Chapter Four: There is a House

Edward's POV

Katherine Grace Cullen

1997-2014

Beloved Daughter, Sister, and Friend

"Hey sis," I sighed as I set the single yellow rose on the grass. I take a deep breath as I sit down and stare at her grave. "Ready for your life update?" I asked and started talking about anything I could think of. It had been a while since I'd actually sat down here. We came here as a family ever so often, but no one ever says anything. We place flowers down, clean up her space, and stand in silence until someone decides they're ready to go home.

I realize that I'm talking to myself as I sit here, but I just don't give a damn. I just need to babble and she's the only one who doesn't tell me to shut up.

"I watch him play," I start talking about Sam. "And I just know he's going to be the star soccer player once he gets to high school. Hell...he might make varsity his sophomore which you know just doesn't happen. I'm almost...jealous. I mean I know he's fourteen and I never want to be fourteen but he already has his life planned out." I took a breath. "When I was fourteen I couldn't even plan out what snacks I wanted in my lunch that week," I smiled, "I guess that makes me the oddball out. You always knew what you wanted."

I looked down to the grass patch, with leaves starting to cover it. I gently pushed the leaves away because I didn't want her space looking like a mess. And knowing her, she wouldn't want that either.

"People are starting to talk about college," I gulped, "I know it's what I should do in order to have a good future but...I just don't know if I can do it, Katie."

"I thought you said you were fine," A familiar voice said from behind me. I stilled against the tree trunk I was leaning up against and took a deep breath. How did I know he was going to follow me here.

"I am fine,"

"You only come here when you've had a rough day," I rolled my eyes. "And when you left school you said you had a decent day."

"Every day is a rough day, Jasper," I snapped as I turned around to face him. "I just missed my sister...why can't I just miss her? Why do I have to have a rough day in order to visit her grave?"

"You don't,"

"So why did you follow me here?"

"I'm sorry that I was worried about you."

"Everyone needs to stop being so damn worried about me!" I snapped. Ever since we got the news that she had died, people had been crowding me. Asking me questions and making sure I was alright. I wasn't alright and I didn't think I'd be alright until people just let me deal with things the way I needed to.

"I'm okay. I'm alive. My seventeen-year-old sister isn't okay. She's dead. Can't I just sit at her grave and talk to her?"

"Seventeen? Wouldn't she be turning twenty?"

"November," I nodded.

"I'm sorry I followed you," Jasper always did this. It was something we were constantly fighting about. And...in reality...I was always fighting with everyone about this. No one thought it was okay for me to be pissed off and not want to talk about it.

"It's okay," I lied. I always lied when I told people it was okay when they invaded my privacy by following me to Katie's grave. "I'm not going to leave soon, so you should go."

"I can sit..."

"Go, Jasper," I didn't get why people couldn't respect my wishes when I asked to be left alone. I was seventeen.

I guess it kind of made sense. Katie was my age when she died and I guess now everyone thinks I'm going to die too. I wasn't going to die. What happened was an accident. A terrible...terrible accident but the odds of it happening to me were extremely slim. Mom lived in fear now every time Sam and I left the house and Dad just tried to pretend like we were safe in our little bubbles.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow," Jasper finally sighed as he turned to walk to his car. I waited until I couldn't see his truck anymore before sitting back down against the tree and grabbed my sketch book. Drawing had been something I picked up right after her funeral. I needed to do something with my hands so I wouldn't end up breaking everything in my room...including my hands. So I picked up a cheap sketchbook at the store and started drawing whatever came to mind.

I wasn't very good, but it kept me busy and kept my mind off of things.

After I finished a sketch I'd been working on for a few days, I said one last goodbye to Katie and packed up my things. It was starting to get dark early and Mom didn't like when I stayed here too long. She was the only person who didn't bother me when I was here. She sent a few texts to remind me not to miss dinner, but other than that I hadn't heard a word from her.

