Truly it was just an average day for Ozpin. The children had been launched off the cliff, his coffee was hot, Glynda was glaring at him again. "And so begins another school year, Glynda," he said after a sip, giving his subordinate a sidelong glance. "The cameras are still working, yes?"

"Of course, sir," Glynda said, tapping away at her-

"Glynda...what exactly is that you're using? I can't tell if it's a tablet or an overly large scroll."

A loud VROOOP and a bright flash of light interrupted Glynda's reply, followed by a sudden screaming, not dissimilar to the alarmed screaming of Jaune Arc, who had just been launched off the cliff. The source of the screaming was a fat guy and, well, an even fatter guy. They went flying over the cliff, screaming the entire time.

"Well, that was...odd. What do you think just happened?"

"I believe that was two civilians falling off the cliff, sir," she replied, stepping to the edge and looking down, wincing. "And I believe they are now...dead..."

It was late afternoon when the unfortunate duo awoke, still intact.

"Huh. Nothing hurts. That doesn't seem right given that I fell off a cliff. Hey, big guy, are you alive? I hope you're alive, 'cause otherwise, I'm talking to a dead man."

The young man gave the other man a light nudge with his foot, hoping that the other person was also alive. "Please stop kicking me…" was the groaned reply.

"Oh thank God, you're alive. And stop whining, it was only one very light kick. Compared to what I'm guessing we should be feeling, it's nothing."

"Oh, great, so falling off a cliff wasn't a dream. Joy."

"Well, it could have been a dream. But since we both would have had to have the same dream, that doesn't seem very likely, does it? So I suppose the bigger question is, why are we alive?"

"Divine intervention?" Having finally stood up and dusted himself off, the larger fat man got a good look at the slightly slimmer one that had nudged him. "You, uh, look familiar."

"I get that a lot. I have one of those faces."

"Hmmm...give me a minute, and I'll put a name to it…" His arms now crossed, he began to tap his left foot.

"Well while you sit there trying to remember me, I'm gonna try to find a house or a cottage. Fuck, I'll take a hobo camp at this point. I just need some food and fire."

A roar of Grimm echoed in the distance, startling them both.

"Perhaps we should take this elsewhere!"

"That's the smartest thing you've said since I met you. Not that it was a very high bar."

"Ah ha! You're Atin! You fucking prick!"

"Okay...so you know me from over the internet, and you know me well enough to recognize my trademark sarcasm… Max?"

"Atin!"

"MAX!"

"-together as...Team JNPR. Lead by-" Ozpin was in the midst of announcing new teams by this point in the conversation between Atin and Max.

"NORA!"

"While your enthusiasm is appreciated, Ms. Valkyrie," Ozpin said, clearing his throat a bit, "I have already chosen Mr. Arc as your team leader."

"Okay!" Nora replied, apparently oblivious to her outburst.

"Wait, why are we in the middle of the forest? Much less standing in the same area?" Max pondered, looking around.

"While I am curious about that, I'm more concerned with the angry whatever that was. I think we should leave. Now. Quickly."

"Right, well...bit late for that...I suggest you don't turn around..."

"It's a bear, isn't it? It sure sounded like an angry bear."

"Well...would you believe me if I said it was an Ursa?"

"What, like RWBY? Have you been drinking?"

"Okay, would it make you feel better if I said it was just a bear?" But the only thing Max could hear was the sound of a terrified man crashing through the underbrush. "That son of a bitch!" The Ursa gave Max a once over, deciding to ignore him for the far more terrified Atin.

'Shit, I shouldn't have ditched Max like that. What was I thinking?' An all too close angry roaring interrupted Atin's train of thought, promptly reminding him what he was thinking. 'Oh, right, the giant angry bear. That's why I ditched him. Man, it got through him fast. And it didn't even stop to munch on him; it sounds like.' The bear sounded closer, far too close. 'Why is this thing still following me? Okay, come on, tree, find a real climbable tree. Bears can't climb trees. I think.' Unfortunately for Atin his lack of depth perception tripped him up again, in the literal sense. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" He screamed, kicking out at the bear. Both feet connected solidly on the broad snout, and while it recoiled in shock, rather than pain, Atin finally got a good look at the bear. His final thought lamented the obvious outcome .'Huh, I guess Max was right. It actually is an Ursa. And this honestly is RWBY. And I died to an Ursa. I didn't even get to meet anyone. What a shitty way to die.' The last thing he saw was a reflection of moonlight off the bone white claws, the last thing he heard was an angry roar.

Back with Max, he debated going after Atin, up until the scream and the roar. "Fuck...I should probably feel something here..." Picking any direction but the one the Ursa ran, he started walking, coming to the conclusion that he would eventually reach either civilization or meet his own end at the claws of a Grimm. Within minutes, he came upon a pack of Beowolves, staring blankly at them. "Well...this sucks." And thus were his last words as the Beowolves descended upon him.

