Jupiter and the Leonard Hofstadter

The stakes are getting higher for Jupiter and her friends.

"Explain to me again," said Jupiter Jones, "why I need a battle cruiser."

"Better to have one and not need it," said Kiza Stinger, "then need it and not have one. Like a condom."

"A condom?" said Captain Singh. "What's that?"

Jupiter glanced at Karrick. "Right," said Karrick, shrugging her large reptilian frame. "I'll put it on the list of Earth products that can be sold to the rest of the galaxy. As soon as I find out what they are."

"I'll tell you later," said Kiza.

"Well, one way or another it's a nice ship," said Captain Singh. She had overseen the delivery of the new cruiser, purchased from the Commonwealth Shipyards by Transworld Enterprises. She, Karrick, Kiza and Jupiter were standing on the bridge of the Aegis ship Guardian, Singh's ship, watching the new cruiser move into orbit around the planet Grizikity 12(m), the pleasant little planet that had, over the past year, become Jupiter's de facto capital. "But if push ever comes to shove against Titus or Kalique Abrasax, or the two of them together, a single ship won't do much. Of course, most planets have some combat ships, often a few dozen. But Titus and Kalique have about eighty ships capable of combat, far more than anyone else."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to a flat-out fight," said Jupiter. "I suppose if I'm going to be a Royal I need a proper ship and crew, rather than buzzing about on commercial flights and the Sheldon Cooper. It's a big quadrant, and a lot of people want me to attend some function or meeting or something. Captain, do you think Titus and Kalique would actually mount a military action?"

Captain Singh considered. "Well, their commercial empire is under great strain, since you effectively stopped the supply of Nectar," she said. "And they blame you. Titus has even tried to ban Earth products from the sector he controls. That didn't work out very well."

"Every donut is another blow against the Abrasax empire," said Kiza.

"Hey, we should put that on the take-away bags," said Karrick. She made a note on the e-padd she always carried to suggest the idea to the Abrasax-Tirelli clan, which these days was doing pretty well thanks to the astonishing popularity of circles of deep-fried dough.

"When there was no alternative to Abrasax control, people in those sectors basically just had to accept it," continued Captain Singh. "But now they look at your quadrant and realise there might be another way. The government, of course, can take no policy view, but unofficially I can tell you that a lot of people are glad to see Titus and Kalique under pressure. You know, I don't think they knew how much they were hated until you appeared. Some planets in their sectors are even saying that they want to break away and join your quadrant. One planet, Calipsis, has already made a formal declaration. If that happens, things could unravel pretty fast for them."

"Calipsis," mused Jupiter. "That's mainly an agricultural planet. Fields and forest. In Kalique's sector. Population of about a million, I think."

"Yes, that's right," said Captain Singh. "Nice place, nice people." She nodded towards the new battle cruiser. "What are you going to call it?"

"I'm thinking the Leonard Hofstadter," said Jupiter.

"Oh, is he a major Earth scientist?" said Captain Singh.

"Sort of," said Kiza.

"Well, Kiza," said Jupiter. "Here's the first official duty of the Leonard Hofstadter. Tell the captain to send a message to the government of Calipsis saying that I am pleased to welcome them to my quadrant. Send the message on a public band, so everyone can hear it."

Kiza nodded. "And may I suggest," she said, "that we follow it up with a diplomatic visit. From you. In the Leonard."

"Make it so," said Jupiter.

A few days later, in another part of the galaxy, Kalique and Titus were walking together in the grounds of Kalique's palace. The place was starting to look a bit run-down, with fewer people working in the gardens. Instead of the large retinue that formerly followed Kalique around, only her aide Chicanery Night was in sight. If Titus noticed he said nothing. Not like he was in a better position. Only Famulus accompanied him. He had had to let many of the beautiful women that once trailed behind him go.

"So now we know her plan," said Kalique. "First she cuts off the Nectar supply, and now she starts to seduce our properties onto her side."

"And she has started to build battle cruisers," added Titus. "This new ship with the odd name will be just the first. We have to stop her. By any means."

Kalique was silent for a while, thinking. Then she said: "Do you know my planet Calipsis?"

