The Definition of Insanity

By Gajeelswoman and Muddyevil

Disclaimer - This has been rated M for occasional smut. It starts off straight away. You have been warned.

Also (I promise the story starts soon) this story is based in the same universe as my other fics, Iron and Paper & Soul Squared. Reading them isn't necessary, but there are a couple of references to it.

Cana braced herself against her kitchen counter as Bacchus' hips slammed into the back of hers. Her teeth toyed with her bottom lip as the pleasure coursed through her body, forcing all of her muscles to tense and release. She screamed aloud as her orgasm wracked through her and her legs started to turn to jelly, but Bacchus grabbed onto her hips harder to keep her upright. His thrusts sped up, slamming into her harder and deeper before he grunted her name into the air.

As soon as he was finished he let go of her, allowing her legs to collapse underneath her and she fell to the floor. Bacchus groaned slightly, taking a few steps forwards before he collapsed onto the countertop, panting as he tried to catch his breath.

"You could have just, you know, not dropped me on the fucking floor."

Her knee connected with his shin and he cursed, nudging her hip with his foot. He could try and make it to the bed, but that would be too much effort and right now the cold marble of the countertop was bliss against his heated skin.

"Yeah, and you could have stayed standing up. Six of one, half a dozen of the other."

Cana giggled, rolling onto her back and looking up at him. She couldn't see his face from this angle, but something told her he was smirking. The sweet liquor they had been drinking all day had got her pleasantly buzzed, but she still couldn't wait to have just a little more.

"You sound like Freed, you know."

He crumpled to the floor, shoulder slamming into Cana's elbow where she couldn't move it out of the way quick enough. She swore as it shot pain up her arm, but he rolled onto his side and kissed her cheek in apology.

"Why do I sound like Freed?"

Cana smirked, turning her head so they could rub their noses together. It was sickly sweet and romantic, but sometimes it was just what she wanted.

"You know, all those idioms and shit."

Bacchus chuckled, stretching his legs out and batting at her feet with his. He was about to tell her that he wasn't the most intelligent person on the planet, but he was sure he hadn't used an idiom when there was a harsh knock on the door. Cana groaned, and they had a silent conversation before she stood to her feet and made her way to the door.

She didn't even bother looking through the eyehole before she pulled the door open. Everyone in the guild had seen her naked anyway, what did she care?

"Look can you fuck off? I'm kinda busy…"

Her words trailed off when she realised just who was standing behind the door. He looked away almost instantly, and Cana closed the door until she could hide behind it.

"Oh, hi, Gildarts. Erm. Give me a moment and I'll get dressed."

The door shut, and Cana turned to look at Bacchus with wild eyes. He mirrored the expression, jumping up and starting to throw his clothes on. Cana found a shirt and some sweatpants without much hassle and helped Bacchus gather up the last of his things, before opening the window and hoping the drop wouldn't kill him.

"How long is he gonna be here?"

The words were in a low whisper, and Cana prayed that the man outside her apartment couldn't hear it.

"No idea. Head to the guildhall, I'll see you there soon. Oh. And let everyone know that they can absolutely not give him a clue as to what is happening with us."

Bacchus nodded, giving her a chaste kiss on her cheek before jumping out of the window. Cana let out a sigh of relief when he landed safely, before taking a deep breath and turning around to face her father. He was speaking before the door was even fully opened, the same familiar voice she had heard around the guild whenever he bothered to grace it with his presence.

"Do you often answer the door naked?"

Cana scoffed, moving out of the way so he could enter the apartment and thanking all of her lucky stars he wasn't a Dragon Slayer.

"Unless you haven't noticed, idiot, this is a girls only dorm. How did you even get in here?"

Gildarts grinned, scratching the back of his neck as he looked around his daughter's messy apartment.

"Being one of the only people who can pull rank on Erza helps. Plus everyone who lives here is young enough to be my daughter so…"

Cana snorted, pulling two beers out the fridge and offering one to him as he sat down at her table and she tried not to think of what she'd done on that chair the night before.

"Like that stops you? Why you back anyway?"

Gildarts took a swig from his drink, looking up at her in confusion.

"What? You haven't heard?"

