A/N: LAST CHAPTER! Sorry for any and all errors. I finished the story and just posted it all at once. If there are any major errors, let me know. If it's just a typo here or there, just live with it.

Chapter 5: Family

Carlisle's POV:

"Thank you, Carlisle, for trusting me with this knowledge," Eleazar spoke after nearly ten minutes of silence. I had just finished recounting to him memories of my past, including the worse ones that still haunted me today. I had then recounted to him more of my early vampire years, the overwhelming fear, self-loathing, and aching loneliness I had felt. I even admitted to him the envy I had felt towards him upon first meeting him because of how easily he adjusted to vampire life when I had struggled for decades to just accept that I would never be able to change what I was.

"I cannot begin to imagine," Eleazar continued in a soft, gentle voice, "what you must have endured in your youth. I listen to your stories, but even then I will not pretend to say I can empathize as my human upbringing and introduction into this vampire life were vastly different than yours. I can say that my heart aches terribly at hearing and imagining how much you have suffered." He was looking at me this point with eyes full of sadness. "How much you suffered alone," he restated. "I can definitely understand why you continue to try and handle things by yourself and why you keep things to yourself as well since it is a habit you've been doing since you were very young."

I said nothing in response, letting him talk out his thoughts. I will admit, it was a relief to have finally opened up to Eleazar. I had never realized how much it bothered me that Eleazar did not know much about me, that I knew more of his life than he of mine, and I had been along for nearly a century more than him. I was glad he realized how much trust I was giving him by sharing all of this. I mean, he must already know he had my trust as I had willingly accepted a hiding from him, but all the same, these memories were close to my heart. At this point, they defined who I was—or they at least shaped who I was today. I could not let them go. I supposed I was afraid to let them go, afraid to forget. What if I changed? What if I became like him?

"I wish I could change what happened to you, or I wish I or someone could have been there for you, but I can't," my brother stated with a mild grimace, "and I suppose I should not focus on what if's. I am sure you already know this, but I will lay it out flat that I am here for you now. I am not a member of your coven. I am not one of your children who you need to watch out for. I am someone you can lean on without fear of reprisal. Not that I feel your family would take advantage or look down upon you for appearing vulnerable, but I know you well enough now to know that you feel more comfortable showing this kind of vulnerability with me than with anyone in your family aside from Esme."

I'd already come to the same realizations so I once more said nothing, choosing instead to just give him a nod of agreement.

Eleazar cocked his head and as he looked at me I could tell he was studying me. I was unsure what he was looking for so I simply stared back.

"You are not a bad person, Carlisle," he declared, and my eyes widened at the unexpected words. He took a few steps closer, giving me a pointed look as he continued speaking. "I hope you realize I do not say this lightly when I tell you that I have never met a kinder and more compassionate man than you. You judge yourself much too harshly, and I do realize that no matter what I say this is a habit you are yet unable to break, but never doubt that you are a good person. You have and will make mistakes as any man does, but you will never be your father."

I held his gaze for only a couple seconds before I had to look away, unable to stand the sudden upwelling of emotions I was feeling. "I know I am not him," I managed to get out, knowing that my conviction sounded weak as I was speaking to the ground rather than Eleazar.

"Esme and your children have no doubt told you this already, but I felt you needed to hear me say it as well," Eleazar explained, reaching out a hand to give my shoulder a comforting squeeze. I looked up at him once more and graced him with an appreciative smile. His response was to once more study me up and down, concern marring his forever youthful face.

"How are you?" he questioned concernedly, and I frowned rather than respond, unsure of what he was asking and of what I wanted to say. How was I, I asked myself.

El seemed to realize I wasn't going to respond, so he now frowned before asking me a more direct question. "How is your backside? It has been some time since I delivered a strapping, and I truthfully never checked in on the guards I punished so…" He trailed off, looking down at the floor in sudden embarrassment.

"So you are not aware of the long term effects?" I stated grimly, completing his question for him.

"Sí," he agreed with a very serious nod, the concern ever present in his eyes. I chewed on my bottom lip wondering how honest to be. Eleazar realized what I was thinking for he let out an exasperated sigh before gracing me with a look that plainly said, 'really?' I could not help but give an embarrassed grin.

"It hurts," I admitted, deciding to just be blunt. "It throbs, and with every step I take I feel the effects," I informed him succinctly. "It will no doubt take several days or more to fully heal, and I openly admit that this is not an experience I ever care to repeat. Rest assured brother, your message was well received," I declared, my grin turning amused when he let out a short laugh.

"Good," he responded, giving me a mildly stern look. "Heed my warning and we will not find ourselves in this damned position again."

"Amen to that," I said, running a weary hand through my hair.

The concerned look was back on my brother's face as he then asked, "Emotionally or mentally speaking, how are you? From my perspective you look utterly drained and exhausted."

I just nodded in response as that was exactly what I was feeling. It was half a day since I had been punished, and we had spent most that time talking. I was spent. I really didn't want to talk anymore, but just go home to be with Esme and my kids.

Eleazar inhaled deeply before rubbing the back of his neck.

"I had wanted to discuss your deceit from earlier (I winced), but in all honesty I feel you have already been punished for that with the flashback you experienced," he informed me sadly. "You realize your error, and I understand why you did it, so let us speak no more of this and just head home. Esme called me once more and is extremely worried about you. I feel you both will benefit from each other's company, so what do you say we pack up and get out of here?"

I felt a flood of relief course through me, and I grinned widely as I gave my whole hearted agreement. "Yes, let's go home."

We were packed in under five minutes and had just begun sprinting towards home when I realized how painful this journey was going to be. The pain in my backside flared as my normally comfortable jeans chafed against it. I clenched my mouth shut tightly to keep from eliciting a whimper or yelp as we continued to run. After half an hour though I could no longer keep up the pace so I came to an abrupt stop, dropping my bags to the floor and letting out a pained groan. I curled my hands into fists to keep from reaching back and rubbing.

