Hi. I don't even know what I can say...so I'm gonna fix grammar mistakes as I go down and think about it at the end.

I hope you're all doing okay, and keeping healthy. That's the most important thing right now with this virus going around.

Like always, I hope you enjoy...

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X-X-Trudunt Seorsum-X-X

(Drifting Apart)

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He wished he could have gotten to see it all get back to the way it was.

Truth was it didn't. And as hard as they all tried to find a way —to do anything to change what had happened— not even killing Thanos had changed anything. The stones were gone. Destroyed by the very stones, so that there would never be a hope of finding them again and reversing the snap. The world was in chaos, and they had nothing but sorry and other words of condolences to give to those grieving in the aftermath of the snap.

Quickly enough, the post-traumatic stress settled into all of their bones, and sticking together was more important than how they stuck together. They were all a mess, and none was better than the other. Except of course there were exceptions, and there were looks, there were ideas…the world didn't need the Avengers. No one needed failures. No one needed them.

We're the Avengers? We're the Avengers? Not the pre-vengers? Our best work comes after the fact.

No, this time their best work wasn't going to come at all.

They were beat, and as awful as it was, they were okay this time, staying down. They'd tried— gone to space, searched for the stones, killed the mad titan, but sometimes their best wasn't enough. Sometimes not enough meant that the universe lost half of all living life. Sometimes it meant that they all lost. That there was no chance of getting it all back.

At night there were screams in every city, everyone had lost someone. Not a single soul remained unaffected, and they were taking it the hardest. They told those around themselves that they had to move on, but behind closed doors they were the ones which were most broken. They felt responsible.

He thinks he failed, which he did. But there's a lot of that going around.

Indeed there was.

Thor wasn't the only one who'd failed.

They'd all failed.

They weren't Avengers, they were what was left of a team that had taken a hit and broken a long time ago. They were what was left of Earth's Mightiest Heroes, a title, which they did not deserve anymore. Because after everything, they had failed and caused all of this to happen. They had lost as they had never lost before, and it was all their goddam fault, and no one —no one— slept at night.

Percy wished to turn around and see her standing there, holding hands with Charlie, smiling at him, but every time he thought he heard their voices and he turned to look, there was nothing but ghosts. Ghosts and ghosts and ghosts and he was surrounded by them. His mother, his stepfather, Annabeth…his child. They were all gone, and their ghosts haunted him like he never thought or even imagined they would.

Ghosts.

A reminder of what once was.

A reminder of what could have been.

It didn't take a full month after the battle in Wakanda for them to accept defeat.

To accept it, hang their costumes, and retire.

Tony was the first to go. He left during the night, when no one was awake, except him, and he gave him his address, his new phone number. 'You share that with the rest of them if you want,' he had said to him on his way out. 'You're welcome to come any time. Also, the wedding's still on, you'll know more about it.' A last look. 'Mi casa es tu casa…has been for the past six years. It won't stop being that way now.'

'Thank you, Tony,' he had told him at that. Then, 'Are you sure you don't want to say goodbye to the others?'

Tony had hesitated, but he had not balked. He looked resigned. 'I said goodbye to Rhodey earlier tonight,' he had said. 'The others…they were never—' He pursed his lips and shrugged his shoulders.

'They'll understand,' he tried to say, but he didn't understand. He couldn't just leave. Not now.

But he deserved it. He wasn't going to stop him.

Tony clicked his tongue. 'Well, they better,' he had said and then smiled.

A hug was the last thing and then he was gone. But there was a promise that had settled in that conversation. A promise between the two of them, and they were both willing to keep up to their ends of it. He would, the moment he got out of the goddamned wheelchair, and got his strengths back, which were returning, but there would need to be some weeks of physiotherapy before he could walk properly again. Less, before he could stand and use a cane.

Bruce helped him, but it was tough work, especially since working on that made him edgy and annoyed, and he was usually cranky and ungrateful. There were bars, and even Rhodey was there sometimes, checking on him and giving tips, but most times it wasn't enough and it took him a good three weeks after he woke up from his coma to be able to walk with a cane. Then another two before he could walk without, and he was not in the best of moods even then. His powers were dead in the water.