"Have the remains of those two civilians been recovered, Glynda?" Ozpin asked from behind his desk, looking up from his paperwork.

Glynda, for her part, looked somewhat confused. "Well...we've found one body, yes. However, it wasn't at the base of the cliff, as we had previously seen."

"Oh?" Ozpin was intrigued if a bit confused now himself.

"Neither body was at the base of the cliff. Nor was the er...blood that I had initially spotted spreading from their corpses. Two separate tracks were found, going in different directions. One set simply ended, while the other came to...well...the remains of a body. There was barely anything left."

"And they didn't bring the remains back?"

"They insisted there wasn't much point. They instead focused on collecting blood samples from what remained, in the hopes of genetic identification." A ding from her scroll alerted Glynda to a message from the forensics division at the Vale Police Department. "Sir...they have apparently, er, lost the blood. While it was under the microscope."

"...Come again?"

SCHLORPOP

"I'm…I'm...I'm not dead. I'M NOT DEAD! YIPPEEEEEE!" said Atin, his voice getting progressively louder, before he remembered where he was. "Right, shit, Grimm infested forest. Shouting is not a good idea, moron. Okay, I need to get out here, before I die. Gotta get going!" He strode confidently forward, his foot getting snagged on something. "Ah yes, NOW I remember why I hate nature. Nature is an asshole. Stupid tree… roots….Why are these roots white and HOLY FUCK THIS A BODY." Atin began scrambling backward, shaking his foot, trying to dislodge it from the body, causing the corpse to jitter and shake in macabre mockery of life. His foot finally came free, and he continued scuttling backward on his hands, trying pointedly NOT to think about what was happening. This, of course, led to thinking it about, which, inevitably resulted in more screaming. One freshly dead body was one too many as far as he was concerned. He was taking a deep breath to continue his more than justified scream of horror when he heard SCHLORPOP behind him, and he whipped his around, surprised to see Max behind him. He whipped his head around again, only to see nothing. "Max? How are you alive? I was just looking at you! I mean, your body. I think? It was hard to tell, it was all over the place."

Max himself was patting his body down, eyes wide. "I'm not dead. Why am I not dead? Those fucking things gutted me!"

"You died, too? I guess… I actually did die? Maybe? This is raising many questions, all of them disturbing. Are we gods? Is that what happened? Quick, try smiting a tree!"

"And how, in the actual fuck, do you suggest I go about doing that?"

"I dunno, try using lighting on it or something. Sunlight spear maybe?"

"Atin, I don't think deific powers are just randomly handed out to yahoos who don't go outdoors!"

"They could be! You don't know what the criteria for godlike powers are! Now come on, try smiting something that isn't me."

This particularly inane conversation was interrupted by rustling in the bushes, both of the fat men clamping their mouths shut. What emerged from the bushes in question wasn't something they'd expected, however. It was Peter Port, with what appeared to be an unconscious Boarbatusk slung over his back like a fish. He looked at the two, one eyebrow raised. "Not quite what I expected to find in a Grimm infested forest," were his first words to the intruders.

"Atin...Atin, that's Peter Port," Max deadpanned, poking Atin's shoulder with one hand, pointing at Port with the other.

"Really, and here I thought it was Santa."

"Alright, you can go fuck yourself now."

"No thanks, I'm not an exhibitionist."

A cough from Port grabbed their attention. "Perhaps it would be best if you didn't argue in the middle of a forest that is Grimm infested. As I have already mentioned," he said, beckoning at them. "Come along, let's get you out of here and in one piece."

"That's the best idea I've heard since we got here," Atin remarked, trying, unsuccessfully, to hold in his sarcasm.

"Wow, you weren't kidding about that sarcastic problem of yours," Max noted, following after Port.

"My mouth has gotten me more trouble than I like to remember. Course, it's talked me out of trouble, too, but it's usually trouble it got me into, to begin with." Atin remarked, shrugging his shoulders and shuddering at the memory of the freshman dance.

"I looked away for maybe six seconds, sir, and then it was just gone!" The man in uniform was gripping his hair while simultaneously resting his head on his hands, elbows on Ozpin's desk. He was leaned over, clearly frustrated with the sudden disappearance of forensics material.

Ozpin pinched the bridge of his nose, his glasses slightly pushed up. "So, we're missing at least one body, and now the only link we had to finding an identity has mysteriously vanished, seemingly into thin air," he said, listing off the two biggest bullet points of the day. "I have seen and heard much in my time, but I must admit, this is a tad strange."

The quiet sound of the elevator doors opening drew the attention of Glynda to the entrance of Ozpin's office. "Oh, Peter. What are you doing up here...with...why do you have a Boarbatusk on your back?" she asked.