My God, this was beyond embarrassing, I could not help but think as I noticed Eleazar looking back at me from twenty paces away. I took a few deep breaths, picked up my bags again and began running once more. I did not spare Eleazar a glance as I was not only embarrassed but determined to overcome this weakness.

Unfortunately, I managed only fifteen minutes this time before I once more had to stop, once more letting out a pained groan. My entire body was tense and throbbing, and I could honestly say I had never felt so pained and uncomfortable since the day I had been turned. My breaths were coming out in gasps as though I were actually winded from running, but it was actually due to the effort I was putting into remaining quiet and stoic.

"How about we take it slow right now?" Eleazar asked airily, not looking at me but over towards the rising sun. "I am not quite in a hurry to suffer the wrath of your family when they see the condition I left you in." I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and when he gave me a cheeky grin I let out a chuckle.

"Are you sure you don't want to just carry me?" I questioned with a devilish grin. I would never ask or allow this to happen, but his reaction was priceless. A look of horror adorned his face as he asked, "Do you want your wife to kill me? Dios mio, hermanito, if your family were to see me show up carrying you, they would tear me apart; and whatever was left at that point, my own wife would set on fire!"

I laughed loudly at this, amused by my family's overprotectiveness and his worry.

"As it is," he continued with true worry, "I will already be feeling their wrath merely from the fact that you actually look like the walking dead right now." He was gazing at me in concern, but thankfully he did not bother asking me how I was or offering me any help. We both knew how I was feeling, and we both knew I would never accept his help.

"Come on viejito," I stated, taking off at a slow jog. "I would like to get home before I age another year."

"Viejito? Did you just call me viejito?!" he sputtered, easily catching up to me. "I am not old! Listen here, niño…." He retorted in mock anger, beginning to lecture me in Spanish on respecting my elders and other such nonsense. I just rolled my eyes while laughing, causing him to give me an affronted expression.

"No respect, no respect at all," he muttered to himself, shoving my arm when I only continued to laugh.

We continued to banter back and forth as we ran, which proved helpful in keeping my mind off the increasing burn of my well punished backside. The closer we got the faster we began to run and the quieter I became. I was hurting, desperately wanting the comfort of my family, but also fearful of facing my family. I did not quite understand the fear, but I supposed it was more anxiousness than fear. What would they be thinking? Would they look on me differently after this? Would they forgive me? Would they ever trust me again, or would they always hold fear that I would treat them as poorly as I had recently?

Eleazar kept up the conversation at this point just talking about random things to try and distract me, but it didn't really work. I couldn't help but notice that he too was getting nervous as we neared home. It seemed there was some honesty in his claim of being afraid of my family's reaction. I would have to make sure Esme and my children did not give him a hard time. With Esme at least, this would be easier said than done.

The sun was fully risen when we arrived back home, and I was unsurprised when I found my arms full with my beloved wife. Her grip was as tight on me as mine was on hers, and I greedily took in several deep breaths of her soothing scent before breaking apart. We simply looked into each other's eyes and I allowed her to see what I was feeling. The sadness and concern was clear in her eyes as she caressed my cheek before taking my hand and leading me inside and up to our bedroom. I knew the children were here, and was curious for a moment as to why they had yet to show themselves. I figured, however, that they wanted to give Esme and I time to ourselves before bombarding me with their exuberant presences.

Once in our bedroom she looked me over once more before unexpectedly saying, "You're a mess. Let's get you cleaned up." I raised my eyebrows, having anticipated her asking me how I was doing or if I was alright. I did not fight her, though as she led me into the bathroom and helped me undress before guiding me to the shower. I was elated when she followed me in. I will spare you the details now, but suffice to say this shower took longer than usual.

It was not until we were drying ourselves off that my wife finally spoke. "Tell me everything," she simply ordered, and I knew from the look in her eyes that she had been desperately worried about me, so I told her everything that had happened starting with the punishment, my flashback, and the conversations I had had with Eleazar.

"I was so worried for you," she admitted when I finished, wrapping her arms around my waist. "You have no idea how many times I had to stop myself from going after you or calling Eleazar again and chewing him out. To be honest, I still feel like chewing him out. You look awful."

"Thank you," I responded in a poor attempt at humor, but her expression remained serious, so I let out a quiet sigh.

"I'm sorry, Esme," I apologized, but she just narrowed her eyes before waving away my words. "You have no reason to apologize to me. I forgave you long ago for what happened. This punishment was for you. Please just tell me you received the absolution you sought because if not I will be having words with that brother of yours," she nearly hissed.

I felt a spark of amusement at her over protectiveness as I went to reassure her. "Yes, love, the punishment did as it was meant to. I have been well chastised and shown the error of my ways." I smiled softly before adding, "I am just fine."

"You don't look fine," she stated with a voice full of doubt. "You look completely exhausted, and though you have tried to hide it I know you are in pain."

"Well I did receive a strapping, Esme, the effects will be felt for more than a fortnight," I explained drily, regretting my cavalier tone when she openly glared at me.

"I always hate it when you become so dismissive of the pain you are in, physically and/or emotionally," she remarked disappointedly, and I gave her a look of remorse. She let out a sigh, her face softening before she asked, "What can I do for you right now? How can I help?"

"I think," I answered honestly, "that I just need to rest. I want to try and see if I can 'sleep', and to do that I will need help." I chewed on my bottom lip before adding something she no doubt already knew. "I need to have someone with me in order to be able to 'sleep' soundly."

Esme kissed me on the lips, giving me one of her beautiful smiles as she said, "That is not a problem, Carlisle." I graced her with an appreciative grin before allowing her to lead me over to the large bed. I settled myself face down while she lay down next to me. We gazed into each other's eyes as she began to caress my hair.

"Close your eyes," she whispered quietly, "and just focus on my humming. You are very loved, and you will never be alone. Now sleep well, my beloved husband." I followed her instructions and found myself drifting off within seconds. Whether it was a testament of how mentally exhausted I was or the comfort I felt in my wife's presence I was not sure, but I felt more peaceful and relaxed in this moment than I had in a long time.

