A/N: Yo. Be sure to check out my latest post, "Deleted Scenes From A Fanfic Kiz Wrote". The night in the abandoned classroom is there. I just had to write something, it was in the back of my mind.

Warnings: Ah. Just the emotional roller coaster of depression for Harry.

A/U. HarryxDraco. I don't own Harry Potter or Draco Malfoy or the works, who knows just what I would do if I did. (I think all of you might, tbh.)

"'Cuz my bright, is too sly, to hold back all my dark..."
-Brand New, Jesus Christ

Draco had thought things would be better for Harry with him there, the man had only gone on and on for the past month and half about how much he just wanted Draco and now he had him and things seemed to be worse.

He was doing it again. Sneaking off to drink, like Draco didn't know and sneaking drinks throughout the day always riding the line between tipsy and sober and he did absolutely nothing productive. The man laid around in sweat pants sipping whisky and watching TV, he barely ate, and just after a week it was starting to show. Draco had even resorted to just offering ice cream but after a few times Harry started turning up his nose to that as well.

The only time Harry showed any resemblance of getting better was when Draco would pop in, just like he was doing now. He was peeking into the front room where Harry laid watching TV.

"Harry," Draco started and watched the man look up with a wide smile, "do you have plans tonight?"

"No?" He was laughing, something that always made Draco's heart skip a beat - or two.

"Well, I was wondering if I could take you out? On a proper date?"

Harry's smile grew wide and practically all his teeth showed, "yes! I've never been on a date before!"

"Really?" Draco lifted a brow, "well, then I will write Pansy and Blaise and tell them it's not going to be a group date."

"Everyone was gonna come?" Harry's smile was falling, "I uh.. that's okay," he shrugged before turning back to the TV.

Draco sighed and stepped into the room, looking down at Harry, "if you don't want them to, Harry, they won't. Pansy wrote this morning begging to see you and I figured you might want to?"

"It's fine, Draco." Harry didn't look at him, his eyes stayed on the TV and Draco watched him run his hands over his sweats dragging his nails against the material. "I miss her too."

"Well the five of them are going to be here this afternoon, their last class is at two - remember?"

"Yeah?"

"We could always hangout with them tomorrow?"

"Draco," Harry groaned, "shut up, it's fine."

The blonde blinked, before nodding, "right, okay, it's fine."

"Fine."

He sunk down on the couch, behind Harry and reached out for the man pulling him back against his chest, "c'mere, Potter?"

"What?"

"Let me hold you," Draco answered, pulling the man against his body. He ran his hands over his chest, tracing a finger across Harry's muscles, "so, you being shirtless is a thing, hm?"

"It is," Harry shivered into the touches, his eyes shutting.

"It's nice, you're quite attractive," Draco mused kissing his cheek before relaxing back. "Are you sure about this?"

"I'm sure," Harry nodded, "it'll be fine."

"You want to know something?"

Harry shifted carefully and glanced up at the other, "what?"

"I think Hermione and Weasley slept with Blaise."

"What?!" Harry's eyebrows raised in shock, his eyes grew wide, "are you serious?"

"Yeah, that night we came here I walked in on the two of them..." Draco started, "and then when I went to find you," he chuckled and met Harry's eyes with a playful smile, "Blaise snuck into the abandoned classroom they were in."

"Oh Merlin," Harry whispered, his whole face was red at just the very thought, Draco watched in amusement while stroking his hair, "how do you think that worked out?"

"I don't really want to imagine the three of them bent over a desk, Potter."

Harry giggled and ducked his head, "how were they? On Monday?"

"No one said anything," he twirled a piece of Harry's dark hair around his finger, "but Hermione was sitting between the two and she laid her head on Blaise's shoulder."

"I always thought Ron was the jealous type..." Harry was speaking quietly and gave Draco a shy look, "kinda like you."

"Don't compare me to that buffoon, Potter, seriously."

"He happens to be one of my friends!" The brunette gasped in defense.

"Some friend," Draco rolled his eyes and gave Harry's hair a tug, "he's not here for you, is he? He hasn't been writing to check on you, Hermione either. They demand you be better and when you aren't they leave you." Harry pulled back at the words the other was saying, his face shading and his eyes hard and dark. "You've even said so yourself they don't see you as a person, they see you as Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived."

