"Glynda, how long did our TA's say they would be gone? I did have a few projects for them to get done over the break." Ozpin relaxed in his office, enjoying the peace and quiet of the nearly empty school.

Glynda consulted her oversized scroll before responding. "The note they left said they would be gone for the entire break actually. The post script said 'sorry, hope you don't need us', ended with what I can only assume is a sarcastic smiley face."

"Hmm." Ozpin stared at the wall in thought for a moment. "I do hope they don't get into any trouble. Did they mention anything else to you concerning their trip?"

"I believe they mentioned something about conferences, but I admit to being a bit confused on what exactly they said or even meant."

"Well the good news is both your daughters have improved academically, but we came out here to discuss their… extracurricular choices." Atin leaned forward in his chair, adopting what he hoped was a concerned expression.

"And these choices would be…?" Taiyang prompted, a mug of coffee held relaxed in his hand.

"I'm sure by now you've heard the news that Roman Torchwick was the cause of significant property damage and numerous casualties after rampaging through the city in giant robot, yes?"

"Just because Patch is small town doesn't mean we don't get the news out here. It was on almost every channel." Taiyang looked somewhat annoyed at the assumption he would have missed hearing about such a large event.

Max coughed, taking over the conversation for a moment. "Well, Mr. Xiao Long, it's with some regret that I have to inform your daughters' team was involved in said incident."

"And by involved we mean the cause of, sole participants, and eventual victors of the fight. They broke a lot of stuff." Atin employed less tact than Max for delivering the news.

The evening did not improve from there.

"Ya know Max, I feel like we aren't exactly welcome here. We should probably take care of our conference and go." Atin gazed around uneasily, conscious of the number of stares the only two non-fauns were getting while deboarding on Menagerie.

"Why, whatever could you mean, Atin?" Max asked, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, one, stop stealing my schtick, and two, they do know we're coming in right? I don't want to get up there and get thrown out. Cause then we have to break in, and that will probably not go well for us."

"Don't worry, I sent a letter ahead of us a couple weeks ago. We should be fine, at least as far as getting to meet with the Belladonnas goes. As long as it got here. I hope it got here."

"Knowing our luck the courier got eaten, and we'll be treated like door to door crystal salesmen. Oh well, better get this over with." Atin strolled off down the path, not looking to see if Max was following.

After a brisk twenty minute stroll, they arrived at the foot of the stairs leading up to the Belladonna guards narrowed their eyes, glaring at the two humans that were, for some reason, approaching the Chieftain's house. "State your business." The guards crossed their spears, blocking the stairs up.

"So my name is Atin, and that's Max. We're here for the parent teacher conference with the Belladonnas". Atin somewhat nervously eyed the stoic guards.

One of them consulted a scroll, before pulling back the spear. "Go on in. We'll be watching you."

The two of them proceeded up to the front doors before stopping awkwardly in front of the massive slabs of wood.

Atin looked at Max. "I guess we just… go in? Feels kinda rude."

"Use the knocker, I guess." Max grabbed the knocker with a hand, surprised momentarily at how heavy it was. He lifted it and gave a solid slam on the door with it. A loud thud echoed dully off the doors.

Several minutes passed before Kalia answered the door. "Oh, you must be Atin and Max. Please come in." She guided them into the small meeting room off the main entrance hall. Ghira was already in the room, waiting for them.

"Please, tell us, is our daughter alright?" Ghira asked almost before the door even closed, staring at the two intently.

"Okay, so we have good news, bad news, more good news, some really bad news, and another round of good news. What order do you want them in?" Atin stated.

Ghira glared at Atin. "How. Is. My. Daughter."

"She is both alive and no longer dating a terrorist, or being one. She's fine, now anyway." Atin hurriedly spoke, trying to calm the angry father.

Ghira gave a sigh of relief, before his eyes bulged as Atin's statement finally registered in his brain. "She isn't what now?!" he shouted, his hands slamming down onto the table, now leaning towards Atin.

"Oh shit, right, you guys don't know that the Vale Branch of the White Fang are, in fact, working with Roman Torchwick…. Surprise? Please don't shoot the messenger. Or maim them." Atin began slowly sliding behind Max.

Max cleared his throat, scooting away from Atin. "We probably could have handled that a little better, but yes, as Atin said, your daughter's ex is currently a terrorist and she herself is an ex-terrorist," Max calmly explained. "She's also one of her year's better students, academically speaking, but we have some concerns with her extracurricular activities."

"By which we mean this." Atin quickly pulled out his scroll, setting it to play the video footage from the highway incident.