Bella's POV:

We gave our parents sufficient time to reacquaint themselves with one another before feeling it was safe to grace them with our presence. We were all anxious to see how our father was doing, so we all made our way to their bedroom and fidgeted nervously as we waited for permission to enter. Mom told us we could come in before we even knocked, and Edward eagerly opened the door before we all made our way in. Mom was holding a finger to her mouth, so we all said nothing as we crowded around the bed and stared down at Dad.

My eyes widened in shock for two reasons. First off, I had never seen Dad actually 'sleeping'. It was odd seeing him so-so…I wasn't quite sure how to describe, but he just seemed so young and vulnerable all of a sudden. Secondly, he looked more exhausted than I had ever seen him before. Even with all the trouble I'd given the man, I'd never seen him look so worn out.

Taking a quick glance at Edward and my siblings I noticed that I was the only one feeling this shock. I remembered now that they had seen Dad in this state before. Their expressions were full of concern, sadness, and regret, expressions that I also mirrored. I couldn't believe Dad had actually gone through with this. I couldn't believe he'd actually been spanked. I mean, he had told me before it had happened to him, but never when I had been around. I never saw this coming, and I certainly never wanted it to happen again.

Dad shouldn't look like this. Dad shouldn't have had to do this. Protective anger coursed through my veins, and I felt the need to go and give Eleazar a piece of my mind. My thoughts were interrupted when Jasper began to quietly talk to Mom.

"Mama, how about ya let the girls take care of Papa, and ya come and go huntin' with us?" he suggested gently, laying a hand on her knee. I focused my gaze now on our mother and noted her black eyes and weary expression. She didn't look that well either. A hunt would do her well.

"I can't leave him," Mom whispered with a shake of her head, and Rosalie spoke up this time.

"We will take care of him, I swear it," she declared with conviction. "The three of us will not leave his side, will we girls?"

"Of course not," I said as Alice responded, "No way, Dad is safe with us."

"Come on, Mama bear," Emmett coaxed, holding a hand out to her. "You need to be at full strength for when Pops wakes up, okay?"

Mom clearly didn't want to go, but she also saw reason with Emmett's words for she allowed herself to be pulled up and out of the bed.

"I won't be gone for long," she told us. "Do not leave his side for a single second. You know how he gets when left alone in this state," she warned, and I felt confusion. Rose and Alice clearly knew what she meant though as they gave our mother serious nods and reassurances. Esme gave her husband another look before leaving.

"What did she mean about how he gets when left alone?" I immediately asked, and Rosalie responded by blatantly ignoring me before Alice quietly answered the question. "Dad can never stay relaxed for very long, especially when alone. He starts to have…I guess you could say nightmares, and becomes really distressed." She frowned deeply at this point before climbing onto the huge bed. Rosalie had already settled herself at the head of the bed, placing a pillow on her lap before shifting our father's head so it was lying in her lap. Alice sat near his legs, stretching out her own so that they were resting on top of his. I decided to take the middle ground and sat cross-legged next to his back. We said nothing at this point, just content to be near Dad.

It had been only ten minutes before he started to stir, his face scrunching up as though in pain. A quiet groan escaped his lips, and my eyes widened in both shock and concern. What was going on? Were these one of the nightmares Alice had mentioned? I looked at my sisters, at a complete loss for what to do, but it seemed Rosalie had everything under control as she had immediately begun to run her hand through his hair before beginning to quietly hum his lullaby. I watched in awe as Dad's expression immediately calmed and he was once more silent.

"That was amazing," I felt the need to compliment, and Rose responded with a smug look as she said, "I know what calms him." I frowned at this point, feeling slightly stung by her words. Her tone of voice clued me in to the fact that she wasn't quite happy with me. I wanted to ask what her problem was but Alice placed a hand on my shoulder, giving a single shake of her head when I looked at her. I let out a sigh instead, deciding now was not the time to look into this. I'd had a feeling as of late that she'd been upset with me, but I thought it was something she would get over with. It seemed I was completely wrong, though, as this incident with Dad had only seemed to increase her irritation with me.

I shifted my gaze now back towards Carlisle and settled with just watching him and making sure he stayed calm. I was really worried about him, not only because of the spanking he had received, but also because of how exhausted he looked. The fact that he couldn't even seem to relax peacefully didn't help matters. What sort of things were going through his mind that would cause him to look so distressed? What could scare my father?

"They're memories," Alice stated, correctly assuming where my thoughts were at. "His mind immediately goes to his human memories when he's in such a relaxed state. I'm not exactly sure why as this doesn't seem to happen with the rest of us, and we certainly all have our own demons, but it just does. It's been like this for as long as I have known him. He tries to hide it, but Dad has never been able to let go of his past, especially his human life. I don't even think he realizes how much he holds onto those memories or how traumatized he really is.

I took in her words, my concern only increasing. I felt completely out of my element and useless. I had no idea how to help him, or what he was really experiencing, but it seemed Alice and Rosalie were well aware. I couldn't help but be jealous by al the knowledge they had. I suddenly felt that they had a better relationship with him because they'd lived with him for so many years. Would I ever have a close relationship like that?

Once again, it seemed Alice knew where my thoughts were out because she just laid her hand on my knee and gave me an understanding smile.

An hour had gone by now and only once had Dad stirred only once before being quickly calmed by Rose and Alice. Rosalie had looked angry at that point, shaking her head as she quietly hissed, "I can't believe Eleazar actually strapped him!"

"What?!" I gasped out in horror. "He was strapped?" I questioned loudly before cringing as Rosalie snapped at me to be quiet.

"Yes, he was," she then answered angrily. "How could you not know? I found out from Edward." My eyes widened, completely taken aback both by the fact that our father had been strapped and that Edward had known and kept this from me. Why would he do that? Why would he tell Rosalie but not me? Did he not trust me with this knowledge? Did he blame me, as it seemed Rose did?

