Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto it wouldn't have gone down like that, trust me.

Notes: Pairings will revolve among Sasuke, Shikamaru, Ino and Sakura.

With Hearts and Wrists Intact

The best way to make it through
With hearts and wrists intact
Is to realize
Two out of three ain't bad

Of all the classrooms in all of the college campuses in the world, she had to walk into his.

She was a leggy blonde with intriguing cerulean eyes. She wore very little make up - nothing too dramatic, just a smack of cheek blush here and a dab of lip gloss there – then again, she hardly needed the stuff. Dressed in a purple halter top, white miniskirt and strappy wedges, she looked like a model right out of a summer fashion lookbook. Her golden hair fell elegantly down her back, sidebangs perfectly framing her face.

If Uchiha Sasuke had even just an ounce of the poetic-ness that his older brother Itachi was full of, he would have said that she was beautiful. But Sasuke wasn't Itachi, so he turned to Shikamaru and Naruto and whispered, "Look at that piece of ass."

Of all the things in the world that he could have said. But he couldn't take it back, so it lingered in the air for a moment before Naruto burst into a grin and Shikamaru muttered something that sounded very much like "Troublesome".

Ah, Uzumaki Naruto and Nara Shikamaru. The hyperactive class clown and the lazy ass genius who for some reason ended up being best friends with the chick-magnet broseph. You might as well ask how a lion, a sloth and a chimp can be part of the same pack in an African savannah. Hey, just because someone asked the question doesn't mean somebody can actually give a sure (sane) answer.

"She's pretty," Shikamaru conceded with a half-hearted shrug. "But aren't you past the cheerleader phase?"

"We don't even know that she's one." Sasuke pointed out.

"…She's just the type."

And the Uchiha didn't argue because he himself knew that Blondie there was a cheerleader alright. He had fucked enough cheerleaders to know one when he saw one.

Sasuke was, and not only according to his mother, a very good looking guy. Tall, confident, handsome – the homecoming king type. And of course he had been homecoming king. At Konoha Academy, their old school, he didn't even need to wear a crown. He fucked Kin the prom queen in the back of the BMW that he borrowed from his dear brother Itachi (If the man only knew what took place in his car, he would have, in all of his obsessive-compulsive glory, locked Sasuke in the ride and burned it down the ground), then dumped her the very next day and in the middle of a crowded hallway to boot. He was high-fived by the guys and the girls swooned. Why does everyone secretly hate the prom queen?

"Well, what were you hoping to upgrade to in college?" Naruto asked, mischief sparkling in the whiskered blond's wide blue eyes.

"I don't know. Anyone who isn't as bonkers as that last girl you dated, what with stalking us after the break-up and all that." Shikamaru said with a finality.

Sasuke smirked. His latest ex, Karin, turned out to be a nutcase and a restraining order was needed to get her to leave Sasuke alone. She turned to harassing Shikamaru and Naruto to know what Sasuke was up to, and then psychiatric confinement was needed to get her off the two.

You'd think he'd be a little more careful about girls after that, but the thing is... not really. What are the chances that a cheerleader-type freshman attending a literature class at Shimura University would end up becoming a psycho-stalker? And if she does, well, with a body like that, it would be worth the risk.

Before Naruto or Shikamaru could put another word in, he stood up and moved down the row, closing the distance between him and his blonde beauty. She was alone, but it seemed like she was waiting for someone because she put her bag on the seat to her left to save it. She proceeded to take a notebook out and began to copy what looked like her class schedule into it.

He sat on the chair to her right. She didn't notice, or at maybe she pretended not to.

"Hey," Sasuke said.

"Hi," she replied without even looking up.

"Whacha doing?" he continued.

"Blind?"

Sasuke was surprised. Oh, this one was feisty.

"You know, there's a theory in psychology that says you can tell a person's attitude from his handwriting."

She didn't appear very interested. "Really."

"Yeah. See here, there's a slight curve at the end of the last letter in each word." Sasuke said, pointing at her penmanship. "It means you're that type of person who likes to play snobbish and out-of-your-league and what not, but you'll take a good time when you can get it."

"Wow. So can I suck your dick now?"

He was taken aback, not expecting that answer. "What?"

"Well, that's how most of these things go, right?" She said, finally looking up, "Small talk, blowjob. Sometimes in reverse. That's what you're used to, isn't it?"

"Hardly. Why? Is it like that for you?"

She rolled her eyes. She looked so pretty rolling those blue-green eyes.

And then the obligatory BFF approached.

She was a short-haired pinkette with cool, sea-green eyes that Sasuke would've described as stunning if they didn't have that all-too-serious look in them. She wasn't model-gorgeous like her friend – probably because she looked like she didn't make an effort to fix herself up at all, pairing a simple skater dress with sneakers and wearing no make-up at all – but she gave off an impression of intelligence and strength. He could even say she was pretty, in a casual sort of way.

"Hey, Ino," the girl said.

The blonde looked relieved at Pinky's arrival, immediately retrieving her things from the chair she saved so that her friend could sit on it.

"Ino? Hey, Ino," Sasuke said, turning back to the gorgeous girl whose name he now knew.

Pinky raised her eyebrow and smiled in a strangely sly way.

"Bye, Dick." Ino waved off, not even looking at him.

"Actually it's Sasuke."

