London, October 1872

Damon looked at Charlotte as she played with the engagement ring on her finger. Sitting on a bench in the sun, she had her hat on top of her head, casting shadows on her face. Her hair was neatly tucked into it and the green dress she wore was one that Damon had bought her since they had come to London. But Damon was growing concerned with his fiancée. Ever since her revelation of her feelings in New York, she had become even more distant. She had struggled to open up or even act loving towards him. She was scared. She was terrified and filled with hatred for herself. Nothing Damon said could snap her out of it.

"I have been thinking," Charlotte admitted to Damon, her voice a gentle whisper as she did her best to hold herself together. She looked over to him, her chest aching at the sight of him. He wore his smart blue suit, his top button undone and tie hanging slightly down his shirt. He looked at her with that same expression he always wore recently. It was almost as though he was pleading with her to be like she was before. But she couldn't be. She couldn't be her again.

"What is it?" Damon asked.

They were sat in Hyde Park after Charlotte insisted they go for a walk. She was bored of being stuck in hotel rooms.

"I have been thinking about what I want to do for the future," Charlotte said to him. "It seems foolish to think that we can live like this forever. We need to settle down."

"Do you wish to settle down?"

"Yes," Charlotte said to him. "I want to do something, Damon. I want to do something worthwhile with my life. I have the privilege to be in this position I am in and…I should do something."

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to spend time helping people," Charlotte said. "I want to work in a hospital…I want to study…heal people…"

Damon laughed then at hearing her. She frowned at his response. "What is so funny?" she demanded from him, voice terse.

"A hospital?" he asked from her. "Darling, you know what is in hospitals…do you think that you could handle it? Do you think that you could be there and not lose control? You are still young."

"I will learn to control it," she said to him. "Have I not done well so far?"

"Of course," Damon said, not wanting to argue with her over this, but she seemed to be picking a fight. She always did recently. "But women do not become doctors-"

"-Oh yes," Charlotte interrupted him, "heaven forbid a woman does something better than a man." Her voice was full of sarcasm. She moved to her feet. "Good job I have time to change that attitude, is it not?"

"Charlotte," Damon spoke, trying to stop her from rushing off, but she was going. She was walking away from him. He had no other option but to follow her. He caught up with her, hoping that people weren't watching them. He reached down and picked her hand up inside of his, stopping her from storming off any further. "Charlotte, darling, please stop."

"You do not think I can do it," Charlotte said to him, trying to prise her hand from his but failing miserably.

"I never said that," Damon defended himself. "I know that you can do it, Charlotte. You are clever enough and determined enough. Why are you doing this? Why is it I feel that you want a fight?"

"I do not," she defended herself.

Damon scoffed, keeping her hand tightly in his. "Yes, you do," he replied. "I know what this is about, Charlotte. I know exactly what this is about."

"It is about nothing."

"It is about you losing your mother," he said. "You feel guilty because you were not there for her. You have felt like this for weeks, Charlotte. You will not permit yourself to be happy or move on because you are wracked with guilt. How long will this go on for?"

"Go on for?" she asked, voice growing louder and Damon sensed people staring. He moved to stand in front of her, his hands going to hold onto her upper arms. She looked away from him, shaking her head. She looked back, eyes wide and wet. "Do you think that this will go away? Do you think that I do not want it to go away? The fact is that I was not there for my mother, Damon…the very same woman who protected us…made certain that we could be together…she did everything for me and I could not be there for her when she needed me. Do you think that feeling will go away?"

Damon watched as his fiancée spoke. He did his best to gather his thoughts once he had heard her speak.

"I understand," Damon said to her, nodding his head quickly. "I understand how you feel, Charlotte…honestly, I do. I know that this has been hard for you and that this feeling will not disappear, but your mother would not want you to feel like this. She would want you to move on and be happy. You know that."

"I know," she agreed, "and that is what makes it even harder."

She slipped from his grip then, walking away from him and back to the hotel. Damon sighed, hands going to his hips and he followed her keeping his distance.

…

Chicago, January 1873

Damon did not know if he truly wanted to settle down. He had enjoyed travelling with Charlotte, but he was willing to try anything to make her happy. He was willing to settle down, find a job, and do whatever if it meant that she stopped feeling this way. But he did not know if it was enough. She had taken up work in a local hospital as a nurse, helping out on the wards and working multiple shifts. Damon did not know what he wanted to do. He spent most of his days at a bar, drinking until he could return home.

