I just want to thank you all, for all your wonderful and thoughtful responses about what you would like to see next from me. Things are still completely up in the air about what I want to carry on with as a storyline.

So for the meantime I thought I'd just give you a fun little fic to keep mine (and your) spirits up. It's an AU as you might have guessed. Hope you like it. :)

Ten rules to woo a woman- as told by Deadpool

Rule 1: Do NOT insult them

"This is the last straw. We're taking you in for questioning, Deadpool," uttered Steve Rogers with contempt in his voice. "You've caused enough havoc in this city for one day. And by SHIELD authority-"

"Ooh, you know I love being manhandled," simpered Wade Wilson from behind his red and black spandex mask. "Especially when the man doing the handling is just sooooooo dreamy!"

Steve, who had one of Wade's arms pinned up behind his back, gave him a rough shake as they made their way down the sleek-looking corridor inside SHIELD HQ, which only caused the mercenary's scarred grin to widen.

"Sooo," uttered Wade conversationally. "Is ol' Papa eyepatch about? He promised me last time, he'd tell me where he got that super-kinky leather coat from?"

Steve steered Wade around a sharp corner.

"Director Fury is out on detail," said Steve through gritted teeth.

It was obvious the merc was getting to him….which was just what Wade wanted.

It had been a slow week for the masked-menace, known as Deadpool.

There was only so much Wade could sit on his moth-eaten couch watching re-runs of Storage Wars and listening to Al moan at him for buying the wrong kind of toilet paper.

So Wade had neatly skipped into the arms of the oncoming Steve Rogers and his team….making himself ripe for the taking.

At least it was something to do….

And it still beat lounging around in his underwear eating day-old burritos….

"Owchies," said Wade with a faux-whimper, as Steve maintained his firm grip on the merc's leather-covered upper arm. "You always this rough, Captain Meanie? In the bedroom too?"

But Steve didn't bother with a reply as he shoved open a door, and led Wade down an almost identical corridor to the last, before stopping outside a large glass-paned room on their right.

Inside were two women, one Wade recognised very well indeed. The other he didn't.

A second later, the door to the room slid open, and Steve gave Wade a shove forwards.

"Inside," he commanded.

"Oooh I love it when you use that tone with me, Stevie," murmured Wade. "Gets me all tingly down below."

But Steve obviously wasn't in the mood for games.

"Now!"

Wade gave a huff, but did as he was told, heading into the room.

Inside was a table and four chairs and as Wade had already noted, two of them were already occupied.

"You know Natasha, of course," said Steve closing the door behind him.

Of course Wade knew Natasha Romanoff, otherwise known as the Black Widow. There she was, all red hair and pursed lips, looking like she was about to pounce at any second. But not on Wade, unfortunately….he'd already tried that tactic, and it had ended with him being tasered in the groin.

But it was the other figure, sat there behind the table, high-tech notebook open in front of them that had caught the merc's interest. And Wade realised that despite his many, many trips into SHIELD HQ, he had never had the pleasure of laying eyes on her before.

She was tall and leggy, with curled caramel-blonde hair that reached her waist, and the brightest green eyes….

She looked to be around thirty, and had neatly tucked herself into a fitting black pencil skirt and white silk blouse…

But plastered across her face was perhaps the most unimpressed expression Wade had ever encountered…with the tiniest of frown lines, lingering between her neat brows.

…And with that, Wade Wilson fell instantly in love…

"And this is Melissa," continued Steve. "She's just here to observe and take some notes for us."

Melissa merely blinked in his direction, before turning back to her notebook curtly.

"Sit," said Steve in a firm tone, pulling out a chair for Wade and manhandling him into it.

"Hey, careful!" scolded Wade in a whiny voice. "I'm tender."

He caught Romanoff roll her eyes in his direction, but the woman beside her, Melissa, gave the tiniest of smirks, although her eyes never left the tablet before her.

"So," said Natasha, as Steve, dressed in a brown leather jacket and grey pants, took a seat next to Wade. "I'm guessing you know why you're here, and why we haven't locked you up already and thrown away the key?"

Wade leaned back in his seat obnoxiously, stretching out his long limbs, and flexed his biceps, causing his spandex-suit to squeak slightly as he did so.

"Is it because you've got a tiny-ickle crush on me, Ms Widow?" said Wade in a goading tone, causing Natasha to bash her fist on the table angrily.

"Stop," she demanded in a furious voice. "Flirting isn't going to get you anywhere, Deadpool!"

But Wade pretended to examine his nails through his gloves. "Oh no, you're more interested in Barton, right? Or is it Banner?" he turned to Steve, and whispered behind his hand in a gossipy tone. "I just can't keep up with her love-life these days..."

But Steve just flashed Wade an angry look.

"Do you, or do you not, have intel on the most recent Skrull invasion, Deadpool?" said the blonde avenger in a steely voice.

From across the table, Melissa paused in her typing and glanced up at Wade, his green eyes meeting his hollow white ones.

Wade stopped for a second, taking her in.

God, she was perfect.

