A/N: This is my first attempt at a Thor fanfic. In fact, it's my first outside of the musical section and a very different style from how I usually write. I've never read the comics, fyi, I just got really hooked onto the whole Hel!Darcy idea, so I gave it a shot (I know Hel's appearing in Ragnarok as a separate character but whatever this is Fanfiction).

In her defense, it had been dark, and he'd been acting crazy, and she'd just loved the look on his face when she tasered him.

It was not how she'd planned her reunion with her thunder god uncle — in fact, she hadn't even planned one — but she couldn't have asked for a more ironical situation.

She let Jane fuss over him, whisk him to the hospital. Jane was something she hadn't planned either when she came to Midgard, but found herself liking the mortal the more science stuff about the Bifrost she threw. As Hela, Darcy'd never bothered to learn the workings of the Bifrost when she was younger; astrophysics had clearly never been her thing. Political science, on the other hand, had been drilled into her since birth, all thanks to Odin. He just couldn't wait to get rid of her and 'assign' her to manage Niflheim. Not that she really blamed him, after all the councils she'd unceremoniously crashed and nearly jeopardised - she'd blamed her dad's blood for her behaviour.

The hospital reeked of death. She could sense the dying, suffering souls, those tethering on the edge of life. The side effects of her position as ruler of Niflheim. She hated hospitals. It was where her Feeling took a joy ride. That slight tingling in her fingertips, feeling the contracts signed by the hand of her secretaries, the gates of her mansions opening to let in a new stream of permanent residents.

A man fresh from a car accident in the A&E block slipped into her realm. A mercy killing took a braindead woman from the ICU. Cancer shoved another middle-aged man from the living.

She decided to focus on Jane's voice.

"I've never met him," Jane was telling the nurse.

"Before she hit him with a car," Darcy supplied even-toned.

"I grazed him," Jane corrected hastily. "But she tasered him."

She was unable to hide the smirk. "Yes, I did."

She was a little disappointed when Thor glanced by her with no hint of recognition, but she supposed he was too caught up trying to prove himself to Odin and be released from whatever banishment her grandfather'd placed on him for whatever idiotic stunt he'd pulled. And plus, she'd altered her appearance slightly to prevent mortals from jumping on her and throwing her into a research lab for looking like she'd risen from the dead - which she had, technically, though clambering up the branches of the Yggdrasil from Niflheim to Midgard hadn't been nearly as elegant as she'd liked to imagine 'rising from hell' - not to mention she'd gotten attacked by a squirrel on her way up - Ratatoskr'd never liked her.

But still, after going through all the trouble to keep her uncle out of the mortal asylum by bringing him in after casually pointing out to Jane that he was the man in her 'freak storm', slight disappointment was inevitable. It must run in her family, to save Thor's ass and not be recognised.

Which reminded her, she hadn't checked up on her father lately. She wondered briefly if he'd had anything to do with Thor's banishment. Probably. Definitely.

She fished out her phone and turned on the universal roaming. It'd been an invention of her own, inspired by the mortals' web of media, she'd woven a universal network across the branches of the World Tree to keep in touch with her relatives, namely, her father.

Hela: Hey dad, how's everything going? Uncle Thor's here btw.

He was probably sulking in some obscure location in Asgard, or buried in a book in a dark corner of the massive library of eternal corridors. He'd never favoured using the mobile phone she'd given him, but he'd reply her text messages anyways, when they came maybe once a year.

She heard Thor's thundering footsteps before he opened his mouth to speak. "Lady..."

"Darcy," she supplied. "What do you want?"

"When will you feast?" he asked her. "I hunger for food."

"There's pop-tarts in the cupboard, Hamlet," she said, gesturing to the cupboards.

Twenty minutes later, Jane announced they were going out to Isabelle's.

"But he just ate!" Darcy faltered slightly at the sight of the box of pop-tarts, which had been full a moment ago.

Now it was empty. She groaned, and picked up her beanie and jacket submissively.

When she didn't receive a reply from her father by the time the group reached Isabelle's, she decided to get a little impatient.

Hela: Hello?

Hela: Dad?

Dad is typing...

Excellent; he wasn't dead. She didn't need to deal with him in her halls.

Dad: I'm a Frost Giant.

Hela: WHAT

Dad: I'm a Jotun.

Hela: Oh cool! Does that mean you can freeze stuff?

Dad: Hela. This is not cool.

Hela: Yea it is. Literally and figuratively.

Dad: I'm a monster.

Hela: And that's totally a recent thing.

Dad: Hela!

Hela: So Thor's not really my uncle?

Dad: No.

Hela: Hah! I knew there was no way I could be related to that blockhead! What's he doing here anyways?

Dad: He invaded Jotunheim.

Hela: Did you suggest it?

Dad: I might have implied it.

Hela: Dad!

Dad: Would you rather he be ruling the kingdom now?

Hela: Good point. Well, we're ordering food now, ttyl.

Dad: ttyl?

Hela: Talk to you later, Dad.

Dad: Right.

Hela: Go freeze something.

Hela: Actually don't do that. Just try not to kill anyone. My secretaries have their hands full today. Right, bye :)

Dad: What does :) have anything to do with farewells?

Hela: It's called a smiley face, Dad, you sould actually try putting one on your face once it a while. I gtg, so bye.

Dad is typing…

Hela: Got to go. BYE.

"Darcy? Anything for you?"

"Naw, I'm not really that hungry," she replied, pocketing her phone. She nodded over to Thor. "He looks like he could devour the planet though."

She could imagine him doing that.

Six pancakes, a mountain of scrambled eggs and at least half a dozen sausages later, she was pretty sure Jane and Erik could imagine the same.

"So how'd you get inside that cloud?" she asked teasingly, though her other two companions were too shocked by Thor's gorging to register the jest. "Also how could you eat an entire box of pop-tarts and still be this hungry?"

The last one was a genuine question. Her uncle's unnaturally big appetite never failed to baffle her.

He held up his cup. "This drink, I like it."

Finally, something they agreed on. "I know, it's great right?"

He lifted the cup. "Another!"

Oh crap.

She let Jane berate him. The thunder god stood no chance.

Later, she took a picture of him, telling him that it was for Facebook, before sending it to her father.

Dad: Wth?

Hela: Happy belated birthday dad.

Hela: Oh, and stop swearing with my realm. That's just lousy fatherly support.

Dad: I'm deleting it. Now.

Hela: The picture or my realm?

Dad: Both. I have Gungnir in my hands now.

Hela: Shit. I love you Dad.

A/N: Btw, I'm posting this at 12:30AM. I tend to do idiotic things then.