Tears started to well in my eyes as I found myself feeling guiltier and guiltier. This was my fault. Dad was in this mess because of me. Dad had been strapped because of me. I couldn't even begin to imagine how much that had to have hurt. I knew the belt was horrible, so I could only imagine that the strap was just as bad if not worse. Judging from the expressions on my sisters' faces, I had a feeling it was worse.

I look down at him and placed a hesitant hand on his back, slowly rubbing small circles in an attempt to provide him some sort of comfort. I felt completely helpless and full of guilt. I still couldn't wrap my mind around what had happened. I couldn't understand why Eleazar would feel Dad deserved a strapping, or why Dad himself felt he deserved this.

All this was my fault. It was my fault that he was feeling so guilty. I had gotten myself, Edward, and my siblings into more trouble than any of us had ever been in. I had been the cause of Dad slipping into coven leader mode. My punishment had been harsh, but I still felt it had been well deserved. I certainly was doing my utmost to keep my nose clean, and I was following all rules whether I agreed with them or not.

When Dad had apologized to us I hadn't really understood why. He said he'd lost his temper. He said he'd been too harsh with Rosalie and Alice especially. I supposed if I really thought about it, he had. They had only been trying to cover for me and the boys, but they had ended up receiving eh same whipping as them. I wondered if this was one of the reasons Rosalie was angry with me. She probably blamed me for not only her punishment, but for Dad's as well.

I felt tears stinging my eyes, but I stubbornly held them at bay. I had no right to be crying right now. My dad was lying here in pain and suffering from bad memories because he had wanted to atone for supposedly being too harsh with us. I didn't agree, but Mom, Edward, and Carmen had told me that arguing with Dad was futile. I had a feeling that Mom agreed with Dad, though, at least to a certain extent. I was so lost and confused. There was more to all of this than I knew.

I felt a spark of anger towards Edward. He obviously knew more than he had told me. Why would he have told Rosalie that Dad had been strapped and not me? What else had he been keeping from me? Did he think I couldn't handle the information?

I fought back the growl of frustration that was threatening to escape me. I didn't think hearing a growl would help Dad, and I knew Rosalie would no doubt lose her temper with me. An argument between me and her wasn't going to help anybody. With some embarrassment, I also had to admit that I was kind of afraid of Rosalie. She'd seemed to accept me into the family, but I had clearly remembered how cold she had been with me in the beginning. I had been afraid of her then and I was a little afraid of her now. I knew that if it ever came to a fight between us she would be the one to win.

My musings were abruptly cut short when the muscles beneath my hand suddenly tensed and Dad shouted out a strangled, "No!"

All of us, even Alice jumped in surprise as Dad opened his eyes and seemed to be breathing heavily. The look in his eyes were something I would never forget regardless of my vampire memory. They were haunted. They were wide and terrified. Those emotions only showed for a second before he became aware of his surroundings. Letting out a groan he shifted, turning his body all the way around so that he was now lying on his back. Alice and I shifted as he settled himself at which point Alice once more placed her legs over his and I scooted over until I was touching his side. His head remained on the pillow resting on Rosalie's lap.

"Hello my beautiful girls," he greeted pleasantly, giving each of us a loving smile. I gave him a small smile in return, unnerved by how he could seemingly act so calm and normal after everything that had happened. I wondered at the same time how he could manage to lay like that when his backside had to still be hurting him. I knew after the whipping I'd endured it'd been a few days before I'd felt comfortable sitting.

"Hello?!" Rosalie scoffed with a bewildered shake of her head. "After the strapping Eleazar gave you and the way in which you just 'woke' up, that's how you greet us?"

Dad stiffened at her words and immediately sat up, a grimace adorning his face momentarily before he let out a sigh. "There are no secrets in this family, are there?" he asked rhetorically.

"Of course not," Alice responded nonetheless with a smirk.

"Are you okay, Dad?" I blurted out, deeply concerned. "You shouted, "No", when you got up, and your expression was…," I bit my lip not sure exactly what to say. "Your expression was haunted," I continued, deciding to just be honest.

He frowned deeply at my words before once more letting out a deep sigh. He looked and sounded exhausted. He turned his body so that he was now facing all three of us, but as he answered he looked down at his lap rather than us. "I was reliving some unpleasant memories," was the only thing he said, pausing for several seconds before adding, "And I am okay right now." He was looking up at us right now, his expression clearly showing his stress but also his honesty.

"You were strapped," I spoke up, unable to keep quiet. "Why would you go through something like that? I was the one that screwed up," I told him guiltily. "I was the one that defied you and endangered our family, so why would you accept a punishment you didn't deserve?"

Dad's eyes were fully trained on me as he softly said, "I have a feeling that no matter what I say you will never agree with my decision. Do know this, though, none of this was because of you. It was my own actions that landed me in this predicament," he informed me seriously before looking at each of my sisters. "I have told you all many times that even when your mates or siblings get into trouble with you and you attempt to take the blame, each one of you is responsible for your own actions. No one can force you to do anything. You can be influenced, but in the end your actions are your own. Do you agree?" he asked.

The girls and I exchanged glances before all murmuring a quiet, "Yes, sir."

"None of you are responsible for the strapping I received. I and I alone am responsible," he spoke firmly.

"What could you have done to deserve this, though, Dad?" Alice asked in frustration, clearly as bewildered as me as to why he would put himself through this. He was right that he was responsible for his own actions, but what actions did he think he committed that would have earned him such a harsh punishment?

He ran a hand through his hair wearily and seemed to be deep in thought. We remained silent, giving him time to gather his thoughts or figure out what to tell us. It took about five minutes before he finally began to speak, his words coming out slowly and hesitantly at first. He began to talk to us about that week, and I was flabbergasted to hear his thoughts and perspective on everything that had occurred. He spoke of his fury and extreme hurt. We'd heard of some of this already, but he was going more in depth, revealing the thoughts behind those feelings. He talked about his terror of the Volturi coming for our family, his anger at how we all disregarded and disobeyed nearly every rule he had ever set out for us, and he admitted the deep hurt and betrayal he felt at how we broke his trust.