I guess she understood the need to come here more than anyone. Right after the funeral, Mom sat here for hours every single day. She didn't do anything. She didn't even talk to her. She just sat here with an extreme need to be with her daughter. I didn't start coming here until recently, but now I understood how vulnerable she was after Dad dragged her home.

When I got home, everyone was already in the kitchen as Mom finished up dinner. I ran upstairs to put my things away and hid my sketchbook in my desk drawer. No one knew about my hobby and I planned on keeping it that way. It was just my thing and I didn't want anyone to ruin that.

Our conversation was simple at dinner. We talked about how school was and any interesting patients at the hospital. But we didn't talk about anything meaningful. We hadn't had a very meaningful conversation since the night of the accident because if we opened up just a little bit...we could potentially pop the very safe bubble my parents had put around us for the last three years.

And they couldn't handle it if their bubble suddenly popped.

That bubble was the only thing holding this family together. If we let ourselves be vulnerable or actually talk about how we were feeling, everything we'd been building for the last three years would shatter. Or, everything we had been trying to build anyway.

"I spoke with Chief Swan today," Dad sighed and my ears perked up. The Chief had always been a pretty private person, but he'd always gotten along with my Dad. He was the one who came to our house after Katie was taken to the hospital. He was the only one in the entire police station who had the guts and courage to tell us what had happened. The officer called to the scene still couldn't look any of us in the eyes. I had a lot of respect for the Chief because of his honesty that night.

Even if he was the person to tell us the worst news of our entire lives.

"How is he doing?" Mom asked. "I haven't seen him very much since..." She trailed off, "Since his son's passing."

"He seemed to be doing well," Dad nodded. "But I think he's just trying to distract himself. You could tell how much he was hurting, though. Broke my heart."

"Did he say anything about his daughter? What's her name again?"

"Bella, Mom," I rolled my eyes. "You've met her multiple times."

"She's not doing well," Dad told her, ignoring my snide comment and terrible attitude, "But I wouldn't expect anything less."

"I couldn't imagine losing my brother like that," Mom whispered sadly. "Especially my twin brother. He must have been so unhappy."

"Twin or not...it hurts like hell," I piped up and the looked at me like I had two heads.

"We know that it hurts no matter what, sweetie," Mom assured me. "But twins have an a...special connection that I don't think anyone really understands."

"Okay," I nodded because they didn't understand. They knew how it felt to lose a daughter, but they still had their brother's and sisters. It didn't mean that I was in a more or less pain than they were, it just meant they didn't understand the kind of pain.

September slowly began passing by and life went on. Just like it had been since the accident. I busied myself in my schoolwork and my drawings and put on a happier face. I even agreed to go on a few college visits to make my parents happy and so that I wouldn't feel like such a loser in the Cullen house. There were times I needed to be bitter and angry at the world. I went through a super melancholy phase every once in a while, but I was mostly able to fake it. I mean...I wasn't unhappy and sad all the time but I was never one hundred percent happy.

It felt wrong to actually be happy.

But, I went on with my friends and everyone chilled out and stopped asking if I was okay every twenty seconds. Tanya and I continued to see each other, but not as often because her Dad had come home again and she didn't need the emotional outlet anymore. I got it. She needed me like I needed her. We just...needed to feel something, but with her Dad home, she was fine.

A week into October, I was sitting on the couch with my parents doing my homework while Sam sat on the floor, reading a book when there was a loud knock on the door. I went to get up, but my Dad beat me to it.

"Hi, Chief Swan."

"Dr. Cullen," The Chief's gruff voice greeted my Dad.

"Come on in."

"Hi, Charlie," Mom greeted as she stood up. He gave her a sad smile and then shoved his hands awkwardly in his pockets. "What brings you here?" She was happy because she knew both of her kids were safe and alive.

"I wanted to ask you a few questions."

"Okay,"

"Where would you recommend going to get a decent bed comforter."

"Well, Port Angeles will have a larger selection, but there is a store on Baker Street that sells quite a few nice comforters and sheet sets," She explained. "What exactly are you looking for? Something simple?"