They tried getting into contact with Clint, but Natasha called, no one picked up the phone, and so they investigated. They flew down there, and the car was missing. There were signs, and it didn't take long for them to take it in that the kids and Laura were gone, but that Clint was very much alive. They tracked him down, but there was nothing for them to do, nothing for them to tell him. They reached out, he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with it. He wanted to be left alone, and so they left him alone.

Thor was the second one to leave. With Rocket, they reached out to space, in search of the other half of his people. In search for the quarter of Asgardians that remained after the snap. It was a sorry sight, the amount of them that came back, but Thor took them, and moved away from the compound, and slowly, connection with the Norse god was lost too, and he went offline. Drinking his sorrows away. No one told him it wasn't right, and no one tried to stop him.

As much as they had all lost, Thor seemed to have lost more than any of them anyway.

He blames himself.

He had nightmares every night, and they didn't seem to be getting better with time, and many times he found himself calling Tony, finding him awake of his own, and then they'd spend the night talking, while the billionaire tinkered with something in his garage. He usually kept a piece of rope between his fingers and knotted it as they talked. It seemed to be working at calming his nerves.

Other nights he'd wake up and take a walk around the compound and he'd meet either Steve or Natasha, and every night there'd be some story they'd share about the two years they'd spent apart. Of the many misadventures they'd gone on, and the missions. It kept their minds away from the reason their sleep had been interrupted in the first place. Sometimes they shared their nightmares, and that would be that.

There were nights where he'd wake up, and wonder to the lounge and turn the television on, and put on a movie. He'd keep the volume down, but then others joined him, and perhaps it wasn't so bad.

Rhodes went back to work for the military slowly, and he drifted away, but he kept in contact. Natasha set up this thing, where they all kept in contact. Or well, most of them did. Rocket left for space, as did Carol, but they referred to Natasha. Anything regarding some universal threat that anyone got a wind off, they reported it to Natasha. Their Black Widow stepped up to a job she never thought she would need to step up to. She became their root, their stability.

Bruce slowly left as well. He was a scientist, and he lived for research, and he shared that he had an idea on how to fix his Hulk situation, and so he left. The next time they talked, the Hulk was sitting at the computer and it was the image of a groomed green monster wearing glasses that met them. He said that he had decided to accept the other guy, and so, they became one. Suddenly no clothes fit him.

He stayed away most of the time, but he kept in touch.

The only ones who remained at the compound were Steve, Natasha, and him. He didn't have a home to go back to. Well, technically he did, but he could not bring himself to do so, and his help was always welcomed anyway, so it was enough. They became more than friends, they became family. Three misfits, three persons who did not belong, they found a way to belong to each other and they healed, together.

Steve started a therapy group, and he tried to help others.

Natasha kept things going at the compound.

And he worked as an emissary between the camp and the compound.

The camps didn't need him, the world didn't need him. He somehow found a way to stick around though. His help was taken gratefully when it was needed. Just because half the world suddenly disappeared did not mean that suddenly all bad people ceased to exist. There was still crime, and although it was a bit below their pay grade, they helped out wherever they could.

Fighting was the only thing keeping them going.

The accords, rewritten with Tony's help before the snap, were enough so that none of them were criminals. So that Steve and Natasha could operate without problems with the government, and actually got on a government's pay. Which didn't really matter, since Tony still kept funding the compound, even though he didn't live there anymore. He'd called Tony once to tell him about that and he'd shrugged. 'It's not wasted money,' he had said, and that had been good enough.

His father popped up two months after the snap, and once he did, he was actually pretty damned mad it had taken so long for that to happen. His excuse was that with half of all life disappearing, they'd had problems they'd needed to take care of, and time was of the essence. He also assured him his powers would come back with time, but it would be some time before they would. The way he had used them had been reckless and stupid, but with rest and time, they would resurface, slowly.