Gildarts was sat in Makarov's office, surrounded by the other S-Class Wizards. Mirajane and Erza were both perched on chairs they had brought up from the main hall alongside him, and Laxus was sat on the floor cradling a beer in his hand. Nice to see his banishment hadn't changed his casual nature in the least.

"I think Gajeel is definitely deserving of consideration."

Erza had a strawberry cake balanced on a plate in one hand, a fork held in the other as she took another bite.

"Despite his beginnings in Phantom Lord, he has definitely become a valued member of the guild, especially the hand he had in taking down Lin. He's certainly a strong wizard, not only in physical and magical strength but in tactical planning as well."

Makarov nodded, stroking his chin as he did. He didn't even attempt to write anything down, and Gildarts grinned. He liked to portray his mind was good enough to not need notes but he had been through enough S-Class trials to know what he was doing.

"My second suggestion is Wendy. She has come a long way since she entered the guild, and has definitely matured in both personality and magic power."

Mira tapped her chin with her pen, crossing one leg over the other and balancing the notepad she had back on her lap.

"Isn't she awfully young though?"

Erza looked over at the other female and took another bite of her cake, furrowing her eyes as she did.

"Younger than we were?"

Mira pointed her pen at Erza, matching the narrowing of her eyes. Gildarts rolled his eyes. The two women acted like they had gotten over the rivalry from their younger days but when it came to these S-Class meetings it always surfaced again.

"You were fifteen and I was sixteen. Laxus was seventeen. Wendy's only twelve. I'm not saying she's not strong enough, I'm just saying it's an awful lot of responsibility for someone that young."

Erza finished off her cake, placing her fork on the plate and balancing it delicately on her lap.

"She IS a Dragon Slayer. They function differently than the rest of us."

Mira scoffed, tilting her head to her left to where Laxus was leaning against the wall.

"There's a Dragon Slayer in this room that proves that may not be a good thing."

Laxus finally looked up, and Gildarts was amazed he was actually paying attention to what was going on. Maybe he had grown up a bit.

"The fuck you trying to say, Mira?"

The takeover mage looked pointedly over at the Dragon Slayer, smiling as she did. It was sickly sweet, and Gildarts knew that smile was deadly to any man that opposed her.

"That you know more than anyone else how unstable Dragon Slayers can be."

Laxus ground his teeth, a low growl resonating from his throat, but it was cut off by his grandfather waving a hand.

"Alright. Enough of that. I'll take her into consideration. Any other recommendations, Erza?"

The requip mage crossed her arms over her chest, nodding as she did.

"I do, actually. I have two others." She sighed, closing her eyes for a second before she spoke. "Even though her personality… has a lot to be desired… Evergreen has worked incredibly hard the last few months to get her health and magic back up to the standard it was before. That takes an awful lot of work and motivation."

Everyone nodded, no one could argue with that. The long recovery process after Lin had been hard on everyone that had been injured, but Evergreen especially.

"In addition to that, I would also like to nominate Elfman. He showed amazing selflessness supporting Evergreen through the recovery process along with the resilience to keep her going through even the darkest of times."

Makarov nodded slowly, and everyone else followed soon after. Mira was staring down at her hands, playing with her own fingers. No one else in the room mentioned anything about the tears welling in her eyes. Mira was proud of her brother, and no one had to acknowledge it for it to be common knowledge.

"Gildarts, what about you? Who do you recommend?"

The man thought to himself, leaning back in his own chair as he did.

"Well, of course, I know that you're going to select Natsu, Master. But I think that you should give my baby girl another chance as well. She obtained Fairy Glitter the last time! She would have won if it hadn't been for everything that happened! She's strong, just makes her daddy so proud, you know! And she really kept her cool during everything that happened, so I've heard! And you can't deny that she helped keep things organized in the afterma-"

Gildarts' words were cut off by a massive fist slamming into the back of his head. He'd been rambling on despite Makarov's hands flailing around to get his attention, so the Fairy Tail guild master finally gave up and resorted to violence.

Mira coughed slightly, smiling as she prepared to make her suggestion.

"I want to nominate Kinana, she does a lot of hard work at the guild and picks up for me and Lisanna whenever we're out on jobs."

