[Author's note: This fic is based heavily on the fic "We Grew" by writer "oh help", which, if you haven't read yet, you should really go read. It's a delightfully characterised and very well-written account of Dean and Seamus's lives during and after Hogwarts, and one of my favorite reads of all time.]

Seamus wanted very, very badly to go on the run. With Dean. Of course with Dean.

Maybe because he's always believed that two heads are better than one, maybe because Dean has become such an important piece of his life that he doesn't want to imagine them apart, maybe because he's impulsive and stupid.

His mother is not a particularly formidable woman. She's petite, which he blames for his own stature, and mousy, which he pretends he isn't. Even so, she's about as stubborn as a troll when she wants to be. That's another trait Seamus pretends he didn't inherit.

They rarely fight, simply because they rarely disagree. Seamus tells himself that it's because they're both smart, but really it's just that Seamus loves his mother a lot, and for her part, she hates to upset him.

It's here that she draws the line.

"You're not going on the run," she snaps. She is not focused on the fight as much as she is on her cooking; she is trying to supervise two charmed knives and a pot of water on the stove. "Fugitive from the law, running from the Death Eaters, starving to death, dying of exposure, I won't have it!"

"Dean's not safe out on his own, is he?" Seamus shoots back. He's only a foot away from her, leaning on the counter and being unhelpful. "Nowhere in the whole of Britain or Ireland is gonna be safe. It's stupid to pretend that going back to Hogwarts'll protect anyone."

"Watch who you call stupid," says his mother, but with very little menace. Seamus is reminded, fleetingly, that this is why he prefers not to fight her. He just feels guilty for doing it. "The worst you can do at school is break the rules. You go on the run, they could kill you."

Seamus scowls. "I mean that Dean and I are a team, okay? We work together. We can survive together."

"Seamus," says his mother. "I said no."

Seamus scowls again. In truth, he hasn't stopped scowling.

It does not occur to Seamus that he could simply disobey his mother.

Dean disappears without a goodbye. Seamus throws a book at the wall of his bedroom and kicks his trunk. His feet hurt now. His mother leaves him alone.

·¤·

"We can't just let them get away with this," says Ginny. She is sitting on Neville's bed, cross-legged, pyjamas rolled up at the ankles because they're a little too long. "They're terrorising the school. Yelling at everyone, spreading their stupid lies, threatening people-"

"What do you suggest we do?" demands Neville, who is sitting opposite her twisting the edge of his blanket. "We can't just go picking fights, Ginny! These are Death Eaters-"

"We can't let them just pound us," counters Ginny. "There has to be something we can do! All we need to do is make it clear that there are ways to fight this-"

"You realize they could kill us," says Seamus, who is lying in his own bed trying to spin a football on one finger. "Me and Neville are legally adults. Age isn't gonna protect everyone."

"Don't be so morbid," says Ginny. "They can't hurt their students, it's illegal."

"It is legal, remember Filch? Fifth year? You know what is illegal?" Seamus says, and he spins the football so aggressively that it tips off his finger and falls to the floor. "Killing people. Funny thing is, You-Know-Who doesn't care." He Summons the football and bounces it in one hand.

"We're not dealing with You-Know-Who," says Neville.

"No, we're just dealing with his devoted followers," says Seamus. "It isn't any different than other Death Eater just because they're both stupid."

Seamus doesn't care to admit it, but he's afraid.

·¤·

He hears about Dean in the first Potterwatch broadcast, in the list of witches and wizards missing, presumed on the run, and Lavender gives him a tentative look. He supposes she's worried for him. The other recent mention of Dean hadn't even been a mention of Dean and he'd gone berserk.

But really, screw Alecto Carrow and her foul, Muggle-hating, bigoted mouth, anyway.

He's moody. He's honestly moody a lot, though, so it's nothing special today. This has become his life, wisecracking and moodiness and serving detentions and lying awake at night because he can't ever sleep.

What a fucking mess.

Not that he cares. He stopped caring a while ago.

He's been friends with Dean for six years, six years in which he didn't really make other friends. Now Dean is God knows where and Seamus doesn't have any friends. Sure, he has Neville. He has Lavender and Parvati. It isn't the same. For one thing, Neville doesn't ever want to talk about anything but the DA, which Seamus really doesn't care to discuss every goddamn day. And Lavender and Parvati are already best friends and Seamus really doesn't care to feel excluded all the time.

