Happy Birthday Hiccup! You'd think that since it's his birthday, I'd write a happy fic, ya know? But of course not.
Of heckin' course not.

(I just passed 450 followers here on FF, and I just want to say I'm so grateful for every single one of you. Your support means everything to me, it's what really keeps me going. *hugs*)

Happy Birthday

Not only was it Hiccup's first birthday spent on the new island, but it was the first "bigger" holiday that he and Astrid would celebrate as husband and wife. They'd been married a month and two weeks and three days (Was he keeping count? Maybe).

Usually, he didn't pay much attention to his birthdays. Last year, no one had. It had been such a busy time- he'd just become chief. His Dad had just died. Berk was still being repaired… it had been so crazy, no one had time for silly ideas like birthdays.

Besides, he'd prefer it if his birthday was forgotten anyhow. That was probably why he was so aware of the approaching date. Because he didn't want anyone else to remember.

The day seemed to drag, but at least no one so far had mentioned his birthday. Still, his thoughts were lower than the tides. And he'd thought his last birthday had been miserable enough. This one was ten times worse, because not only was he missing his Dad, but he was missing his best friend as well.

His breath hitched, and Gobber looked up from his work at the Forge. "Somethin' wrong, laddie?"

Hiccup shook his head ardently, fiddling with some tools. "N-no, Gobber, of course not. Just have a sneeze and it won't come."

He didn't think the older man quite believed him, but he did let it drop, so he counted the little lie as a success. He blinked a few times to dry the tears.

It wasn't until later that evening that he finally left the Forge. The village was quiet and peaceful- people seemed to get along easier these days. Hiccup rarely had to break up any disagreements- so on a lot of days, he found himself in the Forge welding weapons that'd been lost in the battle.

He often got carried away with his work, just as he always had. Once he got started on a project he found it hard to just… set it down before it was completed. The other day, Astrid actually had to come and remind him that "Hiccup, it's almost midnight." He'd been ashamed and a little horrified with himself. He'd poured abundant apologies, but Astrid had just shushed them all with a quick kiss. "It's alright. I just… I wanted you to actually get some rest."

Yeah, rest was hard. Sometimes he forgot to sleep, but since Astrid was living with him now, she never, ever let him forget. They'd walked back to their hut together, hand in hand, while Hiccup mumbled a few more I'm sorry's.

He'd made it a point to never let that happen again. So now, just as the sun touched the horizon, he'd leave whatever it was he was doing- Chiefly business or work at the Forge- for home, where Astrid would be just arriving with a bucket of warm food from the Hall.

He shuffled along, his hands fiddling with a little round disk of metal he'd welded from scraps. There was a little uplifted image of a Night Fury imprinted on it. He fingered it carefully, his chest tight.

When he reached home, Astrid was nowhere near, so he figured she must already be inside. Upon entering, he found the table set, and, to his surprise (and a pinch of horror) he realized that Astrid was cooking.

"Uh… Astrid, what-?"

"Oh! Hiccup!" She whirled around, a bowl of only Thor knows what held in her hands. Goop was on her face and arms, but she was smiling widely. "Happy birthday!"

His heart thumped weirdly in his chest. "Wha-what? Astrid I don't think-"

She set the bowl down and stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. He blinked, not sure what to say.

"If you thought I'd forget, you're wrong. It's almost impossible to forget a person's birthday when it just so happens to land on one of the most unfortunate days of the year."

"Thanks." Hiccup said dourly. Astrid patted his arm and plucked the bowl off the table.

"Supper's almost done." She said, stirring. She paused. "And don't look so terrified. I didn't cook it, I'm just assembling it."

"Thank Thor." Hiccup breathed, which earned him a little kick in the shins (shin).

He offered to help, but she quickly shooed him to the table, where he promptly plopped into a chair. She went on about how it was his birthday and he was to just sit and let someone take care of him for once. She stirred the food to the point where Hiccup wondered if he should be concerned for it.

Supper turned out surprisingly good. He said as much, and Astrid gave a little laugh. "Thank Ulga the next time you see her." She said, popping a piece of lamb steak into her mouth.

They ate in silence, which gave Hiccup the bad opportunity to think. He tried to keep from doing such a thing, but today prompted old memories to surface. And it almost hurt. It was like they bubbled up in his chest, all jumbling at the back of his throat. It was getting so bad that he nearly choked on his food. He coughed into the crook of his arm.

"Hiccup? Are you okay?" Astrid set her fork down in concern. He cleared his throat and nodded.

"I-I'm fine…" He said for the utmost time that day. He'd lost count how many times he'd said those words in the past two months. Too many.

He wasn't, though, and that was the problem.

He was doing well, (or so he figured. He hadn't burst out crying or anything so win for him) by evening, and at this point, he was so emotionally drained that all he wanted to do was go to bed and sleep. Let this awful day come to an end. Weren't birthday's supposed to be happy? Happy Birthday? But it seemed all his "Happy's" and "Merry's" were nothing but cold dark reminders of what wasn't there.

His chest ached when he sighed. Astrid shifted in his arms, fast asleep. He let his chin rest on the top of her head, remembering that he wasn't the only one working hard with the weight of loss on their shoulders. He hugged her a little tighter.

He stared into the fire, watching it crackle and burn and snap, bending weaving, growing and ceasing. He bit his lip, his eyes watering. He wasn't sure if he was crying because he'd been staring for so long, or because the fire reminded him of what was missing.

If Toothless and his Dad were there, they would've had a party in Berk. That's what had happened the past few years- his Dad would throw a big "my boy is a boy no longer!" celebration, which was essentially an equivalent to "Let's unintentionally embarrass Hiccup" party. But he'd always enjoyed it, because for so long he'd been ignored, and wow, people were throwing a party for him? He'd stuff his face with sugary goodies, and he and Toothless and the other dragon riders would put on a fire show or race. He smiled softly. They were good memories, only tainted by grief.

Astrid hummed a little. So she wasn't asleep after all. She sighed and nestled her nose against his neck. She mumbled. "I know you're missing a lot, and… I don't have anything to give you that would make that loss feel smaller but- I do hope you had a good birthday, Hiccup."

Hiccup inhaled sharply, his eyes smarting. "Last year was worse." He tried to make it sound like a joke, but his voice cracked.

She kissed his chin. "Next year will be better." She promised.