It's been a while since the Victory has come to an end. The announcement of the quarter quell and the wedding are slowly approaching.

Since I've been home, I keep finding myself vomiting at random points of the day. It wouldn't be food poisoning, the capitol put me on what they call a "raw vegan diet" to get me in what they call "shape" for the wedding. I feel nausea constantly, getting bloated. taste of foods changing. But I just narrow it to the change of diet, environment and the stress of aftermath of the hunger games. Something deep inside of me stirs, I can't help but worry it's something else.

Since been home my mother and Prim have needed me, I think just to reassure themselves that I am home and alive. I haven't been comforted by Peeta after waking up from a nightmare since the victory tour. But tonight as I stare at the bland white ceiling in the late hours of the night, I can't resist the need for him. I put my slippers on and wrap my robe around me. I tiptoe out of the house and walk 3 houses down. I look up to what could only be his bedroom window, his home as the same layout at mine so I am already familiar with it. His light is still on, I let myself in and tiptoe into his room. Peeta looks up, not startled at all. As I seem him I go blank. No idea what I am suppose to say. All I can manage is "Hey."

That night I join Peeta in his bed, I nestle up to him and prepare for the nightmares that will surely follow me when I fall asleep. It feels like such a luxury sleeping with Peeta again. I didn't realize until now how starved I've been for human closeness. For the feel of him beside me in the darkness. I feel the texture of the sheets wrap around my legs and Peeta kisses my head. I feel the thoughts trapped inside my brain, wanting to be explored to find the truth of there cause.

"Peeta?" I whisper

"Yes?" he murmurs half asleep.

"I think somethings not right with me." I try to word it so it's as least dramatic as possible.

Peeta shoots up straight away. "Are you okay Katniss?" He almost yells.

"Calm down Peeta I'm fine, just worried." I say sternly. It's beginning to annoy me, how worked up he gets over me.

"Sorry.." he whispers calming his voice, "you scare me when you say stuff like that, what's wrong?"

"I'm not sure, and that's my problem. I thought it was just the aftermath of the games, and with everything changing so suddenly." I say softly.

"What do you mean?" he asks, I can hear the worry bubble up in his voice.

"I just find myself vomiting at random points of the day. I feel nausea all the time, and foods just don't taste the same."

Peeta pauses for a moment with extreme worry spreading across his face. "Katniss." He whispers running his fingers through his hair. "I think I know what's making you ill." he says in a unsteady tone.

I look up into his blue eyes and study his expression. He doesn't look scared, but a mixture of scared, fearful and almost, happy? but sad at the same time.

"What?" I mutter expecting Peeta to be melodramatic and think the worse.

"You could be..." he begins to form a sentence but seems to scared to finish it.

"Could be whaaat?" I groan

"Pregnant Katniss." he admits.

And just like that. I sit up and all the dots connect. 'Morning sickness' as my mother would say. I always thought the name was dumb, it happened at any time of the day. Food changes, bloating, nausea.

I look up at Peeta, He looks at though he is studying my expression, to try and grasp what I'm feeling. "You know I've always wanted children Katniss."

"I can't Peeta." I say cutting him off, my eyes start to water. Bringing a child into this world, as we're about to become mentors to tributes. Because if there's one thing being a victor doesn't guarantee, it's your children's saftey. My kids' names would go right into the reaping balls with everyone else's. And if President Snow is still in charge, I'm sure he will make certain that it will their name that is picked out.

"I know." He says softly. "But what I was about to say is that even though I want children, neither of us can handle this. I love you, and I want nothing more than to have a sweet family with you one day. And it kills me, but it isn't the right time. for either of us." he whispers with sadness filling his voice. "We are still adjusting to returning home, getting married just for Snows pleasure, we're both so young and still figuring out who we are." he adds. Neither of us say anything for a moment. "And plus, you wouldn't be able to fit into that wedding gown Cinna has made for you" he adds with a sweet laugh. I can't help but smile too. I'm surprised that Peeta concurs about the baby, but I understand why he does.

As the shock begins to lessen, I find myself cuddled back up to Peeta. "What are we suppose to do next?" I ask.

"First we have to make sure you are." He replies kindly.

"And if I'm not?" I question looking back up to him.

"We can both breath a little easier." He whispers giving me a reassuring squeeze.

I can't help but wonder what the future would be like if I were to be a mother. But isn't it the thing I dreaded most about the wedding, about the future - the loss of my children to the games? And it could be true now couldn't it? If I hadn't spent my life building up layers of defenses until I recoil at even the suggestion of marriage or a family.