So instead, he mopes around. Mopes when he's alone, at least, and does his best to be an idiot when he's not alone. It's just about the only thing he can do, be an idiot and make idiot jokes and do idiot things and take the lumps with good humour.

"You never used to be so much trouble," Lavender says one day, her forehead wrinkled with worry, one hand on her hip. Seamus is slouching in his armchair; he has a wicked headache and truthfully, she isn't helping.

"I've always been trouble," he says. "Just being louder about it now, is all."

Lavender sighs and sits next to him on the couch. "It won't do anyone any favours if you keep doing these things, you know."

"I'm sorry," says Seamus. He wishes immediately that he had been a bit kinder about it; she bristles immediately, folds her arms.

"Fine, then."

"Fine," he shoots back, not really giving himself enough time to think it over. He might as well commit to pissing her off. God knows he feels awful already. What the hell.

"I don't know why I bother," she says.

"Then don't."

"You never listen, do you? You're just so determined to get your stupid kicks off fighting anyone you want to."

She's going to keep on going, Seamus realises. He wonders how long she's been mad at him, if it's only coming out now. He doesn't care. He will later, probably. "What do you want me to say, Lavender?"

"Say you'll stop being such a," she says, then pauses, maybe unable to think of anything appropriately disdainful. "There's a difference between standing up to the Carrows and provoking them."

"It's not like it matters," says Seamus, and he looks at his cuticles and not at Lavender. "It's not hurting anyone."

"It's hurting you," she points out.

"So?" says Seamus. Some third year is staring at them. Seamus glares until the kid looks away.

"So, you're better than that," she says. "It's not your job to get beat up every week-"

"If you say so," says Seamus, and he picks a bit of lint off the sleeve of his sleeve.

Lavender makes a small huffing sound, so he can tell she's still mad. They don't say anything else. Maybe it's all been said already. Maybe Seamus just doesn't care.

·¤·

His mother flips out when he tells her, of course. Says she won't send him back to Hogwarts, she's taking him on the run. Which is pretty hypocritical, really, since she'd fought him on that all summer.

He has to be there, he tells her. He's a part of something.

(It's been a long time since he felt like a part of something.)

He doesn't fight her often. But really, he's fought pretty much everyone else by this point, so he might as well.

Sometimes he thinks that she sees something in him that isn't there. It worries him, because sooner or later she'll realise he's no better than anyone else. He doesn't know if he wants that or not.

Ginny sits on Neville's bed, and they talk more quietly now that Luna's gone. Seamus can still hear everything, but he's putting on a show of not listening. It's the usual crap. Ginny thinks the DA isn't doing enough. Neville agrees but says they need to be careful. They go back and forth for a while. Blah blah blah hope blah blah Carrows blah blah the DA blah blah Harry.

"Does You-Know-Who keep tabs on you?" he asks Amycus in class. "Just to check you're doing your job?"

Amycus frowns, but can't find anything to punish him for. "The Dark Lord… yes."

"Does he know you're still getting mouth from dumb runty micks like me?"

That was something punishable.

His mother had asked him to be careful, before he'd left. "You don't have to fight them," she'd said. "You can help the school without getting hurt."

He doesn't often fight her. He rarely disobeys her. What a mess.

·¤·

He goes to Hagrid's party. It's a laugh, like the rest of his stupid life.

Of course, the Carrows and a horde of their dumb Death Eater buddies bust in on it and they all have to run for it, but that's life. And they're all used to the Carrows busting in on things by now. Free time, study hour, other classes, meals- Seamus has gotten pulled out of all of these things. Usually without the opportunity to finish whatever he was doing. Not that he cares.

He and Lavender are both caught in the Common Room because they bicker like idiots over who should stall the Carrows when they come calling, so they both get Cruciated, which is irritating just because it was totally avoidable. Seamus tells her she's stupid and she should have just left it to him. She tells him he's an insufferable prat and she's not helpless, you know. That's not what he meant, obviously, but when she gets to that part of any argument, there's no fighting her.

"People are saying it'll get worse," says Ginny. "Kids, out in the school."

"It is getting worse," says Neville. They are sitting on Neville's bed again. Seamus thinks it's rather unfair of them to have these conversations here. Hannah and Anthony aren't here, and they're the collective third leader without Luna. And Seamus is here and sick of listening to them talking themselves in circles.

"If people start losing hope-"

"It gives people hope when we stand up to them," says Neville. "That's why we do it."

Well, no. Seamus does it because it's funny and he's stupid and because it's really the only thing he can do.