"I don't know what I'm looking for," He shrugged. "It's for my daughter. For Bella." My ears immediately perked up but I pretended to not be paying any attention.

"Are you sending it to her?" Dad asked.

"No, she's...she's coming to live with me."

Wait, what?

"Wow," Mom whispered. "When?"

"Next week."

"That's soon," Dad commented.

"She's desperate to...get out of there," He shrugged.

"Well, Porter's has a great selection for teenage girls," Mom repeated. "What else are you needing for her?"

"Everything," He shook his head. "She's bringing clothes and personal belonging's but she said she needed as fresh of a start as she could get and I don't want to give her the crumby furniture that's already in the room."

"You know what, Charlie," Mom's face lit up. "Why don't you let me take care of all of that for you."

"What?"

"Sure. I'm heading to Port Angeles to talk with a potential designer tomorrow and I would love to pick out some furniture and other things for her bedroom."

"You don't have to," He argued but my Mom already had an idea in her head. I recognized that look in her eyes. It was the same look she had when she told my Dad she wanted to renovate the entire downstairs of our house.

"Oh, I loved picking out furniture for..." She took a deep breath. "Katie's room when she turned fifteen. You just need to tell me a little bit about your daughter. We haven't had the chance to really get to know her."

Mom dragged Charlie into the kitchen with her and left Dad standing there, looking kind of confused. I knew why he was confused. Charlie was not an idiot and knew his daughter better than Mom. But...Mom had needed a girl to fuss over and dote on ever since Katie died. I knew what Dad was thinking. He was thinking that buying a few things for the Chief's daughter wasn't going to replace Katie. Everyone knew it, even Mom and I did not want to be there when everything blew up.

"Thanks for this, Esme," Charlie coughed as they walked back out of the kitchen. She had a pad and pen in her hands and Charlie still looked like he didn't know what was happening. "Oh, here's my credit card," He reached into his pocket but Mom pushed him away.

"Don't worry about it," She smiled. "It's on us."

"It is?" Dad asked, whipping his head around to look at Mom. I took that as my queue to leave and grabbed Sam's arm to pull him upstairs with him.

"What's going on?" Sam asked as he sat down on my bed and I cracked the door so I could hear what my parents were saying.

"Shh," I waved him off as I pressed my ears close to the door.

"Esme," Dad sighed.

"I'm just trying to be helpful."

"This is more than that and you know that darling," Dad said. "This won't..."

"Don't you dare finish that sentence Carlisle James!" Wow, Mom only used our middle names when she was really pissed. I had never heard Mom use Dad's full name before. "I know nothing is going to bring our daughter back."

"I was only going to say this won't fill that...Katie sized hole in your heart," He whispered and I could tell Mom was crying now. "And offering to pay for her things?"

"He's a policeman, Carlisle. He doesn't make much."

"But he makes enough to provide for his family," Dad pointed out. "And he sends those two kids of his child support checks each month."

"I'm going to take a bath and go to bed," Mom ignored Dad's comment and I heard her heading towards the stairs.

"What's going on?" Sam repeated.

"Do you ever pay attention?"

"I was doing homework!" He sighed, "You're kind of the worst sometimes," He rolled his eyes as he stood up to leave.

Not knowing what else to do, I grabbed my PJs and headed into my bathroom to shower. I took longer in the shower that night, thinking about what just happened with my Mom. It was like she was on total autopilot as she talked to Charlie. Like she was the Mother of a daughter again. It was hard to watch and even harder to think about. I hated seeing her like this. In this kind of pain.

After I dried off and got changed, I sat down on my bed to just breathe. I took a deep breath and sat down on the floor next to my bed and pulled out the shoebox I kept under the bed. I didn't know what I was doing. Looking through the box never actually helped me, and it usually just left me feeling empty inside. But I couldn't help myself and removed the lid.

I smiled when I came across our first family of five picture right after Sam was born.