Jupiter was on the bridge of the Leonard Hofstadter with Kiza, Caine, and the captain of the ship, T'Achi, who was from the planet Kaga2. She had told Jupiter how pleased she was to serve, especially since Kaga2 had, until a year ago, been a planet where half of the population had been slaves – including most of T'Achi's family.

They were coming out of the portal that would take them to Calipsis. "I've heard that it's a good place," said Kiza. "Where a lot of the splices come from, apparently. Bears, foxes, deer."

"I look forward to it," said Jupiter. "The message from the council sounded as if they were very happy to join our quadrant. I understand that it will involve kicking the corporations owned by Titus and Kalique off the planet."

"I would like to see that," said Caine.

The Leonard Hofstadter came out of the portal, the space solidifying around them – to the extent that space can solidify, in any case. They saw the green sphere of Calipsis before them. And something else. There was a large ship in orbit – a ship bearing the colours of Titus Abrasax.

"Oh no," said Caine.

"Oh no what?" said Jupiter.

"That," said Caine, "is a factory ship. They are getting ready to harvest the population of the planet. Convert the people into Nectar."

An officer from a sensor console spoke. "They are powering up the harvest engines on the ship," he said. "Full power, sufficient for harvesting, will be reached in five minutes, perhaps less."

Jupiter turned to Captain T'Achi. "The Leonard Hofstadter is fully armed and combat capable, right?" she said.

"That it is," she said. She turned to her bridge crew. "Sound action stations," she said. "Helm, get us between the harvest ship and the planet. Communications, hail them and find out what the hell they think they are playing at. Warn them that we are armed and ready to fire."

"Let's rock," said Kiza softly.

"I cannot say that I like the smell of this," said Caine.

Klaxons and alarms began to sound, and the ship began to move.

"A communication is coming in," said another officer. "They are requesting to speak to ... Jupiter Jones. It is ... Titus Abrasax."

"Huh," said Jupiter. "Well, put him on."

The smarmy face of Titus came up the screen. He smiled.

"Well, if it isn't my favourite royal troublemaker," he said. "And just in time to see the show."

"My understanding," said Jupiter, "is that the population of this planet is not large enough for harvesting to be commercially viable. And technically it is not yours."

Kalique, standing next to Titus, came onto the screen. "That might be true, but we thought we might make an exception," she said. "And since this planet has indicated an interest in leaving our family, we decided it would be opportune to send a message to any others that might have similar ideas."

"The governing council of Calipsis has asked for my protection and I have said it will be given," said Jupiter. "So ... fuck off."

"Hmm," said Titus. "Since you put it so charmingly ... no."

"Weapons are loaded and locked on," said Captain T'Achi. "It's a damn big ship but we can take a bite out of it. Take out their harvesting engines, at least."

"Uh, it appears that the harvesting engines are de-powering," said the Sensor officer. "But ... wait ... portals opening! Three! Battle cruisers!"

"Target the emerging ships!" shouted Captain T'Achi. "Helm, evasion pattern!"

But the three ships – two with the banner of Kalique, one with the colours of Titus – were already firing. Missiles and energy bolts were coming in from three directions.

The Leonard Hofstadter took a series of hits but fired back – and kept firing. Captain T'Achi shouted orders for counter-manoeuvres. She's good, thought Jupiter. But damn, there are three of them.

Caine looked at Kiza. "We have to get her to a safer place," he said.

"My runabout is in the shuttle bay," said Kiza. "That's probably as safe as anywhere." Caine nodded.

"No, I want to stay here, where people are fighting for me," said Jupiter.

Captain T'Achi shook her head. "Go," she said. "And if it looks like we're going to go down, get on that ship and go."

Jupiter was reluctant but she could see the sense of it. So she, Kiza and Caine started for the shuttle bay and the Sheldon Cooper.

They were running along a corridor when there was a thump. "Boarding shuttle, probably from the harvest ship," said Caine. He drew his gun. Kiza drew hers.

There was an explosion in one of the walls. A dozen of Titus' soldiers came through the smoking hole. In a few seconds, Caine and Kiza had taken down several, but the soldiers had concussion weapons and were firing. Jupiter saw Kiza blasted backwards.

"Run!" shouted Caine to her over the din. "I'll hold them!"

"No!" shouted Jupiter. "We stay together, you and I! We – "

And then a concussion blast hit the two of them, and Jupiter knew no more.

END (BUT TO BE CONTINUED)