"I found myself overwhelmed and unable to properly deal with all these strong emotions," he admitted, regret etched all over his face, "and so I settled on the easiest emotion, anger. Not only did I allow that emotion to take control, but I took on the mantle of coven leader to justify how harshly I came down on you all; and I used it to justify how I completely shut out your mother." He was looking down at his hands, clearly feeling ashamed before he looked towards Alice and Rosalie specifically. "I said this before, but I need to reiterate that I went too far with your punishment more than anyone else. The whipping I gave you all was too harsh, but it was—it was also downright abusive," he admitted in a pained voice as though every word was difficult for him to speak. He was shaking his head now before looking towards me. "With you Bella, I admit I also was too harsh, especially with the whipping I gave you. Yes, you were the most disobedient of everyone, but you are still a child. You were still my little girl, yet I treated you like a subordinate. I came down on you as your coven leader, and that was wrong of me. You weren't deserving of it. None of you were," he stated with conviction, looking deep into each one of our eyes.

"These last couple years have been a whirlwind," he continued speaking, and I immediately looked down guiltily, knowing that I was the reason behind those whirlwind years. Ever since I had met the Cullen's I had brought this family nothing but trouble and danger. I didn't want to sound arrogant, but I doubted the family had ever been in such danger until they had met me. Tears blurred my vision at how much I was responsible for.

"Bella, look at me, please," Dad called, tapping his finger under my chin. I reluctantly lifted my head, wanting and not wanting to hear what he said.

"I knew the second Edward found you that you belonged in this family. Do you remember me telling you that?" he asked. I thought back to my time as a human. The memories were blurry, but I had not allowed them to disappear. As such, I did remember him telling me this the first time I ever got in trouble with him. I remember how afraid I had been of being abandoned once more, and how I felt that they could never love me. Dad had pushed those doubts away though before blistering my butt for the first time. It was a both pleasant and awful experience. I had been accepted fully into his family, but I had also been introduced to rules and consequences. I snapped my mind back to the present and gave my father a nod of acknowledgment.

"I stand by those words," he spoke softly and with conviction. "You belong in this family. You were my daughter from the moment I met you, and despite any trouble brought because of our association with a human, I will never regret having welcomed you to this family."

"But I brought so much pain and discord to this family," I protested sadly, but he waved a hand cutting off what I was saying.

"You have brought nothing but happiness to this family, to your family," he refuted gently. "All that happened was not your fault. You do not control fate. You are not responsible for James or Victoria, or the Volturi. You never were, and I know we have talked about this." I nodded, remembering quite clearly the breakdown I had had that led me to nearly ending up in a fatal car accident. I had been having terrible nightmares after the events in Volterra, and I had blamed myself for all the troubles the Cullens had faced. I convinced myself that they would never—should never accept me. Dad had once more worked his magic, though, and had rid me of these thoughts, for the most part at least. He had assured me that I was not to blame, and he had assured me that he and our family would never leave me. Once again, that wonderful heart to heart had ended with me face down over his lap. It seemed that I only ever had these loving and eye opening conversations when I was in trouble.

"I only brought up the struggles we went through to bring up that they have had an impact on me," he stated, looking not only at me now, but at my sisters as well. "I am responsible for all of you, and I feel I have not been the best at keeping you all safe. I have made so many wrong decisions in regards to you all, not just during that week, but before as well. So much fear and self- reproach has grown in me, and I have buried those feelings, hiding behind anger and even going so far as to punish you for my mistakes.

"That's not true, Dad!" Alice piped up, laying a reassuring hand on his knee.

Rosalie spoke up as well, telling him, "You never punished us without good reason. Every grounding and spanking we've received have been because we legitimately messed up."

I nodded my head in complete agreement, and Dad responded with a half nod.

"I agree," he responded, before then adding, "but I have been coming down too hard on you." He looked to Alice now as he said, "Think back to the whipping I gave you during our time away from Forks. You were reeling from learning of your human life, yet I showed no mercy. I came down on you harshly, letting my anger and frustrations take control.

"Dad, you didn't—I deserved what I go," Alice argued. "I attacked a human, got myself expelled, and then I attacked you. You still have the scar from where I bit you. Besides," she then stated very quietly, "Mom punished you then as well, so in essence you received the comeuppance you felt you deserved."

"I was punished for my ignorance to the suffering you were all going through," he corrected. "Neither I or Esme realized at that time the true feelings I was burying. Like I told you, it has only occurred to me today," he admitted with a good amount of shame.

I mulled over everything he had said, and I was beginning to understand where he was coming from, but I still couldn't bring myself to fully agree that I wasn't to blame for any of this. I didn't bring this up, though, as he already looked so exhausted. An argument would be fruitless anyway, though, as nothing he said would change my mind just as nothing I said would seemingly change his mind. I looked towards Rosalie and Alice, wondering if they were feeling as I did, but their expressions were unreadable. They weren't arguing with Dad, though, so they at least agreed with me that now wasn't a time to argue with Dad. His mind clearly wasn't going to be changed.

"I understand why you feel this way," Rosalie finally spoke up, "but you shouldn't feel so guilty or ashamed anymore. You realized what you did wrong, and you've been punished for it. You always tell us that we are forgiven after our punishment is over, and the same is true for you. I"—she paused at this moment and glanced towards Alice and I. "We forgive you, and I know the boys and Esme do as well, so forgive yourself."

I looked at my sister in a new light, awed by how wise she sounded. Embarrassingly enough, I still couldn't help but view her as selfish and shallow. I knew she was protective of our family, but I never would have expected her to be able to say something like this. A quick glance at the loving smile on Dad's face, and I knew Rose's words had had a positive effect. She really did know how to comfort him. Once more I felt a spark of envy.