Draco didn't know why he was saying it, as he said it he was wishing he could stop but he didn't. He just kept talking. He just kept saying it, it was coming out too fast. His mind drifting over Harry's friends and all they didn't do for him. All they weren't doing for him.

"You'd have thought, hanging out with me would have thrown them into overdrive but it didn't and when was the last time they asked you how you were? When was the last time the both of them took a moment out of their demanding and busy lives to check on you?" He asked, shaking his head, "I can't think of any, at least in the past month."

"Stop." Harry's voice was tight, quick and hit Draco like a truck. It was the only thing that could make him stop, not the fact Harry was recoiling, or the fact he was close to tears and shaking. The only thing that made him stop was the tone in Harry's voice, "they gave me everything, Malfoy."

"Did they?"

"A whole year of their lives, they gave that to me."

"Last I checked, Potter, you gave all of us your life."

"What is this about?" Harry growled, he could feel it building as they talked. The voices, the voices in the back of his head. He needed a drink and quick or they were going to be whispering in his ear.

Draco grabbed the flask before Harry could and held it tightly, "stop drinking and think."

"Piss off Malfoy," Harry sneered, scrambling to his feet and glancing around the room.

Pathetic Potter and his alcohol. The voice hissed and Harry shuddered from the sound, at just the mention of the war he could see it. It was like flash after flash. The bodies, the mangled environment, he could see the spells flying and he could hear the screaming. Give me Harry Potter... and no one will die.

But he hadn't given himself up, instead he ran. He hid. He fought from the back lines, Harry could have given himself up sooner and maybe more people would have lived. Maybe Tonks and Lupin would be there to raise their own son, and Molly wouldn't have lost a son and maybe he wouldn't be facing what he was.

And maybe Draco… Maybe they would have had a normal relationship and he wouldn't have fucked it all up.

You're a coward, Potter. The voice hissed, a coward that drinks to forget, a coward that pushes everyone away, a coward that is trying to destroy the only person he's ever loved.

I could have saved him, Harry thought softly turning two wide green eyes to Draco who was watching him quietly, I could have saved him.

Draco edged towards Harry and reached out, offering his arms, "Pot- Harry?" He wanted to apologize, he shouldn't have said it at all. Harry needed to hear it, just like he needs to hear about his dreams, but he shouldn't have said it or at least the way he did. Harry looked at him and then he fell into his hold with a heavy sigh, "I'm sorry, Harry, I shouldn't have said it."

Harry shook his head, burying his face against his neck. Draco could feel his tears already, Harry had been extra emotional lately almost irrationally so. "I could have saved you."

"What?"

"I could have saved you," he whispered, and gripped to the man tighter, "I'm so sorry."

"Stop, Potter that wasn't what it was at all."

"I could have."

"You couldn't have," Draco whispered, shutting his eyes with a frown, "that was nothing to do with you."

"I could have been better," Harry whispered, "I could have given myself up, I could have stopped fighting so hard and gave him what he wanted."

"That wouldn't have helped anyone," Draco shook his head, "we wouldn't be here being dysfunctional if you had done that."

"We could have been normal!"

"We wouldn't have been anything," he whispered against Harry's ear, "we would have been absolutely nothing. You would have been dead and I would have been living through that nightmare and I would have never known this feeling."

"What feeling?"

"This, right here," Draco whispered and held Harry tighter, "I would have never known just how amazing you feel in my arms and how much I can love someone. I would have never known I could love someone, and I'm sorry I said that about your friends, I shouldn't have."

Harry pulled back and glanced up, his eyes wide, "you love me?"

"What?"

"You said 'love someone'...? You love me?"

Draco felt himself blush and Harry watched the color flash over his pale skin, "uh, well?"

"You love me." Harry whispered, he felt elated at the words. It was like a shock to his system as if he had just jumped into an ice pond, he shuddered and closed his eyes with a small smile. A smile that slipped almost as soon as it formed, "why didn't they write?" He whispered to Draco, the emotion took him over almost instantly, "why do they always do this?"

"I don't know, baby," Draco whispered and pulled Harry back into his hold, hugging him tightly. Harry was so damn emotional and Draco didn't understand how to combat it, how to handle it. "I bet it's because Pansy has written every day," he started and shut his own eyes, forming another lie, "and I'm sure they thought she was adding in sentiment for them all, you know how self-centered she can be sometimes?"