After a few minutes, Ghira's right hand was resting on his face. "Please tell me she wasn't in the robot..." he moaned, while Kali was patting his back.

"I can happily report that she was not in the robot. In fact, she stopped it, which is great, except that we later learned she and her team were the reason it was on the highway in the first place." Atin replied.

"And that they managed to assist in destroying a couple of load-bearing pillars," Max added.

"In the spirit of just ripping that bandaid off, they also got a lot of people hurt. But they didn't technically kill anyone. All deaths were the fault of Roman." Atin chimed in.

"What do you mean they technically didn't kill anyone?" Ghira managed to growl out between clenched teeth. "What did they do?"

"Well, it started with them finding out about a recruitment meeting for the White Fang," Max started, taking the next twenty or so minutes to fully line out what occurred that night.

The two T.A.'s had gotten steadily more and more nervous during the course of the conversation, as Ghira grew more and more outraged. At the same time, Kali grew more and more disappointed, her expression reflecting as such.

Atin leaned over to Max and whispered "Why do i feel like she's disappointed in us? We aren't the ones that caused a rampage. We tried to stop them. 'Go to the police' we said. 'Ozpin can get the info to the cops' we said. But no one listens to the T.A." Atin grumbled. Max simply shrugged in response.

"I can hear you, you know." Khali chimed in. "I do appreciate everything you've done for our daughter, especially bringing us news of where she is. But I do have to ask, why didn't the school inform us of her acceptance?"

"Well, it's possible the courier was… lost in transit. As I'm sure you're well aware, Menagerie is not an easy place to get news and information to," Atin said.

Ghira heaved a sigh "Yes, I'm aware of the dangers. I suppose I can't blame the school for that. Though I will blame them for not sending a follow up confirmation. If I wasn't busy running this place, I'd go and complain to this 'Ozpin'."

"Then I'll go in your place, dear," Kali said, her hands resting on her lap.

Max and Atin looked at Kali in surprise, while Ghira rubbed at his chin with his right hand. After a moment's thought, he nodded. "Alright, then. That works just as well. And you will, after all, be travelling with members of Beacon Academy. Even if they are just TA's, they must be competent to work there."

Max and Atin shared a look, before Max said, "They trust us with sidearms, I guess."

"They even trust us enough to spar with the students. Sadly we don't have a copy of the exhibition match they had us do with some of the students." Atin quietly hoped Max didn't have the copy. He noticed Max's eye twitch a bit, but put it down to bad memories.

"The only issue would be that we do have just a few stops to make before we go back to Beacon. So, if you don't mind tagging along, we'd be more than happy to have her with us," Max finished up.

"Since we came all the way out here, Ozpin asked us to visit Haven Academy, and we do have to visit one other student's parents in Atlas." Atin pulled up an itinerary on his scroll and held it out for the Belladonna's to see.

After spending a moment looking through the list, Kali looked up suspiciously. "Why is there an appointment with the SDC on here? I thought you had to speak to a student's parents in Atlas."

Max coughed, looking at the table. "That is true, yes...specifically, the parents of one of your daughter's teammates…"

"Oh, so they work in the main building then?"

"Yes, they do work in the main building. On the top floor. In the biggest office. Probably looking down on the rest of us from a throne made of money," Atin said.

Ghira raised an eyebrow. "Someone on the board, then?" he asked, his voice taking on a bit of an edge as he reached a conclusion.

"Might even say he is the board," Max answered.

"Oh for fuck's sake, enough beating around the bush. Jacques Schnee. Head of the SDC. Your daughter works with Weiss. His kid. No, they haven't killed each other, yes they are friends." Atin sighed in exasperation.

"Oh..." said the Belladonna's in unison.

"Soooo, why are we walking through the bandit infested woods with a cart labeled 'Winchester's Mobile Banking Service'?" asked Kali.

"Because we are trying to attract the attention of some rather stupid bandits, so I opted to throw subtlety to the curb," Atin said, pulling the cart behind himself, straining as the wheels got stuck in yet another rut.

"I suppose I should have been a bit more direct with my question. Why are we trying to get mugged?"

"We'll explain that as we go along. Probably," Max said, yawning.

"If we can. You're gonna learn a lot of things today. Mostly about us. Some about the world. And quite a bit about why shadowy cabals running the world is a terrible idea," Atin said.

A deafening silence was the only response the duo received.

A few miles down the road in a clearing, a group of six emerged from the surrounding tree line. "A traveling bank, huh? Can we make a withdrawal for say, all the money you got?" The one in the middle of the road asked, a wide grin on his face.