"Thank you, girls," he said, his voice full of gratitude and love. "I love you all so much. I know I have told you all this repeatedly, but I reiterate it all the same. Despite you not being my children by birth, you are my children. Your love for me means everything, and I would never want to cause any of you any amount of pain. You, your mates, and Esme are my world and my reason for existing. My life prior to all of you was meaningless and full of overwhelming loneliness and confusion. I have all of you to thank for giving my life meaning and for giving me a purpose. I used to see myself as a monster, but I know different now. I am a father to six wonderful, rambunctious children, and I am a husband to a loving wife." Dad's words were full of emotion, and his eyes shone with unshed tears.

The door suddenly banged open and I barely managed to keep from jumping as I watched Emmett, Jasper, and Edward walk on in. Emmett was his normal loud self as he exclaimed, "Why are the girls getting all the loving, Pops, huh?"

Dad rolled his eyes good naturedly as he responded, "Well, if you would have just come on in instead of eavesdropping, then maybe I could have spared a little loving for you, but oh well."

Emmett just huffed before settling himself onto the bed with Rose in his arms. He pecked her on the cheek in greeting, and she gave him a beautiful smile.

"I told Em, you knew we were listenin', but he didn't believe me," Jasper drawled with a smirk before sitting down himself down next to Alice, who leaned into him.

"And I told him you told me we could join you all, but you know Em," Edward added with a shrug and shake of his head. He plopped on down next to me and pulled me into his arms.

"Did you really think we had no idea you were listening," Rosalie questioned skeptically. "You guys are as loud as a herd of elephants."

"Correction," Alice amended in amusement, "Emmett is as loud as a herd of elephants. My Jasper knows how to be sneaky." Jasper just smiled as his mate as Emmett sputtered. I laughed at the banter, while at the same time also feeling a little embarrassed that I hadn't noticed they were even in the house. It seemed I still wasn't that adept at using my new senses as I thought I was. The arms around me tightened and I banished these thoughts as I snuggled into Edward's comforting embrace.

How long have you been back? I thought to him. Have you heard everything? I felt no embarrassment with admitting my terrible lack of awareness as I knew he wouldn't judge me. In response, he just nodded is head.

Were you here already when he 'woke' up? I then asked for clarification, and he once more nodded his head. I sighed before allowing my shield to snap back in place. It was still difficult for me to lower the shield, and I could never manage for more than a minute or two.

"So," Jasper finally spoke after several moments of comfortable silence, "we heard everythin', and I gotta say that we're all in complete agreement with the girls. We get where you're coming from. We appreciate how much you love us, but we also find it really hard to see you beating yourself up like this."

"I've known you the longest, Dad," Edward added, "and we hit some rough patches, but I've never resented you for any of it. You were new at this father thing, and it's not like I made it easy for you."

Dad let out a huff, a small mile adorning his face as he said a simple, "I know. I know this guys, I really do, but I need you to understand, I did not do this for you. I am not trying to earn your forgiveness or prove anything, or make a statement. This is about me."

"This is about how you treat us, you mean," Rosalie interjected with a pointed look.

He sighed deeply, rubbing a hand over his face. "This is about me and how I deal with my anger, which…" He trailed off, grimacing before giving an acquiescing nod to Rose. "Very well, let me say this differently. Yes, dealing with my anger is not just for my benefit but for yours, but what I have been attempting to explain to you all is that I don't want you blaming yourselves for the punishment I received. I went through it because I let my temper get the best of me"—

"Because of how we acted," I interrupted glumly. Because of how I acted, I wanted to say, but I knew the others (besides Rose) wouldn't stand for me taking sole blame for last month's events.

Dad groaned loudly now, shaking his head before staring at us with pained eyes. "This argument is going to go around and around, isn't it?" Firm, stubborn nods were given by all of us. "Birds of a feather," he murmured quietly to himself before taking in a huge breath.

"Very well," he stated, his voice serious and firm, "I cannot control your thoughts or feelings, but listen closely. I have had issues with my temper since I was a young child. This temper landed me in more trouble than I would care to admit during my human years and even in my vampire life. While I have gained better control of it, there are many times where it gets the best of me and I don't quite realize it. I accepted Eleazar's punishment because I let my temper get the best of me last month. You don't have to agree with me," he added when he noted a few opened mouths, "but you need to accept it. You love me, I know this, and because of that you don't like seeing me hurt, am I right?"

"Of course we do!" We chimed in as one, giving him exasperated looks that he'd even have to ask.

He laughed lightly before giving us a handsome grin in return. "Well, as you already know, when you love someone you never want to see then hurt, no matter the reason. Think about how protective you get of each other many of the times I have had to spank or even scold one of you. Think of how protective I am of Esme and all of you."

I looked down thoughtfully before looking at everyone else. It seemed we were all looking at each other, and it seemed we all realized where Dad was going with this conversation when sighs escaped our lips.

"It's like when you punish Alice," Jasper spoke up grimly. "I hate it like no other, but logically we both know yer just trying to teach a lesson. Am I right?"

"You're he one that gets into trouble, Jasper, not me!" Alice exclaimed in mock anger before our father could react.

"Of course, darling," Jasper responded indulgingly as he pecked her on the cheek. I stifled a laugh.

"That's exactly right, Jasper," Dad responded, amusement shining in his eyes.

"So, we're supposed to just accept you getting walloped like we would our mate or siblings?" Emmett questioned with wide, concerned eyes.

"Yes," Dad replied with a single nod. "I'm not asking you to like it, but I do want you to accept it happened…and to not give Eleazar any grief," he tagged on at the end, a stern look entering his voice for the first time during our conversation.

None of us seemed happy with what he'd said, but we all understood what he was getting at. Glancing at Edward, I knew I hated seeing him get punished even when I knew he had gotten himself into trouble. I also knew, though, that despite how much I hated it, I knew Dad and Mom were only doing what they thought was best. They loved Edward. They loved all of us, and even when they punished us, the love was still there. They didn't enjoy it, but they did it to help teach us and correct our mistakes; and believe me, we made a lot of mistakes.