But Damon had suspicions. More recently, he had seen a different side to Charlotte. She seemed completely vacant and distant. She would go to work and come home, but she never smiled. She never seemed warm. Damon sensed that she had turned her emotions off. He knew that the guilt had become too much and she had done what had to be done to make it stop, even if it meant sacrificing everything else.

She was cooking dinner one evening, preparing a stew when Damon confronted her about it. He found her in the kitchen. She had changed into her plain blue dress and had an apron around her waist. Damon scoffed when he saw her cooking, lounging against the doorframe.

"You know that we do not eat, right?" he asked, arms folding over his chest.

"It is for the girls," she merely said, referring to the other women she worked with. "It is my turn to cook something for the late shift for tomorrow. I have to keep up appearances."

"And that is what you are doing, isn't it?" Damon checked with her. "You are simply keeping up appearances because I know what you have done. I have spent weeks debating it in my mind, but it makes sense. You have been even more distant than before."

"What is it?" she asked from him.

"You have turned your emotions off."

She didn't even bother to deny it. Instead she remained completely mute, unable to think of what she should say to him. She moved the stew into the oven and avoided Damon's gaze. He remained where he was, shaking his head back and forth.

"You can't even deny it, can you?"

"Is there any point?" she asked him, finally turning to face him as she shrugged her shoulders. "What do you want to hear, Damon? Do you want the truth? Yes, I turned my emotions off and you know what? It was the best decision I made. The guilt has gone…"

"And so has everything else," Damon retorted.

"You don't get it," Charlotte said to him. "I felt hopeless, Damon. I felt completely and utterly lost with everything. It was like the pain was magnified and it hurt too much, but now…now I do not feel anything. I can go about my day and not feel any guilt at all."

"And what about everything else?" Damon demanded from her. "Did you even think about me? Do you know how hard it is to have a fiancée who looks at me like you do? You stopped the pain, but you also stopped feeling love, Charlotte. You stopped loving me and you have no idea how that feels."

"Perhaps not," she responded, her tone callous and cold. She did not mean for it to be, but this was who she was now. There was no escaping it. "But you have no idea how I felt when I looked at you, Damon."

Damon's eyes widened. He was shocked. This was not his Charlotte. This was not her. She did not act like this. She never spoke so coldly because it was not who she was. She was not cold.

"Go on," Damon demanded from her. "Clearly you have no ability to care for how I feel now."

Charlotte rolled her eyes. "And that is the problem," she said, flapping her arms by her sides. "It is always about you, Damon. I left Mystic Falls for you. I became a vampire because you got yourself involved with Katherine. You were the one who convinced me that we could not stay in Mystic Falls…that I should go with you. We both know I should have stayed. I should have stayed and looked after my mother, but I only went because I was a fool in love."

Damon felt the pain in his chest then. Standing up straight, he gulped and nodded his head. "Was…" he echoed back to her. "You said was in love, Charlotte."

"Slip of the tongue," she brushed off.

"Is this how it is going to be?" he demanded from her. "Because if so then why are we still together? Why are we still forcing this to work? You have no humanity. How can we get married if you are going to be this way?"

"I did not say that I would be this way forever," she retorted. "I will change back."

"When?" Damon asked her. "We both know the longer this goes on for then the harder it will be for you to come back and I…I cannot be around you like this. I cannot be around you and wait for you to love me like you did because I never stopped loving you, Charlotte. My feelings for you have not disappeared and it has done nothing but bring me anguish since you started recoiling for me…not even letting me touch you…hold you…nothing."

Charlotte let out a short breath and shrugged her shoulders. She knew that this should feel wrong. He was stood here, pouring his heart out to her and all she could do was shrug. She felt nothing at his declaration. "Perhaps we need time," was all she could say to him. "We need time to overcome this."

"You want to end this?"

"Did I say that?" she asked back from him. "I just think that time might be a good thing…give me a chance to overcome this and turn my humanity back on…we could be how we were."

"And I just have to wait in the meantime?" Damon asked from her. "This is not fair, Charlotte."

"I don't know what else to suggest," Charlotte responded to him, voice earnest. "I just don't know what to suggest."

"Neither do I," Damon said as she walked out of the kitchen and he watched her leave for the bedroom. He had never felt pain like this before. It was like she had taken his heart and tossed it to one side. This was not his Charlotte.

….

A/N: Do let me know what you think!