"Oh my god, it took you long enough. What kind of shit bandits are you? We've been on this road for, like, a week. WIth a cart labeled 'Mobile Bank.' What's a guy gotta do to get mugged around here?" Atin asked, throwing the cart handles down.

Max perked up, looking at the man in front of the group. "Oh, hey, you work for Raven, yeah?" he asked, walking up and throwing an arm around the now very confused bandit's shoulders.

The rest of the bandits were unsure as to whether or not they should keep their weapons aimed at the traveling bank or let them loose. "What?" the blonde haired man asked, trying to process the current situation.

"Okay, let me try, Max. I'll go slow for you, stupid. Do. You." Here, Atin gestured at the group of thugs. "Work. For. Raven?" Atin asked, slowly and clearly enunciating each word.

Half of the bandits were now certain they should be aiming their weapons at Atin, at the least, while the other half were still somewhat confused. Max's right hand lowered down to the pistol at his hip while this was happening. "I apologize for him. It's been a long week and he's just gotten so sick of that cart, it's making him a tad touchier than usual."

"It's not the cart and you know it. It's the fact these morons are terrible bandits, and Raven can do much better." Atin swept an arm at the group, turning his body side on, slowly undoing the strap on his holster.

Max sighed a bit, as the two of the three remaining bandits had swung their weapons back up to aim at Atin. "Atin, please remember, we do have Kali to worry about in this scenario." Max then suddenly constricted his left arm around the final bandit's neck, snapping his pistol up to the bandit's temple. He silently thanked Qrow for the lessons he'd literally beaten into the T.A.s over the last handful of months. "As for the rest of you, I'm more than willing to bet that you don't have aura. And if you do, well...I wonder how good it is at stopping forty-five calibre at point blank." Max shifted the bandit to shield himself now.

Atin simply shook his head. "Awful. Bandits. Now hurry up and take us to your boss. If you're lucky, I'll teach you how to properly rob someone, too. Now chop-chop. Also, don't bother with names. You're Bandit," he gestured at the man held captive by Max. "The rest of you are Bandits two through six, going left from to right. Any questions?" Atin began walking past them, pulling a very confused Khali with him.

"Now, in an effort to be somewhat civil, you can have the things in the cart, if you'd like. Some money, bit of food supplies. Think there's even a blanket or two," Max added. "All you have to do is take us to your current setup, let us meet Raven, then we all go our merry ways after we've discussed a few things with your tribe's leader. Easy. Simple. And no one has to really get hurt."

"And despite my abrasive personality, I really don't want to kill anyone. So please, just lead the way," Atin said.

The very confused bandits complied, all of them wearing looks of vague shock on theirs faces, except the one Max had taken hostage. He just smiled to himself, eager for these fools to die at the hands of his boss.

"Why would you idiots actually bring them here?" shouted Vernal, glaring at the bandits who had escorted the three strangers to their camp.

Atin rolled his eyes "Because they are very bad at their job, that's why. I did tell them a few tips, but no idea if they stuck. I'm gonna go talk to your boss." Atin began moving forward before one of Vernals gun chakrams was aimed squarely at his face. "Okay, maybe I won't go see your boss. Eeesh, touchy."

Max then strolled up, but as Vernal raised her second weapon, Max grabbed her wrist, bringing the weapon up to inspect it. After a few moments of silence of Max glaring at it, he shifted his glare to Vernal. "This weapon offends my inner sensibilities on so many levels, young lady. What in the actual fuck were you thinking when you made these?" He let the wrist, and the weapon, drop, disgust clear on his face. "At least Bandit's knife strapped to the revolver handle made sense, damn it!"

"Please don't make this worse for me?" Bandit meekly asked.

Max shook his head, rubbing at his forehead. "I just...I can't. I cannot even begin to describe how much I hate this thing, Vernal. I don't know where to begin."

A sudden crack echoed through the encampment as a short laser burst burned a neat hole through Max's head. Vernal calmly turned her head towards Atin. "How did he know my name, and who are you? Also, any other wiseass want to comment on my weapon design?" she asked.

"Really, you shot him for that? I feel you may need to work on your ability to take constructive criticism," Atin said.

Vernal took a deep breath, exhaling angrily. "The only reason I haven't shot you is because I won't get any answers if I do. Judging from her shocked expression, the Faunus doesn't know anything. Also, not even a tear for your partner? If you live through my questions, you might just get to join us." Vernal's fist came from nowhere, crashing into the side of Atin's head, before everything went dark.