"Can you accept that I needed this?" Dad asked, and I was surprised to hear the pleading in his tone. I exchanged looks with the others to gauge their thoughts. Rosalie clearly didn't want to accept any of this, I could tell by the stubborn look in her eyes, but it seemed everyone else could.

"We can accept it," Edward stated, deciding to be our spokesman, "but we still don't quite agree with you."

"I'll take what I can get," he commented with a loving smile. "So," he then stated, "since I have you all here I feel there is something more I should say. Due to recent events I have decided that I will not use my belt on any of you without Esme's agreement, and only as a last resort as I had originally intended. I feel I used it far too much last month, and I would assume you are all in agreement."

"Hell yeah we are," Emmett crowed loudly.

"Secondly, I also promise to not land a single swat on any of your backsides until we have had a discussion as to why you are about to be spanked. This means, that at least with me," he informed, "no matter how you behave with me I will not spank you on the spot, even if it is to deliver a few warning swats."

"No matter what we do?" Alice questioned with wide eyes.

"No matter what you do," Dad agreed. "I need to learn to trust myself again, and I need you all to trust me again as well before I will feel confident enough to not act rashly. I make no promises for Esme, though, so I would not push her on this matter," he added with a small smile.

Looks were exchanged between all of us as we digested his words, and none of us could really think of anything to say, so a few of us just nodded. I certainly wasn't going to complain about not being on the receiving end of the belt; and if he didn't decide to blister my butt on the spot if I got disrespectful, then who was I to complain.

"Now, would one of you be so kind as to tell me where Esme is?" Dad questioned, no doubt realizing none of us was going to say anything.

"About that," Emmett stated, rubbing the back of his head as he sported a sheepish expression. I looked at him curiously, noting as Dad's own curiosity turned to worry. "She's with Eleazar," Dad stated rather than asked, and Emmett grimaced before muttering, "Yeah."

Esme's POV:

I had finished my hunt quickly, extremely grateful to my boys for their obvious love. They did the best they could to help cheer me up, but I wasn't in the most receptive mood. I was feeling angry, angry over the state of my husband. The hot bubbling anger in me was unfamiliar. I had felt this protective anger for Carlisle before, but never to this magnitude. I knew it wasn't rational, but I didn't want to be rational right now.

I hunted enough to make sure I was under control before shooing my boys away. They didn't want to go, but I told them their father needed them and that I needed to speak with Eleazar. That last bit made them want to leave even less, but they seemed to realize that arguing with me wasn't going to get them anywhere, so they reluctantly left. I outright ordered them to not let their father know where I was unless he asked, and only Jasper gave a single nod of understanding before they were gone.

It was a relief to me to know that Carlisle would have all the children with him. They would be able to help him in ways that I couldn't.

I watched my boys walk into the house and stood at the outskirts of the woods waiting. I hadn't told him, but nonetheless Eleazar just knew that I would want to speak with him, so no doubt noticing the boys arriving without me, he stepped out of the house. I watched him let out small sigh before he ran over to me.

"Let's go for a walk, shall we?" he asked, and I gave a nod, not wanting the family to hear the conversation we were about to have, especially if I ended up yelling.

I let him lead the way and we jogged for a few minutes before slowing down and beginning to just walk. I allowed about fifteen minutes to pass before deciding it was time to speak.

"Tell me everything that happened from the beginning," I demanded, not caring how rude I sounded right now. No one messed with my mate. I trusted this man not to harm him, and I wasn't sure if he had truly kept his promise to me.

Eleazar frowned lightly, upset by my tone no doubt before he dutifully recounted everything that had taken place between him and Carlisle. I listened quietly, not interrupting even once as I took in his every word. As I heard every word I was also analyzing the elder man's tone and posture. I wanted to know not just what he was telling me, but exactly how he felt about everything that had occurred. People could lie with their words, but it was more difficult to do so with body language.

The longer Eleazar spoke, though, I found it harder to remain ambivalent because I was becoming more and more angry. This man had hurt my husband. This man had hurt my mate! In the back of my mind I knew I was allowing my vampire instincts to rule me rather than my head. I mean, I had spoken with him twice while everything was happening and I had been okay with what he'd told me. However, after seeing the state of Carlisle rational thought had left me. All I knew was that the man in front of me had caused my mate harm, and I needed to seek retribution.

Thankfully, I did have some control over my instincts as I knew attacking Eleazar would cause more harm than good. It wasn't only that he was the better fighter, but I had no desire to permanently damage the relationship my family had with the Denali's. Not to mention I knew that despite what had occurred, Carlisle still loved him.

Just keep remembering that, I told myself. Keep remembering that if you hurt this man you are hurting Carlisle. I repeated this mantra over and over again in my head until I was once more sufficiently calmed. I could not react in anger. I was not one of the children. I would never allow them to lash out at Carlisle after he punished one of their mates, so it would be hypocritical of me to think it would be alright for me to lash out at Eleazar.

"Esme," Eleazar spoke after having noted I wasn't going to speak, "You spoke with Carlisle, correct?"

"I did," I responded frostily, "and he is in an awful state. I have never seen him look so upset and exhausted."

"Well, you also have never seen him punished so harshly either, have you?" he asked back, no doubt urging me to think this through logically.

"You did not have to be so harsh!" I snapped angrily, barely resisting from growling at the Spaniard. "The strap was uncalled for."

Eleazar closed his eyes briefly as he let out a harsh breath. "I was not overly harsh with him, and once again I had no idea the psychological effect the strap would have on him," he retorted, anger beginning to seep out of his tone. "Had your stubborn mate been honest with me as I asked him to be, then I would never have used it. It was never my intention for Carlisle to confuse me with his god forsaken father!" he defended hotly. "That aside," he continued, waving a sharp hand to stop me from speaking, "Carlisle was given nothing more than what he deserved, and nothing more than what he could endure. We spoke at length afterwards, and I assure you despite what you have perceived or what he may have told you, Carlisle is just fine. He is undoubtedly quite sore, which is to be expected, and of course he is exhausted as he has been through an emotional ordeal. Now, do I really need to continue to defend my actions, or will you start to see reason, Esme Cullen?"