"Well, you know, just needed to capture a Grimm for tomorrow's class, Glynda!" Port replied exuberantly, before clearing his throat, tone becoming serious. "However, that is not why I'm up here. After finding my class material, I heard a yell of, I believe it was, 'yippee,' further in. Rather close to the initiation launch site, as it were. I stumbled upon two young men and was wondering if perhaps they were simply new students who had failed initiation." Stepping to the side, Port beckoned Max and Atin forward.

"'Yippee?' Really, Atin?" Max asked, looking at his online friend.

"I'm sorry for expressing joy at being not dead. It's a good cause for celebration, ya know?" replied a slightly annoyed Atin.

"Now, hang on, I'm pretty sure we actually were dead. And then we weren't. I think. Still working out what happened."

A loud crack split the air, drawing everyone's attention to the stern-faced woman standing over by Ozpin's desk. "And just what were you two doing in the Emerald Forest at night? While we're at it, do you know anything about those bodies?" Glynda's stern stare leveled itself at the two.

"Oh, yeah, that was us," was the answer from Max. "We think."

"We aren't quite sure yet. We might be gods. Or immortal. Not sure yet. Hey, do me a favor and chuck me out the window, huh? We need more tests," Atin interjected, looking a little too excited at the prospect of free fall, although it might have been pure manic energy from coming to grips with possible godhood.

"Okay, and what if it turns out we have limited lives?"

"Well, we have no way of knowing that. Sure maybe we have limited lives. But that doesn't matter since we have no way of knowing what that limit is. Easier to just assume it's infinite. More fun as well!"

"Do...do you hear yourself?"

The clink of a coffee mug on a desk drew Max's attention to the headmaster of Beacon Academy. "Gentlemen," Ozpin began, waiting for Atin to take notice that he was also being addressed. "While enthusiasm is typically appreciated in a school environment, enthusiasm for taking your life is usually frowned upon. Now, I do not recognize either of you from the list of incoming students. Nor were you present at the opening ceremonies. Couple that with this alleged revelation that you both are the corpses we are searching for, and I am left to assume that you are either insane or at the very least, delusional."

"I am not insane! That lawyer proved NOTHING! I was found INNOCENT!" Atin interjected, quite perturbed at being called insane.

"I don't think that'll help our case, Atin," Max said, his arms crossed now.

"And I don't care. I am not insane, and don't appreciate mister coffee addict over there saying I am! Besides, if anything, the fact I'm in a fictional universe is more a sign of insanity than coming back to life after being mauled by an Ursa! ...I am really not helping, am I?" Atin trailed off into a contemplative silence while glaring at Ozpin.

"You're very much not," Ozpin calmly replied, chin resting on folded hands. "Now, we're going to call up some specialists to retrieve you. Psych evaluations will be done, and we will figure things out from there."

Max looked at Ozpin, meeting his stare. "You should send the police officer out. Because nothing says fun like allegedly insane men with the knowledge they really, really shouldn't have," he told Ozpin, his voice level.

Ozpin raised an eyebrow but gave a nod to the officer, who left, scratching his head at the exchange that had just occurred. "I'll be taking my leave as well, then. Need to get the reference material caged up before it awakes," Port said, excusing himself to get in the elevator with the officer.

After the doors shut and the elevator lowered, the four remaining occupants stared at each other. "Right, they should be far enough now," Max noted, shifting his weight from one foot to the other occasionally.

"You mentioned the knowledge that two allegedly insane men shouldn't have. I'm curious to hear this," admitted Ozpin, leaning back in his chair.

"Well, for starters, we know there's a vault underneath the school," Max started, looking to Atin, while Ozpin simply looked on, no shock at this revelation.

"We know that the contents of said vault are kept secret from the overwhelming majority of people alive on this God forsaken apocalyptic hellhole of a rock," Atin hoped that would be enough to get some form of response to them. He didn't and was fairly certain Max would agree with him on this, that being locked up as crazy people was not on the agenda.

"Well, quite frankly, that seems a rather logical conclusion for anyone to come up with," was the reply, causing a sigh of frustration from Max.

"Of course. We have to get specific, don't we? Because God fucking forbid we not have to dredge up every last bit of detail we can remember over the course of the last four years," Max grumbled. "Okay, continuing on, then. We know what these contents are. One is a large machine, of Atlas make, used to, in theory, transfer Aura from one subject to the next. One of the topics in question is, of course, if you would, Atin?"

"Why, I do believe that if I'm not mistaken, and I'm most certainly not, it's a half dead Fall Maiden, attacked by a strange person or persons unknown, who happened to steal, conveniently enough, half of Amber's power. And you are now keeping a close on your students this year, hoping you can find a suitably talented young maiden to take her place. Preferably, she'll be young and impressionable enough that with some talk of the greater good, and what a noble sacrifice it is, right?" Atin leveled his most penetrating stare at the duo, for all the good it did, seething with righteous indignation.