Everyone in the room looked at her, but it was only Erza that was brave enough to actually say anything.

"Mirajane, while I will admit that hard work is an important tenet to have as an S-Class Wizard, Kinana doesn't even use magic."

The takeover mage smiled, shrugging her shoulders while she did.

"She can learn though, right?"

Erza looked at Mira incredulously. She wasn't sure what the other woman was thinking, exactly, but she certainly did know that she wasn't getting the logic.

"In a week, Mira?"

Mira shrugged again, still smiling, and Makarov tried not to roll his eyes, before turning around to look at Laxus.

"How about you, Laxus. Do you have any nominations?"

The Dragon Slayer scoffed, taking a drink out of his beer before looking his grandfather in the eyes.

"Does it even matter if I do? You're going to pick whoever you want, anyway. Why should I even waste my time on having an opinion?"

Mira smiled, the same sickly sweet smile that Laxus just knew was Freed's weakness, but it would not work on him.

"Come on, Laxus, we all gave our nominations!"

Makarov nodded, looking thoughtful as he did.

"All of your opinions are incredibly important to my decisions. You've always had such strong opinions on who should be chosen before, why not now?"

Laxus put his empty bottle down on the floor, standing up and dusting off his trousers where he had been resting on the floor.

"Then I will give you the same answer that I have given you every other year. I want my Raijinshuu. All of them, even the honorary members."

Without any further ado, he left the room, no longer bothering to take part in the meeting. Makarov looked out after him but didn't call out. Gildarts looked confused for a second, looking over at the Master.

"Who are the honorary members of the Raijinshuu?"

Elfman and Lisanna were playing cards with the Thunder Legion when Laxus got back. Bickslow had towers of betting tokens around him, he had always been the best at any kind of card game and no one could figure out why. They had learned to make sure none of his babies were flying around spying on them years ago, but even if they made sure they were nowhere to be seen he kept on winning. Evergreen looked up from her hand when Laxus sat down, leaning over to grab a beer to pass to him.

"What's up with you?"

Laxus shrugged, downing half of the beer in one before nodding at Freed to indicate he wanted a hand in the next round.

"Shitty S-Class trials consideration meeting. Drives me mad every single year."

Lisanna smiled as she looked over the top of her cards at the Dragon Slayer, imitating her sister's sweetest smile and batting her eyelashes as she did.

"Did you vote for me, Laxus?"

Laxus scoffed, taking another drink out of his beer as he crossed his arms and waited for the next round so he could start to play.

"Why would I? You suck."

Lisanna pouted, but Bickslow just laughed as he played down his card and reached to take the pot from the centre of the table as everyone swore and threw down their own cards.

"Yeah, she does. Really fucking well too."

Lisanna blushed as Bickslow held a hand up for a high-five, waiting for anyone to congratulate him but instead Elfman leant forward, slamming one of his hands over Bickslow's and the money on the table.

"Firstly," he growled, "Don't ever speak of my little sister like that. It isn't manly to hear about her doing things to you." Bickslow just laughed, his tongue lolling out of his mouth.

"Secondly, you're a fucking cheat." Bickslow stopped laughing, narrowing his eyes behind his visor. Smirking up at the takeover mage he pulled his arms free and crossed them over his chest.

"Oh yeah, big man? How d'ya figure that out?"

With a yell, Elfman shoved his chair back, his bulk slamming the table and disrupting the cards and tokens as he lurched to grab the front of Bickslow's shirt. Freed and Evergreen let out sighs simultaneously, leaning back away from the table. Lisanna, on the other hand, stepped next to Bickslow, yelling for her brother to stop.

"That pillar just laughed! I know you put a soul in there!" The Takeover Mage lifted his fist to throw a punch at the Sieth's face, but his motions were halted by a shoulder slamming into his chest. Faster than anyone saw, Laxus got behind him, a muscled arm wrapped around his neck, Elfman's hands trying frantically to free himself. After a very short amount of time, the Strauss brother stopped struggling, realizing that he didn't have a chance without a beast taking over, and even he didn't want it to go that far.

"Of course he cheats. Everyone knows that."

