Note: There's actually a story behind this...story, but because I'm a little brat, I'm going to leave it for the end ;) I know what you're thinking: "Two humor pieces posted in such quick succession? Has Mnemosyne's Elegy/Mnemosyne/Elegy/M.E./hey-you-author-girl-with-the-unpronounceable-pen-name been abducted by aliens?!" No, friends, I have not. Don't worry too much about the aliens unless some kind of Gruvia nonsense gets posted to my account X) For now, I'm still safely on Earth.

The Raven

Natsu knew it was going to be a rough day when he woke to find the raven perched on his windowsill. He stared for a moment, then turned over and pulled the pillow over his head. It was too early for shit like this.

"Time to get up."

"No," Natsu groaned. "I don't know what you're doing here or what you want from me, but go away."

Maybe this was just a product of his sleep-addled mind? Or maybe, if he was lucky, he was still dreaming.

"Come on. It's bright and early, the sun is shining, and it's time to get up. The early bird catches the worm and all that."

If so, it was rapidly shaping up to turn into a horrific nightmare.

"What are you, a damn rooster?"

"Whoa, whoa," the raven squawked indignantly. "A rooster? Uh-uh. How insulting. I'm way better than a rooster. Hmpf. Rooster."

"You're loud enough to be one. Why the hell are you waking me up at the crack of dawn? Go away. It's too early to deal with you right now."

"If you don't get up then unpleasant things will happen. Leaving your home undefended means that I could sneak over to your kitchen and eat everything. Do you have food? I'm starving."

"Stay away from my food," Natsu mumbled.

He wished he could have a quieter, less annoying nightmare. If he ignored this and fell back asleep, then maybe the chatterbox in the window would get bored and leave him alone so that he could dream about something cool. Like dragons.

The raven huffed. "You're so uncooperative. Don't you even want to know why I'm here?"

"No."

"You can be so frustrating. You make me want to scratch your eyes out or something."

"Well. That got violent quickly. Now can you shut up and go away? I'm trying to sleep."

"Hm. Sorry, afraid I can't do that. It's not worth my life. But hey, you want a rooster? I'll sing for you if you don't hurry up and get out of bed."

"Can you sing?" Natsu asked skeptically, wondering if that was even possible.

"Want to find out?" the raven asked cheerfully, drawing in a deep breath.

Natsu was on his feet instantly, already charging for the window. "Shit, don't do that!"

The raven cackled gleefully and preened, beady eyes glittering smugly. Natsu scowled. It really was too early for weird crap like this. He flapped his hands in a shooing motion.

"Go away."

The raven gave him a disbelieving look and hopped off the windowsill into the room. "You really think you can get rid of me that easily?"

"It was worth a shot," Natsu grumbled irritably. Slamming the window shut so that nothing else could get in, he rounded on the intruder with a scowl. "What the hell are you doing in my house?"

"That's what you find strangest about this situation?"

"Um, yeah? I was raised by a dragon, have oddball friends with the most strange and annoying habits, and live with a talking cat. Not much fazes me anymore—you'll have to try harder than that."

"Well, I actually meant that it shouldn't be a surprise that I'm in your house, given that you pretty much corralled me in here, but whatever," the raven said. Awesome. It was too early to deal with smartasses. "But speaking of which, where is said talking cat?"

Natsu blinked uncomprehendingly for a moment, his tired mind sorting that out, and then spun around in a slow circle as he searched the room for his feline companion. Happy wasn't in his normal nest of blankets, and there was no telltale patch of blue fur to be seen anywhere.

"He's…uh… Looks like he's already up. Probably off getting breakfast." Natsu scowled as he added, "Too bad, otherwise I could sic him on you."

Not that Happy would really be much use in this situation, but Natsu could use some backup.

"Ooh, now who's getting violent?"

Natsu groaned. "I must have done something really terrible in a past life to get stuck dealing with you."

"Maybe I'm the spirit of someone you wronged, come back to haunt you in a different form," the raven said cheerily, dark eyes shining with barely-concealed amusement.

"I need a damn exorcism, then," Natsu growled.

He stomped over to a massive pile of clothes on the floor and began sifting through it, searching for something that wasn't too dirty to wear. He wasn't going to chase the interloper out into the streets unless he was fully clothed. He still had some measure of dignity.

"You wound me," the raven said with a dramatic sigh, hopping up onto the bed to watch the dragon slayer with eyes that were much too smug. "Whatever will I do?"

