A/N: So... It's been a while, huh? Hello again, more than a year later! I finally decided that I was never going to get this chapter perfect, and whatever audience this fic has would probably rather any content at all over an imaginary ideal I was never going to conquer. So this might not be all that pretty - I honestly didn't do much final editing at all - but here it is. I am actually pretty impressed with myself for finishing this fic, I must say. It was a huge stretch for me. Thank you for the time and positivity you've given my writing over the course of my contributions to this teeny-tiny fandom!

Alec

"Falling in love" might be the most spot-on phrase humanity ever invented. Alec certainly feels like there's a lot more uncertain steps, grasping at a foothold, and general flailing about - and sticking your foot in your mouth - than there is steady progress.

He thought he knew what he was getting into. He absolutely did not. There's something about moving toward something you've wanted for so long that's incredibly disconcerting.

In every way, Kiera the person is so much more than Kiera the dream.

Alec is so, so lost.

Kiera

Of course Alec reached out to her. That has always been his role in their relationship, from the very beginning. Alec is the initiator, the firestarter, the healer. Alec is the bold one, the one who moves first. It only makes sense that he was the one to break their stalemate.

Kiera knows that gratitude isn't the expected response to a kiss, but it was her honest reaction. She didn't dare to hope for anything like this. Part of her, of course, feels like she doesn't deserve it. She's trying to tune that part out, though of course, that's easier said than done. Mostly, though, she figured she blew it when she got exactly what she wanted and then tossed it aside like it meant nothing to her. That's what it must have looked like, when she pretended nothing had happened between her and Alec, when she ruthlessly pushed ahead on her plan to return to the future. And then, when her decision was made, she had to tell herself that there was nothing for her here, because if she let herself hope, then what did that say about her motives for staying?

She wishes she knew how to explain to him all that this means to her. But parsing out the swirl of emotions is hard enough to do in her own head. Voicing her joy and fear aloud is too much, too soon.

Alec is in love with her. It feels like the knowledge has always been there, and she's simply tamped down awareness of it; though in reality, she knows it didn't start that way, and she probably didn't notice it right away when it did happen. The question, of course, is what that means for them now, if it has to be mean anything at all.

Does she love him? Well. That's an easy and a hard question to answer. Of course she loves him; there are some things you can't go through without either loving or hating the person beside you. But what she really needs to answer - at least eventually - is how.

There's certainly an attraction there, one she did not expect at the start. Attraction, though, seems so… extraneous to their relationship. It's so much less than whatever already existed before its arrival.

They've gone about this all out of order, she realizes.

Alec

Maybe he should have anticipated it sooner, but receiving a text from Emily out of the blue still catches Alec off guard.

EMILY: You didn't move, did you? I swung by your place today, but no one was home.

It feels like his heart is lodged in his throat as he reads it. She's back? Why? And why now?

Alec mentally lauds whichever practical genius came up with the idea of autocorrect, because his fingers keep finding the wrong letters as he types out his reply.

ALEC: Kiera and I were out looking into something, and Julian was doing heaven only knows what with some unsavory elements of society, I'm sure. Jason was probably sleeping, or perfecting his mind-reading abilities, or whatever he does during the day. Apparently keeping weird hours is hereditary. I didn't know you still had a key.

EMILY: You think I need a key? That's cute.

Alec blushes furiously. He knows that Emily's not being snide, which somehow makes it even worse. Does she think this is still a thing between them? Did she expect him to wait for her? After she walked out?

ALEC: What do you want, Emily?

EMILY: Whoa, why the hostility? I just wanted to see you.

As much as he'd prefer to avoid this particular interaction forever, Alec knows it's something he has to face. Emily was an important part of his life, one he refuses to regret, no matter how much pain she caused him. He's sure he hurt her plenty over the course of their relationship, too; conflict is not one-sided. And he's not even that bitter about things ending between them, not anymore. It's just that it feels too real, somehow, his past and his present colliding. But even if he feels like a different person now, Emily hasn't been privy to that growth. There are some things you just need to see to really accept.

ALEC: I'll be home all day tomorrow. We can talk then.

"I thought you should know," Alec says to Kiera that night, "that Emily is coming by tomorrow."

Kiera glances at him with obvious surprise. "You heard from her?"