Harry nodded deftly, "I love you too, Draco Malfoy."

"I know," Draco chuckled, laying his cheek against Harry's hair, "you talk in your sleep."

"What?"

"You said it the first night we slept together."

Harry was blushing more than he ever had, he was mortified, "I did not!"

"You did, I remember that night for very different reasons than you do." Draco whispered, kissing the re-healing scar that was resting over the old lightning bolt on Harry's forehead.

"What do you mean?" The brunette groaned, covering his face with his hands.

"I was pissed at first, when you started talking. It was all jumbled and soft and then you reached out for me," Draco paused and glanced down when he felt Harry looking at him, "I don't know if it was for me, or at least I didn't, I just thought you were looking for comfort so I took your hand and you said six words very clearly; pastel hair, gray eyes, Draco Malfoy."

Harry gasped and with a quick tug he had his lip in his mouth giving it a rough bite.

"Calm down," Draco shook his head, taking Harry by the chin and pulling his lip down to let the lip ring go. A small amount of blood pooled in the bottom of the piercing, "it was sweet, no one had ever said my name like that and then you rolled over to my chest and slept. I couldn't make out everything, and after you were on my chest you really started quieting down until the nightmares started. And they were loud, angry just mostly grunts. I didn't know what to do, so I just started brushing your hair back and you fell quiet almost instantly, but that's when you said it."

Harry was watching him closely, leaning against his hand and flushed, "you said my name a few times, they were quiet, just a lot of 'Draco' kept getting whispered and then you said, 'I love you'."

"Oh Merlin..."

"It was the best thing I'd heard in a long time." Draco smiled, despite himself, "it made me feel giddy, I couldn't go back to sleep."

"I remember I woke to you staring at me and stroking my hair."

Draco rolled his eyes, "one for romance, Potter."

"Lucky you, hm?"

"If you say so." Draco gave him a proper kiss, before leaning back into the seat, "you should go get dressed your friends will be here soon."

"Our friends," Harry answered but made no move to get up as he rested his chin against Draco's chest.

"Fine, our friends. Go get dressed."

"I'm comfortable."

"You're a brat," Draco smirked at the others flushed face, "I know what you're doing, it isn't going to work Potter."

"I'm not doing anything," Harry shrugged.

Draco smirked, "trying to show off for your boyfriend? He'll be here too, y'know."

"Wh-what?"

"Weasel. Don't tell me you already forgot?" Draco leaned forward and flashed a dark grin at Harry, "look at that face, all blushes and no words. He's into groups now, it seems, you might be able to work your way in?"

"Draco!" Harry blushed brightly and moved to get up, "stop it!"

Draco turned with him watching as he marched out of the room, "I won't stand in the way of your happiness, Potter, calm down," he winked when Harry turned to glare.

The five showed up just after three, Harry was still getting showered and dressed and Draco saw to entertaining the group. Well, everyone except Pansy who went up the stairs the moment she got inside for Harry. Draco smiled fondly at the gesture, and looked at Hermione and Ron who were making themselves comfortable in the front room without even asking about him, some friends...

"How's it been here?" Neville spoke up quietly, holding Pansy's jacket in one hand, his other shot out between himself and Draco and gave his shoulder a squeeze.

"Quiet, Harry's been catching up on Muggle TV I guess."

"And you?" Blaise arched a brow, frowning softly.

"Cleaning and reading, I'll have to show you the library tomorrow..." Draco smiled at his friend, "it's amazing, I bet there are a few rare finds for Herbology as well, Longbottom."

"Really?" Neville smiled, "I'm in with that."

"How is Harry?"

"Honestly..." Draco paused to think it over, thinking through his wild erratic emotions that were getting more and more unstable and his dreams that were getting worse and how he was pulling away from Draco who was just trying to cling to him and keep him grounded. "He's been drinking again, but I think it's just stress. He's okay."

Neville frowned, nodding, "I'm gonna hit the head."

"Sure, on the left." When the other two were left alone in the parlor Draco gave Blaise a serious look, "he wants to know why Pansy is the only one that's wrote?"

Blaise glanced away, over to Hermione and Ron, and then with an uncharacteristically serious look he frowned, "I don't know Draco, they just don't?"