Laxus looked over at the Sieth, Bickslow having resumed his laughter. Freed had begun to straighten the table again, and Evergreen was simply sat fanning herself. Laxus growled low in his throat, fighting back the dragon inside of him as he saw that his people were okay. Sure, he'd unofficially adopted the Strauss siblings, but the Thunder Legion would still always come first.

"I just don't understand, surely you could just freeze her, knock her over and then boom. She's done."

Natsu mimed the actions with his arms, standing up from his chair while Gray scoffed and relaxed back into his.

"Apart from she can superheat herself so I can't freeze her, but do carry on trying to educate me on my own magic. Surely you could just evaporate her into nothing?"

Juvia twisted her fingers in her lap, staring at them as a blush spread over her cheeks.

"Juvia doesn't think she would like either of those things…"

Lucy sat down next to Wendy, looking at the little Dragon Slayer as she placed her bag on the floor.

"Hi! Sorry I'm late, I had to go pay my rent. What are those two up to now?"

Wendy smiled, taking a sip out of her tea as she greeted the older girl.

"They're arguing about who could beat Juvia easier."

Lucy grimaced, looking at the two men. This could go one of two ways. Natsu could try challenging Juvia to a fight, or it could devolve into a full guild brawl and it was too early for either of those outcomes.

"Not that I'm all that surprised, but how did the topic come up?" The small bluenette just shook her head, laughing nervously.

"I don't even know, really. I came up in the middle of it as well."

"Yer both idiots. Juvia could utterly destroy you both without any effort." Their argument was interrupted by the Iron Dragon Slayer walking up, Levy in his shadow. "She's too fuckin' nice to do shit to the Popsicle, but Flamebrain, she could destroy you with a thought."

Juvia's blush darkened, opening her mouth to protest his praise until he made the comment about Gray.

"Juvia does not wish to fight either of her friends, Gajeel-kun. She would not wish to harm any member of Fairy Tail. They are her family." Gajeel just chuckled and messed with her hat, pushing it down over Juvia's eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Yer not denyin' what I said though." He dropped onto the bench next to Juvia, Levy leaning against his arm as everyone else laughed. Natsu crossed his arms, looking away for a moment before snapping his gaze back to Gajeel.

"Bet she could beat you too, Rust Bucket!" He dropped his hands in front of him, balling them into fists as he smirked and stepped forward. "And if I beat you, that means I'm as strong as her! Fight me, Metalface!" Levy groaned, stepping away quickly as she knew her Dragon Slayer was about to be engrossed in a fight. She walked around the table to sit on it next to Lucy and Wendy.

"Why does it always end in a fight?" The blonde leant against her smaller friend, amusement dancing in her eyes. Gray scoffed and walked some ways away, not wanting to be dragged into a fight between the two Dragon Slayers.

"If you two calmed down and actually listened you'd learn you might be able to test that out."

Erza walked between the two Dragon Slayers, pushing them apart as she headed to the front of the hall with the rest of the S-Class Wizards. Mirajane had collared Laxus, and he was sulking as he followed her and stood at the back of the stage. The Master stood at the front, coughing to get everyone's attention.

"Fairy Tail! Listen up! I have an announcement to make!"

The entire guild hushed down, all turning to look at the guild master in curiosity.

"After the loss of Mystogan, we are down an S-Class Wizard, and the number of S-Class only jobs are increasing faster than we can keep up with. For that reason, we will be holding the new S-Class trials next week."

The guildhall erupted in excitement, everyone clamouring and wondering who would be chosen. Makarov raised his voice, continuing his speech.

"Because of the need for more S-Class and the high calibre of wizards we have, there will be more nominations this year than ever before. Therefore you will all partner up with another nominee, and more than one wizard will be promoted."

If the roar was loud before now it was deafening, people rising from their seats as they shouted their feelings towards the stage.

"The current S-Class Wizards and I have deliberated long and hard." Laxus scoffed, but his grandfather ignored him. "And we are pleased to announce the following candidates for promotion. The first, Bickslow!"