They hear about Dean on Potterwatch. His group was killed on the run, and he's missing.

Missing is better than dead, obviously. But really, knowing is better than having no fucking clue. Seamus kicks a wall after leaving the DA meeting. Lavender and Parvati watch him from a little ways away, clearly not too keen on approaching to see if he's alright. He hits the wall too, for good measure. Scrapes up his hand, fuck him.

For the rest of the Potterwatch broadcasts he pays close attention to the lists, and Dean stays firmly in the "missing" list. Seamus is glad for it.

Lavender gives him more wary looks and Neville asks him if he wants to talk about it. Seamus would rather lobotomise himself with a spoon. Neville lets it go and gives him concerned, encouraging looks for the rest of the week.

He gives the Carrows more lip and comes back from detentions with a black eye and a bastard lot of bruises. Lavender folds her arms and tells him in that stupid bossy you know I'm right tone that she's sorry, but he's being reckless now and there isn't a lot they can do to help him.

She is right and he does know it. He tells her she can fuck right off, Lavender. She does.

·¤·

He and his mother tiptoe around each other. She asks if the school is better. He lies. She can tell when he lies, usually, but either she doesn't pick up on it, or she decides to let it alone. He's glad for it, at least.

They talk about dumb things. She doesn't want to talk about the war and Seamus reckons he can do that with anyone else, anyway, so they talk about whatever movie his dad's liked recently, or whether the neighbors know their dog shits in everyone else's garden and just don't care, or whatever friend of his mam's is dating someone.

He tells her goodbye a bit more gently than he does usually, because he isn't stupid and he knows his luck won't hold out if he fucks up and gets arrested. The train is segregated again. Everyone is moody in his compartment. Except Hannah, who is just sad.

He plays Exploding Snap with her and a Death Eater sticks his head in the door and confiscates the deck, which doesn't improve anyone's mood.

"Look at that," complains Seamus. "Now they made fun illegal, too."

"Are you surprised?" asks Michael Corner. It's not very friendly.

Seamus shrugs. Nobody asked, Corner.

Ginny doesn't come back. The stupid school gets worse, obviously. The DA is still doing a ton to make the Carrows mad. Neville has his super secret meetings in the Room instead of in their dorm. Seamus sits alone in the quiet and tells himself he likes it better this way, anyway.

They stick him in the dungeons one night. Torture him a bit. He gets mouthy. They leave him there overnight. It repeats the next detention he gets. He gets a couple every week, by now. Not because he mouths off that much, but because they think he will. They're probably right.

They start dragging people off to interrogation. It's a real laugh. Him and Neville are first. No surprise there. He runs his mouth and Neville tells him off when they're getting patched up later in the Common Room.

"Do I care?" Seamus asks.

"You're gonna get us all in trouble," warns Neville.

"I'm very obviously not acting as a group," says Seamus. Neville frowns.

"Still," he says. Seamus doesn't reply.

They torture Neville for some stupid reason. Insolence, his foot, it's because they've finally caught on that it's Neville running things. Someone sets off fireworks and the Carrows have to stop. Seamus goes running to Neville, because he figures that honestly after the mess of this years, they're close enough friends. He watches the Carrows chase the fireworks around. Neville pretends he's okay. Hannah frets. McGonagall whispers, so softly he doubts he was meant to hear it, "Good Merlin."

They Cruciate Lavender and Parvati the next day. He walks up and down and up and down the rows of Gryffindors until he feels sick and sits down and puts his head in his hands.

The Death Eaters, after that, have someone sent for Neville's gran. Didn't take a huge leap of logic, Seamus figures. The school isn't responding to any of the shit the Carrows throw at them. The Carrows weren't supposed to let the school get this out of hand. Neville's behind the majority of the student rebellion, and if they get his gran, they get him. And if they get Neville, they get the school.

But they underestimate exactly how much it'll take to get Neville's gran. Then they underestimate exactly how much it'll take to get Neville, when they try, shortly after Michael Corner almost gets himself killed and the Carrows finally realise they're going too far torturing them. They've run themselves out of options and now all they have are Azkaban and actual murder.

They send five Death Eaters and the Carrows and they corner them all outside the Dark Arts room.

"We don't need to hurt anyone," says one of them. Vaguely familiar. "We just need to ask Mr. Longbottom a few questions ab-"

And, weirdly, it's Parvati who moves first, stepping in front of Neville and Stunning the first Death Eater. Then it's one down, six to go, and Neville takes off running.

