Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich

A/N: This is my first attempt at being funny so please be kind :)

Credits go to Jane Cannot for giving the leading lady in this story her Australian vernacular and of course to Jeanette Berntsen for her masterful editing skills. If you look for help with your story (fanfiction or original), Jeanette will be more than happy to offer her service. She's a trained editor and you can PM me for contact details.

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Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato

by

MyMerryMen

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Chapter 1

"Tell me again. Why the hell we are doing this?" Lester growled as he checked his duffel bag.

"Because the Bossman found it funny to offer us as a triple."

Tank's voice was stoic, his expression unfazed, but Lester knew that deep inside his friend was just as uncomfortable as he was. Throwing a glance at Bobby standing lost in the middle of the room, Lester felt pity. The otherwise calm and collected medic had beads of sweat gathering at his hairline and looked slightly green around the gills. What for Heaven's sake had they done that Ranger felt the need to punish them this way? Not coming up with an answer, Lester zipped his bag closed and with a grimace turned to his friends.

"Okay Men, time to face fate," he said, his voice cracking, and threw the duffel over his shoulder. "We've served in two wars. We've seen the worst humanity can dish out. We can do this! Hooah!"

"Hooah," the two others answered with shaky voices and together they left Lester's apartment, their faces pale and their steps unsteady.

The sight of Bobby, Lester and Tank decked out in their best suits, slowly climbing down the stairwell, looking ready to bolt, had the men watching them in the control room howling with laughter. Malicious joy is the best joy and they gleefully watched their friends piling into a black Escalade and rolling out of the underground garage.

Last night Trenton's event center had housed the first Janet Evanovich Fanfiction Convention and of course Stephanie, Ranger, Morelli and all the other characters from the books had been in attendance to celebrate with their fans. It was a wonderful party. Long time online friends saw each other for the first time, writers met their betas, memories were exchanged, jokes were shared and in the middle of it all mingled the Merry Men with the biggest smiles on their faces. After all when did they get the chance to meet hundreds of women at once, all swooning over them? The meet and greet lasted over an hour before the organizers got the crowd settled at the tables to start the speeches.

After a splendid dinner, courtesy of RangeMan, it was time for the awards show. Thousands of JE Fanfiction fans had voted and the attendees were fired up for seeing their heroes on stage. Of course Ranger was elected as Sexiest Man Alive. Morelli accepted the prize for the Best Ass in Trenton with a cocky grin. Steph got the award for Bounty Hunter of The Year and right after that Cal was honored as Best Leading Man In Gay Stories… much to his annoyance. He was later seen talking animatedly with a Trenton Times journalist, the flaming skull tattoo on his forehead glowering dangerously. While homosexuality didn't bother Cal, he hated to be dubbed as gay since he most definitely was not. To prove his point he showcased random photos of himself with different women in compromising poses that he coincidentally carried with him. To say Ranger wasn't pleased was an understatement. He kept a close eye on Cal, but fortunately it didn't take long before his employee found a couple of female readers who were all too willing to comfort him and Cal left the scene with a knowing smile on his face.

After all the awards were handed out (and there were a lot!) everyone started to let their hair down. The alcohol flowed freely, there was a lot of dancing and chatting, and everybody had a good time—until it was time for the raffle. Of course the whole disaster was Stephanie's idea, who else? And since Ranger was totally whipped by her he didn't have any objections. The tickets to the convention were sold at eighty dollars each and the proceeds went to a foundation helping veterans find their way back into civilian life, a good cause that every single employee at RangeMan supported. What the Merry Men didn't take into account when they slipped into their tailored Boss and Armani suits, was that the congregated women all had one mutual goal…namely getting close and personal with their favorite characters—really close and personal—as in naked-skin-close and personal.

The moment the guys realized their predicament, their macho bravado left the house and their eyes darted to the emergency exits. Suddenly they found themselves confronted by a pack of excited, unleashed, lusting women, and PTSD was starting to look pretty real. With terror they watched as prize after prize was given away…until only the jackpot was left—a night with a Merry Man. A hush fell over the women and the excitement was palpable. The ticket number was drawn… called out… and a shriek came from somewhere in the middle of the crowd that quickly became a mixture of high pitched squeals and heavily accented exclamations! The nervous Merry Men craned their necks to see the source.

TBC...

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