The Auditions

Title: The Auditions
Rating: T
Fandom: One Piece
Summary: Roger holds auditions for the next play he's directing: Annie. That means he'll need people who can sing! [Modern AU]

Doflamingo stood on the stage and cleared his throat. "I am the fabulous Donquixote Doflamingo. Today I am going to sing I'm Sexy and I Know It because obviously I'm the sexiest person in the world,"

"Doflamingo," Rayleigh spoke up. "Most of the roles in Annie are for children,"

"Aw Rayleigh just be quiet will ya," Roger said. "Doflamingo, show us what you guy,"

"When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly," Doflamingo sang. "I pimp to the beat, walking on the street with in my new lafreak, yeah. This is how I roll, animal print, pants out control. It's redfoo with the big afro. It's like Bruce Lee rock at the club,"

"Who's Bruce Lee?" Rayleigh asked.

"Irrelevant," Roger shushed Rayleigh. "Now shut up Rayleigh. We're in the middle of an audition,"

"Girl look at that body," Doflamingo motioned to his abs. "Girl look at that body," He dropped his coat to the floor. "Girl look at that body," He then began to remove his shirt. "Girl look at that body," He flexed his shirtless arm muscles. "I work out,"

"Please stop stripping in here," Rayleigh groaned. "NEXT!"

Law came out to stage. "Aww," Doflamingo hugged the four year old. "My cute little nephew wants to audition. I'm warning you Law, I'm a tough one to beat,"

"Put me down!" Law whined.

Doflamingo did so and jumped off stage, taking a seat in the audience chairs. "Go on,"

"My name is Law," He introduced himself. "I'm gonna sing Break Your Heart,"

"Interesting choice for someone your age," Roger commented. "Proceed,"

"Now listen to me baby, before I love you and leave you," Law sang. "They call me heart breaker, I don't wanna deceive you. If you fall for me," Law made a heart shape with his hands. "I'm not easy to please. I might tear you apart, told you from the start, baby from the start," Law then tore the heart shape apart, separating his hands.

"Is this song really appropriate for a four year old to be singing?" Rayleigh asked Roger.

"Who cares?" Roger responded. "The kid wants to sing it so let him,"

"I'm only gonna break, break your, break, break, your heart," Law held up a large paper heart. "I'm only gonna break, break your, break, break your heart," He tore the heart in half. "I'm only gonna break, break your, break, break your heart," He began punching the pieces. "I'm only gonna break, break your, break, break your heart," He then began to stomp on the heart pieces.

Corazon came up on stage. "Law! Who taught you that song? You're too young to be listening to it!"

"Uncle Floppy Mango," Law answered.

Corazon turned towards Doflamingo. "Doffy! Stop teaching Law these songs!" He jumped down and began to chase Doflamingo.

"This clown is on fire!" Law began to sing. "This clown is on fire! His shoulder's on fire! This clown is on fire!"

"AH!" Corazon tried to pat the flames out.

"I like this kid!" Roger laughed.

"He's certainly better than that giant pink flamingo," Rayleigh agreed.

"Hey!" Doflamingo called from the back of the theater. "I'm still here and I can hear you!"

Law exited the stage and took a seat with his giant polar bear plushy. "Bepo, let's see who's brave enough to challenge us,"

"NEXT!"

Shanks came onto stage, causing Mihawk to groan from the row behind Law. "Please don't be drunk again,"

"I'm perfectly sober, Hawky," Shanks assured. "However, I will not be singing today,"

"Then why are you on stage?" Roger asked. "This is an audition, Shanks,"

Shanks held up a CD. "I am showing a video of someone else who was singing that I want to be in the play,"

"Do you have their permission?" Rayleigh asked.

"Nope!" Shanks answered innocently.

"Even better!" Roger grinned. "Play it!"

Shanks did so. For the first twenty five seconds, it was creepy instrumental music. Then a very familiar voice began singing.

Those who cross the sea have fear and awe in their eyes.
You should simply gaze in silence at the whirlpools of the Naruto Strait.

Mihawk's eyes widened. "Shanks you bastard!"

You hear the song, "Odoru narashi na yoku,"
Those who walk the way of the sword, should celebrate without showing weakness.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Mihawk drew his sword.

"Can't catch me Hawky!" Shanks laughed as he dashed off the stage and out the exit doors, Mihawk in hot pursuit. The song was still playing.

Ah, the strength of the end.
Ah, what do you wish for?

"Mihawk is totally gonna be in the play!" Roger declared.

"Mihawk doesn't seem to want to be in it," Rayleigh pointed out.

"So?" Roger asked. "We'll draft him!"

"Roger—"

"We'll kidnap him and drag him to rehearsal!"

"…"

"What?"

"That's kidnapping and it's highly illegal,"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I'm gonna burn my house down into an ugly black! I'm gonna run away now and never looking back!"

"LAW DON'T RUN AWAY!"

"And you don't have to worry about burning the house down. Corazon will eventually do that,"

Songs:
I'm Sexy and I Know It
Break Your Heart
Girl on Fire (Parody)
Umi o Mitsumeru Me (Mihawk's Theme Song)
Echo (Vocaloid)