"Yeah, apparently she thought she could just, like, re-enter my life like nothing happened. Or maybe she wanted to say a real goodbye. I don't know what she was thinking, actually. I'm not thrilled about the prospect, but I thought it would be good to have an airing of grievances, anyway."

Kiera nods slowly. "Are you angry at her?"

"Not particularly. Well, somewhat. Sometimes. I don't really know how I feel about Emily most of the time. Which is… frustrating." He sighs. "I jumped through time for her. She was the most important thing in my world at one time, and now we're just… floating parallel to each other, and that's a weird feeling."

"Alec?" Kiera pauses. "Was there a reason you told me she was coming?"

Alec's breath catches. So many emotions are warring for dominance on Kiera's face right now. He's pretty sure he catches a hint of jealousy among them, though, and his heart does a tiny little victory dance. Shut up, he tells it, but he feels himself smiling.

Knowing Kiera is still skittish about whatever is beginning again between them, and cautious about freaking her out, Alec plays it casual. "I don't know," he shrugs. "It just seemed fair. You live here too. Wouldn't want you decking Emily because you thought we had a burglar on our hands."

A faint smile ghosts at Kiera's lips. "You should probably warn Julian and Jason then, too. Especially Julian. I don't think there's any love lost between him and Emily."

"Julian doesn't have an issue with Emily," Alec disagrees. "He just doesn't especially like who I became around her."

Even without looking - and he doesn't look, because he doesn't want to see - Alec knows Kiera made a face that says on that, at least, she and Julian are on the same page.

When she comes, as he expected, she doesn't knock. The idea of somewhere inaccessible in any sense is laughable to Emily. Alec is moving about his day like he isn't dreading a capital T Talk with his ex-girlfriend, and he passes through the kitchen on his way to find one last towel or something to throw in the washer to make a full second load of laundry - a chore which he's regrettably put off for a disturbingly long time - to discover Emily sitting cross-legged on his counter.

"Hi, Emily," he says.

"Hi, Alec," she replies, mimicking his tone. Which is how he learns that his first words to her in months sounded significantly flatter than he would have guessed. Shouldn't he feel… something? Well. He feels a lot of things. He just can't quite decide which to process first.

His mind drifts back to his laundry. He considers leaving Emily to find that towel he was after, then discards the idea. One missing towel isn't the end of the world; he'll just add it to the next load. There are more than enough piles stacked up around the house.

Emily brushes her hand against his cheek, and Alec finds himself fighting simultaneous instincts to flinch away and lean in. "You're a million miles away," she observes.

"I have a lot on my mind, I guess," Alec says shortly. He didn't call this meeting; Emily did. It's up to her to decide where she wants this conversation to go.

"It's over between us, isn't it?"

Part of Alec really wants to be nasty, to respond with a sarcastic, "Ya think?" But that won't help either of them. Instead, he says, "Did you expect anything different?"

"I don't know," she answers. "I don't know what I expected to happen. I hoped, maybe, that you…"

There's a sound, and Alec looks up to see Kiera standing frozen in the doorway. Her expression is unrecognizable. She retreats without comment, and despite knowing he's been nothing but truthful with her, Alec worries fleetingly what she's thinking, seeing him and Emily side by side.

Then he realizes the person whose reaction he really has to worry about, at least right now, is the one standing in the room with him.

There must have been something that gave him away. Maybe it was the way he turned his full attention to Kiera, even before he consciously knew it was her. Maybe his face did something he didn't notice himself doing. Maybe Emily just knows him too well by now. She's always had a gift for reading people, and Alec most of all. Regardless of method, she divines instantly that Kiera is where Alec's heart has found its home.

Just for a second, Emily's face falls, true emotion showing through briefly before she catches herself. "You've moved on, I see," she says softly, voice carefully neutral. This is perhaps Alec's least favorite Emily. She's a silhouette of a person, not quite real. She did this sometimes, when they were together – retreated into herself and left only a shell behind – and he always hated it.

Alec considers playing dumb, but that would get him nowhere; and besides, whatever else has happened, he and Emily owe each other honesty. Among other things, probably, but this, at least, he can give. Even if she won't.

"Yeah. Well, I have, anyway. Kiera's still making up her mind, I think."