"That's bullshit." Draco practically growled.

"Alright boys," Pansy interrupted, stepping down the stairs, "let's go!"

"Where are we going?" Blaise questioned, giving her a raised brow and smirk. His mood changing, the seriousness of his previous conversation forgotten.

"Dinner, walking and maybe a movie, Harry mentioned a theater not far from here."

"Where is Harry?" Blaise asked slipping his arm over her shoulder as she joined their conversation.

Pansy glanced up the stairs, "coming, he was messing with his hair."

"Messing with his hair?" Neville asked, quirking a brow, "that's weird."

"Not everyone is such a natural beauty," Harry rolled his eyes as he came stomping down the stairs adjusting his leather jacket.

"Did you brush your hair?" Blaise laughed softly and reached out for Harry the moment he stepped off the last step and gave him a tight hug, "looks good Harry."

"Thanks," Harry shifted patting Blaise's back slowly, he wasn't really used to hugs and he most certainly wasn't used to them from Blaise. Draco and him didn't really hug all too often, as much as it was subtle touches especially in front of people. Pansy had hugged him, because she was always a touchy person.

"It was just a hairbrush," Draco reached out jerking the two apart, "and he doesn't need your arms around him to understand he looks good, Zabini."

Blaise laughed and glanced towards the front room, "'Ey you two!"

Ron jumped up, "'Arry!" He greeted the man and joined the others quickly, Hermione in tow, "place looks great."

"Thanks, Ron.. Draco's done most of the work actually." Harry shrugged and gave a small, fleeting smile to Hermione, "Hey 'Mione."

"Hey Harry," she smiled, "you doing okay?"

Draco tensed at the question, narrowing his eyes. How dare they? But before he could scream the question at her, Harry wrapped his hand around Draco's and gave his arm a tug, "perfect." Harry nodded his eyes on Draco, "you have a date to take me on, c'mon?"

The Slytherin smirked and pushed his free hand through his pastel colored hair, letting it fall over the side the of his face, "you're always so bossy when we have an audience." He whispered against Harry's ear, sliding his arm over Harry's shoulder and kissing his temple.

Harry chuckled, his face growing pink, "Draaaaco."

"There it is, all those nerves I love," he fell into step behind the others as Pansy led the way with Neville. "How about this? Feel better they're all here?"

"Sure," Harry gave a small smile, nuzzling against Draco as they walked, "it'll be a long night."

Draco agreed with that more than he wanted to, "look at that?" He asked in shock with a nod towards Hermione and Blaise hand-holding, "looks like I was right."

"Ron doesn't even care..." Harry whispered, seeing his oldest friend chatting with Neville. "Things are so different just after a week."

"Well," Draco grinned, "things have been different for a while, Potter."

"Yeah," Harry nodded and turned to Draco, pulling the two to a stop, he gave him a soft look his eyes growing wide. "We uh... we defeated a Dark Lord."

"You did," Draco whispered, giving him a curious look.

"It's a different world." Harry was speaking softly and he reached out for Draco's hand, "why can't I be happy?"

"You can," Draco chuckled, and leaned forward kissing him on the lips, letting his tongue slide over Harry's lip ring. "You got three great friends up there, two okay friends, and literally the world's best boyfriend, boyfriend right by your side. I think happiness is an okay thing to feel right now, Potter."

Harry laughed loudly, catching his friend's attentions that were almost at the end of the street. His head fell back with the laughter and his shoulders shook with it, "I do have the world's greatest boyfriend, boyfriend."

"Lucky you, Harry."

The man turned two bright green eyes to Draco, giving his lip ring a small flick, "I think Spain sounds lovely."

"Really?" Draco tilted his head excitedly, "I've never been, it'll be something we can share together."

"No one else?"

Draco smirked, taking Harry by the chin and giving him a serious look, "all mine Potter. Always."

Pansy was lying next to Harry, as soon as they got back from dinner and the movie the two had been inseparable. Neville was tucked into the library with Hermione, which Draco was going to join but two seconds with the girl he got annoyed and headed out, taking Blaise with him.

Harry and Pansy were laying on the couch together, now, both practically intertwined as she petted his hair and he laid his cheek against her chest, "I was worried about you."

"Why?" Harry asked shutting his eyes as they talked.