Everyone cheered, clapping at the first revelation and Lisanna turned to congratulate him only to be met by a grim face. She reached out to touch his arm, but he shook it away to stand up and storm upstairs into the Master's office, totems following behind him in a line. Lisanna was going to go after him but Freed grabbed her arm and the Master moved onto the next candidate.

"Evergreen!"

Evergreen set her jaw firmly as cheers erupted around her, and she clenched her fists in her lap. Elfman was still looking hopefully at the Master, and it was only Freed who nodded at her in congratulation.

"Pantherlily!"

Levy squealed in excitement, snatching up the exceed and hugging him close. Lily just nodded, trying to cross his arms over the top of Levy's. He would thank the Master for nominating him later.

"Cana Alberona!"

The card mage didn't even look up from the beer she was drinking, ignoring the clap across the back she had gotten from Macao. She had sent Bacchus back to his own guild as soon as she realised how long Gildarts was going to be staying around. Maybe she would go and visit Quattro Cerberus as soon as she failed yet another promotion trial.

"Natsu Dragneel"

The Dragon Slayer whooped in excitement, punching the air above him as he jumped out of his chair. Happy started to fly around, joining in his own partner's excitement before realising that he wasn't going to be able to be on the same team with Natsu this year and went to go and sulk on one of the guild's tables.

"Gray Fullbuster!"

Juvia's screams of elation drowned out anyone else's, and she threw her arms around Gray, who didn't even bother trying to shy away from her as she crushed his ribs in her embrace.

"Lucy Heartfilia!"

Lucy's mouth hung open, she would never in a million years have expected to be nominated, but as Juvia let up her assault on Gray and instead turned around to hug her other teammate she was brought out of her daze and hugged her back.

"Freed Justine!"

Freed nodded, adjusting his clothes as he did to make sure he was looking his best. He hadn't been expecting the nomination per se but it was an honour to be considered again. Maybe this time he would be able to win. He immediately started to form strategies in his head, already thinking of ways to defeat his fellow nominees.

"Juvia Lockser!"

Juvia paused in her embrace with Lucy, before breaking away and turning back to Gray again.

"Gray-sama will be Juvia's partner, won't he?"

Gray sighed, knowing it was coming because of course Juvia would be nominated again. She was one of the strongest mages he knew.

"Of course, who else would I team up with? Flame Brain?"

Juvia squealed again, and Gray reached over to pull her onto his lap. If anyone asked he would always say it was just to shut her up, but in secret, he enjoyed it too.

"Wendy Marvell!"

Wendy jumped in her chair in excitement, clapping her hands before Carla turned around to glare at her. It was unbecoming of a lady to show excitement in such a fashion. Carla would never admit that, just like Happy, she wasn't pleased knowing that she wouldn't be able to join her partner's side. Maybe she could sneak onto the island like the last time?

"Levy McGarden!"

Gajeel clapped the script mage on the back while Jet and Droy whooped enthusiastically. Levy just smiled, hugging Lily tighter and beginning to form her own strategies.

"Gajeel Redfox!"

Levy squealed, turning around to pull Gajeel into a hug and crushing Lily in between them. The exceed sighed heavily before enjoying as his two humans celebrated all three achievements. At least it would be fun until the two of them realised that they would probably be fighting against each other at some point.

"Elfman Strauss!"

Elfman yelled in happiness, one arm grabbing Lisanna and the other grabbing Evergreen and pulling the two women into his chest. Both of them struggled for a moment, before looking at each other as they both accepted their fate.

"And finally - Lisanna Strauss!"

Elfman's embrace only intensified at the last comment, but Lisanna simply looked up to the Master's office, wondering what Bickslow was doing behind the closed door.

The Master clapped his hands, trying to get the attention of everyone in the guildhall back, but it wasn't until Mirajane made her way to the front of the stage and yelled that anyone bothered paying attention. Makarov thanked her and took his opportunity before it was too loud for anyone to hear him again.

"Everyone can pick a partner from within the nominations, and we meet at the docks to head to Tenrou Island in exactly a week. Good luck!"

A/N - Woo, first chapter of my collaboration with Gajeelswoman. We are writing the chapters between us, so go and check her out if you haven't already.

Please let us know what you think about the idea/the fic/any theories you may have about what may happen. We both completely love reading reviews!