Emily breathes deeply. Words fail them both. How is Alec supposed to explain this to her? He's never broken up with anybody before. Some callow part of him had hoped that he would never have to have this conversation.

"You left," he points out, perhaps more sharply than he'd meant to. Defensive, he was expecting. Indignant, not so much.

Tonelessly, Emily responds, "I did. Seems it was a better call than I thought."

And this, this is the hard part. How to tell the truth, which she does deserve – even if it's a prize hard-won from Emily herself – without misleading her in one direction or the other.

"When I was with you, it was only you. You should know that. Before you, it might have been different, but… it wasn't, and then I loved you. I really did. When you left…" He closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath. "I was shattered, Emily. I'd never had my heart broken before, and it's not an experience I'm eager to repeat anytime soon. There were some things I should have done differently in our relationship, but I don't regret what I had with you. I never will.

"But things change. You left, and Kiera was here. I know you thought, when we were together, that there was something there; there wasn't, Em, I promise. I would never have let things progress with us if there had been. But if you think I was somehow obligated to wait for you after you left… I'm not going to apologize, because I don't have anything to apologize for. Not in this instance, anyway."

"You don't have to explain anything to me. Live your life, Alec. I'm not trying to stop you."

The wall Emily put up between them isn't going anywhere, he realizes. It's not a feeling he enjoys, this cool distance between them. How do you look at someone you loved and not want to put things right between the two of you? But that isn't his job. It's probably better this way anyway. Really, there isn't anything broken to fix.

"Did you get whatever closure you were looking for?" he asks, as gently as he can manage.

Now, it's Emily who's far away. "Thanks for hearing me out," she says, which strikes Alec as strange, since she didn't really say much of anything at all.

Closing a hugely influential chapter of your life calls for a parting comment with panache, he thinks, but he can't think of anything that works. In the end, Alec goes with, "Thank you for what we had."

It's not enough. But no words could be, probably.

Kiera

The way her stomach twists to see them together infuriates Kiera. This is not a cause for insecurity, she reminds herself. It's not like this was a surprise or a secret; Alec warned her ahead of time that Emily would be here - which was thoughtful of him, really. Besides, Alec is not hers to be jealous over.

But he could be. If she wanted. He's made that quite clear.

After Emily leaves, Alec comes to find Kiera.

"Did you need me for something?" he asks. The unasked question dangles tantalizingly: What are you thinking?

"Not exactly, I just wanted…" Kiera hesitates, then shrugs. I just wanted. It's truer than whatever she was going to say, anyway.

There's a sort of defeated look about Alec at this moment, and it worries her. "How did it go?"

This time, it's Alec's turn to shrug. "About as well as you'd expect. I don't know why she came, really. I'm pretty sure she already knew it was over. Maybe she was hoping I'd still be moping around, waiting for her to come back. Maybe she needed closure. I don't know."

"And do you…" Kiera swallows. "Do you feel like you got closure?"

His eyes flick to her in surprise; she wonders if there was something in her tone of voice that gave her away. "Why, Kiera Cameron," he says lightly, "are you jealous?"

Something urges Kiera to stick her tongue out at him - Alec brings out an occasionally childish, impulsive side of her that she believed she'd tamed long ago - and after a second's hesitation in which she reminds herself that she is an adult, dammit, she does. He laughs delightedly, and then his expression grows serious again.

"It was over for me a long time ago, Kiera. I may not have been the one to make the call, but I've made my peace with it. That was all months ago now, and I honestly think I'm better off for it. Besides, whatever else I may be, I'm not the two-timing type."

There isn't going to be a better moment than this one. "Why did you tell me Emily was coming?" she asks.

"I told you last night: you live here too; I figured you deserved the courtesy—"

"No," Kiera insists, "I know what you said last night. I want to know the real reason."

He looks away. "You know why," he says at last.

"I want to hear you say it."

"Why? If it doesn't matter to you, Kiera—"

"Maybe it does," she whispers, her mouth dry and her throat aching with words she can't find a way to say.

"Then don't keep making me be the one to be honest about how I feel," Alec says bluntly. "This isn't just on me, Kiera. I told you Emily was coming because I didn't want you to see me with her and get the wrong idea. I didn't want you to think I still wanted her, because that's not how it is. Emily meant something to me, and she always will. But she isn't you."