"I love Drake, but I was worried he wouldn't been treating you right." Harry scoffed, "no, no," she started quickly, "not him being bad, I just mean with your... problems. I didn't figure he'd handle it well at all."

"Oh," the brunette smiled, "sometimes he doesn't, I crave affection I know that about myself and he never gives it to me." He sighed, "but I'm trying to deal with it."

"Have you told him?" Pansy questioned as she stroked his hair, letting his wavy, and for once tamed, locks slide through her fingers slowly.

"That I want affection?" Harry laughed quietly, "hardly. We don't do that stuff."

"I thought you said you guys had been talking more?"

"Well sure," he shrugged, "he told me about his past and things but overall, being sweet isn't really his thing I don't think."

"I find that hard to believe," Pansy grinned, "he's very romantic, didn't he offer to take you to Spain the first time you two talked?" She glanced down feeling him blush and Harry looked up, "I think you're just too scared."

"I have a right to be!" He gasped quietly, dropping his voice, "Pans I have tried everything to come onto him! It's so maddening, and he's so... I don't know proper? Not at all like you said he was."

She laughed softly, pushing him back in place, "you're different, remember? When you wrote me about the shower... I don't know, I feel like he loves you?"

"He said he did today."

Pansy squealed loudly and jerked Harry up to look right at her so the two were nose to nose, chest to chest, "wh-?"

"Are you two okay?" Draco asked, peeking into the front room with Ron and Blaise in tow. The three men staring at the two intertwined on the couch with wide eyes.

"Uh..."

"...Oh."

Draco was across the room and had his arms around Harry; picking him up as if he was a child, he had lost a considerable amount of weight over the week again, and turning around to put him on his feet behind him, "get - your- own!"

Harry flushed bright red, "sorry Pans." He muttered, which was obviously the very wrong thing to say because Draco turned and fixed him with a glare and Harry backed up, "calm down."

"I'll show you calm, Potter," Draco snapped, "what were you two talking about that had her so excited."

Pansy laughed, using her foot she nudged Draco, "you love him."

Draco looked down at her and back at Harry, his dark gray eyes wide and he pushed his hair back, "uh... of course I do."

Harry chuckled and eased back around Draco and sat on the edge of the seat before lying back again, "and I thought I was the nervous one," Harry rolled his eyes snuggling back against Pansy, who had her arms around him tightly and back to playing with his hair again.

"Your hair is getting so long, Harry," she was saying completely ignoring Draco who was staring down at the two, watching Harry shut his eyes and smile, "it looks good."

"I was going to chop it all off, it's hot in Spain - right?"

"Spain?" Ron asked from the doorway, glancing from Blaise to Draco.

Draco sighed and sat down, not far at all from the couch as he sat on the coffee table right next to them, "we're going to visit for a while, take a break."

"I thought you were already taking a break?" Ron asked and the blonde could hear his voice hitch up, glancing over to see the red-head's eyes grow wide.

"From everyone," Draco answered, giving Ron a rather pointed look, "not that it'd be any interest to you Weasel."

Blaise shook his head, sighing, "Drake..."

"...maybe I'll keep it long, whatever Draco likes I guess."

Pansy wanted to address the growing argument, or the fact they were going to Spain, or even the fact Harry was ignoring what was happening around him but as she looked at him and saw that smile she didn't. Instead she ran her fingers through his hair again, "I think you should do what you like, Harry, it's your hair not his."

"True," Harry muttered, his smile still in place, "long, you know there is a picture of my father with Sirius," he was saying and that caught Draco's attention more than Ron being a shit friend, "Dad has longer hair in it, just a little longer than mine is now."

"Really? I bet you look just like him," Pansy was saying and her eyes met Draco's giving a subtle head shake when she saw the blonde start to talk. "Didn't Sirius have long hair?"

"Oh yeah," Harry chuckled and opened his eyes smiling up at her, "down a little past his shoulders."

Pansy grinned, "I could braid it!"

"Pansy," Harry groaned, still smiling.

"You'd have to brush it more than you do now, that was terrible today!" She added with a scolding tone, "and I'm not going to be there every day to take care of it."