"And on the subject of this year's incoming students, why don't we delve into one of your motivations, Headmaster Ozpin. Part of the reason you enrolled Ruby Rose, who we've presumably never met, was for her silver eyes, I am willing to bet. Oh, hey, a rhyme. Anyways. You're hoping she'll show the potential to be one of the silver-eyed warriors of legend, yeah? Spoiler alert, she does eventually show it."

By this point, Ozpin was sitting straighter, but so far, that was the only sign that what they had said was worth a response. "Interesting ideas, certainly," he said, nodding. "But that would be quite hard to prove, now wouldn't it?"

"But I'm sure you've heard all kinds of crazy stories before, haven't you, Ms. Goodwitch. Students looking for a way out whatever trouble they've gotten themselves into. But you, being the good person you are, just send them on their way with a pat on the back, and a slap on the wrist, right?" A smug looking Atin had taken the time to wander over to the wall, and he always did enjoy a good lean. Helped you look like even more of a smug bastard, when done correctly.

"Now, at this point, you're either wondering if we're an enemy, fucking psychic or just really good at guessing extremely specific situations and making casual references to a conversation that happened in a sealed interrogation room sometime in the last two or three days," Max finished.

By this point, Glynda was holding her riding crop tightly, slowly twisting it, while Ozpin was leaning once again on his desk. "That is most certainly...something," he finally admitted, grabbing his cane and standing up. "Very specific knowledge, of specific events and people, casually doled out to a small audience of two, as if you were simply discussing the weather for the day. So, perhaps you, indeed, are not insane. However, that then leaves the question of whether you are an enemy or not. As well as how you even got hold of such information." Ozpin was now standing in front of Max, who had to crane his neck a bit to look Ozpin in the eye. It was odd for Max to have to look up to someone, being six foot two himself, but he wasn't letting this difference in height bother him.

"Hey, Coffee Junkie, I already covered that. Where we are from, you, the Maidens, Goodwitch, Ruby, and everyone else on this ball of dirt, are fictional. Fake, not real, a show on the internet, with all your dark secrets played out for our amusement," Atin remained leaning on the wall, doing his best to channel Qrow and his smug attitude, minus the heavy drinking.

"And the bit about you apparently being the two civilians we saw launch themselves off the cliff this morning, having most certainly died upon reaching the ground?" Ozpin asked.

"Hey, Atin, did you find a latch on that window yet?" Max asked.

Atin let out a long sigh of disappointment. "No. Of course not. They wouldn't just have latches on windows on a-Hey Ozpin how many floors up are we? Don't bother. It doesn't matter. The point is, it wouldn't be safe to have something as basic as a latch."

"Think 346 pounds at five miles could break it?"

"I doubt it. And even still, I'm quite sure either of them could stop us, what with the whole super powers thing. I suppose we best just find a cliff again. I doubt even my best sarcasm will annoy them enough to merit death. They run a school of hyperactive, melodramatic, angsty teenage superhumans after all."

"That is a fair point...oh, wait, I have a couple of my knives on me." Max walked over to the elevator doors, pulling out a pocket knife, slotting it in and pushing the doors apart just enough to get his fingers in. "Nice to know elevator doors are just as weak in Remnant as they are back home."

"Excuse me, young man, but what is it you think you're doing?" Ozpin asked, a pit forming in his stomach.

Max stepped away after pulling the doors open, holding his hands up in a surrender gesture. "Hey, look, I was just trying to prove a point, but clearly, you're not interested in that. Parents probably would have been real disappointed in me anyways, if they ever found out I'd considered jumping." Ozpin watched Max walk away from the now open elevator, relaxing just a bit.

Atin took this as his cue, making a beeline for the elevator, diving headfirst down the shaft, his parting words echoing back up, "My parents are disappointed in me already!"

Max slowly clapped. "Wow, not gonna lie, I don't think we could have planned that successfully," he said, looking at Ozpin and Glynda's horrified stares. "Improv speaks for itself. Do either of you have a stopwatch or a time telling device? I wanna figure out if there's some sorta time limit on this ability of ours."

"Your friend just jumped to his death!" Glynda shouted, moving towards the elevator. She got to the doors, looking down. "I...I don't see anything…"

"Is it just that far or is there not a body?"

Ozpin sat back at his desk, looking at his scroll. "7:25 is the current time, young Max," Ozpin noted, closing his eyes. "I do hope that this apparent immortality of yours holds up."

"Not as much as I do, I can assure you of that."

(A/N) Max: I don't even know what the fuck this was.

Sneaky: A right mess, aye

Max: Ignore him, he only did one sentence. The writers of this story are myself and a friend called Atin.