still a little on edge from the aborted mission this morning and he's got a bit of a hair trigger right now."

She laughed gently. "If we're going to use militaristic analogies, then just think of this morning as an exercise in special reconnaissance."

Booth looked at her sideways, the corner of his mouth kicking up in an answering smile to hers. "Special reconnaissance, huh?"

"Yes." She leaned closer to his shoulder and slipped her hand free from under his, giving the member under discussion a gentle pat. "As soon as we pick up some more prophylactics to provide your sniper with the appropriate uniform, I feel very confident that his next attempt at infiltration will be met with great success."

Booth laughed. "Do you think they sell camouflage colored condoms?"

"Out here? It wouldn't surprise me, but it would be highly inaccurate relative to the environment in which prophylactics are ultimately used. A simple flesh toned color would blend in much more effectively."

"Uh, Bones? You haven't taken your hand back yet."

"I know. I'm hoping to help focus your thoughts on target acquisition."

"Well, it's working, but driving all the way home with a hard-on's not gonna be very comfortable."

"Booth, look." Brennan pointed up the road. "There's a Super Walmart ahead on your left. We should stop and pick up a box of condoms."

"God, yes." Booth steered the SUV into the parking lot and they headed into the store making a bee line for the health and beauty aid department where the assortment of sexual lubrications and condoms were on display.

"Holy shit!" Booth exclaimed in an exaggerated whisper. "Look at how many different types of condoms they have."

"Yes. The assortment of different options is quite a bit more extensive than what is offered at the pharmacy near our house. Of course, this is a Super Walmart, so I suppose that's to be expected."

"Well, grab a box and let's go." Booth looked around guiltily, checking to see if anyone was watching them. It didn't matter how old he was or how many times he'd purchased condoms in the past. There was a small part of him that always remembered that time in 11th grade before his date with Becky Williams when he braved a gas station convenience store and purchased his first box of 12 condoms in anticipation of the night ahead. He was feeling so proud and so cocky. Like a MAN. As soon as he'd laid his money on the counter but before the cashier had managed to bag his purchase he'd heard the familiar voice of Pops over his shoulder. "Hey Shrimp, What'cha got there?" He'd never been able to buy a box since without feeling like he was doing something delinquent.

"No, Booth. I want to peruse the options. It might be fun to try something different than our typical stand-by."

Knowing the fastest way to get Bones going would be to work with her on making a decision, Booth cleared his throat and tried to hide his discomfort. "Well, how about those? We've never tried that type. They say they're pleasure shaped."

Brennan picked up a box of the Trojan Twisted and started reading the marketing description. "These might be interesting. It says they have a wider top with extra latex which more effectively stimulates the nerves at the end of the penis and heightens the sensitivity for both men and women." She shrugged and tossed the box into the cart. "Worth a try."

"Great, let's go."

"Not yet."

She reached for another box, the Lifestyles Turbo with Excite Gel.

"What's special about those?"

"Hmm. It says they are lubricated with a special warming formula. The Excite gel contains an amino acid called L-Arginine used for double lubrication, both inside and outside of the condom so both participants get to experience the warming sensations," She read off the box before turning to impress Booth with another demonstration of her vast breadth of knowledge. "L-Arginine improves blood flow and circulation in the body by getting converted into nitric oxide which causes the blood vessels to open wider. It also stimulates the production of certain growth hormones and insulin resulting in enhanced physical performance. A number of body builders supplement their diets with L-Arginine. It has a number of other health benefits including being used to help improve sperm production and motility, which is not something you need to be worried about."

Booth watched as the box of warming condoms landed next to the box of pleasure condoms already in the cart and Brennan reached for something else, then put it back just a short moment later.

"What was wrong with those?"

She scrunched up her nose and shook her head. "Bubblegum flavored."

"Oh."

As Booth watched Brennan studying the different boxes, he was suddenly struck once again by just how beautiful she was. Her focus was completely concentrated on finding the perfect prophylactic for them and he was absolutely certain in that moment that no one else in the whole world could ever suit him more. He stepped up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, pulling her body back against his as he gently nuzzled her neck, just below her ear, then rested his chin on her shoulder so he could look at what she held now.

Brennan turned her head, a question in her eyes.

Booth shrugged his shoulders and held her more firmly. "I love you. That's all." His declaration brought a tender smile to her lips before she let herself lean back against him a little more fully and turned back around to look at the box she currently held. "Sensis. I'm not familiar with that brand."

"Mmm. They're relatively new. They use a feature called 'quickstrips' for putting the condom on. The quickstrips are supposed to make it easier to ensure the condom is used properly even when you put it on fumbling in the dark, one-handed, or in a hurry. I've been wanting to try them. They could be ideal for those times when . . . you know."

"Yeah. That could definitely be handy. So, get a box. Get two if you want. I promise, we'll use each and every one of them."

Brennan laughed. "I think I will. They have a thin type and a ribbed version with micro-dots. I think I'll get both and we'll just have to experiment with different positions to decide which works best, when." She tossed both boxes into their cart. "That should do us for a bit."

"What? You didn't get any colored ones. Look, they've got almost every color of the rainbow here. Don't you want some colored ones too?" He thought he was just teasing her, but her eyes lit up and she started rifling through the various colors on display. Booth rolled his eyes. "While you try to decide on which color you like best, I'm gonna run over to the auto supply area and pick up a new air filter for your car. Be back in just a couple minutes."

As Booth wandered off, Brennan made her decision and chose the box of red condoms. After all, red was symbolic of heat and passion and ever since their earlier morning interlude got interrupted, Brennan's desire for her husband had been on a low simmer in the background. Red corresponded more compatibly with her current mood and she was eager to put one to use. Max was already planning on picking the kids up from daycare so stealing a little intimate time alone with Booth when they got home shouldn't be too difficult.

She tossed the box into the cart with the other boxes they'd already chosen noting they now had over 120 individual packets between the five boxes they'd selected.

Rather than stand around waiting for Booth, who could easily get distracted looking at auto supplies and be gone for another twenty minutes, Brennan decided to go ahead and pick up several other items that were typically less expensive at Walmart or harder to find in the stores near their house. Hank always needed some more diapers and they carried the organic baby wipes she liked here too. Next, she headed to the laundry detergent aisle which was more cost effective to purchase here than at their local grocer. Since Booth still hadn't caught up to her yet, she decided to head over to the produce area and check out the vegetable selection. In the past, she'd had great success finding some wonderful produce from local farms by shopping for it while she wasn't too close to the city.

However, much to her surprise, the next familiar face she saw did not actually belong to Booth. As she turned down the tomato aisle, she found herself cart-to-cart with the ornery prosecutor they had only recently parted ways with. They both glanced up from the tomato bins and recognized the other at the same time.

A/N: This was originally going to be a one-shot, but was getting long, so thought I'd stop there. Feedback is always welcome!