He smiled at her for the last time and then slowly walked away, his hands balled inside his pockets. When he reached his seat, Naruto was staring at him with a megawatt grin which annoyed the hell out of him.

"Shot. Down." The blond emoted triumphantly, fist pumping dramatically to the air. Even Shikamaru couldn't help but snicker.

"Shut up," Sasuke retorted, flipping the Uzumaki off as he settled back into his seat.

"It's all right," Naruto consoled sarcastically. "Even the great Uchiha Sasuke has to be shot down sometimes, huh?."

"You know, Naruto, if I remember correctly, I just told you to shut up."

"Tsk tsk, your memory must be a little fuzzy after the beat down you just received."

A beat down. It was, after all, just a game. Thinking of it that way made Sasuke feel better, though the thought stuck in his head for the remainder of the class, a boring lecture on Beowulf or Roland or someone else that he couldn't bring himself to care about.

Aenid, Iliad, Gilgamesh. It was all the same to Sasuke. He scoffed at literature - it was pointless. All that mattered in the world, he'd been told all his life, was what people thought of you. That was his father's philosophy.

The Uchiha clan was an old blood family of Konoha. Ancestorland roots, but his great-great-greatgrandparents settled in the Leaf three centuries or so ago, and entrenched themselves deep in the land. Now Sasuke's father Fugaku was state senator - a lawyer by profession, a family man by choice. Or at least that's how his campaign painted him to be.

Fugaku wanted his youngest son to go to Shimura University, just like Sasuke's older brother Itachi, who collected big shiny medals that Sasuke had taken the liberty of hanging on the Christmas tree just the other year. When told that Sasuke's 'accomplishments' weren't anywhere near enough to guarantee acceptance (his GPA being a pitiful 2.35), the university board immediately received a visit from Senator Uchiha, and two days later Sasuke had a confirmed slot in the next freshman class.

His SAT was actually 2360 – second in his class to only Shikamaru the genius - but he never really told anyone about that. It was just another part of an inexplicable life. Sasuke bragged about getting 1650 the first time. After all, he had a heavy hangover on the morning of the test. The second time, he entirely fumbled the last section. 2070. On the third try, he forgot his calculator at home. 2360.

He thought comically about all the teenagers in the world who would kill for his score. Oh, he would gladly trade places with them. His greatest fear in the world was making his father proud, lest the respectable senator turn him into what he had turned Itachi into – a perfect, boring son groomed to follow his father's footsteps in public office.

When he was back in his dorm room, invested in a video game with Naruto while Shikamaru laid idly on his bed, a thought suddenly came to him.

"She's too proud."

Naruto looked up from his console and turned to his dark-haired friend. "What?"

"That Ino chick. She's too proud."

"Really, Sasuke, you're still can't let that go?" Shikamaru griped from his bed.

"Look, the reason why she was such a bitch is that she's never had to be nice. Things just fall into her lap since she's hot."

"I didn't ask."

"You have to treat queens like whores, Nara."

"Well thanks for that bit of wisdom, but again, I didn't ask."

And he didn't really care about what Shikamaru was saying. "I'll get her. Ino. You'll see."

"Right –" Naruto scoffed. The blond knew all about Sasuke's a glorious history of being chased by women… but that girl? She really looked like she didn't give a damn. "And while you're at it, maybe you could also discover the cure for cancer, since the chances of you doing either of those things is exactly zero."

"Sure, I'll put it on my to-do list. Between sky-diving and flossing and - you know-"

"Dating Mei Terumi?"

"Oh!" Sasuke fake-gasped. "Gotta add that. Maybe after I'm done with Ino."

He was surprised to see Shikamaru sit up, look at him straight in the eye and sigh again. "You really want to talk about Ino? Fine. Listen, Sasuke, you have a better chance with Mei Terumi than this Ino girl. She totally blew you off."

"She did not."

"She did."

And then… something clicked in Sasuke's head. Something that gave him a purpose, something that gave him a reason to start a chase.

"Tell you what. I'll bet you a grand that I'll get her."

Shikamaru frowned. "What?"

"I said, I'll bet you a thousand bucks that I'll get her."

"I don't need your money."

"Well, what do you want?"

Naruto shook his head in disbelief. "Are you two seriously betting on sleeping with a girl? What is this, a 90's chick flick?"

But it was as if his two friends never heard him.

"I want a breather." Shikamaru drawled. "At least three months of peace and quiet without me and Naruto getting dragged into whatever crazy stuff you get yourself into with all those girls after breaking up. Which can only be done – if you lay off chasing girls in the first place."

Sasuke laid his own gaming console down the table, turning to Shikamaru with an expression of solemnity that matched the Pineapplehead's. "Fine then. I bet you that I'll plow her before winter break. If I win… well, if I win then I'd already have fucked her which is the main goal here, but let's just throw in a month's worth of Friday bar crawls with you footing the tab. If I lose, I'm not going to check out, ask or talk about girls for three whole months just like you want."

"Did you just say three whole months?" Naruto gasped. Hell, it had just been six weeks since Karin -

Shikamaru tilted his head, taking a moment to consider. If he won, it would mean at least a three months of peace. If he lost, maybe he'd have spend five hundred bucks on a bar crawl once a week for a month.

He liked his chances.

"Fine."

"We got a deal then?"

"Just one condition: she has to be sober."

Sasuke grinned. "You underestimate me, my friend."

End note: If you have a moment, please review and tell me what you think. :)