a/n: Recently I've been feeling super nostalgic about Naruto and have developed a greater appreciation for Shikamaru haha. And as I've been listening to music, there are some times that a phrase or idea makes me think "hm this could make for an interesting story with Shikamaru maybe?" And so the beginning of this endeavor...
Most - if not all - of the chapters of this fic will be titled after/inspired from lyrics in various songs. And sometimes it'll be just one line (like this chapter lol) that inspires the chapter/or part of it. Other times it might be influened by more of the song's meaning. I guess we'll see hehe. Also any quotes from the songs will be makred with an "*"- and check out the songs that inspire each chapter!

inspiration: Wait for It - Lin Manuel Miranda, Hamilton / "Death doesn't discriminate..."

Wait For It

He didn't smoke often anymore.

In the months that immediately followed the war, though, there were times when his fingers would tremble as they fumbled for cigarette after cigarette as memories of the fighting would flood into his mind. The sound of metal on metal as kunai clashed with shuriken. The sight of bodies hitting the ground, as ally and enemy shinobi alike fell on the battlefield.

He didn't enjoy the idea of it. He didn't enjoy the taste or the smell that lingered either.

Despite that, there was some comfort he found in the rhythm and intention his breathing took when he had a cigarette between his lips. He would breathe, and he would wait for the memories to pass.

Shikamaru tensed as looked down at the grave marker at his feet, the name of his father etched into the cold stone. An ache swelled in his chest as he remembered his father... remembered Ino's father, remembered Asuma-sensei, remembered face after face of each fallen comrade. "Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints,*" he thought bitterly. "It takes, and it takes, and it takes…*"

Yet he was still here, alive, breathing, while so many around him had died.

With a heavy sigh, Shikamaru reached into his pocket, positioned a cigarette between his lips, and closed his eyes. He allowed his focus to pinpoint itself to the act of breathing in...then out.

"Those'll be the death of you one day."

Though the words were disapproving, they were carried by a tender voice that came from behind Shikamaru. He didn't turn around, but he slowly opened his eyes, keeping them set on the stone in the ground. A female figure appeared in his periphery, and he took note of her.

Unfamiliar; he'd never seen her before. She crouched down to place flowers onto the gravestone beside his father's. She stood again, with a lean frame, though not frail. Auburn hair curled gently around her face and rested just past her shoulders. She tilted her head to face him but Shikamaru still didn't meet her eyes. He shrugged one shoulder in noncommittal acknowledgement.

Then suddenly, a cold, wet drop landed on his nose. He looked up and his brow wrinkled in annoyance. The sky was about to rob him of his temporary means for escape. It seemed that it wasn't just death that takes away, but life takes as well.

"Tch.." Shikamaru tossed the cigarette to the side as it was extinguished by a burst of rain that followed that first single drop. He tried not to think about it, but not being able to smoke tied a greater knot in his chest than was there when he first came to the cemetery. Frustration caused a tautness in his head and grief a squeeze in his heart.

He half turned, preparing to leave, when the girl suddenly grabbed his collar with both her hands. Shikamaru's eyes widened, shocked at the sudden… attack? His gaze quickly shifted from her hands to her eyes, and he froze, confused.

There was no ill-intent in her steady stare. Her expression was soft, the corners of her lips turned delicately downward, eyebrows slightly pulling together as she considered him. Yet her green eyes were fierce with a determination that Shikamaru couldn't understand.

The downpour continued, soaking the both of them, and Shikamaru blinked once against the rain.

In the moment of that blink, the hands around his collar abruptly yanked him forward and then her lips were pressed against his. He felt her body against his as well; her very feminine, very soft, very unexpected body… He felt her leg pressed into his, one of them was trembling slightly - was it his knees or hers that were shaking? He felt the pressure of her arms resting on his chest as she still clung to his collar.

Her lips against his were warm, gentle, and comforting. To his own surprise, Shikamaru found himself leaning into her, returning the kiss. His hands found their way out of his pockets and onto her cheeks, cupping her face. Just as when he smoked a cigarette, any thoughts in his mind gave way to the escape that pressed on his lips.

His mind was usually a constant rattle of varied thoughts- meetings to be organized with the Shinobi Union, memories from the war, what documents had to be organized and sent out, faces of lost loved ones. But in this brief moment his mind was taken over by a feeling he couldn't quite name.

It wasn't love; no, he didn't even know who this girl was. It wasn't lust; he wasn't the type to find his thrills in reckless acts with the opposite gender.

Rather, it was an unraveling of tension that had been coiling up in his chest; some relief to a long-standing ache that he'd previously turned to smoking to address. A deep breath and stretching out of his muscles after a tiring day of work. A drink of summery tea soothing his stomach and warming his bones in the midst of a chill season.

Then the kiss came to an end, feeling almost as ephemeral as the smoke that trails off the end of a cigarette.

Shikamaru had been the first to pull away, dropping his arms and taking a step back from the girl. His thoughts returned to him slowly, and not very clearly. The only thing he could mutter wasn't even what he had intended to ask. "What?"

He meant to ask why. As in, why in the world was this girl kissing him? He took a breath in an attempt to clear the fuzziness in his head and corrected his thoughts. Why did she kiss him. She wasn't currently kissing him anymore. His awareness of that fact being practically tangible, as he felt the missing presence of her warmth against his mouth.

As if suddenly embarrassed by her hasty actions - or perhaps she was just getting cold from the onslaught of rain - the girl wrapped her arms around herself. She smiled meekly.

"It was a kiss."

And now, Shikamaru asked the other question he had first meant to ask. "Why?"

"Because it started raining too much for my liking."

If Shikamaru could've helped his eyes from being drawn to her lips, he would've missed the slight upturn to the corners, as if the words held a different meaning that was amusing only to her. But since he couldn't for the life of him keep from glancing at her lips, he caught the subtle shift.

He slowly raised a brow at her - just a smidge, really - not quite a commitment to inquiring further, but not entirely uninterested either. For a moment she didn't seem like she was going to give a proper explanation, but he guessed he was willing to wait for it since he hadn't walked away yet.

The girl shrugged one shoulder, just as he had previously. "You just looked like you needed a kiss."

a/n: So...thoughts? The second chapter will probs be out pretty soon, but idk if i can say the same for the 3rd. Some comments/feedback would probs motivate me though? hehe (: