"That You Saved Me From Despair"

When we are alone together, I feel my fear dripping away. There is a sense of knowing what I'm feeling is real and lavishing in it is easy. Smiling is something I realize I have not often done in my lifetime. However, I find myself becoming familiar with the feeling while we are together.

It is not as easy to feel this way when we are with the others, however. I can feel the strange looks they give me if I am to glance toward you as I would if we were alone. Surely, it is not that they are angered by it, more curious about the meaning behind such a look. Regardless, I find myself nervous about it all. Is this the right thing to be doing? Should we be allowing ourselves to become so close? If things do not work out, either between us or between the Phantom Thieves, will our closeness not cause more of an issue?

Thoughts such as this caused me to second guess my feelings for him. I did not wish to make our already difficult task more challenging. Yet, each time we all gather together, I find myself in need of a distraction to keep from longing to move closer to him and by hypnotized by the feeling in his eyes. It is of little surprise that Akira seems to notice this and finally comes to see me on his own. I had taken to people watching regularly, hoping to make sense of the craziness within my own mind.

When he walked up to me, my words came out frantically. He is going out of his way to see me. Why? Does he not see the struggle I face to decide what is the best thing to do?!

"Calm down Yusuke."

As if he has said the magic words, my heart cannot help but lull a little. If he can manage to be this calm despite everything, then perhaps I should not worry so often. He stands before me with a smile, offering a listening ear to my issues. Even still, I cannot will myself to say what is truly on my mind.

"I cannot find inspiration." I say at last. "Where am I to look?" Of course, this is far from the most bothersome thing in my head, but at least it is easy to hide behind. My paintbrush knows what it truly longs to create, but in doing so, I would have to admit my true feelings. Replicating the delicate curves of his face and the confident smile he often bolsters would certainly cause my heart to fill with pride. However, that pride may be ill placed.

"Why not look to Mementos?" He offers an idea. Whether this is because he does not see past my true reason for fretting or simply out of respect for my struggles, I am not sure. However, escaping this world, even if only for a moment, might prove to be useful. Confidently, I agree and bring him along with me. We enter that strange world beneath the subway and I quickly find myself calming.

Everyone else seems to find this place uncomfortable, at best. However, I find Mementos beautiful and almost more calming than anything. The voices in the wind are quiet, much unlike the city streets and the colors are muted and unusual in a way I have yet to observe in the real world.

Doing my best to stay focused, I bring out my sketchbook. My mind spins as I attempt to figure out what to draw. This world is suppose to replicate the subconscious of man. Yet, I feel as though I can connect to it in such a way that it almost alarming. I can sense the despair and hopelessness that fills every crevice in this land. Behind me, Joker watches me curiously while keeping his eyes open for wandering shadows. The two of us could easily vanquish any foe who dares to challenge us this close to the surface, but I understand his concern regardless.

"What are you drawing?" He questions at last.

"Despair."

Only silence responds to my simple statement for some time. He must find me more and more odd each time we meet. I hide my true self from him less and less so discovering the bizarre aspects of my personality will surely cause him to run one day. However, I discover today is not that day.

"Why would you draw something like that?"

"I...wish to capture the heart of man."

"There is far more in a heart than simply despair."

"But it is an aspect I know well."

I should think of my words more carefully when I am around him. Akira has such a strong sense of empathy that I watch his face become dejected. Though I had not meant to offend, it would seem I have managed to hurt him. Of all the things I wish to do, harming Akira is certainly not on that list.

"Please do not feel that my despair is because of you." I speak while continue to sketch the spiraling despair I have felt on the darkest of nights when loneliness got the best of me. To some, this will surely be beautiful. However, it is not the beauty I am attempting to capture. Rather, I long to encapsulate the feeling of spiraling downward and feeling surrounded by it all. Most people must understand such a feeling. "In fact, it is rather quite the opposite."

Akira looks at me with a despondent smile and sighs before shaking his head. He does not yet step too close as I am still sketching, but I can sense that he longs to. Finally, I close my sketchbook and face him with a tiny grin.

"You have saved me from this kind of despair." I swallow hard when he steps close to me. "I have stopped feeling as lonely and this is all thanks to you."

"You say that, but you've been...pretty distant lately."

He grabs me in a hug and instantly my heart begins to race. How am I to explain why I have been distant? Such a confidant man will likely never know how it feels to watch others question your every move. Akira has likely never feared being the reason everything goes wrong as he is always three steps ahead of any troubles.

"Is…" I struggle to speak as my longing to return Akira's embrace is growing stronger. "Is this...wrong?"

"Does it feel wrong?" Akira doesn't falter. Instead, he smiles up to me and plants a gentle kiss on my cheek. This, of course, causes the blush to grow on my cheeks.

"Not particularly. Though I fear the repercussions if anything is to turn foul." At last, I can no longer will my arms to stay at my side. Akira is so warm and I am thankful to wrap myself around him.

"You worry too much." He laughs a little.

"I think I worry just enough."

"You would." Akira laughs then grabs my chin and forces me to look into his eyes. It feels strange to feel so elated and at peace in a place like this, yet I cannot help it when such feelings begin to surface. "Tell me." He speaks quietly, as if he might interrupt someone. "How do you feel right now. "

"I-" A lump forms in my throat and I find it hard to face him. "I feel happy. Being with you brings out parts of me I never...well, I never imagined existed."

"And where are we?" Akira asks with a grin on his face.

"Quite obviously, we are in Mementos. Why ever-"

"We are in a place made of corrupt desires and filled with despair and yet you feel happy." He grins and pokes my nose playfully. "So, why is that?"

"Because I am with you, I've stated such previously." This round and round is baffling to me. It must be obvious because Akira chuckles a little before speaking again.

"So, if you can be happy here because you are with me...don't you think that should be even easier to do when we are out there?"

"But I-"

"No buts. I want you to just think about the present when you are with me. No worrying about 'what if' or anything."

"That is far easier to say that it will be for me to enact upon."

"Then use me to help." Akira then puts his hand in my hair and pulls my face down to his. He kisses me, in Mementos of all places, with such feeling that I can no longer argue. I feel my heart doing flips and the last few strands of worry unravel themselves from my soul. When he pulls away, Akira starts to talk again. "I am here for you. You aren't alone anymore."

"Thank you." My words are honest and I cannot help but wish I could say something more profound. Instead, I look behind Akira before meeting his eyes once more. "We should likely leave this place though."

"Want to come back to the cafe with me?"

"It will be quite late by that time though, no?" I reluctantly release him and we head back toward the entrance to the real world.

"So stay." He grabs my hand. "It's not like you haven't before."

"I will not be sleeping on the sofa again."

"I would hope not." He laughs as we step foot into the bustling world above us. When I look down, there is a faint shadow of red on his cheeks and this causes my heart to trip. How can he be so carefree about all of this? I may be vaguely jealous of the ease with which he lives life.

"Do you think the others…" I start to speak, but cannot find the proper words. Do I think they will be upset? Not particularly. Then what is this feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Ann already guessed." Akira shrugs. "I mean, it's pretty easy to see if you have a set of eyes and aren't Ryuji."

"Are we really that obvious?"

"I mean, you never use to smile." Akira speaks bluntly. "Now you smile when you look at me." He grins deviously. "She kinda put two and two together." Suddenly, he pulls me closer and laughs a little. "And before you worry about it, she's happy for us. She wasn't sure whether we wanted to bring it up to the others yet or not, so she hasn't said anything. But she said she likes seeing you smile."

"I am...glad to hear that."

"So." Akira starts dragging me toward the train platform as he speaks. "You will be staying then...right?"