I glared, bristling at his both his tone and the use of my full name. He was speaking to me as though I were one of the children, and I would not have it.

"Do not speak to me like one of the children, Eleazar," I hissed, taking a step into his personal space.

"Then do not act like one of them," he hissed back, taking a step towards me. We were close enough to be touching if we'd wanted to, and I could see the same anger and frustration I was feeling reflected in his dark eyes. Taking in a calming breath, I broke the staring contest and stepped away from the man before I could no longer fight the urge to slap him silly.

"I should never have trusted you to take care of my husband," I stated, "as you clearly don't know him as well as I thought."

I felt a flash of guilt at the hurt look that crossed his face, but when his hurt quickly changed to fury, my own expression mirrored his.

"I know him better than you think, you ridiculous woman!" he ground out through gritted teeth. "I have had enough of you accusing me of having abused your husband when I did not such thing! I spanked him, a punishment which both of you were aware was going to happen and which you had already agreed to. And if I may add," he said waspishly, "you have also spanked him before."

"Not like you did!" I retorted, angry with myself for ever having agreed with Carlisle that he needed to be punished.

"Because he has never acted as he has recently," he replied. "He has never punished any of your children so harshly. He has never felt so angry that he needed to resort to acting as coven leader in order to deal with it. He has never had to order you to not interfere in something like what took place a month ago. You were there," he said, pointing a finger at me. "You saw everything that happened, and I know you realize that you should have"—

He stopped speaking abruptly, his expression looking suddenly shocked. "That's it, isn't it," he murmured softly, most of his anger seeming to have vanished into thin air. I gave him a confused look, not understanding at all what revelation he had seemed to have.

"You feel guilty," he declared, and when I gave him a look of disbelief, he nodded his head looking more and more certain of himself. "You feel guilty because you failed to realize the extent of Carlisle's anger. You feel guilty for the harsh whippings your children endured as you stood by and did nothing, and you feel guilty for having let Carlisle down." Eleazar let out a sigh at this point, his look conveying deep understanding as he then said, "You are not just angry with me, you are also angry with yourself, and I happen to be an easy target."

My own anger flared only briefly at his words before seeming to vanish as well. His words struck a chord, and I was struck speechless as I processed what he'd said. Was it true? Was I feeling guilty? The more I thought about it, the more I realized the truth behind what Eleazar had said. I was angry with him, but I was also angry with myself.

How had I not realized how angry Carlisle had been? Why had I not pushed more? How could I have just stood by and allowed Carlisle to take complete control?

Because you trust him.

But he broke that trust, didn't he? Or, he at least strained it.

I had trusted him to be in control when dealing with the children, and he hadn't been.

I looked at Eleazar with a small frown, my emotions far less tense than they had been only minutes before. I still felt some anger towards the man, but I also realized that I was feeling anger towards myself and Carlisle. I was also feeling guilty for my failure as a mother.

I heard the crunch of the snow as Eleazar slowly made his way to me, only looking at him when he placed a hesitant hand on my shoulder. He greeted me with a small, weary smile.

"I know you are still angry with me, hermana, and I am beginning to realize that whatever I say, it will not be I who convinces you that your stubborn husband was not harmed," he remarked softly, and I just let out a sigh, knowing he was right. I wouldn't be okay until Carlisle was.

"Esme," Eleazar called when my attention had wandered, "you are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own. You are not responsible for what Carlisle does or did. That man is excellent at keeping his feelings hidden even from himself. There was little you could have done last month to change what happened. You were ordered to not interfere by your coven leader, and you were wise to heed the order without fail."

"He's right," Carlisle interrupted, and I turned to see him standing several feet away from us. He was still in the sleep pants and t-shirt, and he was barefoot. That along with his windswept hair let me know that he had ran here as fast as he could the second he realized I was alone with Eleazar.

Eleazar let out a semi-exasperated sigh as he shook his head bemusedly. "You should be resting, Carlisle," he scolded mildly, "not running through the forest."

Carlisle responded with a pointed look that clearly said he cared very little for what Eleazar had just said before looking at me. "As annoying as he can be, Eleazar hit it on the head," my beloved spoke firmly as he walked towards me. "You are not responsible for my actions. You are a wonderful, caring, loving mother, and our children are lucky to have you. I am lucky to have you. Please, love, never feel that you have failed me or them."

"Carlisle," I sighed, wrapping my hands in his, "you are not the only parent who can make mistakes. I should have noticed how upset you truly were, or I should have questioned you."

"You two make quite the pair," Eleazar stated drily as he watched us with crossed arms. I narrowed my eyes while Carlisle rolled his. He noticed my irritation, though for he gently turned my heads toward his and simply said, "Eleazar did not hurt me."

"He used a strap on you," I argued weakly, and Carlisle's eyes were knowing as he replied, "Because I did not warn him of the psychological effect it could have on me. I made things worse for myself, not him."

I wrapped my arms around the love of my life and rested my forehead against his. He said nothing more as we simply stared into one another's eyes. The longer I looked, the more I realized that I may have treated Eleazar a little too harshly. Feeling I owed the man an apology, I broke away from my husband reluctantly and looked over at the older man.

"Eleazar," I began to say, but he just waved my words away before I could say anything.

"I understand," he responded as he smiled, and while I appreciated his response, I still felt the need to give him a verbal apology.

"I'm sorry for insinuating you hurt Carlisle," I told him repentantly. "I know how much you love my husband, and I know you would never intentionally hurt him. I just hope we never have to repeat any of this," I declared, giving my love a serious look.

"We are all in agreement with that one," he remarked before Eleazar added, "Complete agreement."

Carlisle pulled me into his arms in a tight embrace, and I relished the feeling of love and contentedness. Looking once more into his eyes I knew that everything was going to be just fine. We had survived one more bump on our long path of life, and we would survive any more that came our way.