Her breath catches.

"But the thing is, I don't really know what I have with you, do I? We're always on the edge of almost, but I can't push my luck here. You've had enough choices taken away from you, Kiera. I won't let this, us, be one of them."

"That's not…" she tries, and then she closes her mouth, blows a frustrated sigh out her nose, and starts again. "You haven't done anything wrong here, Alec. I chose to stay here and try to make this side of my life work. That wasn't you forcing me to do anything I didn't want to do. And, you know, before… I'm pretty sure I kissed you first.

"You're not pushing me into anything I don't want. I know you think you've been waiting for me to come around, but you're wrong." Inhale. Exhale. Keep talking, and maybe he'll hear all the things you aren't saying. "Maybe I wouldn't have taken this path if I'd had the choice at the start, but I'm happy with where I ended up, if it means I can stay with you."

Words, dammit. Why can't she ever make them say what she's trying to get across?

He makes a noncommittal sound, and Kiera presses. Suddenly it is very, very important to her that Alec understands the way she sees him.

"I believe in you, Alec. Not in what you stand for, the possibility you symbolize – we've had enough of that, I think. But you, as a person – I have faith in you. And I'm not the kind of person who has faith, not anymore. I was once, maybe. But you, Alec, I trust you. I believe in you. I know that if there's good to be done, you'll do it, no matter the cost to yourself."

Something lights up in his eyes, and it sets an equivalent something curling in her stomach. "That was quite a speech," he says. "And… We're alike in that way, aren't we? Never considering what it will take from us to accomplish a goal for the good of everyone around us," he muses. "Maybe it's time for us to be selfish. I think, after everything, we're allowed."

He's standing directly in front of her now, and her eyes roam over him hungrily. And then - oh, and then - he leans in and kisses her. Or she kisses him. Somehow, Kiera can't be sure who initiates it, but it hardly matters.

Fire spreads through her bones, every tendon taut, every nerve alight. Kiera doubts that she could ever grow immune to this. The actual act of kissing is no marvel, really, but the heady feeling associated – the knowledge that she is seen and known and desired – that could never be less than a miracle, she's sure of it.

His mouth forms a smile against hers. "Your decision," he murmurs, and he backs away.

Isn't it obvious what she wants? How can he still not know? But then, it's not about him being unsure, she realizes. It's not about giving her space anymore, not when she's proved that's not where her head is at. It's about pushing Kiera past passive acceptance and into active seeking. About proving that Kiera wants this as much as he does: Show me you want me like I want you. Chase me. It's been so easy, so far, to let Alec call the shots. To leave the choice in someone else's hands. That way, she doesn't have to feel guilty for all the things that brought her here. She doesn't have to worry that she's making the wrong choice, because she hasn't made a choice at all. Now, Kiera has to make the call.

"My decision," she repeats, hushed, reverent.

Wonderingly, she traces the shape of him, memorizing by touch the angles and curves of his face – his eyes, nose, mouth, jaw – his throat, his shoulders, his chest. His breathing becomes ragged and she wonders, absurdly, how long it takes to die of asphyxiation if your body is utterly focused on another activity. At five minutes, she remembers from her military training, your brain cells begin to die. But if your brain is distracted? Logically, obviously, that changes nothing. But Kiera's in an unusually poetic mood, and it seems like imagery should overrule science in a moment like this. How can a brain be so utterly occupied and still work on keeping itself alive?

But he is still breathing. And so is she, though she keeps having to remind herself to do it, it seems.

Lingering apprehensions nag at her, though, and she pulls away slightly. "It's not that I don't want this. I do." And she really, really does. So much more than she's ready to admit. "But I worry."

"Dammit, Kiera," he huffs, but he's laughing. And it's incredibly distracting, that thing he's doing with his fingers on the back of her neck. But she has a concern to raise. Doesn't she? It's so hard to think right now.

"How often do you get a second chance, really? And our lives have been full of them. Eventually our luck is going to have to run out."

"Then we keep pushing out luck. We're already defying fate for everyone else. Might as well shoot destiny a giant middle finger in this part of our lives, too."

Kiera smiles. Rebellious Alec is an Alec she could get used to. "Do you think—," she begins.

"Stop. Thinking," he says exasperatedly, and just this once, she does.