Not a day went by, where he didn't miss those that had been ripped from them. Even Happy had been taken. He'd never been the biggest fan of him, but it had hurt when he got the memo. So many were gone, that the government had decided to create a memoranda location dedicated to The Vanished, as they were calling them. The Vanished. What a silly name.

Annabeth Chase was one of the names on one of the many pillars. As was Charlie Jackson. And Estelle Jackson. Nicholas Fury, Peter Parker and Sam Wilson, and so many others the place was depressing, but many people visited. And daily, for a month, new pillars were added, as they put everyone up there, to forever be remembered. The Vanished.

Forever to be missed.

Lost.

-.-.-

5th September 2018

-.-.-

He got the video call when he was working out one of the gyms of the compound. "Incoming call from Mr. Stark," Friday, still implemented in the walls called out to him.

He got off the treadmill, wrapped a towel around his neck, and took out his phone. Answered the call. A screen popped up on top of his phone, a projection. There was Tony, and Pepper was standing behind him, but it was the big smile on Tony's face that intrigued him. "I am happy to announce to you, that the wedding is taking place next week, as it had been planned last year, and I know we said we were postponing it to whenever, but we thought about it, and we don't wanna wait."

It broke his heart, but it warmed it at the same time. Tony and Pepper had gotten lucky. Not many others did. "That's great news, Tony," he told him, and he was really happy for Tony. "What's the location?"

"The cabin," Tony replied immediately. "And I want you to be there. And Rhodey already agreed to be the best man, so I'm just making calls and making sure those invited can still make it. Easy to say I've been meeting dead-lines."

He didn't laugh at the attempt of a joke he had made. Not about this. "Tony, I'm really happy you've decided to go forward with it. Seriously. It'll take all our minds off this mess we're in."

"You just had to go and mention it," Tony muttered.

"You're the one that started with the dead comment about people not picking up," he shot back. "So don't give me shit." He eyed Tony. "Are the others invited?"

"What you mean Steve and Natasha and Nebula?"

"And Thor, and Rocket and Carol, and Banner," he added offhandedly. "But yes, them too."

Tony rolled his eyes, and in the background he saw Pepper was on her laptop, the both of them were sitting on a couch. "Yes, they are," Tony told him. "Well, I'm not gonna call them like I happily did with you, my dear, but, I will send them an email —actually I think Pep just did that— you did, right, honey?" His attention was lost on his fiancee. He admired how he looked. How at ease and happy and content. He could not see that state of mind for himself anywhere near in his future at the moment. Tony turned to look at him. "Yeah, she just did."

"I'll be there, Tony," he assured him. "And I'll make sure the others will be as well."

"That's wonderful," Pepper said, her face coming further up in the frame. "We're both very excited." And it was genuine smiles on their lips, and he was happy for them. He just couldn't find it in himself to be happy himself. To sport the same smile, because…Annabeth was gone, and one day it had been his wish, that they share their special day as well. He had no right though, to blame this one on them. They deserved it. More than anyone. He wasn't going to ruin that.

"I'll call you back once I've talked to the others," he told them.

"No you won't," Tony quickly said, and he laughed for good nature. "I'll call you back. To actually make sure you're calling me."

He smiled at him. "I won't mention how much you want them to be there."

"I once said you'd be the death of me, I still stand by that comment," Tony told him, pointing a finger at the screen.

"But that's why you care about me, and why I'm invited," he said with a fake pout.

Tony smiled. "You know me so well."

"I'll see you, Tony," he said, as a way of getting the call to an end.

The screen started moving on the other end. "I'll call you tonight," Tony said seriously, then he shut down the call. He smiled fondly at the black screen, before swiping it away.

He was going to take a shower, and then after, he was going to search for the others and ask them about it.

-.-

Once his showers had been long and calm, nowadays, they were short and sketchy. He got in, washed, and got out as quickly as he could. It was almost like he was resenting the water, like being away from it somehow made it better. To detach from it, from the immense power that had flowed under his veins that one time. He could almost forget it sometimes. Could almost put aside the complete emptiness that he felt.