The Carrows go after Neville. The rest stay fighting Seamus and Lavender and Parvati. It's a decently long fight, only ends when Snape gets there and puts them in Body-Bind curses.

They get searched in the Great Hall. They get taken to the dungeons and beat on a bit. But Neville escapes.

Seamus and Anthony Goldstein are the next ones who need to run to the Room of Requirement. Then Lavender, Parvati, Padma, Hannah. Then the DA starts avalanching in. They have to, really. It's not safe anymore, out there.

(It won't be safe at Hogwarts, he'd told his mam, back in August. God, if his mother could see him now.)

There's a fifth year who wakes up screaming at night. There's a sixth year who rarely talks, just stares, stares, stares. Seamus cracks jokes and grins and pretends that nothing is wrong, nothing is wrong.

·¤·

Neville says he thinks Harry Potter is gonna come back to Hogwarts. Seamus tells him in no uncertain terms that there's no chance in hell of that happening. Neville gets miffed and tells him that they'll just have to wait and see who's right.

Of course, given Seamus's penchant for being totally wrong and, furthermore, an idiot, it shouldn't be surprising that Harry Potter does come back to Hogwarts. Seamus glances at Lavender, who looks smug, since she'd believed Neville all along.

(Of course she had. Lavender has an uncanny sense for things, sometimes. Almost like she can predict things. And she's always right. Seamus, well, isn't.)

Harry is skinnier and taller and a whole lot dirtier than he'd been the last time Seamus saw him. Covered in burns and shit. Great. Ron and Hermione have fared better, but not by much. They tell them they need something. They need to find something and then they'll take off again.

Hell hell hell.

It's not that Seamus is a little bitter that they haven't been stuck in this fucking castle getting their arses tortured off every week for months the way the DA has. It's that Neville had talked about Harry coming back as though Harry would come back and help them get out of the school and maybe hex Alecto and Amycus silly on the way out. Obviously, that's not what Harry's planning.

But then the door opens and it's Luna and then it opens a bit more and it's Dean.

Seamus could have kissed him; as it is, he just lets out a sound - half a laugh, half a sob, and coming out more as a weird yelp - and throws himself through the little crowd gathering around Luna and hugs Dean with so much force that they almost fall over. Dean laughs delightedly.

"Seamus!"

"Dean!"

They don't have anything else to say to each other, really. Dean's holding Seamus's shoulders and looking at him. They're both beaming. Beaming beaming beaming.

"You look like shit, mate," says Dean. Seamus could have cried. He laughs instead.

·¤·

They're fighting at midnight and Dean doesn't have a wand.

"I can throw punches," says Dean. "They'll never see it coming."

"Like hell," says Seamus. "You stay here, I'll go find someone to Disarm."

They move fast. They get separated. Seamus tells himself it's temporary. He'll see Dean again soon. Very soon. Very, very soon.

Seamus has a burn on his arm and a cut on his leg when the ceasefire is called, and he's breathing heavily and almost crying, because he watched Kevin Whitby's head jerked too far to one side just a moment ago and Kevin Whitby is fourteen, maybe fifteen. Whichever. Too young.

They make their way to the Great Hall. Seamus walks through the middle and stops. It's Lavender. Bloody and battered, her chest a gory mess. He kneels next to her. He can tell he's getting a bit hysterical. He leaves when Hannah and Tracey Davis get there, because he's not helping and he knows it.

And Dean is here, standing with Ginny and staring at the rows of bodies. Seamus half limps, half jogs over to see. He calls Dean's name; Dean turns around, looking utterly lost.

They don't say too much. They can't, really.

·¤·

He loses sight of Dean when the battle restarts, because he turns on his heel and races after the Death Eaters running into the Great Hall. (The injured, the dead, he can't let them be attacked. It isn't right.) He finds him again when Harry Potter comes back to life. Nobody's breathing, in that moment, but Harry and You-Know-Who.

It's at the crack of dawn that they all breathe again. It's not really a breath so much as a gasp.

Harry gets swarmed by what looks like the whole population of Wizarding Britain. Seamus turns to Dean in the crowd and hugs him.

They still can't say very much. Nothing that would mean anything, anyway.

Lavender will live, they say. The Healers arrive as a massive group, Apparating people to the hospital, staying at the castle to treat everyone hurt too badly to Apparate. Peeves bounces through the Great Hall yelling. There's food, and Seamus realises suddenly how hungry he is.

Life goes on, he supposes, though he really doesn't think it should. Not this way.