"He's squishy," The three-year-old me told my Mom when she introduced Katie and me to our new brother. "Yuck."

"Edward, he's a baby!" Katie giggled like she knew so much. She was seven, so she knew a little more than I did but she still didn't know anything. "Can I hold him, Mommy?"

"Maybe in a little bit, sweetie," Mom sighed as I continued to look at the new baby wrapped up in a blue blanket.

"Well, what is this sweet angels name?" Our grandma asked as Mom handed the baby to Dad to hold.

"Well, everyone, we'd like you to meet Samuel," She smiled up at Dad. "Samuel Evan Cullen."

"Sammy!" I giggled as I jumped up and down, trying to get a better look at the baby. After a few more minutes, everyone began to leave our new family of five alone. Dad placed the baby down in Mom's arms and I crawled up into bed with her.

"You're going to be a great big brother," She whispered into my ear as I hovered over the baby. "And you're already an amazing big sister."

"Now can I hold him?" Katie asked impatiently. "It's been hours!"

"I wonder how she got to be so dramatic?" Dad laughed as Mom shook her head. "I think she can handle it if you're sitting with her."

"Okay, Katie, come sit up here with Mommy," Mom scooted over and Dad picked me up into his arms. I watched as Mom carefully put our new brother into my big sister's arms and suddenly grew very jealous.

"My turn!" I huffed.

"You're too little," Mom sighed.

"My turn!" I repeated.

"Come sit on Mommy's lap," She smiled, reaching her hands out to me. Dad gently placed me on my Mom's lap and sat down next to her.

"Look, I'm doing it!" Katie smiled as a nurse came into the room.

"Oh, this is so darling," She gushed. "Would you like me to take a photo?" She asked and Dad handed her the camera. Katie and I were too fascinated with our new brother that we didn't even bother looking at the camera.

Since I was so young, the memory was fuzzy but it was a story Katie was always telling. I don't remember much from when Sam was born, but I do remember not wanting to share my Mom at all. They told me I was insufferable for months, but the second I met Sam I fell in love with him. I became his protector, just like Katie had been mine.

I realized that I had completely failed Sam over these last few years.

Knowing I had been a huge jerk earlier, I got out of bed and went down the hall towards his room. His door was cracked open and I pushed it opened further and found him laying down on his bed. He looked so sad and I realized that I hadn't been paying much attention to him lately.

Katie was his sister too. Sure, he was only eleven when she died, but it still hurt him. And her death continued to hurt him. He didn't have as much time with her as everyone else, but he was still around to deal with everyone else's grief.

"I'm sorry for earlier," I whispered, startling him.

"Don't you ever knock," He mimicked me as he put his head back down on his pillow. "I should expect this now."

"Mom is trying to fill a void in her heart by doing this for the Chief," I explained. "She'd never admit it, but Dad knows it and so do I. She misses Katie."

"She always misses Katie," He reminded me. "How is doing this anything different?"

"It just is, Sam."

"I don't get it," He sighed. "Is she trying to replace our sister with this...random new girl coming to town?" So he was kind of paying attention.

"I think she's just trying to fill that void by doing girly things."

"We aren't good enough for her, are we?"

"Sam,"

"I'm serious. We're boys and her only daughter died. We aren't good enough."

"Of course you're good enough!" Mom gasped and I turned to see her in her PJ's, tears streaming down her cheeks. "You are my son and I love you very much."

"I'm sorry, Mom." Sam shrunk down into his bed.

"Boys, me helping the Chief has nothing to do with losing Katie," She whispered. "Charlie loves his kids but he has never really raised them before. They would come for vacations and he got to be the fun dad who let them stay up late. Plus, if you haven't noticed, he isn't the softest person in this town."

"Oh," Sam whispered.

"I miss your sister," She admitted for the first time in a while. "But I love you boys so much. You are my entire world. You are always good enough for me."

"I love you, Mom." Sam cried as he stood up and walked over to Mom to give her a hug.

I just hoped what she had just told the two of us was actually honest.