A/N: Wow I really am getting back in to my writing! I've neglected this story for so long, sorry about that!
I had trouble continuing to write it because the PD writers really screwed things... and then I brought that into the story. However end of last chapter I think with forgiving Jay it took a turn.
Time for some happiness, because Linstead baby is a dream.
If only you knew – Chapter Ten
Erin POV
Long after Jay's tears have dried, his hands still caressing my baby bump I feel a sense of calm settle over us.
"I feel like we have the old us back." I finally whisper.
"Thank you for forgiving me."
"You've forgiven me before Jay… we're not perfect people but I feel we're perfect for each other. We're partners. Always, in every sense of the word." My hand rests of his.
"We'll always have each others back." His lips brush my hair and I snuggle closer.
"Yeah, I'm done with this anger baby. It's not good for us; we've always been so good together. We just got a little turned around, without a doubt I know we're meant to end up together."
"I love you so much."
"I love you too." His lips find mine, moans slipping through his lips as I deepen the kiss.
"Erin." My mouth moves kisses down his neck.
"What? Don't you want to do it in your childhood bed?" I raise an eyebrow in challenge.
"Only with you." His lips claim mine again, pushing me back gently and pulling my shirt up so he can kiss down my body.
"Jay." I pant, hand tangling in his hair as he pulls down my pants.
His lips kiss between my lips, before trailing down my thigh and his fingers slip beneath my panties.
I can't see his head over my stomach, a gasp slipping out as his tongue joins his fingers in the fun.
I'm close to release when his lips find mine again, his manhood springing free as he guides it to my entrance.
Our hips move in sink, my stomach pressing against Jay's as he sinks in me over and over, driving me closer to my release.
"Faster." I paint as my nails dig into his biceps.
I lift my hips off the bed, best I can meeting his pumps as I dangerously approach the edge.
"Jay." I pant, brining him down to my lips.
The movement brushes my clit and I fall over the edge blissfully, Jay following behind me.
"Wow. Better than my wildest dreams." He jokes, placing another kiss on my lips.
"I know, I'm that good."
"You are the best thing to ever happen to me Erin Lindsay." He brushes my hair back, turning serious.
"And you are the best thing to ever happen to me. I'm so happy that it scares me." He brushes away my tears, pulling me close.
A smile is glued to my face as I watch Jay look through his secret box stashed away under his bed.
We sit side by side on the carpet, his back against his bed and mine against the wall with my legs slung over his.
He hands me another photo of him and his mother, walking me through his happy memories and laughing at the jokes his mother use to tell.
Jay reaches up for a pillow when I shift uncomfortably, before helping slide it under me.
"Thank you." he nods at me before pulling out more photos, bringing me into his world.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm forgetting her." His quiet confession breaks my heart.
"She'll always be a part of you. We should talk about her more… let's take these pictures with us. Put them up around our home."
"Really?" His eyes are hopeful.
"Really. Baby, it's our home. I know even before we split it felt more like my apartment still… but it's ours. We'll be starting our family there. I want our child to know everything about their grandmother, the woman responsible for bringing you to us." Tears are in both of our eyes as I reach over for his hand, placing it on my bump.
Something shifts within me at this moment, looking in his eyes and making a decision for our journey forward.
"Yes." I whisper after a few minutes of silence.
"Yes what?" His eyebrows pull together in confusion.
"Yes I do want to get married." The look on his face lets me know he still wants that too.
"Really?"
"Yeah. You asked me a while ago if I wanted to, but I was too angry to let you in. I guess I wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry I wasn't ready." He's shaking his head, kissing my hand.
"It's behind us now. You really want to get married?"
"I'm completely in love with you Jay." He gives me a half smirk before digging through his box again.
"It's funny you should bring it up." I raise an eyebrow, feeling him place something in my hand.
"Jay." My eyes are wide, staring at the ring box in my hand.
"It's was my mothers. She left it for me… made me promise I give it to the love of my life." My hands are shaking as I open the box, a beautiful square diamond shining up at me.
"I want nothing more than to make you my wife. So if you're in, just say you're in." I hold back a sob, his words mirroring those when we took the leap and moved in together.
"I'm in." I nod, tears falling down my face.
"You mean it? You'll marry me?"
"Yes." He slips the ring on my finger before joining our lips together.
"We really should pack that bag for your dad and get back to the hospital."
"Yeah, but I'll drop you home first."
"Jay, I don't want you to have to see your dad alone."
"Babe, you need sleep. Please." I nod in consent.
"Okay, you win. I am growing another human after all. On that note… can we get food on the way home?" He chuckles placing a kiss on my forehead.
"Anything my fiancé wants."
"You are so corny, but I love the sound of that." He places a chaste kiss on my lips before standing up, while I struggle to find a position to hoist myself up.
"I knew I shouldn't have got down here." I mumble as I struggle to get up.
"Nah I got it, I'm alright." I playfully bat his hands away.
"That's what you said as you got on the ground… and I let you gracefully fall on your butt."
"Ha ha. Fine help me up." He chuckles before pulling me up, and caressing my left hand between us.
"I still can't believe it."
"Well believe it, diamonds are forever baby." I wink at me, pulling him in for a kiss.