In his body and in his heart.

He could have said that he missed having the ability to instantly dry himself up, but he didn't really mind it. Even if that meant having wet hair as he walked around the compound, searching for someone. He wanted to see Steve first. Perhaps it would be time for it all to end, even between them. Since the battle in Wakanda, they hadn't really spoken about him and Tony. Only about the years they'd missed, but nothing personal.

Steve kept to himself. Even during those nights where they'd find each other wandering across the halls, the super-soldier kept to himself. He talked and he shared, but he never made any of it super personal or gave his opinions about many things. It was something that was going to need to change if they were to grow as whatever they had become. Something that would need to change if they were going to attend Tony's wedding, and be there for him.

Tony hadn't been clear on whether he'd forgiven Steve or not. He'd lashed out at him the first night and then kept his distance before he left with Pepper to their lake house out in the wild. He hadn't said it out loud that hey you're forgiven, and from what he could see, Steve was affected.

Steve was in one of the other gyms, going at it against a punching bag. Using way too much strength than was seriously necessary, and if it weren't for the advanced mechanisms Tony had developed what seemed like ages ago that were holding the bag up and in place, the thing would be completely broken by now. He had a good guess why he was using such power, but he would allow words to speak for themselves.

"D'you get Tony's invitation?" he asked offhandedly as he crossed his arms, his legs, and leaned his shoulder on the wall. He looked at Steve. Waited for him to stop punching and him to turn to look at him, but the older man kept at it.

"Why do you think I'm here?" Steve replied, and the next punch seemed harder than the previous. He didn't reply to him, and waited, as Steve let out five more punches like that, and then he stopped, turned around, and smoothed his hair back a bit.

He smiled at him softly. "Are you gonna go?" he asked, and honestly it was the only purpose of his visit to him. They'd grown closer, that was true, but most of the time he preferred to stay on his own. These days, they all did. As much as being together made them stronger, they needed to go through some shit, each of them individually, and they were going to have to go through it on their own.

Steve sighed. "I want to," he said, and he let out a breath through his nose, at least that. "But will seeing my face ruin the day for him?"

"He doesn't hate you," he was quick to say as soon as Steve said that. Steve opened his mouth, but he cut him off before he could utter a sound. "No, I want you to listen to me for a moment. Whatever happened, he doesn't hate you. He was angry when he saw you, yes, but he doesn't hate you. And if you don't show up he's never going to forgive you."

Steve started unwrapping the tape from his fingers. "I was there when he came out of that ship, and he just about ignored me," he said and there was something beneath the regret and the sadness. There was jealousy. Jealousy that Tony's attention and need had been directed towards Pepper and not him. Jealousy from Captain America— no, he wasn't that anymore. He was just Steve. "And when he started yelling at me—" Steve took a seat on the bench. "He might have sent the invitation, but it's more out of courtesy than out of him actually wanting me there."

"So it did mean nothing?" he snapped slightly, and he half regretted it when Steve's face looked at him slightly hurt and confused. But he wasn't going to take it back. "All those years, fighting side by side. This…whatever the Avengers were…nothing?"

Steve cringed slightly in that way he did, furrowing his brows and raising his lips somewhat. "You know that's not true," he said, but beneath there was another underlying tone. A slight lie. Something he wasn't sharing. "I trusted all of you, and I still do. If I had to walk into battle I wouldn't pick anybody else."

"This isn't a battle," he noted to him softly. "It's a wedding. Tony's wedding. Our Tony, who was stuck in space for three weeks. Who was stabbed and left to die on another planet." He took a breath. "He'd deserve the world, but we can't give that to him. What we can give, is our presence, when he marries the woman of his dreams. He deserves to be happy."

Steve smiled, sadly. "I know he does," he said softly, a soft smile on his lips. "Which is why I can't let my presence ruin his big day."