"Fuck me, you are gorgeous!" said the mercenary before he could stop himself, leaning forwards suddenly, and turning to the caramel-blonde woman. "Tell me, are you just an office flunkie, or do you have a penchant for squeezing your ass into tight spandex too?"

Melissa narrowed her eyes at him, opening her mouth to speak-

Oh this was going to be good!

But before she could do so, she was suddenly cut across, by Steve.

"Just answer the question, Wilson," said Steve, jabbing a finger down onto the table. "Missy- uhhh, I mean ummm, Melissa, isn't the one under fire here."

But behind his mask, Wade gave a smile.

"Missy, huh?" he said, ignoring Steve, his eyes gleaming with interest. "Can I call you Missy instead of Melissa? Makes our relationship a little bit more personal, don't you think?"

"Shut up. You have no business even addressing her, is that clear?" snarled Steve, shooting Wade a dark frown.

But Missy looked up, her eyebrows raised.

"It's fine, Steve, really," she said in a warm voice, before turning her attention suddenly on Wade. "You can call me Missy...if and only if, you answer their questions."

Wade's hidden smile widened almost instantly.

"Oh it's a fucking deal," said the merc, turning back to Romanoff and Steve, and giving an easy shrug. "Fire away."

Natasha gave a huff, repeating her question.

"Do you have any intel at all, on the last Skrull invasion?" she said in a tired voice.

"No," muttered Wade with a hearty sigh. "But I do know that they have some super fucking stupid names like Zlorkle and Zleedon. It's kinda hard signing autographs for those lil' freaks with names like that, yknow?"

"So you made friends with them?!" said Natasha in an incredulous voice, frowning.

"Not friends, per say, more like fans," said Wade in a cocky tone, giving a nod. "I mean, what can I say? Ol' Deadpool is a pretty popular guy these days..."

Natasha instantly rolled her eyes, as Missy, at her side, gave another smirk, shaking her head, as she typed hurriedly on the notebook on her lap.

Wade gave another grin.

"So...Missy..." uttered the merc, once again, turning back to her. "You like Chinese food...because I know the fucking best place, that serves-"

"Stick to the agenda, please," said Steve firmly, but Wade was already bored with the conversation.

"Pfft, agenda-fucking-shmenda," said Wade waving a hand in Steve's direction, his eyes still on Missy. "I'm more interested in seeing if the oh-so-fucking-gorgeous Melissa here, has a boyfriend..."

"I don't see how that's relevant-" began Steve.

"Oh it's fucking relevant," said Wade nodding, as Missy stared back at him, narrowing her eyes in his direction.

"So...what?" said Missy suddenly, titling her head. "You want to date me?"

Wade immediately raised his non-existent eyebrows behind his mask.

"Fuck, yes!" he said in a cheery voice. "I was thinking we stuff our faces full of dirty, dirty Chinese food, maybe go down to the arcade and play some skee-ball and then back to mine for some super sexy-"

"Well...I'm sorry, Mr, uhhh, Wilson, " said Missy glancing down at her notes. "But I have a rule that I don't date superheroes."

She crossed her slender legs and readjusted her skirt neatly.

But Wade wasn't giving up that easily.

"Ooohhh, you really think I'm 'super'?" he said in a playful tone.

But Missy didn't look his way again.

"Right, if we could get back to the topic at hand?" said Steve in a loud voice.

But Wade gave a huff.

"Look, I've told you all I know," he said crossing his arms across his chest, grumpily. "So either you lock me up or let me go. I'm bored now and I really, really need to pee."

Steve and Natasha both simultaneously rolled their eyes.

"Alright, fine," said the blonde Avenger, scraping back his chair and getting to his feet. He placed a hand under Wade's arm, lifting him easily. "We're done here anyway."

Natasha gave a scowl turning to Missy. "Well that was a huge waste of time," she murmured under her breath.

But Wade grinned.

"Last chance," said the merc, looking at Missy, as Steve began to drag him in the direction of the door. "If you play your cards right you could be enjoying a slap-up meal later on tonight with yours truly..."

Missy pursed her pink lips, giving a bemused smirk and raising a slender eyebrow in his direction.

"...and if you're lucky..." continued Wade in a matter-of-fact tone, giving a nod. "...we could be eating dessert off of each other's naked bodies by the end of the night..."

As soon as he said it, Wade knew he had made a mistake.

For Missy's face suddenly dropped...a dark scowl plastering itself across her perfect features.

She gazed at him furiously for a second or two, before looking over at Steve.

"Lock him up," she said in a deadly voice. "Down in the basement cells...next to the guy with the foul-smelling fungus all over his body."

Steve immediately gave a grin.

"Yes Ma'am," he replied, before dragging Wade away.

As soon as they were back out in the corridor Wade chanced one more glance back through the glass panelled windows as he was pulled roughly away...towards Missy...who, to his surprise, was staring back at him...

...a smirk dancing its way across her pink lips.

I've got a few chapters in mind for this. I hope you like it. It's just a bit of fun.

Please review