"Only way I'd want it with you. Forever."
"Can I ask for a favor?"
"Anything." He tells me seriously.
"Can we get married before the baby? I know it sounds stupid but…"
"Of course we can, but it'd have to be soon. I don't want you over working yourself when you get too much further along." I place a kiss on his lips.
"Thank you. I just want to do this… before the baby comes." It's left unsaid, but he knows me well enough to know I'm planning for the worst-case scenario and making sure we've tied the knot in case something happens to me.
"We can get married whenever you want, because I know we're going to have our whole lives together."
When I wake, Jay's asleep beside me and I snuggle into his side.
My eyes are on my ring, feeling so happy and not a shred of regret.
I reach for my phone, turning the brightness down and texting Kim and Trudy to meet me for coffee later today.
"Erin, you okay?" Jay's groggy voice pulls me from my thoughts.
"Yeah, how'd it go with your dad?"
"He was still out from the surgery so I didn't speak with him."
"We should go."
"Yeah, you're right."
"I got you babe." I whisper as we approach his father's room, we pause when we hear talking inside not wanting to interrupt.
Jay looks down when he hears his father tell Will how proud he is of him, and whispering the words every child craves to hear from their parent.
I love you kid.
I squeeze Jays hand as we move away from the door waiting for Will to come out, which only takes a few moments.
"Hey bro. Erin." He makes a beeline for us.
"How is he?" Jay asks and I move my left hand up to caress his arm.
"Doing good." Will's eyes flicker down towards my hand, eyes widening.
"Is that mum's ring?" There's an edge to his tone.
"What? No congrats man?" Jay bites back.
"Why is she wearing mums ring?"
"Because Mum left it to me, when I was taking care of her and you were busy partying in New York."
"Jay, don't. It's okay." I whisper, pulling his eyes to mine briefly where we exchange silent words.
"She's right, sorry Will. Mum left me her ring, and Erin's the one I want to spend my life with. We're getting married." Will takes a beat before smiling.
"Sorry, you're right. Mum left it to you… and even if she didn't, you got there first man. I'm happy for you. For you both. Congrats." I let go of Jay's arm so he can hug Will, Will then bringing me in for a hug.
"I've got rounds, but we'll celebrate later yeah?"
"Yeah, see ya Will."
"Ready?" I ask, taking Jay's hand again.
"As I'll ever be."
"Let's go." I nudge him towards his fathers room, we walk in and his father looks away from the TV long enough to nod and look back.
"Dad." Jay speaks up, while I stare pointedly at his father.
"Jay." He grumbles.
"I came to see how you were."
"Did you? Out of guilt?" I narrow my eyes, but bite my tongue.
"No… look dad. You just had surgery, how about we call a truce." Pat shrugs, turning the volume down.
"There's someone I want you to meet. This is Erin." I watch Pat's eyes run over me.
"Hey." My greeting is short, not wishing to lie by saying 'nice to meet you'.
His eyes widen at my baby bump, looking between Jay and I for a moment.
"Or you just came to show off your baby mama?"
"You're unbelievable. This is my fiancé, and the mother of my baby."
"I didn't know about it." She shrugs like that makes up for his reaction.
"She's the reason I've been coming around. Wanting to deal with our past and my hang ups… to be a better partner and father."
"Oh, did I ruin you?" I glare at Pat, struggling to bite my tongue.
"You weren't exactly father of the year, but the army, that messed me up. But I couldn't just tackle that."
"I told you going was a mistake." Jay's tense beside me, struggling to keep his cool.
"I didn't say it was a mistake. Besides it led me to being a cop, and that led me to Erin. I'm grateful for that." He takes my hand in his.
"Is that your mothers ring?"
"It is." I can sense Jay's patience is wearing thin, him coming here with every intention to be civil.
"What gives you the right to give that away?"
"Mum did." He scoffs before turning his attention back to the TV and raising the volume.
"I think you were right. Maybe we would just be better without him and Bunny in our lives." I whisper, and he nods.
"He's your dad, it's up to you." He places a quick kiss to my forehead.
"Let's go."
"Yeah, one minute." I move forward, turning the TV off and waiting for Pat's attention.
"Your son is right here, and treating you much better than you deserve. Don't you have anything kind to say to him? That you're proud? Because you damn well should be. Or that you love him, because how could you not? Or at least… congratulations. I'm happy that you're happy. I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I hope you'll allow me to be part of my grandchild's life. And yet… nothing. It's your loss, he deserves better." I hold his stare, eyes showing my disgust before grabbing Jay's hand and walking out.
'"Sorry, I just had to."
"Thank you." He kisses my forehead.
"Anytime."
"Shall we tackle telling Bunny too? Get it all over with." I groan, with an eye roll.
"Tempted to wait until after the wedding, otherwise knowing her she'll find a way to ruin it."
"Good point."
"I'll think on it."
"I don't want to see the Bunny meltdown finding out she missed a wedding and a baby though." Jay shudders playfully as he wraps an arm around my shoulder.
"At least we'll be good parents."
A/N: I promised Linstead happiness! hahaha
Please review and let me know your thoughts. :)