Atin opened his eyes moments later, before the bright light of the sun forced him to quickly close them again. "Kali, you there? How long was I out? Also, can you maybe turn the sun down? It's making the headache worse."

Atin felt burning pain on his cheek. "Your friend is dead, you've gotten us captured by bandits, and you make jokes? Kali asked, the barely suppressed rage clear in her voice.

Atin slowly sat up, rubbing his cheek. "Okay, when you put it like that, I deserve that. So to clear a few things up, in order of importance. Max will be fine in like, an hour give or take. Dunno how long I was out. There is an excellent reason for getting captured, which I cannot disclose at the moment, and lastly, humor is my coping mechanism. Hell, threats of severe physical violence make me giggle uncontrollably. My shrink doesn't get it, and neither do I." Atin spoke quickly, hoping to avoid another slap.

She stared at Atin open-mouthed, before slowly her jaw. "Okay, I'll start from the top. Please explain to me how your friend is going to be fine when you, me, and this entire camp saw him get a hole burned through his head?" Kali asked.

"You will literally not believe me until you see it. Your daughter and the rest of her team certainly didn't. Please don't slap me again. Please. Getting knocked out really hurts." Atin covered his head, hoping to forestall violence.

Kali smacked him on the top of his head with her fist, making sure to extend a knuckle.

"OW. What did I just ask?" Atin complained.

"You said not to slap you. I didn't. Now stop joking around and answer my question, or I'll show how I keep Ghira under control," Kali threatened.

"Okay, I wasn't joking around. Fine. Fine. But no hitting, slapping, or causing me bodily harm when you don't believe me. Max and I, as of yet, have not encountered anything that kills us permanently. We bleed, we feel pain, we die. And then an hour later, we come back. Perfectly fine, like nothing ever happened. We have been eaten, shot, stabbed, decapitated via shotgun, and literally worked to death. A neat little hole in his skull will be gone, and he will appear whole and healthy before us. At which point, we will talk to the boss of this place, and convince her to rob a vault for us. We need what's in that vault to keep your daughter out of trouble. Well, more trouble anyway." Atin looked her in the eyes, simply waiting for her response.

Kali's eyes stared right back, looking for signs of lying. When she found none, she sighed, leaning back against the cage bars. "Okay. One hour, right? If Max isn't magically alive in an hour, I'm punching you."

"That is remarkably fair, given the day we've put you through. I'm gonna go sleep off getting sucker punched." Atin lay down in the flimsy cage, appalled at the shoddy craftsmanship. "Terrible bandits…" He muttered under his breath before drifting off to sleep.

An hour later, he and Kali were both startled awake by a SCHLORPOP and Max was suddenly standing right outside the cage, unharmed and good as new. "Atin, I'm taking her gun," Max deadpanned, looking at the rather shitty looking cage.

"Oh good, you're back. Also, I can't believe that worked. You showing up outside the cage I mean. Get me out of here, Miss Belladonna is mean! She kept hitting me." Atin grabbed the bars, gazing at Max beseechingly.

Max pulled out his pistol, checking the chamber. "Should I shoot the chain?" he asked, ignoring Atin's sarcastic plea.

"If you think it'll help, sure. But I'm pretty sure we can just… slide out sideways. Kali probably could." Atin gestured to the widely spaced bars. He looked around for a moment before gesturing to Kali in a 'go ahead' motion.

Kali stared at Max, outside the cage, making casual conversation as if he hadn't been summarily executed an hour beforehand. "You're not dead…" She trailed off weakly, her worldview abruptly altered.

Atin took a moment to reflect. "You know Max, the fact that people take this as well they have is actually quite remarkable. We haven't been accused of witchcraft, demon deals, warpcraft, zombiehood, ghostly-ness, etc."

"It could be worse," Max replied. "We could have ended up in something like Forty-K."

"The inquisition might have stopped somewhere around the 100,000,000,000 time. Anyway, let's go see a Maiden about a Vault." Atin tried to force his way through a gap in the bars before getting stuck. "A little help Max?"

Max rolled his eyes, holstering his gun and grabbing Atin by the wrists. "Alright, let's try to get you out of there." With some effort, Atin was eventually free of the bars. "What about you, Kali? You coming with or staying in the relative safety and comfort of these bars?"

"If it means getting some actual answers, I'm coming with you. Especially if Atin was telling the truth about it helping my daughter." Kali slid out of the cage with considerably less effort than Atin.