"Go away?" Natsu suggested hopefully.

"Nice try, but no. I'm afraid you'll be stuck with me forever. I think I quite like this whole haunting business."

"…What did I ever do to deserve this?"

"Are you sure you really want me to answer that?"

"No. Please don't."

"Well, you see, that time when you–"

"You're so annoying," Natsu snapped, before yawning widely. He just wanted to go back to sleep and pretend that this surreal encounter wasn't happening.

"Well, you know what they say about how birds of a feather flock together…"

"Shut up."

"Sorry, can't do that. Don't you want to know why I'm here? In your place, I think that would be my first question."

"I don't honestly care why you're here," Natsu grumbled, yanking his vest on. "All I want is for you to go away."

"Aw, you're so grumpy in the morning," the raven cooed. "A little birdie told me that it might be a challenge to get you up and moving. But I'm pretty sure I can manage. I mean, I already got you out of bed, which is an accomplishment in and of itself."

Natsu glowered. Would wringing this stupid pest's neck be considered murder? Because that was sounding like a really tempting option right now.

"Stupid birdbrain," he muttered.

"Wow, there's a new one. How creative. No, really, how did you even come up with that?"

Okay, that was the last straw. Natsu rounded on his uninvited houseguest, eyes blazing.

"You are the most infuriating, insufferable nuisance I have ever met! How dare you wake me up so early and invade my house and harass me? And ugh, why won't you shut up? Just go away!"

The raven sat quietly as Natsu ranted and raved, and after several minutes the dragon slayer finally trailed off, his mouth quirking into a frown as his suspicions were aroused. The raven just looked too damn smug, sly eyes glittering triumphantly, and Natsu suddenly got the feeling that he was being played.

"What are you so happy about?" he demanded.

That was the moment Happy finally decided to reappear. He flew over to perch on the bed beside the raven, like they were freaking best friends or something. Traitor.

"Where have you been?" Natsu asked him, crossing his arms over his chest.

Happy gave him a funny look. "I got up early because Erza wanted to go on that job this morning, and I didn't want to sleep in and have her kill me. But when I came back from eating you were busy, so I decided to wait. But it's been a long time now and we're super late, and we really need to get going."

Natsu stared at him, his mind grinding to a halt. His sleep-addled brain dredged up a memory from the previous day, of Erza telling the team in no uncertain terms that they were all to be at the train station at six o'clock sharp or heads would roll. Spinning around, he looked at the clock and felt his heart drop. 6:22. Erza was going to murder them.

Then another thought struck him, and his head jerked around so that he could gape at the raven. "The reason you're here… She sent you to get me and you didn't just say that?"

"She's going to kill you!" the raven crowed triumphantly.

"I'm going to kill you!" Natsu cried, lunging for the bed. "What the hell, Gray? Seriously?"

Gray laughed and jumped off the bed, eyes sparkling and raven-dark hair fluttering as he dodged around the irate dragon slayer and darted for the window. Throwing the window open, he hopped out and took off down the street, only pausing for a moment to turn and give Natsu a cheeky grin.

"See you at the train station, flame brain! Won't it be so much fun when I tell Erza that you refused to hear me out and that's why you made us miss our train? Don't worry, I'll make sure you have a really nice funeral!"

Natsu groaned and jumped out the window as well, racing for the station and his inevitable demise. It really was too early for shit like this.

Note: ...Happy late April Fool's?

So, I've run across a few stories that refer to Gray as "the raven", presumably in reference to his dark hair, and it gives me a mental image of a bird every time. In retaliation, I decided to write a piece where I refer to Gray only as "the raven" (until the very end), and use deliberately ambiguous language that can be applied to both birds and humans. This might be the closest I've ever come to writing a troll fic lol But I'm a nice troll :)

Anyway, feel free to share at what point you figured out what I was doing, if you care to. Did you know from the very first line? Think that it was Gray all along but he'd been turned into a bird? Figure it out from a specific line? I'm just curious, really. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to lol

emmahoshi: It's pronounced Neh-mah-sin-ee's Elle-uh-gee :) The pronunciation is tricky if you don't know Greek—Mnemosyne is a Greek Titaness. Yeah, I stole the line from Edgar Allen Poe XD No, Natsu was perfectly aware that he was talking to Gray and not a bird lol That's why he wasn't as surprised as you'd think he would be (although I threw the talking-cat card in there to provide another explanation lol). And this is Fairy Tail—people always seem to be sneaking in each other's windows XD