Harry smirked, shutting his eyes again and then Draco heard it. His hum. He was humming again, it had been so long - well, a week. But a week was like a lifetime to him when it came to Harry. No matter what he did it wasn't enough, all week he had tried everything but here was the answer. Pansy wrapped around his Harry... just talking and then it hit him, what was it that made Harry smile all week when he had? Draco and him cuddled up together, talking, or at night before Draco had rolled away to go to sleep. Draco rubbing his back and holding him, Draco playing with his hair and caring for him, the two just chatting.

He glanced up at the doorway seeing Blaise and Ron both leaving, leaving Draco sitting on the coffee table and looking at Pansy and Harry.

"Harry, I bet if you just told him..." Pansy started, speaking softly.

"Maybe he'll be different when we're away," Harry answered, relaxing further into her hold, "this is fine for now, thank you." Pansy gave Draco a soft look and laid back holding Harry close, "you're a good friend, Pansy, you're the best. I wish I hadn't been so stupid and judgmental when I was younger."

"I wasn't any better," Pansy chuckled, "I'm sure you've heard about what it was like growing up?"

Draco stood silently and eased out of the room, leaving them to talk. "You okay?" Blaise asked as soon as he was through the doorway, "Ron went up to bed." He added with a nod towards the stairs.

"Fine," Draco shook his head, "I... I don't know, Blaise, I think I was misunderstanding things."

"Like...?"

"I just haven't been there for him, too much. I guess." Draco sighed, "he needs someone telling him he's okay, and he's taken care of, and he's needed. I didn't realize it."

"His emotions were crazy today," Blaise said, following Draco to the kitchen. "How long has that been going on?"

"Uh... A while," Draco shrugged, "been worst the last week, he just changes from freaking out and crying one second to smiles and happy the next. It's hard to keep up with."

"I would imagine," he sat at the table, watching Draco open a cabinet, "you cooking?"

"I've been learning," Draco smirked, "Kreacher has difficulty and Harry hasn't been eating much," the blonde frowned, "I just want a small something, a waffle? You want one?"

"Sure," Blaise grinned and leaned against the tabletop, "he'll bounce back eventually, y'know?"

"Will he?" Draco frowned, "he's been doing that stuff again, sneaking away to drink. Except he just sneaks to the front room, and not eating and he ignores me more often than he acknowledges me. This is the most I've heard from him all week, and we've been here together, by ourselves." He was mixing the ingredients together as he talked, "and his dreams... they are so much worse. Monday night he hit me with a stunner, set me through the doorway and knocked me out."

"Merlin," Blaise whispered and looked at Draco in concern, "do you need... help Draco, or I don't know, what can we do?"

"Nothing," Draco shrugged, "he'll bounce back - you just said that. I'm just trying to figure out what works and what doesn't."

"He needs a mind healer," Blaise said softly, keeping his eyes from Draco as he said it because he knew the look he was going to get from him, "maybe not a place but at least someone professionally trained in this."

"Harry has me," Draco answered haughtily, "he doesn't need someone picking through his mind and trying to change him, he'll be okay. We're going to take a break from the whole world and be tourists in Spain and it'll be good, great. Fine."

Blaise got up and walked over the ice box, grabbing a beer for himself and one for Draco, "when you get back from your small vacation, mate, maybe you should consider it if things don't change?"

"I can take care of him, Blaise!"

"I know, you do a great job... when you're here he's almost normal? And all that shit about him drinking again and avoiding you... just a phase, sure. But when you find yourself walking on eggshells rather than enjoying a vacation together well," he shrugged and slugged back a drink, "you should consider it."

Draco huffed, turning away and starting the cooking process.

"I noticed the fresh scar again, over his eye and the way he watches his words. The way certain words make him cringe," Blaise took a deep breath, "and the way you avoid them because you learned. Draco you danced around the word potion for five minutes when talking to Neville about a plant he was growing, and when Harry went to the bathroom how you quickly asked for a waiter change because the man's name was James. Draco he's going to meet people named James and Lilly and anyone else that died during the war, he's going to hear those words...you can't protect him from everyt-."

"I can try, Blaise, fuck!" Draco yelled, slamming the press down some of the waffle mix splattering over the counter and himself, "I can bloody try!"

Blaise frowned and stood up, waving his wand he cleaned the mess up before giving Draco a serious look, "don't lose yourself, please." Then he walked out of the kitchen, leaving Draco alone.