They made their way around the back side of the tents, eventually reaching a slightly open flap at the rear of Raven's tent. "I would say they need to guard the tent better, but Raven can take care of herself just fine." Atin strolled forward, throwing open the rear flap. As he pushed the flap aside he boldly declared, "Don't kill me, it will make this take way longer!" Sitting at the low table was Vernal and Raven, Vernal raising an eyebrow and one of her weapons at Atin.

"Kill him now and he'll just be back in an hour, with something snarky to say," Max added, walking in to stand beside Atin.

Kali slipped in behind the two, trying not to be noticed. Vernal just stared at Max, unable to believe her eyes. Raven turned around, quirking an eyebrow at Vernal. "Vernal, I thought you said you killed one of the prisoners. So why are they not only breaking into my tent, but there are three of them?"

"Yeah, hi, I'ma just cut in here for a moment. She killed me, it didn't stick, yadda yadda, you get the gist. Anyways, we need your unique abilities to acquire a certain item," Max cut in. Max waited a moment, realizing something. "Holy shit, I didn't puke!"

"Oh great, now we have to explain that, too, Max. Anyway, oh great bandit chief Raven, we need your help to knick something and piss Ozpin off. You in?" Atin deadpanned, unable to figure even in his own head if he was being sarcastic.

Raven glared at the three people in her tent. "Before I kill you, or help you, I want answers." She simply stated.

Max thought for a moment, then said, "Alright, ask some questions, we'll answer what we can."

"Why aren't you dead?" Vernal blurted out, seemingly put out by having been ignored.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware your name was Raven Branwen as well," Max said, raising an eyebrow at Vernal.

"I am curious about that actually. Vernal isn't one to make mistakes. It isn't a habit I tolerate in my subordinates," Raven said.

"We don't stay dead is the most accurate way to describe it. Technically my friend did die. He just… came back. Either of us dies, we come back one hour on the dot, right by the other guy. If both of us are dead, we come back by the last place one of us was alive. You can test if you want, but that'll really slow the whole Q&A down," Atin answered as quickly as he could.

"Do you work for Ozpin?" Raven asked, her hand drifting dangerously close to her sword.

"Define work for," Max answered.

"Do you do the kind of jobs that I did?" she asked simply.

"Oh, Christ, no! Look at us! We're only just barely in shape after your brother kicked our asses into shape over the last six months!" Max answered, gesturing at himself and Atin. "We're just teaching assistants at Beacon."

"However, we happen to have… gained access to quite a bit of information. Involving certain skeletons in his basement shall we say." Atin did his best to dance around words that would result in him vomiting.

"And just how did you 'gain access' to the information if you haven't at least done some work for him? After all, I know quite well just how close to the chest Ozpin plays everything." Raven followed up.

Max crossed his arms, thinking for a moment in silence. "How much of your worldview are you willing to change if we fully answer?" he asked.

"It certainly won't be the first time I've had that occur. Why don't you try me?"

"Ozpin isn't the only one with gifts. We, to an extent, can see the way world was, and the way it will be. You might think of us as Oracles. We can use the past to predict the future. That's how we know oh so very many things he doesn't like sharing. Such as certain queens and their pawns," Atin said, hoping he was convincing.

"Last question. Why should I help you?" She stared at them, her eyes cold and unflinching. Neither Atin nor Max was much afraid, given how little the threat of death actually meant to them.

"Because the pawns won't have much need for you if a certain shiny is with us, back in Beacon. They'll leave you alone, I can promise that much at least. You won't have to worry so much about running any longer and all you have to do is give us maybe a day of your time," Max answered.

"Plus you have the added benefit of pissing off Ozpin, and we won't tell your daughter where you are. Remember, you literally can't kill us to keep us quiet," Atin chimed in.

Surprisingly, Raven didn't unsheath her sword for a swing at the T.A.s. After a few moments of silence, with Kali tensed and Vernal nonchalantly leaning back, Raven spoke. "Okay, then. I'll help retrieve the Relic. Vernal's maiden powers are needed to open the vault, so she'll naturally have to accompany us." Raven picked up the cup in front of her, taking a sip of tea.

Atin began violently coughing before managing to sputter out, "Right, of course we need Vernal's maiden powers to open the vault."

Kali, having sensed the mood had grown somewhat less tense, chose that moment to ask a question. "What do you mean by a 'Maiden?' I assume we aren't speaking literally here."

Raven stared at Max and Atin, her eyes sharpening slightly. "We'll explain later, Kali," Max replied. "For now, I think it best we three try to find a place to rest before we head off to Haven Academy tomorrow."

AN: Season six killed Max's desire to write, and I was busy graduating. We have since decided to begin truly bucking the rails, this chapter is the result.