"You're a bigger jerk than I thought, Rogers," he said, and Steve's eyebrows lifted questioning, but he didn't look mad, or hurt. "He might have not said it to your face, but he's over it. What happened was bad, and it should have never been a situation, but it was. He was angry, but two years have passed. Give it to him that he can forgive. Maybe it's not the same —because it'll never be the same— but you owe it to him to show up. If not for their happiness then to all the times he stuck his head on the line for you."

-.-

He was making a smoothie for himself when Natasha sneaked upon him, and he cut his finger on the blade. He glared at her as he stuck his index finger in his mouth and then put it underwater to wash away the slight amount of blood that lingered there. She smiled at him and continued chopping up fruits into the smoothie, and he understood she wanted some for herself as well.

"You convinced Steve?" she asked him, and that was enough for him to understand what she was talking about. He sighed as he stared down at the shallow cut on his finger.

"He's more stubborn than I am, what do you think?" he asked her rhetorically.

She gave him the eyebrow look. "That I will personally kick his ass if he doesn't show," she replied smoothly, her voice low and very persuasive. She was acting stronger than any of them felt.

"As interesting as that would be…I think Tony would prefer flying down here to do that himself," he said. "And if he doesn't, then I will happily join you in kicking his ass. You're going, though?"

She smiled and nodded. "I wouldn't miss it for the world," she said and there was a lingering sadness in her voice. Years spent working alongside Tony. Almost a decade, knowing decade. She was the first to have known him out of all of them. "You know he accepted me, with all his trust issues, he allowed me to be here, to grow. If any of us deserves to marry, to be happy…after everything…he deserves it."

He smiled, but it didn't really reach his eyes. Once, perhaps, he might have deserved it too. And, had things gone differently, had he been one of the lucky ones, then maybe…just maybe… He deviated his thoughts away from that. "Heard from Clint?"

She seemed to choke on something, and the knife slipped a little as she cut an apple. She shook her head. "Radio silent," she said, her words clipped, and he got the message.

Topics were little on which to talk about it. "What about…what were their names —the guardians?" he asked. "And Carol? I liked her. Or Thor actually?"

She seemed still shaken a bit from the question regarding Clint. "I believe our talking raccoon friend is gonna show, as is Nebula," she said. "Carol might not make it, but I think it'd be nice if she did. Thor…I don't know, I wouldn't count on it too much. He's been going through some stuff. But Bruce will definitely be there." She smiled at him, as they both got the image of the Hulk attending a wedding.

Never would have thought.

He smiled at her.

"So what about that smoothie, Perce? Gonna take you all day?"

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Ok so...let me just say...I do not think I will continue this story.

I know, that multiple times over I said I would continue it 'till the end, but the thing is...I don't know how!

Like, I had an idea—but that idea has all but evaporated from my head, and I wasn't even gonna post this until I realized I'd already written it.

Like, I don't know where I'm going with this anymore. I might continue it—honestly, who knows. Maybe I'll find the motivation to go on, and figure out a direction. But it won't be monthly updates.

I'm sorry to have to do that, for real—this has been my baby pet project for the past what? three years now...damn, that's a long time if you think about it. I started it in 2017 I think—I'm pretty sure. And it's 2020 rn, and damn. Just damn...

So much has changed, I've changed, and like, while this was a big thing for me then...right now–I don't know, I'm growing out of it in a way. I recently watched Endgame again, and it reminded me of this fic, which then resulted in me going to check whether I had anything to put up. Which I did.

But after this, I don't anymore. I would need to write, and like, I don't have the right motivation to write it. As in, I'm not in the right mood. Which sucks, I guess, cuz I came so far...but as I said, I wouldn't know how to continue it, unfortunately.

I hope you enjoyed though...it's not a definite 'I'm not writing this anymore' but it's a, 'bare with me, because I don't know where to make this go'. And until I do...there won't be anything. And it might be some time before I even do.

I don't know.

Stay healthy, for yourself and those around you.

Have a nice day.

Hunter