Episode 5: Escargots a la Bourguignonne

"Greetings everybody and welcome back to the last episode of our show cooking with Astrid and Hiccup. I'm Hiccup and this is my lovely co-host and girlfriend Astrid." Hiccup introduces as Astrid gave the audience a happy wave.

"Hello everybody!" Astrid chirped. "Today I was planning to open the show with another knife throwing demonstration but apparently that is now a scraped.

Hiccup and the crew let out relieved sighs upon hearing that. "So today I have a special treat." Astrid stated and then gave the audience a wink?"

"You do?" Hiccup now asked.

"Of course Hiccup and it involves you."

"It does?" Hiccup now asked a bit nervously. "Does it also involve sharp pointy objects?"

"Not so far as I know." Astrid stated as the audience was watching in anticipation. "It will be going against tradition but who cares." Astrid then shrugged. "Hit the lights Ruff!" Astrid shouted and the stage lights went out. The audience watched in anticipation as they could hear some shoveling and then two spotlights shone onto Hiccup and Astrid.

Hiccup looked completely taken off guard as Astrid smiled before taking out a little box. "Hiccup you've been there most of my life, and you've stood by me through thick and thin. I couldn't imagine my life without you and I would hope that you would like to be my husband in the future. So will you marry me?" She asked opening the box and revealing a white golden ring.

Hiccup blinked not believing it before he shouted "YES! YES! YES!" while he embraced Astrid in a bone crushing hug as the audience cheered. The lights came back on and Hiccup was shocked to see both of his parents, Gobber and Astrid's parents on stage. Even Toothless and Stormfly had joined them and wore large red bows.

"Wait how did you get Toothless into a bow?" Hiccup now questioned as Astrid gave his cheek a kiss.

"It wasn't easy." Astrid stated while Toothless huffed.

"She bribed him didn't she?" Hiccup now asked and his friends and family all nodded. Astrid rolled her eyes and then lightly swatted Hiccup. Those on the stage joined the audience after congratulating Astrid and Hiccup. In Astrid's mother's case she couldn't stop crying that the grandbabies were finally underway much to Hiccup's mortification.

"So what are we making today?" Astrid asked as they took their place behind the counter.

"Escargots a la Bourguignonne" Hiccup said and Astrid's eyes widened comically.

"Hiccup"

"Yes Astrid?"

"You do know what Escargots are right?" She now asked as she shuddered.

"It's French for snails." Hiccup said and then noticed Astrid. "Wait are you afraid of snails?"

"No I'm not!" Astrid quickly defended. "I just think that their slimy."

"Well we'll not be using any gigantic ones." Hiccup said as he tried to assure his now fiancé, but apparently that was the wrong thing to say. Snotlout, Fishlegs and everybody in the audience facepalmed.

"There are gigantic ones!" Astrid shrieked.

"Don't worry Astrid. I'll handle the snails." Hiccup said as he saw Astrid looking around wildly. That seemed to calm Astrid down.

"Now for the ingredients we'll need 1 shallot, finely chopped, 1/4 cup chopped parsley, 4 cloves garlic, minced, 1/2 cup red wine, 1 1/2 cups (12 ounces or 3 sticks) softened butter, 1 1/2 teaspoons salt, 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, 48 cleaned snail shells, 1 (28-ounce) can escargots, drained, rinsed, and patted dry or, 48 fresh snails." Hiccup said as a stagehand handed him the fresh snails. Astrid had placed the other ingredients on on the table but she was glaring at the snails.

"Astrid why are you so afraid of snails?" Hiccup now asked. Astrid's eye twitched.

"Let's just say I used to be a snail magnet when I was in elementary." Astrid shuddered.

"Well at least you didn't get served escargot at McDonald's" Astrid's mom suddenly piped up.

"Why exactly is that hun?" her father asked.

"Because they aren't fast food." Her mother then sniggered while the audience laughed loudly.

"Oh Thor." Astrid muttered as she tried to hide behind the counter in embarrassment.

"Oh I got one" Stoick now said.

"Oh Thor indeed." Hiccup mumbled as his cheeks turned red.

"What was the snail doing on the highway?" Stoick asked. Now the entire audience asked "What?"

"About a mile a day!" Stoick said causing everyone to have laughing fits, even the dragons.

"Hiccup I'm whipping out my axe if I hear another snail joke." Astrid warned.

"OOOKAY! Let's resume." Hiccup quickly said. His parents didn't have the Astrid clause in their health coverage. He did have a feeling that family dinners would be quite interesting.

"Now the procedure for cleaning and preparing the shells is as followed. You'll need 48 fresh snails in their shells, White vinegar, Salt, Dry white wine, 1 onion, coarsely chopped, 2 carrots, coarsely chopped, 1 stalk celery, coarsely chopped, 1 bouquet garni, 10 cloves garlic, mashed, Salt, Freshly ground black pepper." Hiccup summed up as Astrid prepared the ingredients.

"Allow snails to fast for at least one day." Hiccup explained as he produced a premade batch. "Rinse snails under cold running water and then transfer to a large bowl and cover with white vinegar and a handful of salt. Cover snails with a heavy plate to keep them submerged and allow them to purge for at least 3 hours. Rinse again under cold running water and clean thoroughly to remove all traces of mucous." Astrid simply closed her eyes here as Hiccup demonstrated.

"Place snails in a small saucepan and cover with water. Boil for 10 minutes. Drain and remove snails from their shells. Transfer shells to another saucepan and cover with salted water and boil for at least 30 minutes. Remove shells from the water, clean thoroughly and let them dry completely before proceeding. Clean shelled snails again and remove the black part at the end of the tail. Place snails in a saucepan and cover with a mixture of half water and half dry white wine. Add onion, carrots, celery, bouquet garni, 10 cloves garlic, salt, and pepper. Partially cover saucepan and bring to a boil. Simmer for 2 hours, or until tender, and allow snails to cool in cooking liquid. Drain snails, discard poaching liquid, and pat snails dry." Hiccup finished demonstrating.

"You can look now Astrid." Hiccup said.

"No more slime?" She asked as she peeked through her fingers.

"No more slime." Hiccup said showing her the shells.

"Now preheat oven to 325 degrees F. In a bowl combine shallot, parsley, garlic, red wine, butter, salt, and pepper and mix well to thoroughly combine. Place a small amount of the butter inside each prepared snail shell. Add one snail to each shell, then fill each shell with more of the garlic-butter mixture. Place each prepared shell in the well of a snail dish and bake until butter is melted and bubbly and just beginning to brown." Hiccup explained as Astrid did the last part.

"That's all?" Astrid asked as Hiccup showed the audience the finished product.

"That's all." Hiccup said. "Care for a taste?" but Astrid shook her head as she watched Hiccup try one. She then got a mischievous idea.

"You ain't kissing me with that mouth." She said with her hands on her hips as Hiccup nearly dropped the now empty snail shell.

"A…Astrid!" Hiccup whined which caused Astrid to laugh. She gave Hiccup a peck on the cheek before turning to their audience. "That's all folks." Astrid said and waved.

"I hope you have enjoyed our last episode." Hiccup said as he too waved. "This is Hiccup and Astrid bidding you a final farewell from our show! You've all been a marvelous audience!"

Producer's note:

(Walks along the halls as the set is being packed)… (Comes across Tuffnut and Chicken)

Me: "Everything alright?"

Tuffnut: "Everything is great!"

Chicken: "TokTok…Tok"

Tuffnut: "We've made up! and we're heading to Disneyland!"

Chicken: "Tok!"

Me: "Okay"… (Thinking)…'Those two never change'….